28. Dahlia
DAHLIA
On Saturday afternoon, the girls and I are having a perfect chill day.
I had practice this morning, then when I got home, the four of us went to brunch, followed by a yoga class at the student rec center, and after we have all been working on homework spread out in the living room while watching movies and just hanging out.
“This is so nice,” Jane says. She’s sitting, legs crossed, in the middle of the floor in front of the TV. “I need all your boyfriends to leave town on the same weekend more often.”
“Or you just need to start dating a basketball player.” Vi grins. “Eh?”
“Or a hockey player,” Daisy chips in.
They all look at me.
“What?”
Laughing, Vi asks, “How are things with your football player?”
“Good.” I focus entirely too hard on the sketch in front of me. “We’re just…you know, keeping things casual. It’s fun.”
I thought I loved being able to talk about boys the same way they all do, but being in the hot seat right now is excruciating.
Technically, I think we’re still fake dating, but we’re making out for real.
I started to ask him last night, but he seemed really stressed about the game, and it didn’t seem like the right time to bring it up.
Speaking of the game, I pick up my phone and check the score. A proud smile breaks out wide on my face. “They won the game.”
“That is not the face of a casual anything.” Daisy uses her pencil to point at me. “But I love him for you.”
“And you for him,” Jane says. “He needs a girl that sees him for more than being the star quarterback. And you need someone to remind you daily how absolutely incredible you are.”
I snort a laugh.
“I’m serious,” she insists, voice climbing. “I’ve heard some of the things that man says to you. He thinks you’re amazing and he gets off on letting you know it.”
My face heats. “That’s just Felix. He knows how to make people feel good. I think that’s why he’s such a good quarterback. He sees people, knows their strengths, and wants to help them be their best.”
“Good quarterback skills and good boyfriend skills.” Violet stands and holds up the dress she’s been working on for the past couple hours.
It’s a beautiful dark pink with a square neckline and thick straps.
Vi loves designing and making dresses. Beautiful gowns with long skirts or decadent layers.
And the details are always stunning. The pink one she’s holding up is no exception.
“He’s not really my boyfriend, but agreed. He’s the best. And that’s gorgeous,” I say, changing the subject.
Jane sighs dreamily. “I wish I could pull off that color.”
“You can pull off any color you want,” I say pointedly. She can. I’ve seen her in hunter orange and beige and every color in between.
“No. My skin tone does better with lighter shades of pink. That’d look great on you, though, Dahlia.”
It’s not like anything I’d pick for myself, but since I started living out of Jane’s closet a month ago, I’ve been wearing a lot of dresses that I never would have imagined myself in.
“Try it on,” Vi says. “I’m dying to see what it looks like on someone.”
“Ooooh, should we put on Pride and Prejudice and make it a whole thing?” Daisy asks, excitement clear in her tone.
Saturday nights hanging at home, watching old movies, drinking wine, eating junk food, and trying on dresses used to be a regular occurrence. I’ve missed it. And from the looks on my friends’ faces, I think they have too.
Thirty minutes later, we’ve pulled out all of Violet’s dresses (we keep them in the coat closet because no one needs a coat in Arizona ten months out of the year), opened two bottles of wine, and cued up Darcy and Elizabeth on the TV.
The movie is really just background noise at this point. We’ve seen it so many times, I can practically quote it word for word.
I do try on the magenta dress and then a black one, a green one, before going back to the magenta.
“I knew that one was perfect for you.” Jane winks at the same time my phone buzzes on the coffee table.
I reach for it a little faster than usual.
“The winning QB?” Jane asks, a smile in her tone.
“Yeah. They’re on their way back.”
“What time will he get in?”
“Not until late,” I say, rereading his text and tapping out one of my own.
Felix
Thanks for the good luck text. Hope you know you’re now a part of my official pre-game good luck charms. Gonna need one of those texts before every game. How’s Valley? Tell me everything I’m missing. I’m too amped up to sleep and I’m on this bus for the next four hours.
Me
Campus was pretty dead earlier today, so I don’t think you’re missing much.
Felix
What are you doing tonight?
Me
Watching Pride and Prejudice with the girls while drinking wine and trying on fancy dresses.
Felix
I’m missing seeing you in tight, sexy dresses? *thumbs down emoji*
Me
Yep
Felix
Pictures or it didn’t happen.
Me
Oh, it happened.
Felix
Take pity on a tired, horny man, hot stuff.
Me
A minute ago you were amped up. Which is it, Walters?
