Chapter 3 #2
“I know! And I didn’t think you would just leave.” Jack blew out a hard breath. “And I’m sorry. I had planned to be with you every damn day through it all. I really did. I know your sister did a lot.”
“She did.” Lissa’d been his hero. She’d come to Texas, driven him home, been there for therapy and heartbreak and loss.
“Look, if we were both able to just walk away from this for a year—an entire year—then what does that mean?” It broke his heart to have to ask that, but the simple fact was that they had the girls, so he had to.
“I mean, I was mad, yeah. I was furious you would do this to me, but I swear to God—”
Jack shook his head. “I just asked you to retire.”
“No, you told me to retire. Completely different thing. You informed me that I was retiring.” And he had lost his shit. He’d been in so far over his head that it wasn’t reasonable.
“I was scared.”
He stared at Jack, absolutely speechless for a minute.
“And you think I wasn’t? You think when I was laying in that fucking hospital room in San Antonio I wasn’t scared out of my motherfucking mind?
And you? Instead of being there for me and helping me out and having my back, literally and figuratively, you just lost your shit and told me you were going to ‘make me’ retire. ”
“Yes, I did.” Jack held his gaze, not even looking away when the waitress brought their coffees.
“I didn’t understand why you would risk everything for the damn rodeo.
I didn’t get it. I still don’t. I probably never will.
I mean, why would you risk your babies? Me?
Being able to walk? For what? To ride a goddamn bronc? ” Jack was building up a head of steam.
“Well, I did it, regardless. I didn’t have another job because it’s the only fucking thing I’m good at.”
Jack looked at him, brows lowered. “That’s bullshit. You’ve got a job now. So you don’t have to do that anymore.”
“No, and I’m not going to because I can’t. Because you’re right; I’m not gonna risk being able to see my babies. So instead I’m painting houses, sweating my ass off, living in a piece of shit apartment because that’s what I can afford!”
He had medical bills. He had all these expenses. Thank God his boss was good to him and understood that he had little girls and had to make a living. Maybe he should have just battled through and got the damn divorce so it was done.
The simple fact was they couldn’t afford it, and he just wasn’t interested. He wanted his damn family back. Not that he was going to get it.
Jack was staring at him, all patient and long faced and shit, and he hated that.
“What are you looking at?”
“You. I’m looking at you. You’re so goddamn insistent on being a martyr, so I’m being long-suffering. And you know what? I still love you. And I am man enough to—”
“Yeah, yeah. I suck.”
“To say that I made a mistake, and I’m sorry. And also, I don’t care if you’re mad at me, I’m going to keep on loving you, and I’m gonna wait until I get you back.”
Dalton waited for Jack to go, “So there, ha,”—which was one of the things their girls did—but he didn’t. He just sat there being all serious and shit.
“So why now? What on earth made you decide that now was the appropriate time to decide that you still wanted me?” That was the burning question for him.
“I realized that you loved me as much as I love you, and that I was being stupid. I don’t like feeling stupid.” Jack’s bright blue eyes blazed at him, just not allowing him to look away.
“I—” He struggled for words. Hell, he had to fight not to just shut down and pull inside himself and hide. Truth was, he wasn’t good enough for Jack, and he knew it.
“Baby, I can see the gears moving in your brain.” Jack squeezed his hand, which he hadn’t even realized Jack was still holding. “Stop it. Stop thinking so hard.”
“I reckon it’s not my strong suit.”
“Dammit it, Dal. Stop it.” Jack’s voice cracked like a shot, making their girls look over at them frowning.
“Stop what?” he asked.
“Putting yourself down. You’re not stupid or worthless or any of the other shit that niggling voice in your head says you are. So listen to me and not you.”
“Shit, Jack, I don’t know how. I never did.”
The server, who was named Mandy and who Jack’d gone to high school with walked up, and they both glared at her.
“Sorry, guys, but do y’all want to order something to eat?”
“Can I get a glass of milk to go with my coffee, please, ma’am,” he said. “And uh, huevos rancheros.”
“I’ll take the big country breakfast, please,” Jack said. “And orange juice.”
Lord, Jack could put away the food. He was built more like a roper or a bulldogger than a roughstock man, though, so he guessed it made sense.
They waited for Mandy to leave, then Jack tugged his hand, getting his attention back. “I mean it. I want you back. I intend to get you, too.”
He shook his head. He would say he was shocked at Jack’s words, but that would be a lie. “Easy as that. You want it, so man the torpedoes?”
“Yep.”
“Well, what if I don’t?” Dalton ached, and he wanted to rub his chest.
“Baby, I know better. Shit, I know you. You want something, it happens, so if you wanted this divorce—”
“Maybe I just can’t afford a lawyer.”
That shut Jack up for a minute, the man staring at him. Hard.
He tried to hold out, but he couldn’t.
He just couldn’t hurt Jack like that. He dropped his gaze and sighed, then sipped his coffee. Fuck.
“So can we at least try, baby? Maybe go on daddy-daughter dates together to begin with?”
That brought his head back up, and he had to admit, it surprised him. “What, no jumping right back into living together?”
“Well, you know I would, but I also know you’re gonna want to take it slow. I hurt you, and I want to make it up to you and prove we have something worth keeping.”
“I want to take the girls to the zoo in Denver.” The words just tumbled out of his mouth. Just poured out of him.
“Yeah?” That smile could have lit the truck stop for weeks. “Like, you and me? Together with the girls? I’m down.”
“Okay. I think they’d like it, and it’s a good way to celebrate before the school year.” He couldn’t believe Lena was going to be a first grader this year.
“Perfect.” Jack sat back and grabbed his coffee, and it was gratifying how relieved he looked. Seriously. Not that Dalton would admit it.
Now he didn’t know what to talk about.
Should they schedule a trip?
Should he ask about Jack’s place?
Should he ask about Jack’s cousin?
Should he just be quiet?
“So you tell me when you want to go, okay?” Jack took pity on him, opening up a new tack.
“I’m not working next weekend…” It was his weekend with the girls, after all. “Is that too soon?”
“Nope. That’s wonderful.” Jack beamed, and their food came not too long after, which smelled so damn good. “Do you want to move over and sit with the kids?”
He didn’t want to—worry about explaining to the girls. “No. Lissa deserves her time. She’s been working her ass off, and she misses her dates with them.”
“Sure. I could just tell you were feeling awkward.” Jack tucked into his food. “But I don’t want to either.”
“It’s a little awkward. I’m feeling weird, but…” He’d missed Jack like a lost limb.
“I know. But I love you so damn much, baby. And I’m willing to work for it. I promise that.” Jack sipped his coffee, watching him over the cup.
“Don’t say things like that. You make me—you make it hard to think.” His cheeks were on fire.
“I like that, though.” Jack watched him eat, looking happy that he was shoveling it in. “That I make you hard.”
He choked on his hashbrowns, and he grabbed his milk, sucking it down.
Jack just sat there, a smug grin on his face, and he checked to make sure the girls weren’t watching. Then he tossed toast at his not-ex.
Jack gasped, eyes going wide. “You just threw food at me!”
“Nope. That was someone else.” He managed to keep a straight face.
“Oh, you are going to pay for toast abuse.” Jack was just snorting.
“Toast abuse? Did you seriously just accuse me of toast abuse?”
They stared at each other, then the laughter started, hard and harsh and real.
And wonderful.
His heart was never going to survive.