Chapter 5
Candy
Last night I stepped outside of my comfort zone and paid for it by throwing up on the sexy, hot guy who seemed to like me.
One night of being the girl who has fun, the girl having the moment, and look what happened.
So when I snuck out of the Sheriff's office this morning I was swearing to myself that I would just play my role. The girl on the sidelines. It’s always worked for me.
It’s always made me happy. It’s my half full glass.
But one look at Jackson and I’m throwing it all out the window. When he looks at me it makes my knees go weak. I feel giddy and girly and beautiful. Jackson makes me want to be that girl. The girl that gets kissed. The girl who is loved. The girl who is not alone.
It’s all I could think about as I set up my coffee trailer. Tired, hungover and my mind spinning with thoughts of Jackson.
It’s lunchtime and most people are settling down to eat something more substantial than cookies and cakes. There is no harm in having a little break and my hangover could do with a walk and some fresh air.
The wind is picking up and some dark clouds are moving in, but everybody seems so happy and festive. A temporary ice-rink has been set up, there is a kid’s Christmas craft area, so many stalls and a choir singing Christmas carols.
Jackson shakes his head. “This is usually a quiet little town, I don’t know where all these people come from.”
I laugh, “You don’t think it’s amazing that so many people come together to celebrate and enjoy Christmas?”
“Half the people are just here to spend money. And the other half are here to make money off those people.”
I shake my head, “That is such a grump view of things. Look at that craft stall over there with ornaments made from pine cones. I bet that lady loves making those and this is one of her only opportunities to show off her skills. Or the Christmas village, all of those little houses all lit up and bringing people so much joy. They aren’t even charging for that. ”
“What about you? With your coffee and your cookies? Isn’t this just an opportunity to make money?”
I laugh. “You aren’t going to believe me but I see it as so much more than that.
First off, I love baking. But also I get to bring people joy.
The kids that can’t decide if they want a pink reindeer cookie or a sparkle cup cake.
The husband who buys his wife a heart shaped cookie to say he loves her.
The sisters who share a Christmas tree cookie. I get to be a part of all of that.”
I look up to see Jackson looking at me thoughtfully. “You live your life on the sidelines?”
I smile and nod. Usually I’m happy about my lot in life, but walking with Jackson, I can’t help but feel a little touch of sadness.
What I wouldn’t give to have him put his arm around me as we look into each other’s eyes and smile. For him to buy me an ornament to hang on the tree, just because he loves me. To be in the moment instead of outside looking in.
I give myself a little mental shake as we head back towards my trailer.
He probably thinks I’m nuts. Probably feels obliged to check on me today because I was sick last night.
And then there was that. People don’t get their perfect ever afters when they throw up on the guy.
But just for a little moment, I allow myself to wish that things could be different.
Back at my trailer Jackson asks for a tour inside. It’s a small space. Dark after being outdoors and with the window shut. Nervously I point out the coffee machine, the storage, the sink, even the cupboard with my cleaning equipment.
Turning around I am caught by the look in Jackson’s eyes. Heat. Hunger. He moves closer in the already small space. And then, lowering his head, his lips touch mine. Just a touch. But within moments we are consumed with hunger and passion. Gripping at each other. Kissing deeply, hearts racing.
He turns us around. Pushing me up against the door. I feel the earth move. Lost in his kiss.
Shit. No.
The trailer has tipped.
We hold each other and laugh. Talk about a powerful kiss.
“Are you okay?” He asks.
I put my hand on his chest, feeling the hard muscles beneath the soft cotton of his shirt.
“I must have forgotten to lock the legs on the trailer.”
His arms wrapped around me, he asks. “When we get out of here, what if you closed up early for the day?”
I’m so tempted. But I need to think. I’ve never hooked up with anybody on the road.
But Jackson is so tempting. So strong. And when he looks at me I feel special.
Wanted. It’s everything I have ever dreamt of.
But I’m not the girl who gets the guy. I’m a virgin in my twenties!
I’m chubby. I don’t make a lot of money or have much of a family.
I put on a happy face and I cling to my glass half full mantra.
It’s how I can find joy in the little things and can be truly happy.
And then here is Jackson. Strong, sexy, has his life together and set my blood on fire. But if I give into this and it fails, can I ever go back to being a glass half full kind of girl? I need to think and I can’t close up just because the sexy hot Sheriff who kisses like magic, asks me to.