Chapter 4 Rafferty
FOUR
RAFFERTY
I tried to tamp down on my worry, but the shocked expression on Elton’s face had my wolf emitting a howl of despair.
Elton blinked and shook his head. “You don’t even know me.”
“My magic does. My wolf does. That's all I need. We were meant to be together. We were meant to be mates.” I set my coffee down on the table where Elton had placed his. I didn't want to crush the cup due to my tension. Showering Elton in hot liquid wouldn’t help my case.
He closed his eyes for a moment, then stared at me again. “You're telling the truth. You want us to be mates.”
“I do.” I was ready to go all in, but Elton wasn’t there yet. I could handle this. “But we can spend some time getting to know each other. You don't have to decide right this second.” My wolf whined, and I sent him reassuring thoughts. Don't worry. He'll choose us. He'll want us.
Elton clasped his hands together in his lap and stared down at them. I cocked my head to get a better look at his face. Were his lips trembling? “What's the matter?” My alpha brain wanted to jump in and fix any problems he might have.
He lifted his head, and his eyes were red as he blinked back tears. He sniffled. “You don't want me for a mate. You’re a pack alpha. You need someone... whole.”
Now it was my turn to gape at him. Before I could ask any questions, though, he jumped up and ran for the door of the coffee shop.
Oh, hell no. He didn’t get to drop that bomb and leave.
My wolf whined for us to follow, but Elton was smaller than me, and I had to maneuver around the chairs and people on my way to the door.
When I got to the sidewalk, he’d almost made it back to the fertility clinic.
He turned up the driveway leading to the parking garage behind the building.
I didn't want to spook him by running, but I needed to catch up to him before he got into his car.
If he drove away, I wouldn't be able to use my nose to find out where he'd gone.
He took the stairs, and I heard the door on the second floor open and close.
I ran up the steps three at a time, and when I emerged, he was struggling to unlock a small, ancient sedan.
He dropped his keys on the ground, then he sank into a crouch, leaned against the car door, and put his hands over his face.
I approached cautiously but didn't try to hide the sound of my footsteps. I went down on one knee a couple of feet away. “Will you please tell me what's wrong?”
He shook his head but didn't respond otherwise.
I frowned. He'd cried at the clinic too. “Why were you donating sperm, Elton?” In most cases, people had happy reasons. “Is it related to whatever’s wrong?”
He dropped his hands from his face and nodded as he wiped his eyes. He sighed. “I might as well tell you. It's not some huge secret.” He picked his keys up and stood.
I got to my feet as well. “Whatever it is, it won't change my mind. You're still the one I want for my mate.”
“You're only saying that because you think you don't have a choice.” His voice was thick with tears. I could smell his despair.
I wanted to hug him badly, but I knew even a small touch would be enough to create a mate connection. As fiercely as we’d resonated when we’d almost touched at the bookstore, any connection we created would be permanent. I wouldn't do that without Elton’s consent.
“Just tell me.”
He crossed his arms and leaned his hip against the car, looking exhausted.
“Three years back I had testicular cancer.
They removed my testicle so it wouldn't spread.
A couple of weeks ago I found a lump in my other ball.
I was at the fertility clinic to bank some sperm in case I want to have kids someday.
I'm having my second testicle removed on Monday.”
I took a half step forward before I remembered I couldn't touch him. My wolf whined. “That must be really scary, Elton. I'm sorry you're having to go through it. But you know a mate bond increases self-healing abilities in magic carriers, right?”
His eyes flew up in alarm, and he raised his hands as if to ward me off. “Whoa. I’m not mating you—or anyone—on the off chance it’ll cure my cancer.”
Shit. “I didn’t mean... well, I guess I did. I’m sorry. I want to help.”
He crossed his arms again. “No help needed. But you see why I'm not fit to be anyone's mate.”
