Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
With Christmas a few days away, it was hard to round up Finlay’s usual group of friends, and Eloise couldn’t get a sitter, so it wound up being just her and Ava.
But it turned out okay because Blue Fire had shown up for a surprise show, and they happened to be one of Molly’s favorite bands.
“I can’t believe this is happening.” Her new friend ogled the lead singer of the band. “I’ve probably seen them ten times. Slater Vaughn is so hot.”
“And extremely taken.” Ava gave a chin nod to his wife, who was hanging out at the bar.
Apparently, the band was recording at Gigi Cavanaugh’s studio and decided to do an impromptu gig at Wild Billy’s. The place was packed, the dance floor full, and the crowd was going wild for the indie/rock music.
Word had spread quickly about the surprise concert, so Gunnar had called in all his servers.
At first, she’d been happy to see Jude, but it didn’t take long for women to start hitting on him.
So, that’s fun. If she didn’t want to get to know Molly, she’d go home and relieve Wyatt from babysitting duty.
She didn’t need to reenact her childhood.
Molly leaned across the table. “I’m confused. Are you and Jude engaged or married? Because he called you his wife.”
“He what?” Ava practically jumped out of her chair. “His wife?”
“Engaged.” She didn’t want to lie to her new friend, but Cody’s well-being was at stake. When this whole situation was resolved, she’d tell her the truth.
“Well, that’s sweet, then. He already feels married to you.” Molly took a sip of her drink. “Is his dad’s name Billy?”
“No, it’s Gunnar,” Finlay said. “Why?”
“This place is called Wild Billy’s. Who’d he name it after? A grandfather or something?”
Finlay laughed. “You know what? I have no idea. This place has always been a bar, but when Gunnar bought it, he renamed it Wild Billy’s. I’ll have to ask him about it.” Her gaze wandered back to Jude. He was talking to the same woman who’d been hanging around for the past ten minutes.
Flirting came with the job of bartender—she got that—but watching it happen was a special kind of torture.
She’d felt it as a kid, sure. But now that she’d actually slept with him, it was like a thousand pinpricks to her heart.
And mostly, it made her consider the obvious: We’re living together, we’re having sex… but what are we?
He’s into me, I know that.
But what does it mean?
They assigned different values to sex. For her, it meant commitment. But what did it mean for a man who’d never been in a relationship before?
Keep your hands off my wife.
A shudder ran through her. She’d liked that a lot. He’d been so threatening. So possessive.
When she glanced over at him again, he was gone.
She sat up straighter, scanning the room, and found him walking off with the smoking-hot blonde.
Where’s he going? He followed the woman to a table on the edge of the dance floor and waited while she grabbed her purse and said goodbye to her friends.
Then the two of them headed out together.
When the pretty blonde cast a look at him over her shoulder, she had a flirty, sparkling smile.
Jealousy twisted through her, hot as a poker.
She didn’t think for one second he’d hook up with a woman while they were fake engaged, and while she was sitting right there in his bar. Besides, he’d made his feelings clear about her. She knew she had nothing to worry about.
Then please explain why my stomach’s in a knot, and I want to cry?
Okay, this is ridiculous. She needed a minute to pull herself together. “Hey, I’ll be right back, okay?”
They broke from their conversation to eye her questioningly.
She forced a smile. “Just have to go to the bathroom.” She tried to act nonchalant, but her muscles had gone tight, and her movements were jerky and awkward. Dodging servers and squeezing between chairs, she made her way around the dance floor. She just—God—she just needed space.
It was just so familiar. All through high school, she’d had to watch girls pass him notes, meet him under the bleachers, have sex with him in their cars.
I know it’s not high school. I know that.
But I’m just so emotionally invested in this man.
I want him so much.
She ducked into the bathroom and stood at the sink. Her cheeks were flushed, her pupils dilated.
It’s all right.
Everything’s fine.
The door opened, and two women entered, laughing.
She didn’t want to see anyone right then, so she slipped into a stall.
In the small, enclosed space, she released a tight breath.
Maybe her reaction wasn’t about him sleeping with someone tonight or next week.
Maybe it was because she knew, deep down, she couldn’t keep him.
He didn’t want a home, a family, a dog, a lawn mower, and one vacation a year. It wasn’t his thing.
Sure, he had Cody, but that didn’t mean he had to live in suburbia and shop at membership warehouse clubs. He didn’t have to host barbecues in the backyard. He was the type of man who invented his life.
While I have a playbook.
Yeah, but you’re throwing it away, remember?
Am I, though? She might toss out the vision board, but she still wanted that life. She wanted to host Super Bowl parties and spend her weekends watching her kids play soccer and learn piano.
Mostly, she loved Calamity and wanted to stay here. She had zero interest in wandering the country. She wanted roots.
Then, there you go. That’s that.
You like him, but you might not be compatible.
But when the panic over losing him kicked up again, she decided to give herself a gift.
You can be with him for five more weeks.
Just enjoy this time with him. Because, realistically, she’d just walked away from her wedding. She wasn’t ready for a relationship, either.
Okay, there you go.
She couldn’t say she felt a whole lot better, but she needed to get back out there and spend time with her friends.
You can crash out later tonight.
