Twenty-five
When Lexi got home Sunday afternoon, her mom was awake and working in her office. Leaning against the doorjamb, she watched as Gwen hunched over her worktable, a pair of glasses perched on the tip of her nose as she used tweezers to glue a tiny vase of pink flowers to a small table with a red-and-white-checkered cloth. If she took away the fact that this was how her mother buried her grief rather than facing or dealing with it, they were quite exquisite creations.
“I can feel you watching me,” Gwen said without looking up.
“That whole eyes in the back of the head thing is no myth,” Lexi said, walking into the room and taking some time to peruse the displays.
Scenes from so many books her mother loved. There were little place cards in front of each. She added new ones all the time: Lyssa Kay Adams, Helen Hoang, Melissa Foster. Lexi hadn’t read most of the books her mom created scenes for. Not because she had anything against romance books—she loved reading—but she had more varied tastes. And didn’t want to plant unattainable wishes in her own head. But maybe the books were actually helping her mother find herself.
Gwen put down the items and turned, a grin blooming on her face. “Hello, my darling daughter. How was your night? And your morning?”
Lexi didn’t blush but she did laugh and dart her gaze away for a quick second. “Pretty spectacular, actually.”
Gwen walked close, pulling Lexi into her arms. “That makes me happy.”
Wrapping her arms around her mother, she took a deep breath, closing her eyes and absorbing the moment. She just wanted her back all the way. But did a person every truly return to themselves when they’d lost someone who made them whole?
She didn’t want to feel that for Will. For anyone. It scared her that she knew, in the depths of her brain and heart, that she could become Gwen. She could fall in love so hard she never recovered.
“You okay?”
“I am. I love you, Mom. I hope you know that.”
Gwen squeezed, reminding Lexi how frail her body was. “I do. And I love you back.”
Lexi pulled away, grinned. “I brought apples.”
Gwen nodded. “I promised you pie. But I’m working on this.” A little flush of guilt washed over her mother’s cheeks.
“It’s okay.” Races weren’t run without laying the groundwork. Her mother still planned to make a pie. That was a good sign.
Lexi turned back at the door. “I’ll run out and get the stuff we need for piecrust. Should we do one of those already-made ones?” This conversation on the heels of an amazing night almost felt normal. The kind of normal she’d forgotten existed.
Her mom picked up the glue, maybe just to have something in her hands, because she didn’t go back to work. “We could try a homemade one. It’s been a while but I remember the recipe.”
Push. “Come with me.”
Her mother’s expression shut down. “No thank you.” Her fingers tightened on the closed bottle. Well, that lasted all of thirty seconds.
“Mom.”
“Don’t do this.”
Irritation and possibly a little sleep deprivation that she wasn’t at all sorry for spurred her on. “Don’t do what? Ask my grown mother to come to the grocery store with me? Mom. I can’t do everything.”
The lines around Gwen’s eyes deepened even as her gaze flashed with anger. “Order and have it delivered. Don’t be a martyr.”
“Jesus. A martyr? Really, Mom? I’m asking you to come run one errand with me. Spend some time with me outside of this godforsaken house.”
Her mother smacked the glue bottle down on the table. “Don’t you talk about this house in a negative way. It’s not just an errand to me.”
“Then what is it?” Lexi worked to soften her voice. “Tell me what it is so I can help.”
“You can’t help,” Gwen said, fury and sadness in her tone.
“I can.”
“Stop.”
“No.” Lexi didn’t mean to shout but she couldn’t keep pretending it was all okay.
“I can’t go there. The grocery store I spent hours at every week? If I do and I see people I know, they’ll want to know how I am and I’ll say I’m fine when I won’t ever be. They’ll give me pitying glances and talk behind my back. I can’t go anywhere we used to go because all I’ll see is him and part of that sounds wonderful but it’ll rip me apart because I’ll have to talk about him. It’ll remind people that I’m here and he’s not.” Her mom’s shoulders shook even as her voice broke.
Lexi hurried forward, pulled her into a tight hug, stroking Gwen’s hair like her mother had done for her when she was little. “Okay.” She murmured the word over and over again.
Gwen’s tears softened but her hold on Lexi didn’t. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be,” Lexi said, still stroking her hair. “I’m glad you told me. You should have told me.”
Lexi pulled back, used her shirt cuff to dry her mom’s eyes. Gwen sniffed, gave a little laugh of embarrassment.
“I guess we’ve both been keeping things to ourselves.” She arched her brows and for a second, Lexi thought of telling her the truth. But she was happy with Will. She liked being with him and wanted to be with him more. She didn’t want to ruin this moment, any hint at progress. It hurt no one to leave it as it was.
Squeezing her mom’s arm once more, Lexi stepped away. “I’ll go grab the stuff for pie. If you’re not up to making it when I get back, we can save it for later this week.”
Gwen let out a shaky breath. “Grab a couple of premade shells. That way we’ll get pie no matter how I’m feeling.”
Lexi laughed. “Okay. Text me if you need anything else.”
Lexi’s emotions felt like they’d taken the front-row seat on a roller coaster. She sat in the grocery store parking lot, head resting against the seat. Last night was the kind of thing her mother’s books talked about: a connection that went beyond physical. One that shook her because if it was this powerful now, what would it be like two weeks from now? Five weeks? Could she see further than that?
Her phone buzzed. It was like being popular again, only this time she didn’t need the adoration and attention of others. It wasn’t something she’d ever craved until it went away and she’d felt a little lost without it. Pulling her phone from her pocket, she checked the message. Jackie had amusingly named their group chat We’re Still Cool.
