Thirteen
She couldn’t call him a unicorn because, let’s face it, unicorns were majestic and pretty. Will was neither of those things. He was rugged, in a refined sort of way. Sexy, handsome, and kind. Genuine and funny. He’d kissed the life back into her, walked her to her car, and made plans with her for the weekend.
He wasn’t pretty but he might just be a unicorn. Lexi’s body still buzzed like it was infused with static electricity. She couldn’t imagine what it would be like if they actually slept together. Which she definitely wanted to do. Maybe should have suggested it for tonight. If they made it physical, maybe she could focus on that piece and lock down the pesky emotions wanting to surface. She could do this. Date him, have some fun, and put her life back together. As she drove, she passed her old high school track. Without meaning to, she pulled over, got out of the car. Walking onto the grassy hill, she stood there staring down at the ovals that had once ruled her life. Determined it. Shaped it. Defined it.
She sat on the grass, thinking about where she thought she’d be right now. Twenty-five, almost twenty-six, she never thought she’d be living at home. Though the strange thing was, if her dad hadn’t died, she wouldn’t have found out about his debt, wouldn’t have been able to save the house. At this point, she wasn’t sure it was a good thing she had. But her mom loved the connection to him.
Lexi pictured herself running this track, hanging out on the bleachers with friends, amping some up, talking others down. A smile ghosted her lips. She’d had a race the weekend her dad died. Obviously, she never ran it but she didn’t realize until this moment that she hadn’t run since. Will was the first thing to make her feel alive since she’d given up running, something she hadn’t really intended to do. Lexi stood up, brushed off her butt, and walked back to her car. As she drove, she reminded herself that Will wouldn’t always be there. But running could be. And tomorrow morning, she was going to let it back into her life.
Charged with pent-up energy from Will, gratitude for her friend, and worry for her mom—she definitely shouldn’t tell her about the engagement but she’d be happy Lexi had a “boyfriend”—her body and brain felt like they were spinning in two different directions. Her phone buzzed with incoming texts but she ignored them, too antsy to focus. Letting herself into the house, she forced deep, slow breaths. Maisie would see through her in seconds, but Lexi wanted to at least attempt the appearance of chill.
When she arrived at the top of the stairs, the first thing she saw was her mom curled up, as usual, in the dark-gray recliner they’d had as long as Lexi could remember. A worn but cozy flannel throw was tucked around her lower half. Alexa Martin’s Better Than Fiction was open on her chest, the back flap fluttering with Gwen’s exhales.
“Hey,” Maisie said, coming in from the kitchen with a mug between her palms.
“Hey, yourself. Thank you for this.” Lexi wasn’t sure why but a small part of her felt like crying. Her eyes even watered.
“How was it?”
Gwen stirred so Lexi took the book, set a bookmark in it, and put it on the side table. When she turned back, Maisie was grinning like an overeager kid. Lexi was pretty sure that if her friend weren’t holding a hot drink, she’d be bouncing.
“Was it good? Was it amazing? Did your bones melt? When’s the wedding?”
A laugh-snort escaped Lexi as she walked past her friend to the kitchen. “We didn’t do anything. Well, we kissed.” Damn, they’d kissed. That alone was better than anything she’d experienced in years.
The water was still warm in the kettle so Lexi thought about the details of her evening while she made herself a cup of decaf tea.
“Start with the good stuff,” Maisie said when Lexi was quiet.
“He wants to date me so he doesn’t think there’s any point in refuting the engagement. In fact, he said it’ll keep his family from bugging him.” She turned, leaned against the counter, smiling when she saw Maisie eyeing her expectantly. “The kissing. Good God, I felt like I could combust from that alone. Kissing him is better than anything I’ve ever experienced. He wants to go out this weekend. I honestly don’t know if I can handle more.” But I want to.
Maisie waggled her eyebrows. “Oh, you can handle it. I love that he’s pushing you out of your little scaredy-pants cave.”
“Hey!” Lexi turned back, added an extra helping of sugar to her mug.
“Hey, nothing. Excuses are fine if the guy isn’t worth it but your fiancé sounds amazing. Completely worth it.”
Lexi shushed her friend, turning to make sure her mother was still asleep. The engagement shouldn’t impact anything in her life. Her mother didn’t go online for any reason other than to order books and was unlikely to find out. Why complicate things further?
Her phone buzzed again with an incoming text and like her heart was already trained to respond, it squeezed tightly at the thought of it being Will.
“Is it him?” Maisie tried to peek as soon as Lexi pulled her phone from her pocket.