Felix
Whichever gets you to send me a pic.
“You’re totally blushing.” Vi tosses a piece of popcorn at me, drawing my attention to my roommates, who are all staring at me.
“He wants me to send him a picture of the dress.”
“A photoshoot for your man?” Jane asks. “That sounds like a fab idea. Let’s do your hair and makeup too. We’ll make him cream his pants on the bus ride.”
“That’s a truly terrible image.” Vi scrunches up her face.
“But a great idea,” Daisy says. “Jordan has been begging me for new spank bank photos.”
“You send him nudes?” Vi’s mouth falls open in shock, and I choke on my wine.
“No, well, okay, fine, I have, but I meant photos of me in all your amazing dresses. It really does something for him seeing me all done up. This one specifically.” She flounces the red skirt.
“It’s because he’s imagining ripping it off you,” Vi says. “But don’t let him rip that one.”
“I can’t even begin to tell you how jealous I am of all of you,” Jane says. “Maybe I should take some sexy photos of myself and spam my contact list.”
“No,” we all tell her at once.
“Why not? I need someone to come rip off my dress and kiss the crap out of me. I’m the only one in this house not getting kissed. It’s a real disappointment.”
I hug her. “There is a great guy out there for you, I know it. And you don’t need to spam all your contacts to find him.”
In the end, I give in to their whims and we spend an hour taking photos of the four of us in our living room. Hair and makeup done like we’re going out, each of us in our favorite custom Violet dress, and all of us a little bit tipsy.
I don’t send any of them to Felix though.
I’m not sure why. I guess I’m nervous that his reaction wouldn’t be as excited as my friends’ boyfriends.
And why would it be? He’s not really my boyfriend, and in a couple weeks we have to go back to being just friends.
I’m not sure I can do that knowing he has sexy photos of me on his phone.
Jordan called Daisy seconds after she sent him a pic, and Gavin’s response was so dirty, I can’t bring myself to repeat it. I love that for them. They are goals.
But even though I didn’t send him a picture, Felix and I have been texting on and off all night. His bus is still more than an hour away when I climb into bed.
Me
How’s the ride?
Felix
Long. Boring. Teddy is passed out beside me. No one wants to entertain me tonight.
Me
I’m entertaining you.
Felix
Yeah, but you’re holding out on me.
Me
You’ve seen me in a dress before.
Felix
Your point?
Me
Should have taken a photo then.
Felix
Good idea. Next time you’re over, how about you pose for a few in the dress and then slowly take it off. You, topless, sprawled out on my bed, pretty dress on the floor. *groan*
Me
Sorry, you’re gonna have to memorize that image if you want it to last.
Felix
Already done, babe. Already done.
I fall asleep at some point during our texting and wake up to knocking on my window.
“It’s me, hot stuff,” Felix calls through the glass.
I push my messy hair out of my face and walk over to let him in.
“Is this a thing now?” My voice is rough with sleep.
“I didn’t want to wake up the whole house,” he says as he climbs inside and pulls the window shut behind him.
“Just me?”
“Just you.” His hair is messy and the Valley U football T-shirt he’s wearing is wrinkled. He still looks insanely handsome.
He plops down on my bed, then blows out a breath and rolls his neck. “I am beat.”
“I bet.” I lie down next to him. “Not that I’m complaining, but uh, why are you here?”
He lets his head fall so our faces are only inches apart. “I was hoping I was going to catch you in that sexy dress you were taunting me with.”
I glance down at my sleep shorts and tank. “Sorry to disappoint.”
“Not at all.” One of his big palms comes to rest on my upper thigh. “I might be too tired to peel you out of some big, complicated outfit anyway.”
“Too tired to get a girl naked?” I arch a brow.
“Okay, fine. Never that tired.” He guides his hand around to grab my ass. “But I am enjoying this outfit quite a lot.”
He pulls me on top of him and then wraps his free hand around the back of my neck to bring my lips to his.
Warmth spreads through me. I’m falling for him. I know I am and that it’s going to hurt something awful when it’s over, but at least I’m sacrificing my heart for some amazing experiences.
A deep groan rumbles in his chest as my hips roll. His dick is already hard and tenting his athletic pants, and the thin fabric of my sleep shorts provides very little barrier. Both of his big hands grip my thighs, and he grinds me over him until I’m panting, muscles quivering.
I break apart from our kiss. His eyes are hooded with lust and the way he looks at me makes my breath catch.
“I, uh, I bought condoms.”
