Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
I got to the barn twenty minutes early, which was the first sign something had changed on a fundamental level.
I was never early, with hockey being the only exception. I was the guy who rolled up exactly when I was supposed to, maybe five minutes late if I could get away with it, especially with a woman. Punctuality implied eagerness, and eagerness implied caring, and caring implied…things I didn’t do.
But here I was, pacing the length of the old horse stalls like a caged animal, checking my phone every thirty seconds even though I knew Ava wouldn’t be here for another fifteen minutes at least.
The Yes Day had wrecked me.
That was the only explanation for this restless energy thrumming under my skin, this constant low-grade buzz that hadn’t faded since yesterday.
Since I’d spent most of the day and night doing nothing but worshipping every inch of Ava Dumontier and watching her come apart again and again and again until I’d lost count.
But it wasn’t just the sex.
It was her.
Her laugh.
Her opinions on things I’d never considered.
Her gentleness.
Her big heart.
I’d never spent all day with a woman before, and yet, somehow, it still hadn’t been enough. I’d driven away from her house craving her more than my next breath. And again, not just craving her body. Craving her time. Her presence.
I’d stayed the night. Even more concerning than that, I hadn’t wanted to leave the next morning.
And that terrified me more than anything had in a long time.
I ran a hand through my hair and forced myself to stop pacing. This was fine. Everything was fine. So we’d had a good day together—that didn’t mean anything.
It just felt different because I knew her so well.
That’s all this was. I needed to stop freaking out.
This wasn’t me.
I pulled out the supplies I’d brought and laid them on the blankets I’d spread in the corner—soft cotton rope, a black silk blindfold.
Tonight, we were checking off another item on her list—bondage and sensory deprivation.
I’d suggested it earlier today when I’d texted her, already planning and needing something to focus on besides the chaos in my head.
Because what I needed most right now was control.
Sex had always been the one place where I felt completely in command. I knew what I was doing in bed. I knew how to read a woman’s body, how to give pleasure, and how to take it.
Most importantly, I knew how to keep it surface level. How to never get too deep with a woman.
Because I refused to become my dad. I refused to break a woman’s heart like that.
But lately, with Ava, everything had started to shift.
I’d catch myself watching her face not to gauge her pleasure but just to look at her.
I’d find myself slowing down not to tease but because I wanted to make it last. I’d started noticing things that had nothing to do with sex—the way she scrunched her nose when she was thinking, the specific pitch of her laugh when something genuinely surprised her, the way she said my name.
I needed to get my head back on straight. And maybe if I was in control tonight, I could remember how this was supposed to work. I could put all these inconvenient feelings back in their box where they belonged.
The barn door creaked open and Ava slipped inside, her face breaking into a smile when she spotted me.
“You’re early,” she said, pulling the door closed behind her. “Who are you and what have you done with Liam Farrell?”
“Maybe I was just impatient to see you.”
The words came out more honest than I’d intended, and I watched her eyebrows lift in surprise. I covered it with a smirk.
“Or maybe I wanted to set the mood.” I gestured at the battery-powered candles I’d brought—no way was I tempting fate with the real thing in a barn as old as this—and the blankets spread out with the rope coiled neatly on top. “What do you think?”
She walked toward me slowly, her gaze taking in the scene. When she spotted the rope, her breath caught audibly.
“Is that for…?”
“Bondage. Sensory deprivation.” I picked up the blindfold, letting the silk slide through my fingers. “Thought we could check another item off your list.”
“Tonight?”
“Unless you’d rather do something else.”
She shook her head, her eyes still fixed on the rope. “No, I…I want to. I’ve been curious about that one.”
“Curious is good.” I closed the distance between us, tilting her chin up with one finger. “But I need you to trust me. Can you do that?”
“I trust you, Liam.” No hesitation.
And fuck if that didn’t mess me up too.
She trusted me. And I was using that trust to claw back some sense of control because I couldn’t handle what was happening inside my own head.
But I didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop.
“You sure your parents are asleep?” She nodded. “Good. Take off your clothes,” I said, stepping back to give her space. “Then lie down on the blankets.”
She undressed slowly, watching me watch her. When she was bare, she lowered herself onto the blankets and stretched her arms above her head without being asked.
Fucking hell. She was perfect. And the fact that she was giving herself to me like this—no reservations, no demands—made me feel like I was standing at the edge of a cliff with nothing but air beneath my feet.
I knelt beside her and picked up the rope. “I’m going to tie your wrists to that ring on the wall. It’ll hold you in place but it won’t hurt. Tell me if it’s too tight.”
She nodded, and I got to work.
The rope was soft, and I made sure the knots were secure but not punishing.
I’d practiced this because I wanted to make sure I did it right.
I wanted her to feel restrained, not trapped.
When I finished, I checked the tension and slipped two fingers between the rope and her wrists to confirm she had circulation.
“Good?”
“Good,” she breathed.
I reached for the blindfold, letting the silk trail across her collarbone before bringing it up to her eyes. “Once this goes on, you won’t know where I’m going to touch you next.” I paused, the fabric hovering. “You sure?”
“Yes.”
I slid the blindfold into place and tightened it slightly so it wouldn’t slip right off.
And then I stepped back and just looked at her.
