Chapter 10
CHAPTER 10
LOU
I close my eyes tightly and take a deep breath. That I let out through my nose, since I don’t want to blast Finn in the face with my breath.
“Okay, so.” God, this is humiliating.
Part of me loves that Finn even realized something is wrong. I mean, how much attention is he paying to me to notice something I was trying so hard to hide?
A lot, that’s how much.
But I really hate talking about this, and every single time I’ve tried—because I’ve never actually succeeded in having an open, honest conversation about my shitty relationships—men have always bailed.
There haven’t been many of them, mainly because they always bail, but yeah...
“In the past.” I decide to begin there. I think it’s a good starting point.
“Will you look at me?” he asks softly and I can’t deny him. I mean, his arms are tight vines around me, keeping me trapped, but it’s more than that. I know that if I push it, he’ll let me go, and that just makes me more determined to be open with him.
So I open my eyes. And in his dark ones I see patience and... care. He cares about me, somehow I know that deep in my bones, and in that moment it strikes me that I already care about him too.
“In the past.” I start again but this time my words have more strength. “It’s been made very clear to me that unless I... perform, let’s say, with penetrative sex, I’m not worth the time or the effort.”
Finn’s quiet, at least his voice is, but his face tells another story. Nostrils flared, jaw tight, eyebrows drawn together, and a storm in his eyes—he looks like a warrior.
My warrior.
My heart flutters at the picture he makes, and it’s inevitable that I scoot up and press my lips softly to his.
“It’s okay, Finn. I’m okay.” I don’t know why I feel the need to say those words, but I’m glad I do when he seems to relax. His arms also loosen—even if it’s just a little—around my middle.
“I know you’re okay, you’re strong.” I scoff at that. “You clearly are,” he argues. “You’re here with me, a practical stranger, trying again after having those awful experiences. You’re strong, Lou, trust me.”
I don’t think I am. I don’t consider myself to be strong, but I let it go.
“Anyway, it just brought up a lot of things when I couldn’t find a condom and I thought we couldn’t have sex, and I just didn’t know how you would react.” I realize then that he could take that as an insult and I panic at the thought. “Not that you’ve given me any reason to believe you’d react badly, but?—”
“Hey, hey,” he soothes and rubs his arms up and down my back. “I know what you mean. You barely know me, it’s fine, cutie.”
I like that he calls me that, so I kiss him again and he reciprocates with a slow, deep kiss as his hands keep moving, going lower every time.
The feel of his hands on my skin brings home the fact that we’re both naked, and I’m on top of him. I move a little and feel that he’s only semi-hard now compared to how he was before, but that has to be a good sign, right?
I get goosebumps from how good he feels against me, and I remember the urgency that sent me flying in search of supplies before. I need him. Right now.
“Lube,” I say, speaking right against his lips.
“Uh-uh,” he denies and I whine.
“Why not?” I demand, breaking the kiss.
“Because we’re not going to have sex tonight. At least not penetrative sex. I want you to realize that yeah, I might want an orgasm of my own, but what I want the most is to share it with you and to watch you as I bring you pleasure, so you’re going to lie down and let me make you feel good.”
My brain stops working for a full ten seconds and still, I can’t compute.
“What does that mean?” I ask him, still unsure of what he wants me to do.
“It means I’m going to worship your body, cutie. So come on,” he says brightly and slaps my butt lightly—I like that. “On your back.”
He twists us around and releases me from his hold, then he takes the lube from my hand and places it very deliberately beside my hip.
Then he places both hands on the sides of my head and leans down, in a kind of predatory move, and kisses my lips slowly. It’s a teasing kind of kiss, one that promises more to come but stops before it can deepen.
I reach up to run my fingers through his dark hair and lose myself in quick, wet kisses, and in the way his skin grazes against mine every once in a while.
It’s not enough, not nearly, and it only makes me want him more.
Eventually, he shifts my legs so he can kneel between them, and his mouth trails down my neck, leaving little kisses on my chest. Teasing my nipples, he gives each a minute or so while I just lie there, unable to do anything but let him do whatever he wants to me.
I’m a willing sacrifice.
He keeps kissing every inch of skin he comes across, and doesn’t hesitate to suck me halfway down his throat when he gets to my dick.
My back bows off the mattress with ecstasy and there’s no stopping my shout of pleasure.
“Yes. Fuck, Finn,” I moan. It’s too much too soon. He’s gonna?—
My thoughts fall away when he lifts my legs by the back of my thighs until my feet are flat on the bed and I’m completely exposed to him.
I feel the wet tip of his finger circle my rim and I figure he coated it with lube while he was turning me to mush.
He pushes in gently and when he encounters no resistance, he groans with satisfaction—I guess the use of my favorite dildo every other day has some benefits... besides the obvious of course.
The vibration of his groan only brings me closer to the edge, though, and I need to warn him.
My fingers get the message before my mouth and I pull his hair a full three seconds before moaning, “Gonna come!” through gritted teeth.
In those three seconds, though, I see Finn’s eyes roll back, and he sucks hard one more time right as the tip of his finger finds my prostate.
It’s game over for me then.
I fall back on the mattress as every muscle, every cell in my body goes limp from the force of it.
“You okay there?” Finn’s face appears above me and I smile lazily up at him.
“S’good,” I mumble. “Will blow you too. Just give me a minute.”
“I can wait until the morning, cutie.”
“Just a minute,” I say like a promise, but I make the mistake of closing my eyes, and it’s lights out.