18. Dahlia
DAHLIA
What the hell am I doing?
My heart races with excitement and nerves. I feel reckless standing in this line, but it’s a welcome emotion from the embarrassment of Felix refusing to kiss me.
His friends looked surprised at first, then confused.
I doubt they believe we’re together now after he wouldn’t even kiss me.
My skin itches with the humiliation of it.
The man hooks up with every other chick on campus like it’s no big deal but won’t even press his lips to mine to save face? How depressing.
I trudge forward. Only four people are in front of me in line. I can’t believe I’m going to kiss some random guy who’s kissed fifty or more people before me and doesn’t even know my name. It’s not the way I saw my first kiss going down, but it doesn’t matter anymore. I just need it to be done.
Someone grips me by the arm, and I spin to see Felix glaring down at me. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” I tear my arm away, but my voice doesn’t have any hard edges. I’m not mad at him. This is my fault. I never should have agreed to this fake dating scheme. I can’t pretend to date Felix and not develop real feelings for him. I already have if I’m honest.
“Don’t do this. Not here. Not like this,” he pleads.
“Why? Because you want me to hold out for some big, special moment or because you don’t want your fake girlfriend to kiss someone else at a party?” I remember the speech he gave me last night about not settling for less than I deserve.
“Both.”
“Tell me, was your first kiss some big, special moment?” My voice rises.
His face scrunches up, giving me my answer.
“I don’t understand. I like you. You like me. Everyone thinks we’re together. What’s the big, damn deal?” My stomach rolls with a possibility I hadn’t considered. “Or did you just say that you liked me because you felt sorry for me?”
“What? Of course not. I’m just…” He struggles to finish the sentence. His stare darts to the front of the line then back to me.
“Not the guy for me. Got it.” I take a step as another person gives their ticket to the person at the front of the line collecting them and then walks toward the guy sitting on the stool handing out kisses.
Only one more person ahead of me now. The nerves kick in, but I’m not backing down.
I just want it to be over with, so guys like Felix don’t look at me like I’m some fragile person they need to handle with care.
“Dahlia. Fuck.” He takes my elbow again and guides me out of the line. “Fine. I’ll do it.”
“Don’t do me any favors.”
“I’m not. I want to, but not here.”
“What are you waiting for? Candlelight and mood music? It’s not that big of a deal to me.
” I’m taunting him a little, but I can’t help it.
After he rejected me in front of his friends, anything but him kissing me here feels like a consolation prize.
And who’s to say he won’t just change his mind again later?
No, this is my chance to finally kiss someone.
I’m doing it, even if it means giving up my fake boyfriend.
“Next,” the guy taking tickets says.
I hesitate, giving Felix one more chance. His silence tells me everything I need to know.
“Next please.”
I turn from him, disappointment suddenly stronger than the nerves about kissing a total stranger in front of the entire party.
I hold out my ticket and take a step, but I’m suddenly being pulled backward.
My chest collides with his, but Felix doesn’t give me time to recover before his mouth covers mine.
His lips are soft, but they press into mine hard and commanding.
His fingers curl around my hip in a bruising hold, like he’s afraid I’m going to pull away.
I don’t. I melt into him. The hand at my hip glides around to my back and squeezes me against him at the same time his tongue slips into my mouth.
Any nerves I had about kissing him are doused in the flames his touch ignites. I’m not kissing Felix. I’m being kissed. He is in total control and I’m just along for the ride. A really, amazing ride.
My head spins, my heart races, and a thousand butterflies have taken residence in my stomach.
Candlelight and mood music would have been completely wasted because I’m not aware of anything but him.
His chest pressing into mine. His hands strong and commanding.
The light scruff on his face that scratches in the most erotic way every time he tilts his head.
The faint taste of beer and mint on him, and the soft groan he makes as he pulls back.
I’m out of breath and there’s a buzzing in my ears. I’m still leaning against him and super thankful because my legs are weak. My eyelids flutter open and I look into his gray blue eyes.
He doesn’t look away, but one hand comes up to where both of mine rest against his chest and he plucks the ticket from my fingers. “I think that’s mine.”
“What if I bought six for five dollars?”
One side of his mouth lifts. “You’re trouble, hot stuff.”
With that, he links our fingers and tugs me with him, away from the kissing booth.
I might have been lost in my own world during that kiss, but when we get back to Felix’s circle of friends, it’s obvious they were not. And the circle has grown. All eyes are on us. My face is on fire and my lips tingle.
“Well, damn, Walters,” Brogan says, fanning his face. “I felt that all the way over here.”
Lucas lifts his hands and then mocks bowing down to him. “I’m not worthy.”
Felix shakes his head and chuckles. “I hate you all.”
The rest of the night, I’m glued to his side.
Maybe it’s all the hormones raging through me from that kiss, but I feel more like his real, fake girlfriend now.
I stand a little taller beside him. And Felix is freer with his touches.
In fact, he can’t seem to stop touching me.
He’s either holding my hand or has his arm around my waist, but he doesn’t try to kiss me again.
Which is too bad because I really, really want to kiss him again.
Sometime around one, the kissing booth is officially done, and not long after, people start trickling out. We’re sitting at a table watching other people play cards. I’m sitting on Felix’s lap, and he has one arm draped around my hip.
I’m covering a yawn, when he asks, “Are you ready to go?”
“So sorry. I’m having fun, promise.”
“Nah, don’t be. Too many nights of staying up late. Let me walk you home.”
It’s about three blocks away, weaving through campus, and we could easily get a sober ride, but the night is still warm, and I’m not in any hurry to leave Felix’s company, so I agree.
Once we’re out of the party, our steps slow.
“Plans for tomorrow or can you sleep in?” he asks. Our fingers brush accidentally, and he shoves both hands in the front pockets of his jeans.
“I have practice, but not until ten. You?”
“Same, practice at noon. Then hopefully taking the most epic nap ever.” He smiles, removes his hands from his pockets and takes my hand.
My pulse races at the simple touch. Except too late I realize he’s leading me across the street like a protective big brother.
I hold on a little tighter, so he isn’t tempted to drop my hand as soon as we get to the other side.
There’s no reason to hold hands where no one can see us, but I want to all the same.
My house is in sight before I’m ready to say goodbye. The living room light is on, and I know Jane left the party before us and is either in her room or mine waiting to hear how the night went.
He squeezes my hand and stops in front of my house. We’re here, but I’m not ready for the night to end.
“Do you want to stay over?” I ask, saying the words all at once before I lose my nerve.
“I should probably go home and let you get some sleep.”
Who needs sleep? I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
He steps forward and wraps his arms around me. I melt into him, letting my head rest on his chest and squeezing his sides.
“Thanks for walking me home.” I tilt my head up, still pressed into his chest. His blue eyes flash over my mouth, and for a second, I think he might kiss me again.
His lips brush softly against my forehead and then he steps away. “You’re welcome. Night, hot stuff.”