Chapter 5 Jace
FIVE
JACE
I can’t believe Mom sent Lannie to check on me. If she’d just asked—what would I have said?
I’m fine, Mom. Still hopelessly crushing on Lannie but desperately trying to get over him. And you sending him here—looking gorgeous and concerned—isn’t helping.
I need to be strong. Tell Lannie I’m fine and send him away. Not an easy task since he witnessed me getting epically dumped.
But this is Lannie. The guy who talked me out of my funk when I got a three on my music solo at State.
The guy who encouraged me to come out to my family.
Telling me it was important. And that my parents would never desert me, not like—and his words had trailed off.
Why am I remembering this now? Focus, brain.
I can do this. Fake being okay. I’ve been hiding my feelings for Lannie for years.
My apartment is empty when I get there. Nikki is still out with her boyfriend and will probably be gone all weekend.
That gives me plenty of time to send Lannie back to Willow Springs and spend the rest of the time moping that he’s gone.
If I get tired of that, I have an e-con paper and statistics homework waiting for me.
After checking the refrigerator to make sure Nikki didn’t eat all the mint chocolate-chip ice cream, I race to clean the apartment. Not that it’s dirty, but the trash needs to go out and there are dishes in the sink.
I pick up the dirty clothes on my bedroom floor and the dishes on my nightstand from eating ice cream and binging Stranger Things. Not that I needed to clean my room. Lannie—but I can’t even think about Lannie in my room, so I focus on cleaning the bathroom instead.
Great. Now I smell like lemon cleaner.
A knock at the door sends my heart into overdrive. I shake out my hands and take deep breaths until I reach the door. Should I smile or—
Knock knock.
Shit. I pull the door open. Lannie smiles. And it’s full of regret and pity, and is that hope? Breathing becomes difficult and my eyes sting. It’s too much. I shut the door on his way-too-handsome face.
“Jace?”
Pressing my palms into my eyes, I let out a string of curse words my mom would not approve of.
“I’m sorry,” Lannie says through the door, loud enough for my neighbors to hear. “I wasn’t thinking—”
I jerk the door open again. “Get in here.”
He stares at me with wide eyes, but my growl of frustration gets him moving. Once inside, he does his opossum imitation again. I walk past him into the living room.
“I’d offer you a drink, but you’re not staying that long.” Boundaries: check.
“Um…okay. I’m sorry—”
“You’ve said that.” I cross my arms to keep from touching him. Lannie gives the best hugs. But I’m not a kid anymore. “Use your time wisely, Lannie.”
He tilts his head like a lost puppy. “You’re angry.”
“Uuuuuu.” I give him the buzzer sound we use on game night. “Stating the obvious. Clear waste of time.”
He bites back a smile, and it’s almost my undoing. “I’ve never seen you angry. Not at me.”
A harsh laugh escapes me. “Then you haven’t been paying attention. Remember the time you shot the moon in Rook?”
This time, the full Lannie smile slips out. The one that turns my insides to goo. “We won that game.”
I fight back the memories of that night. We rarely beat my parents, but that night, because of Lannie’s reckless bid and my skill at Rook, we did it. Take a chance for once in your life, Jace. Those words had tormented me. But not as much as the ones he said after we won.
Best partner ever.
I resist the urge to brush his bangs out of his eyes. He’s like a lost puppy, so eager to please. Clinging to my anger, I catch his gaze. “Why are you here, Lannie?”
He chews his bottom lip. “You haven’t been home in a while. So when your mom asked me to check on you…” He shrugs. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I ignore the hope flickering in my chest, gasping for any scrap of oxygen to survive. “You drove four hours and several hundred miles just to check on me?”
As he pulls up the sleeves of his gray Henley, he gives me a shy smile that wreaks havoc on my heart. “I’ve been at the Denshaw Bird Sanctuary. I picked up some ideas on how to improve our aviary at the zoo.”
“Oh my gosh, Lannie. That’s so great.” In my excitement, I grab his arm. Huge mistake. I drop my hand, but the feel of firm muscle lingers.
His grin widens. “See, you get it! Alicia never did—” He shakes his head. “Forget I said that. Thanks, Jace.”
It’s been five years. I should be over this crush instead of soaking in every fond look. Every smile. The man is beautiful inside and out.
And then my brain catches up. He’s not here for me. He’s here for work. “Well, thanks for checking on me. You’ve done your duty. You can go back and tell Mom I’m fine.”
“Are you fine?”
I lift my chin, trying to keep it together. “Yup. Totally fine. Great, in fact.”
His eyes narrow. “That guy was an asshole.”
Lannie rarely curses, so his words catch me off guard. “He’s got his reasons.”
“Don’t excuse him. Breaking up with you at a restaurant? Dick move.”
I stare at him, storing away his outrage on my behalf. Because as much as I want to get over him, I’m weak as fuck. “That’s my problem, I guess. Dating the wrong guys.” And then I break down and cry.
I’m not openly sobbing or anything, but a few mortifying tears slip out.
Lannie moves, and I stop his progress with a look. If he hugs me, it’s over. He swallows. “So you’re fine then?”
I laugh, and it releases some of the tension in my chest. Lannie could always make me laugh. “I’m just…” Am I really going to confide in him? “Dating is hard. I’ve tried, Lannie. But I always end up picking jerks. Maybe I should just give up. Become a monk.”
“Nah,” he says with a small grin. “You’re not really good at staying quiet.”
Then we’re both laughing, and I wipe my tears away. “I thought you were here to help.”
“I am—” His face lights up. “I know, I can help you find a guy.”
I choke out a laugh and stare at him. “You’re going to help me find a guy?” At his nod, I shake my head. “How many guys have you dated, Lannie?”
He shrugs. “None. But I study animals and their mating rituals for a living. I can spot asshole behavior from a mile away.”
I don’t say anything because obviously that skill didn’t cross over to women. And maybe that’s unfair. I didn’t really know Alicia.
But after avoiding him for the last few years with zero results, I’m not giving up an opportunity for more time with Lannie.
“Fine,” I say with a quick grin. “But I hope you’re better at men than you are at cards.”