47
Wrapped in a blanket with a half-demolished box of chocolates, I mindlessly flip between Sleepless inSeattle and reruns of Criminal Minds. This is my breakup with the Brookhaven Police Department, and I’m treatingit as such.
Plus, I’ve needed time to think over the last twenty-four hours. Jackson has backed me into a corner, and I need an escape plan.
Or maybe you couldjustlisten to him.
I push that thought away, but I can’t deny it’s growing in power. Jackson has made me feel highs I’ve never experienced before. But I know it’s wrong.
He’s trying to push me to finally confessthe thinghe wants to hear.That mysoul is just as twisted ashis,andthatI’ll be his forever.I hate to admit it, but it feels as if he already owns a chunk of me.
A knock at the door shatters my daze.
I stumble off the couch and squint through the peephole. It’s Hawkins. Hastily undoing the lock, I swing the door open.
“Captain,” I mutter, hoping I don’t have chocolate smeared on my face. “Come in. Please, have a seat.”
I awkwardly clear the blankets from the couch so Hawkins can sit down.
I feel the tiniest flicker of hope. Have they uncovered evidence implicating Jackson? Is Hawkins here to retract my suspension and welcome me back.
But my hopes deflate as he frowns.
“What’s going on, sir?” I ask.
“Why didn’t you tell me that Frank Newman was your foster brother?”
My blood turns ice cold in my veins.
“I…” Words fail me, caught in the grip of shock.
“You need to give me an answer, Cain.”
I swallow hard, trying to steady myself. “I’m sorry, sir. I was scared that Hyde was targeting me and would hurt the team. Frank came to see me out of the blue the day before he died. How did you even find out?”
“We looked into Newman’s background. It took a while to retrieve the records. His biological parents fostered for you a year when you were what—sixteen?”
I slowly nod. “That’s right. It was a… difficult year for me.”
“Difficult?”
“He was an asshole with a temper who made a habit of slapping me around. His parents didn’t care. They were in it for the paycheck.”
Hawkins clears his throat, uncomfortable. “Sorry to hear that, Cain.”
I shrug. “It’s all in the past now. But seeinghimthat night brought back a lot of painful memories. When I got to the scene the next day and saw his body… I didn’t react rationally.”
Hawkins nods, but his eyes are still skeptical. An uneasy feeling is building inside me. “There’s something else I need to tell you. Something that’s not easy to say at all.”
“What is it?”
He exhales. “One of our own is dead.”
I feel my face pale, panic hitting me. “One of the team? Oh my god, who?”
“Ryan.”
Relief that it’s not Brock or anyone else I care about washes over me momentarily before guilt floods in. Ryan is dead—after enduring his arrogant, sexist ways for this long, I can’t say I’m exactly heartbroken.
“That’s awful,” I mutter haltingly. “What happened tohim?”
There’s a sense of dread in my gut as I ask the question. SomehowIknow Hawkins isn’t going to say he had a heart attack or got hit by a car.
“He was found dead outside his apartment earlier today. Stab wound to the chest.”
“Jesus. I’m sorry to hear that, Captain.”
Ryan’s crude, cocky attitude earned him a few enemies. But Ihave tobite my tongue to stop myself from saying where my mind immediately goes: Hyde.
Hawkins is eyeing me. “You had an altercation with Fields yesterday before you left the station. You said you’d make him regret his insult toward you.”
I chew on my lip. “Well,hewas an asshole and a creep to women.Cops like him are the reason women find it so hard to stay in the force.”
Hawkins’s tone hardens. “Choose your words a little more carefully, Cain. Ryan is deadandyou’re sitting here calling him an asshole.” I begin to objectbuthe cuts me off. “I don’t want to hear it. I believe you about Fields being… difficult to work with, but you could have come to me about that.”
My heart sinks. Even Hawkins, the mentor I’ve idolized, is still a man in a hierarchical system. He doesn’t understand why it was always easier tojustshrug off Ryan’s taunts and leers instead of reporting him.
“I can’t help you if you don’t treadcarefully,because there’s a lot of scrutiny on you right now.”
“Scrutiny?” I repeat.
My pulse begins to pick up speed.
“Members of the team are questioning things. Your foster brother is murdered by Hyde, but you keep your connection to him secret. You argue with Fieldsandthen he’s found dead the next day. You’re the only cop who’s ever claimed to have seen or spoken to Hyde.”
Panic crashes through me. “You’re not suggesting what I think you are, right?”
“Ava, I don’t want to do this. But I have no choice. You’ve been implicated as a suspect in the Hyde case.”
I blink back tears. “You can’t be serious, sir. This is insane.”
“I’m sorry. With Fields dead, the higher-ups want blood. They’re under pressure and need someone to blame.”
“Do you believe it, Captain? Do you really think I’m capable of that?”
Hawkins hesitates, and his silence feels like a weight on my chest. “You’ve always been one of my most promising young detectives. But the evidence isn’t in your favor.”
“Hyde is setting me up. This isexactlywhat he wants you to think, don’t you see that?”
“Why you, though? We have a whole team on this case. Hell, I’m the one leading it. Why not me?”
I exhale hard. “He’sgot an obsession with me.”
Hawkins frowns. “But why you?”
Because he wants my body just as badly as I want his.