I scoffed. “Because what? You won't have any balls? Elton, I have pack members who’ve lost limbs, and one of my betas only has one eye. Are you saying those people don't deserve to have a mate because they aren't ‘whole’, as you put it?”
“No!” His expression was horrified.
“Do you think because your sex organs are involved, it’ll impact our mating more than what my pack members experience?”
He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. Then he met my gaze again. “No. I know any sort of trauma can have an effect on people's sex lives and relationships. I'm not trying to belittle anyone else's problems.”
I softened. I needed to cut him a break. He obviously hadn't given me a second thought after our interaction at the bookstore the other day, and with good reason. I'd had time to think about pursuing him, and he'd only known of my interest for mere minutes.
I gentled my tone. “I get why you're worried, but this isn’t a deal-breaker for me. I want to be mated to you, but you have other important things in your life to focus on right now. What if we went on some dates?” I held up my hands.
“No touching, just spending time together and getting to know each other. No pressure.” My wolf yipped in agreement, and an odd little smile briefly appeared on Elton’s face before he frowned again.
“Are you sure? There have to be other people out there you’re compatible with.” I could almost hear the unspoken words, who won’t be missing any body parts.
I lifted an eyebrow. “You think I’m going to resonate with someone else as strongly as I resonated with you?
It’ll never happen.” Not to mention, no one else would be as sexy as Elton.
No one else would be Elton. “One date. Give me one date, and at the end you can decide whether you want another one.”
He rubbed his forehead. “Okay. Fine.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” This time the smile stayed.
I beamed at him, happiness and relief fizzing in my chest. My wolf pranced in excitement. “Great! Um, what are you doing for dinner tonight?”
One side of his mouth quirked up even higher. “Not wasting any time, I see.”
I gave him my most rakish grin. “Why wait? I already know I want you, so any time spent apart is a waste.” I switched my expression to the sad puppy dog eyes that had occasionally worked on my mother.
“Plus, my wolf will be whiny and complaining until we see you again, and I'd do a lot to avoid that.”
He chuckled and shook his head. “Tonight’s fine. I didn't have anything planned.”
I checked my watch. It was a little early for dinner, and I wasn't thrilled that we were in two separate cars.
“How about this? What if I follow you back to your place and you can leave your car there.
I'll bring you back home at the end of the night.” My wolf whined but I shushed him. Rushing Elton would only make him run.
He gave me a skeptical look. “I feel like you want to drive so I can't leave.”
I put my hand over my heart. “I swear on my wolf I will take you home the instant you ask.”
He nodded. “Okay, thank you.” We exchanged phone numbers, and he texted me the address of his apartment building and his unit number.
I followed him all the way there without us getting separated by traffic. I'd been willing to let him go up to his apartment alone if he needed a minute to himself, but he invited me up with him. “I just need to feed Gomez.”
“You have a dog?”
“No, I have a cat.”
I hoped the cat liked dogs, or at least dog-like people. We'd never had a cat in the packhouse before.
Elton lived in a second-floor walk-up. The building was old and smelled fairly musty, but the carpet in the hallway didn't have any stains, and none of the neighbors were terribly loud by human standards. “Come on in. I have to warn you, it's not much.” He held the door open for me to go in ahead of him. The place was small, a one bedroom with an open kitchen and living room. The furniture was mismatched and old. Probably thrift store finds, but he’d put some thought into choosing the pieces, as they all worked together. The vibe was comfortable and welcoming. Colorful throw blankets were draped over the drab upholstery of the small couch and single armchair. He didn’t have a dining table, but instead he used the space for a huge antique desk, which would be beautiful if it was stripped and refinished.
Framed photographs, mostly candid shots of people, hung on the walls.
“I like it. It feels homey.”
He eyed me as if trying to evaluate whether I was lying or not. “Thanks. I don't have a lot of spare cash to decorate, what with my schooling and medical bills.” He pointed at the desk. “I found that at a garage sale last month. I’m hoping to put it in my therapy office when I get one.”