Leaving the stall, she washed her hands, ran a finger under each eye to clean up the mascara smudges, and then left. When she stepped out, she slammed right into a wall of heat and muscle.
Jude grabbed her arms. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” She averted her gaze. “I just went to the bathroom.”
“Bullshit.” He shook his head. “You ran like the building was on fire. Now, what happened?” A man moved past them to get to the men’s room, and Jude pulled her farther down the hallway.
“Nothing. Excuse me.” She tried to slide around him, but he blocked her way. “I have to get back to my table.”
“Cool. Soon as you talk to me, you can do that.”
“Jude—” What was the point of pretending? This man could read her like no one else. “Fine. I spent the whole night watching women flirt with you, and then, you left with a beautiful blonde—”
“You mean Kelsey?”
“Well, I don’t know her name.”
“So what, you think I had a quickie in the parking lot?”
“No.” It did sound ridiculous. “That’s not the point.”
“Some tourist asshole was getting aggressive with her, and she asked me to walk her to her car.”
“That was nice of you. And that’s, you know, I’m sure part of your job. I just…I think we shouldn’t have sex anymore.” Yes, that’s good. That’s the point.
Wait, no. I want sex with him.
Didn’t I just give myself permission to do it for five more weeks?
No. She shook her head. “I can’t do it. I’m just not cut out for it.”
His eyes flared, and his features tightened. “For sex?”
“No, I like sex. I like it with you. But…”
“But women are going to ask me to walk them to their cars, and I won’t be able to keep from fucking them in their back seats?
” He took a step back, folding his arms across his chest. “My bare white ass pumping for everyone in the parking lot to see?” He pressed his lips together in a look of feigned concern.
“My dad wants to hand the bar over to me. He’s gonna be pissed. ”
“No, it’s not that. I trust you. I really do. It’s more about me.” She pulled him to the end of the hallway. “It’s been a wild week, and my emotions are all over the place. And when I saw all those women flirting with you, it just sent me spiraling.”
“Because?”
“Because I’m a forever girl, Jude.” It was a relief to say it out loud.
“I’ve only ever dated with a purpose. Right now, I’m living with the boy I had a crush on in high school, and I’m getting to know the man who’s so much better in real life than my fantasies, and I know it might not go anywhere. We want different things, and—”
“You’re scared.”
“I’m terrified.” She let out a breath.
“You done now?”
She nodded, still unsettled.
“I can’t make any promises. I don’t know if the judge will even consider my adoption request. You left a wedding a week ago, and I don’t know where your head is at.”
That was fair.
“But if you think, after I finally got you into my bed, that I’d even look at another woman, you’re out of your mind. You know why I came to the village back in high school? Because you were my peace. My quiet place. There was nowhere I’d rather be than with you.”
“I felt the same way.”
“I rubbed myself raw fantasizing about you. And now that I know what it’s like to touch you, to watch you fall apart under my tongue, no one—do you hear me, Fee? No one exists outside of you. That’s the only thing I’m 100 percent certain about.”
She believed him so thoroughly that she flung herself into his arms. He got a fistful of her hair and yanked her head back, planting a kiss on her mouth and stealing the breath from her lungs.
He kissed her mercilessly, almost as if punishing her for doubting him.
His big hands gripped her bottom and lifted her off the floor.
As he carried her into a dark cove, her ankles locked around his waist. Pressing her against the wall, he devoured her while grinding his hard erection against her core.
His hunger enflamed her. She needed more.
Needed to rip off his clothes and feel his hot skin against hers.
She was going to die if she didn’t get his mouth and hands on her.
His familiar scent of clean clothes, pine, and woodsmoke ignited all her senses.
The throbbing between her legs demanded relief.
“Jude.” She sounded desperate, breathy. “I have to…God.”
He set her down, unzipped her jeans, and yanked them to her ankles. Spinning her around, he set her hands on the wall.
A shiver of delicious naughtiness sizzled through her. “Someone will see us.”
“You want me to stop?”
“No.” It was so wrong. She would never do something like this. She lowered her head to hide her smile.
He smacked her ass. “You gonna be bad for me?” His cock pushed into her opening, teasing.
A frenzy of need made it impossible to answer. All she could do was jut her ass out. She needed more. She needed him all the way inside.
“Yeah. That’s my girl.”
With the combination of sounds from a wrapper tearing, the wail of guitars from the music, and the thump of bass and drums, anticipation built to an unbearable crescendo.
Finally, he gripped her hips and, with a punch of his hips, plunged inside.
A sizzle exploded in her core and spread like a flashfire to the tips of her fingers and soles of her feet.
He pounded into her recklessly, desperately. Leaning forward, he cupped her breasts, squeezing them in his big hands. He reached between her legs to stroke her sensitive bud.
He was everywhere. His scent, his hands, his mouth, his teeth biting her shoulder. From deep within her body, the roar began, rising in intensity, churning and spinning desire into a lust so intense, she had to curl her toes and fingers to keep herself grounded.
Heat exploded, as she came in a rush so blinding, so shattering, her knees buckled. With a hand on her pelvis to hold her up, he slammed up against her, punching his hips in short, ferocious bursts.
Finally, he pulled out and turned her around, enfolding her in his arms. “Never doubt me again.” He kissed her mouth. “No one will ever compare to you.”