Chapter 8 Lannie
EIGHT
LANNIE
As Sting drones on about breathing and watching, I try to get myself together. Remember the plan, Lannie. Help Jace gain confidence so he can find someone.
But is that the plan? I wanted to beat up every guy who flirted with him at the bar. Was that me being overprotective?
Or jealous.
Jace slides a hand under my shirt, and as much as I want his hands all over me, this isn’t right. I’m being selfish. I capture his hands and his eyes dart to my face. He blinks away the flash of hurt and laughs. “Right. Sorry.”
I could say it’s practice. But it’s not. I like kissing Jace. I want him to touch me, but that’s not fair to him.
“Is this the I’m-straight freakout, Lannie? If so, let’s get it over with.” He moves to the other side of the couch. Away from me. But still within touching distance.
“You’re angry.” I watch his face for further clues. “It’s becoming a thing.”
He snorts at my words and places his hands behind his head, stretching his elbows out. “Yeah, well, not really angry at you. This is all my fault.”
“Not sure I agree with that.” I sit and take a sip of my tea. It’s cold. How long were we kissing? Not long enough. I ignore my body and nod at Jace. “But go on. You’re very good at making your point.”
“Okay, fine.” He jumps up from his seat. “You want the facts?” He walks a few steps and turns back. “You kissed me to help me ‘practice,’” he says, using air quotes for emphasis.
“That’s correct.” Mostly.
He paces some more, tugging at his hair, and turns back. “But you agreed to it without having all the facts.”
“What facts, Jace?”
But he’s so focused on whatever is going on in his head, I’m not sure he heard me.
“And you’re straight,” he says, and it sounds like an accusation.
I’ve had enough. I move from the couch and grab his arm as he paces past me. “Stop, Jace.”
“What?” His eyes flash with anger. It’s most likely directed at himself, so I keep going.
“You might want to check your facts. We did a lot of kissing. I’m pretty sure that’s not straight-guy behavior.”
He gives me a confused look. And I get it. I’m pretty confused myself. “You’re not straight?”
“Honestly? I’m not sure anymore. I thought I was, but—” I stop and rake my hand through my hair. Should I admit this? “I like kissing you, Jace. I want more kissing if I’m being honest. So obviously I’m not as straight as I thought.”
He chews on his bottom lip. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I’m surprised, but…” I shrug. “It’s not a big deal. It’s not unusual to find it in most species—and we’re part of the animal kingdom—so it’s nothing to freak out over.”
His mouth opens and shuts again. I try not to focus on his lips and on kissing him again, but it’s difficult when that’s all I want. He lets out a sound of frustration, and it helps me focus on his words. “Then what’s the problem? Why don’t you want me to touch you?”
I’m torn between holding him and reassuring him or kissing him until that doubt leaves his eyes. Or the third option. Walking away while I can. “It’s not a matter of what I want. There are seven years between us.”
“So?”
“I’ll be thirty next year.”
“That’s a lame argument, and you know it.”
“You’re young, Jace—”
“Uuuuuu.”
I ignore his attempt to use the buzzer. “You’re going to meet so many guys.”
“Uuuuuu.” This time it’s louder.
“Jace.” I reach for him, but he turns away. “I can’t be you’re first…love.”
He mumbles something that sounds like too late. Then he turns back and stands straighter. Ready for battle.
Shit.
“You were okay with teaching me stuff before. What changed?”
I shake my head. Not sure how to answer. I changed. My realization that I want Jace. And I want more than just a make-out session…or even sex. I care about him. But that’s not really the point. “We can’t be together, Jace. Not like you want.”
“How do you know what I want?”
It’s a fair question. I knew about his crush when he was seventeen—he wasn’t able to hide it. But I thought he was over it. Now, I’m not so sure. “What do you want, Jace?”
He crosses his arms. “I don’t want to feel clueless every time I go on a date. I want to try stuff with someone I trust. Someone who won’t hurt me.”
Direct hit. I rub my chest.
“You said you’d help me, Lannie. And now you’re backing out. You told me to go for what I want. To take a chance.”
He’s twisting my words. But Jace has never fought fair.
“Okay.”
He studies me with suspicious eyes. “Okay, what?”
“I’ll help you. But—” I hold up a hand. “I think you should practice the skills you’ve learned before trying anything new.”
“Sounds good to me.” He stares at my mouth, and all I want is to kiss him again. But Jace isn’t mine. He has a life in front of him. One without me.
“I mean, at a bar.”
He gives me an incredulous look. “You want me to kiss other guys?”
“No.” I’m surprised at the intensity of my feelings. “I want you to flirt with other guys. Use this newfound confidence. And then if you find someone you want to kiss…go for it.”
He sighs as if I’m being ridiculous and then shrugs. “Sure. Why not.”
And those three words knock the air out of my lungs. I’m telling him to go. But the thought of some other guy kissing him, touching him—I shut it all down. This is the best thing for Jace.
He grabs his keys and walks to the door. This feels like a trick, but I follow him. When he gets to the door, he turns abruptly, almost bumping into me. “Sorry. I forgot something.”
“You’re wallet?”
“No,” he says, grabbing my shirt. “I forgot…I already have the person I want to kiss.”
He grips my face and kisses me, using every single thing I taught him against me.
“I’m going to touch you now, Lannie. Stop me if I’m doing it wrong.” And then he does. Starting over my clothes, he touches my arms. My back. My chest. And then his hands slip under my shirt, burning a path over my skin. “Please touch me.”
My resolve crumbles. I pull his body against mine and kiss him like a starving man. I’m on fire. I’ve never wanted someone so much. I turn off my thoughts. Wrapping one arm around him, I press our bodies together, using my free hand to squeeze his ass.
He moans, and nothing else matters but making Jace feel good. Wiping away his doubts and the touch of every other man. Showing him how good it can be.
He’s so beautiful. The light in his eyes. The strong column of his neck. I suck on a spot below his ear, careful not to leave a mark. I kiss along the line of freckles on his shoulder as he clutches my back and thrusts against me.
“Lannie,” he gasps and pushes against my chest. “Stop.”
His words drench me like the hose from the first time we met. Shit. I got carried away. “I’m so sorry, Jace.”
“God, I hope not.” He takes several breaths. “I’m not upset. I’m just having a moment.” He waves to his lower half.
I laugh, finally getting it and so damned relieved.
His grin slips out. “Let’s go to my room, Lannie. I need more practice with fewer clothes.”