His hands still.
Before I can lose my nerve, I add, “I’ve thought about it. I’m ready and I want it to be you.”
“Dahlia.” He sits up and brushes my hair out of my face. His grayish blue eyes are stormy and his face twists like he’s in pain.
“If it’s because you don’t want to, then I won’t say another word.”
His brows lift. “You know that isn’t it.”
“Then we’re on the same page.” I sit up and meet his stare head-on.
“Look, I know what we are, or what we’re not, but I trust you.
I like making out with you. You’re good at everything and I don’t want my first time to be some awkward hookup with a guy that’s crappy in bed.
You might not be the guy for me, but you’re an amazing guy, and that means something. ”
“I don’t know,” he says, but I can see the wheels turning in his head. He wants this too.
“Will you just think about it?” I ask. “We have two more weeks and then…”
I can’t bring myself to finish that sentence. At least out loud. Then we go back to our regular lives. Him as Felix Walters, star quarterback, and me as…just me again. But me with experiences that I’ll remember forever.
“Yeah,” he agrees. “Yeah, I’ll think about it.”
He flips us so he’s on top of me and kisses me again. It’s sweeter this time, less hurried, and I know it’s not happening. At least not tonight.
Over the next week, Felix and I hang out a lot. He’s slept at my house every night. Just slept. Well, okay, not just slept, but we haven’t had sex. On Friday afternoon, we’re having lunch with his teammates in the dining hall, but after everyone else heads to class, we hang back.
His leg rests against mine under the table and he hooks his foot around my ankle. “Any plans for tonight?”
“A friend of mine from high school is dating a guy here at Valley. She’s coming for the weekend and we’re meeting up for dinner tonight.”
“That’s cool,” he says, then narrows his gaze as he smiles at me. “What were you like in high school?”
“I don’t know. Like I am now, I guess.”
“So, awesome and hot?”
Laughter spills out of my mouth. “You’re too much.”
With a wink, he leans forward and presses his lips against mine. The butterflies in my stomach that seem to always be present when I’m around Felix, flutter and swoop as I get lost in his kiss. He pulls back far sooner than I want and looks at me like he wants more details.
“I was the same. I’ve always been more reserved and quieter than my friends.”
“How come?”
I think about that for a second. “I’m not sure. I imagine some of it is just part of my personality, but the first time I can remember people referring to me as shy was in the fourth grade. My dad switched jobs halfway through the school year and my family moved across the state.”
“You were the new girl,” he says and waggles his brows.
“Yeah. And can I just say that all the movies and books make it seem way more fun than it actually is? Making friends is not something that’s ever been that easy for me.
It takes me a while to get comfortable around new people.
Half the girls thought I was stuck-up, and the others thought I was weird. ”
“I’m sorry,” he says. “I would have been your friend, hot stuff.”
“No, you wouldn’t have.” I roll my eyes and shake my head.
I think I have a pretty good picture of what young Felix was like and we would not have run in the same circles.
“I had this really unfortunate haircut that looked like a blonde mushroom on top of my head, and I had an early growth-spurt, so I was taller than all the guys in class for a year or two.”
An amused smile tips up his lips as he wraps a finger around a long strand of my hair. “I don’t think any of that would have mattered. Enough time around you and I would have felt it.”
“Felt what?”
“This.” He motions between us. “We’re the same. Different, but the same.”
I’d like to think he’s right, and that under any circumstances, Felix and I would have been friends, but I’m not so sure.
“Did you always want to be a designer?” he asks, pulling me from my thoughts.
“No. For a long time I thought I was going to be a dancer. But even back then, I was making my own leotards and booty shorts.”
His smile widens. “We definitely would have been friends. No way I wasn’t befriending the new, hot, dance girl.”
“You’re something else.”
He glances at the time and then turns in his seat and places either leg around mine, closing me in. “I should get going, but I really don’t wanna.”
I lean into his chest. I don’t want him to either. He wraps both arms around me. “Two days without you. How am I going to survive?”
I smile, but don’t respond. It feels so real between us, so perfect.
If I had a boyfriend, this is exactly what I would want it to be like.
I love that we can sit and talk like friends, but that neither of us can keep our hands off the other.
It’s the best of both worlds in a way I didn’t realize was possible.
And maybe it isn’t. Maybe the reason things are like this is because we’re coming to the end of our agreement.
Before I can stress about that, though, Felix kisses me.
As long as he’s kissing me, I can hold on to the time we have left.