Lexi laughed. They were older but maybe there were still pieces of high school girls inside of them. Which could explain why she sighed in disappointment when it turned out to be Brett asking if she could pick up an extra shift the following week. She also noted Jackie and Becca had started a group chat, insisting the three of them needed to get together again soon and asking if she was having an engagement party and wasn’t it just fate and good luck that had them all together again?
Lexi typed out a quick “let me check my schedule” that she hoped would suffice for her friends. Then she said yes to Brett and slipped her phone back in her pocket.
She settled into the stool beside her friend, who had already sat, with her tea. “I really like him, Maisie. His family isn’t happy about things but he doesn’t seem to mind that. His best friend is a cutie. You should see his pub. We’ll have to go sometime.”
Maisie nudged Lexi’s shoulder with her own. “We will. How cute are we talking?”
Lexi laughed. “Let’s not complicate this further. I should have walked away. My first interaction with Will was a disaster, so we’re starting from a foundation of misunderstandings. I’ve got another paper due in three days that I haven’t started, I’m not getting better at waitressing, I’m so tired of working at the Dress Hut. I’m tired of this house, of running on empty.” She heaved out a large sigh, exhausted by herself and her list of complaints.
Maisie put a hand on Lexi’s back, rubbing slow, soothing circles. Lexi had to stop herself from purring like a cat. “You need something stronger than tea. Like an entire night with Will. Like you said, it won’t impact you much except you’ll be dating a gorgeous, funny man, getting out of this house a bit. Maybe it’ll remind you that you’re young and deserve good things. I know you’re tired but it’s because you’re so close to the finish line.”
Dig deeper.
“I know you’re already busy but I could use a hand with a job this weekend. Just for a few hours. It’s an engagement shoot out by Lake Union. I’ll pay you what I’d pay my assistant, and that combined with the tools should cover the rest of your tuition.”
Lexi picked up her tea. “I don’t want you paying for my stuff.”
“Don’t be an idiot, Lexi. I’m paying you to do a job I pay someone to do. I need help; you need money.”
She had considered a third job. She was being silly. Her friend wasn’t giving her charity and so what if she needed a little help? That’s what she told herself, but it still made her feel heavy.
“Can you pay me in advance?”
Maisie laughed. “You’re doing better than you think. You won’t work at either of those jobs forever. I know you’re tired. Give yourself this. You like him. You know he likes you. See where it goes.”
Setting her tea down, she leaned her head on Maisie’s shoulder. “Sorry. You’re a good friend.”
“I know. So I’m going to add a little more happiness to your day.”
Lexi lifted her head. “What is it?”
“Gwen is really talented.”
Lexi smiled, gave a half laugh. “She’s getting really good at the figures and the scenes, isn’t she? When I’m restless, I go in there and stare at them.”
Maisie nodded, her smile widening. “So good I’d like to hire her to create a cake topper for one of my clients. She was talking about not being able to find exactly what she wants.”
A strange sense of pride and a small kernel of hope stirred inside of Lexi. “Really?”
“Really. Gwen’s got a great eye and her details are exquisite. When I brought it up, she seemed really excited. She started throwing out ideas, almost talking to herself like she could see it in her head.”
The thought made Lexi happy.
“It’d be good for both of you to have more to look forward to. To see outside of this grief funnel she’s in.”
Nodding, Lexi stared at the wall. Grief funnel. That was a good term for it. “I’m going to go for a run tomorrow. Maybe I’ll see if she’ll go for a walk.”
“I talked to her about counseling too.”
Lexi sucked in a sharp breath. When she brought up counseling, Gwen’s body went rigid and she typically walked out of the room. According to her mom, talking to someone wouldn’t fix a broken heart.
“When I bring up therapy, she says she’s not crazy, just broken.”
“Therapy is for everyone. Broken, glued back together, sagging in the middle, whatever. Your mom used to love socializing. She’s a people person at heart. More than you are.” Maisie poked her in the ribs and Lexi knew she was aiming to lighten the mood.
A little prickle of pain rippled through Lexi’s heart. “She was. Now I can barely get her to go to the grocery store.” Swallowing down her sadness, she gave her friend the truth. “I can’t afford therapy for her.”
Maisie gave her a soft smile, hopped off her stool, and disappeared, only to return a minute later with a brochure. “One of my new clients is hosting a grand opening for her clinic. I did all the photos for the brochures and the interior. She’s a therapist and they have all these programs for people in need. As a widow, your mom counts and can have access to a few sessions on her own before they recommend free group sessions in the community.”