Because we understand each other in some twistedwayI’ve never felt before.
Because he sees the part of me that I hate the most, and he utterly worships it.
But I don’t say any of that.
My shoulders slump. “I guess I don’t know.”
“I’m here to give you a heads up, Ava. But things are escalating quickly. If any more evidence surfaces, I won’t be able to protect you. And if the higher-ups have their way, there’ll be an arrest warrant with your nameon itcoming soon.”
There’s no use trying to convince him. After trying so hard to make Hawkins proud of me, it’s all gone up in flames.
He stands to leave. There’s a mix of pity and disappointment in his final glance at me.
“My only advice is that you start telling the truth.”
***
After Hawkins leaves, I’m numb.
They suspect me. After all the work I did to make sure I was never on the wrong side of the law again, I’m a suspect in this murder case.
“Ava?”
I don’tevenrealize Lily has let herself into my apartment until I hear her voice.
I look up, finding her staring at me with concern. Her backpack is slung over her shoulder, her hair in a messy bun.
“Ava, what’s going on? I haven’t heard from you in days. I started to wonder if you were dead in here and your cats had eaten you. But then I remembered you don’t own any cats.”
A weak smile is all I can manage. “I’ve screwed everything up, Lily.”
She drops her bag and sitsdown next tome on the couch, putting an arm around me. “Tell me everything.”
I can’t bear to look at her. “I told you I’ve been working on the murder case in the news.”
“Hyde.” Lily shudders. By now, everyone in this city has heard his name.
“I’ve got myself in too deep.”
She slips her hand into mine, giving it a tight squeeze. “I’ve got your back, Ava. Just like you have mine.”
I take a shaky breath in. Slowly, I begin to tellhereverything. Hydestalkingme, his warning to stay silent. How it went so much further than just that. How he’s about to frame me for murder.
She doesn’t speak, but her grip on my hand tightens as I confess it all.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I failed you. All I ever wanted was to protect you. And now you’re associated with someone who’s suspected for murder.”
Her eyes are wide in shock. “You slept withhim?”
I exhale, unsure how to explain the inexplicable pull I feel around Hyde, like two orbiting planets finally colliding. “It just… happened.”
She slowly shrugs, a crooked smile on her lips. “I rememberhimfrom that night at the wine bar. Can’t say I blame you for that one exactly.”
“He’s a murderer.” I suddenly want her to judge me, scream at me, tell me I’m sick.
Her expression turns serious. “I know. Buthethreatened your team.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t do that because of any threat.”
“Oh my god, do you have feelings for him?”
Feelingsdoesn’t cut it. Words seemto be soinadequate for all the twisted emotions between me and Jackson.
“I can’t stop thinking about him, Lily. I know it goes against everything I stand for as a detective, but I understand him, and he understands me.”
Her face darkens with confusion. “What do you mean? You’re one of the good guys. You put men like him behind bars.”
“I need to tell you something else.” My brain swirls with memories as I finally tell my sister thefulltruth.
Broken. Broken. Broken.
I ignore the voice in my head and force myself to continue. “All I’ve ever wanted was to protect you. Remember Harvey? He was dangerous, so Imade surehe couldn’t hurt us anymore.”
Her lips part. “You… you killedhim? He didn’t fall down the stairs?”
“He was hurting me, Lily. He said you would be next.I knew if I tried to report him, it would go nowhere.”
Silent tears are streaming down Lily’s face. “You—you saved me. Why didn’t you tell me before?”
“It’s been a dark mark on my soul since that night. I didn’t want you to share that too.” I wipe my eyes with my sleeve. “Harvey told me I was broken. I didn’t want to make you brokentoo.”
“You are not broken. You shouldn’t feel guilty, Ava. You saved us.The next family Iwent towas the Hannigans,and theygave me a whole new happy life.”
“It’s not just that I killed him. It’s that I—” The words catch in my throat. “I liked it, Lily. I felt so powerful standing over him, knowing he’d never hurt me again.”
The confession feels like poison in my mouth. I’ve never said it out loud before. No one in the world knows it.
Except Jackson.
Somehow, Jackson saw it in my eyes without me speaking a word.
Lily sighs. “It doesn’t matter now. He was a sick freak who hurt you, and he got what was coming to him. You’ve spent your whole life trying to solve crimes and make the world a little better.”
“Until now.They’regoing to arrest me, Lily. It’s all over.”
Just like when I was fifteen, I know the law can’t help me here.
Lily sits up. “Wait a minute. You said Hyde has been obsessing over you, right? Why would he want you to bethrown in jailfor his crimes?”
“Maybe he wants to ensnare me in his trap and then ruin my life.”
She shakes her head. “What if he’s just trying to get your attention?”
Click.
Things slowly fall into place in my head.
Jackson isn’t trying to destroy me for resisting him. He’s trying to drive me out of my place of safety. He’s been telling me it the whole time, Ijustdidn’t want to listen.
Maybe I need to finally stop running and face him.
A strange buzz of anticipation is rising in my chest.
“He’s cut me off from the police and backed me into a corner. He thinks this is how he’ll claim me.”
She frowns. “So what now?”
I grip her hand. “I need to send him a message that I’m not giving up.”
When the arrest comes, I’ll be ready.