She was laid out before me like a gift, her chest rising and falling with anticipation and her pert pink nipples hard little points that made my mouth water. Her lips were slightly parted, and my cock went rock-hard when her tongue darted out to sweep across them.
She couldn’t see me. Couldn’t predict what I’d do next. All she could do was feel.
She was the one tied up with ropes, and yet I was the one bound—to her.
I dropped to my knees, ready to worship at her altar.
Slowly, I crawled over her body and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.
She jumped, a small gasp escaping her lips.
I kissed lower—her collarbone, the swell of her breast, the soft skin of her stomach.
Each touch made her twitch, and goose bumps followed the trail my lips made.
“You’re so responsive,” I murmured against her hip. “And so fucking beautiful.”
I took my time, desperate to draw out every single second with her.
I kissed and licked and teased until she was trembling, until her skin was flushed and her breathing ragged, and soft whimpers were spilling from her lips with every touch.
I used my hands and my mouth, mapping every inch of her body, learning her reactions all over again even though I already knew them by heart.
And somewhere in the middle of it—somewhere between her desperate moans and the way she whispered my name like a prayer—I realized this wasn’t working.
I wasn’t getting control back at all. I was losing it entirely.
Because every sound she made, every way she responded to me, every moment of trust she gave—it wasn’t making me feel powerful. It was making me feel connected.
To her.
Connected in a way I’d never felt with anyone—in a way I’d never allowed myself to feel.
I buried myself between her thighs, using my tongue to push her toward the edge, and when she came with a broken cry, her body arching off the blankets, I felt it in my own chest like an echo.
I needed to be inside her.
I stripped off my clothes with hands that weren’t quite steady, rolled on a condom, and positioned myself at her entrance. She was still trembling from her orgasm, still blindfolded, still bound, and when I pushed into her, the sound she made nearly undid me.
“Liam.” My name on her lips. No one said my name like she did.
I started to move, setting a rhythm that was harder than I’d planned, more desperate. She met me thrust for thrust, her bound hands pulling at the rope, her head thrown back in pleasure. I gripped her hips hard enough to leave marks, and drove into her with deep thrusts.
“You’re only mine, Aves.”
The words slipped out before I could stop them.
I’d said something similar during our Yes Day, but that had been different because she’d asked me to say it.
I’d been able to tell myself I was just giving her what she wanted, playing a role, checking a box on her list, even if deep down I’d felt the truth of those words when I’d said them.
But she hadn’t asked me to say it tonight.
No one was performing right now. This had come from somewhere I couldn’t explain, but they weren’t followed by fear like I’d expected.
Her pussy fluttered around my length as she sucked in a sharp breath. “Liam—”
“Tell me how good my cock feels inside you,” I demanded, covering the slip with something filthier, something safer. “Tell me no one else has ever fucked you like this.”
“No one,” she gasped. “Just you. Only you.”
Only me.
The words hit me like a puck to the chest. I buried my face in her neck and drove into her harder, chasing release, chasing oblivion, chasing anything that would quiet the roaring in my head and the unfamiliar feeling consuming my heart.
She came again, clenching around me, and I followed her over the edge with a groan I couldn’t have contained if I’d tried.
For a second, I just stayed there. Trying to catch my breath and figure out what the fuck had just happened. But I didn’t stay like that for long.
I knew the second she saw me, she’d see right through me, and I needed a minute to try to put myself to rights—mentally and emotionally more than physically.
So I reached up and untied her wrists first, buying myself a few seconds to get my expression under control. My hands were shaking and I willed them to stop. By the time I slid the silk from her eyes, I’d almost convinced myself I looked normal.
Her eyes blinked open, adjusting to the dim lighting, and when she focused on my face, I looked away, focusing on the faint red marks the rope had left, even though I’d been careful.
“You okay?” My voice came out rougher than I intended.
“More than okay.” Her voice sounded like she was smiling, but I still couldn’t look at her. “That was incredible.”
“Good.” I forced myself to smile. “That’s another one checked off the list.”
The list. The whole reason she’d even looked at me as more than her brother’s best friend in the first place.
Because she knew I was safe. I was the guy who’d never get attached.
And for damn good reason.
I needed to remember that.
Of all people, I couldn’t break Ava’s heart. I’d never survive doing that to her.
We got dressed in silence, and not quite the comfortable kind like it had always been between us.
I turned off all the candles and grabbed the evidence of our time here before walking with her to the barn door.
She paused before opening it, turning back to look at me, and this time I didn’t look away.
I’d been right. Her eyes saw too much. It was clear as day that she knew something was off. Her gaze was filled with a mix of curiosity and guardedness.
“Liam?”
“Yeah?”
For a second, I thought she was going to ask about what I’d said. You’re only mine, Aves. I braced myself for the question, for having to explain something I didn’t understand myself.
But she just shook her head. “Nothing. I’ll see you later?”
“Yeah.” The relief that flooded through me was sharp and bitter. “Later.”
She headed toward the house while I walked to my truck, my mind a goddamn mess and my senses fucked-up from the lingering scent of her vanilla and cinnamon perfume and sex.
I’d wanted control. That was why I’d suggested tonight. To feel like I was the one driving this thing, the one calling the shots, and the one who could walk away whenever I wanted without leaving pieces of myself behind.
But standing here alone, I didn’t feel in control at all.
I felt like I was falling. And the ground was nowhere in sight.