Lexi took the pamphlet, opened it. Her mom had sunk into a deep depression after her dad died. She’d come out of it bit by painstakingly slow bit. But she’d never fully recovered. How did anyone when they’d lost a piece of themselves? Lexi loved her dad and missed him every day but her mom and dad were more than a married couple. They were soul mates. Best friends. Each other’s everything. And when you lost everything , what were you left with?
“Thanks,” Lexi said, closing the pamphlet, a lump forming in her throat.
“It’s worth a try.”
The words echoed in Lexi’s ears, seeming to resonate over every aspect of her life right now. Worth trying.
“Tell me more about your man. I should do engagement photos. His family will likely expect it.”
Lexi slid off her stool, picked up their cups. “No thank you. He’s not my man. Definitely no photos.”
“If you attend events with him, people will photograph you.”
She considered that. “That’s different than setting up photos. How about I go on another date with him and see if there’s really something there and not just a bunch of lust wrapped up in misunderstandings?”
Maisie bit her lip, and Lexi could see she was measuring her words.
“I think you’re more like your mom than you want to be,” Maisie said quietly.
Lexi’s hand froze on the dishwasher handle. “How do you mean?”
“Aside from the obvious stubbornness, you’re a romantic at heart. You don’t want to be. You’ll fight it with everything in you, but the reason Will scares you so much is because you know you could fall the way your parents did. You have so much love to give and you’re so afraid to let it go. To not get it in return.”
Lexi covered her emotions by focusing on her task and avoiding eye contact. “Maybe you should be my mom’s therapist.”
“Nah. I’m too busy with you.”
After a few more minutes of chatting, Lexi walked her friend to the door, hugged her hard, and said good night.
Upstairs, she pulled the blanket from her mom, nudged her awake softly.
As her eyelids fluttered open, Gwen’s soft, sleepy smile faded.
“Hey, Mom,” Lexi whispered.
“Hi, honey.” Gwen sat up. “Did you have a good night?”
“I really did. He’s really nice. He’s funny and smart.”
Gwen’s smile turned genuine, no hint of shadows in her gaze. “Someone’s got a crush.”
As much as it pained her to admit it, Lexi nodded.
Gwen clasped her hands together against her chest. “Oh, that’s the very best part. The beginning before you even know who you’ll be together.”
Definitely a romantic. Her mom, not her.
As she walked her mom to her room, Gwen stopped, gave her a hug. “I’m glad you’re seeing someone. You deserve to be happy, honey.”
Lexi’s eyes burned with tears. She hated that. Blinking rapidly, she hugged her back, whispered, “So do you. Maisie says she’s commissioning you for a cake topper.”
“Yes. She described the couple’s relationship to me, showed me a picture. I think I can do it.” Even half awake, excitement laced her tone.
“I know you can. It’s a great project for you, and you’ll make money doing something you love. Mom, Maisie told me about the therapist. You could probably consult with her on Zoom. I’m asking you to try. Maisie thinks she’d be a good fit for you.”
Gwen pulled back her covers, crawled in, saying nothing.
Lexi leaned on the doorjamb. “I’m going to start running again. I didn’t realize but I haven’t done it since Dad died.”
Gwen rested against the headboard. “That can’t be true.”
“It is.”
“But you love running.”
Lexi nodded. “We’re stuck, Mom. I hate how you’re feeling but I can’t fix it and you can’t fix it so we need to learn how to move forward. Not just exist.”
Her mother tilted her head, staring at her, and for a flash it felt like the old Gwen looking at her, assessing her. In high school, she’d never gotten away with a thing. Her mother had never been harsh but she’d been honest and perceptive and told Lexi the truth even when she didn’t want to hear it. It was her turn to give that back to her mom.
She continued. “You need help. You’re young and beautiful and I miss him too but he wouldn’t want this for you. This ache you carry around like a lead balloon.”
“When do you see Will again?”
“Never mind Will.”
A small smile lifted Gwen’s lips as she scooted down in the bed. “I’d like to meet him. You’d like me to talk to someone. Seems like a pretty fair trade.”
Lexi’s jaw dropped. “You can’t use your mental health as a bargaining chip in my dating life, Mom.”
Gwen smiled. Honest to God smiled. “Oh, honey. I’m a mom. We can use whatever we have in our bag of tricks.”
Shaking her head, Lexi leaned in, gave her mom a hug. “You’ll meet him this weekend. You’re booking that appointment.”
“Yes, Mom. ”
Walking to her own room, she changed for bed. As she crawled between her cold sheets, she realized that today had given her a lot of reasons to smile. Maybe things were finally starting to look up.
Maybe there was life after high school and heartbreak.
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