I knew better than to touch the topic of his medical expenses. We’d discuss them after he got to know me better. “You’re studying to be a therapist?”
He put his keys on the kitchen table next to a big wooden bowl filled with a bunch of different kinds of balls. “I've finished my classwork, but I’ve still got a couple hundred supervised clinical hours left before I can sit for my license exam.”
“That’s impressive.” I hoped I hadn’t sounded distracted, but I couldn’t make sense of the bowl of balls. There was a baseball, a golf ball, one of those stress balls you squeezed, a Magic 8 Ball, a little crocheted ball, a ball of rubber bands, and more. “Um, what’s with all the balls?”
He laughed. “My brother gave them to me after I had my first testicle removed. He said he didn’t want me to run out of balls.”
I grinned, but he seemed a little melancholy. Then shook himself and looked around the apartment before calling, “Gomez!” The cat did not appear. He shrugged. “He's probably hiding in the bedroom. I don't have a ton of visitors so he can be a little skittish.”
My wolf and I both wanted to ask several questions about what visitors Elton did have, but I hadn't earned that conversation.
He opened a cabinet and pulled out a can of cat food.
Next he got a bowl out of a different cabinet and popped open the lid of the can.
“This’ll bring him running.” He dumped the contents of the can into the bowl and added some water from the sink.
He put it down on a placemat on the floor near the kitchen table, where the cat already had bowls of water and dry kibble.
I heard the brush of fur against the wall, and when I turned my head, a sleek black cat slunk into the room from the bedroom doorway.
He froze, and I stayed still as he examined me.
Dismissing me as a threat, he dashed across the living room before skidding to a stop in front of the bowl of canned food.
The cat stuck his head in the bowl and started practically gulping down the food, only smacking his teeth together occasionally. Purring filled the room.
“Does he always eat like that?”
Elton chuckled as he rinsed out the cat food can. “Only with the wet food. He's not starving, I promise.”
“No, I see he has other food.”
Elton rinsed his hands. “Let me get changed really quick. Are we going anywhere I need to dress up for?”
“No. Casual is fine. I'm not going to change.” If I'd been by myself, I definitely would’ve. Everyone in the pack knew what I'd been doing today, but I didn't necessarily want them to smell it on me. But I wasn't about to leave Elton alone for the time it’d take to shower and change clothes.
He went into the bedroom, and I walked over to look at the balls.
Wolves weren’t dogs. We didn’t play fetch, no matter what jokes some of my pack members made, but balls in general were fun for anyone to play with.
I snickered to myself at my mental innuendo, then winced, thinking of Elton’s impending surgery.
I picked up what I thought was a handball. It had a nice heft to it. I put it back and lifted the Magic 8 Ball. Automatically, I shook it. Might as well ask. Will Elton agree to be my mate?
When I stopped shaking the ball, I held my breath as the answer appeared. Cannot predict now.
Well, shit. My wolf growled in irritation, and I tried to pretend I hadn’t been putting any weight on the outcome. “Shh. It’s just a kid’s toy.”
I turned my attention to the cat, who was finishing his meal.
The purring slowed, and he sat down and washed his face in between covert glances in my direction.
I crouched down and held out my hand. I’d never ask Elton to give up his beloved pet, but it’d be a whole lot easier on our mating if I could make friends with the beast.
He stopped cleaning himself and stared at my outstretched hand. He leaned forward slightly and sniffed the air in my direction.
“Hi, kitty. If you come over here, I’ll pet you.”
His ears twitched back and forth, then he took one step toward me. Elton chose that moment to come out of the bedroom, and the cat raced away, disappearing under the couch.
“Did Gomez let you pet him?” His tone was slightly incredulous.
“No.” I stood up and turned around, smiling in appreciation of Elton’s trim form in well-worn jeans that hugged his thighs and a blue long-sleeved t-shirt that brought out the color of his eyes. “But some things are worth the wait.”