Jackie
Guess what? We were invited to the Grands’ birthday bash. No getting out of hanging out now. Becs, you going?
Becca
I am. Lexi, you’ve been all over the socials. Also, where the hell are your socials? You need my help.
Lexi hadn’t googled Will again because she didn’t really want to know what was being said. Living inside this bubble was different than the one she’d been trapped in for the last few years. This one was fun.
She felt like a teenager again when she typed the words:
Lexi
What are you guys wearing?
Jackie
Something new. Shopping trip?
Becca
I have a few dresses that were sent to me by local designers. You girls want to try one each?
Lexi’s heart rate sped up. It’s okay to say yes. Sure, Will said he’d talk to his sisters but guys forgot things and this way she didn’t have to get to know them by borrowing something. Plus, her friends wanted to do this with her. She’d forgotten what it felt like to have a circle of friends. Of support. She leaned so heavily on Maisie for all of her emotional, mental, and friendship needs she found herself wondering if her bestie needed a break.
A new text popped up as she urged herself to respond affirmatively to Becca’s kind offer.
Ethan
Wondering if I can set up a Zoom call with you and Brady and I to talk things through. Easier for him right now to do it from home.
And another.
Brett
Can you work today?
Lexi answered him first.
Lexi
I can be there in an hour?
Brett
That’ll work.
She switched over to Ethan’s messages.
Lexi
I’m not at the dress shop tomorrow.
Bitsy had also decided to hire a few part-timers instead of having someone there full-time. That way, she didn’t have to rely on one person so heavily. Lexi planned to work on her project, typing up her interview and finishing off this week’s reading, but she could juggle it all. Better than having nothing to juggle.
Ethan
11:00 work?
Lexi
Of course.
Jackie
I say yes. Let’s each do one. I call anything red.
Becca
Perfect with your coloring. I’m going with the soft pink. Lexi, the midnight blue has you written all over it. Let’s have some wine and play dress up. Tomorrow night?
Nerves bubbled, making her hands feel shaky. She’d gone from no plans to too many plans. One job to too many jobs. One friend to several. Being single to exclusively dating someone who seemed too good to be true.
When the phone rang, she actually jumped before she pressed ACCEPT on her Bluetooth.
“Hello.” Her breath whooshed out. Fucking breathe. Calm the hell down.
“Hi.” Will’s voice came through the speaker like much-needed oxygen that soothed all her fraying edges.
“Hi.”
“I want to see you.”
She smiled, ignored the incoming texts.
“You just saw me. A lot of me.”
“Mmm. Now I’m addicted. Come over.”
“I have to work.”
“After?”
She should say no. But she didn’t want to.
“It could be late.”
“I’ll take whatever I can get.”
Lexi felt like she was watching her heart from afar, watching it slip slowly from its rusty, vine-covered cage and from her grasp. “I’ll see you tonight.”
When they hung up, she went back to the group chat.
Jackie
We should plan an engagement party for you, Lexi.
Becca
Any excuse for a party. Also, check this out. You two are so hot I’m fanning myself with my phone.
Little fingers of guilt tapped on her shoulder, sending her nerves for one more loop the loop on that roller coaster. It didn’t matter that they thought she was engaged. She wasn’t really lying. Okay. She was lying but still. They were just excited to have reconnected but it would die off and by the time everyone learned the truth, they probably wouldn’t even still have the group chat.
She clicked on the link and gasped. It was clearly a photo from Side Tap, and the credit said Seattle Times . Lexi recalled the photographer who’d been weaving in between people.
Seattle’s own William Grand supporting his longtime friend Ethan Reynolds’s “Fall Festacular” at Side Tap Brewing while getting cozy with his fiancée.
Becca sent another link. This time to her own Instagram where she’d shared the photo and captioned it:
Look at these hotties! My girl Alexandria the Great bunch of errands. Tomorrow works for dresses.
Lexi whipped through the store, grabbing the items they needed for pie and a few other necessities. She ignored her phone buzzing in her pocket and focused on what needed to be done. On the drive home, she got caught up thinking about how Gwen had opened up. She hadn’t gotten her mom out of the house but the fact that now she knew why meant maybe she could approach things differently.
The Seattle traffic conspired against her and Lexi ran, literally, into Fairway Bistro about four minutes after the time she’d promised. The place was packed. With a quick glance at Brett, she set herself up and asked one of the waitresses where she was needed.
Three hours into one of her busiest shifts ever, she was actually feeling pretty good. Sure, she’d messed up a little here and there, but the good thing about the hectic pace was she couldn’t dwell on it.
But like all of the things that threw a kink in her step, the next moment happened without warning. When she came around the wall that separated the pass-through bar from the dining area, she saw Carolyn and Will’s mom walk in. When she turned to go back the way she’d come, panic zipping through her veins, she smacked into Brett, not only knocking him back a step but causing him to drop the salad he was carrying.
She heard the muttered curse words under his breath as she bent to help clean up the mess.
“Leave it,” he said, his irritation barely masked. “Just go greet the two women who came in. Seat them in Reese’s section.”
“I can’t,” she whispered, picking up lettuce and putting it back on the plate. “I’ll go get someone to remake this. I’m sorry.”
She couldn’t go out there. God. She could just imagine Carolyn’s face if she greeted her as a waitress. Will’s mom’s disdain. Carolyn’s triumph? No thank you. She tried to take the plate from Brett.
He yanked it, sending more salad flying. “Just go . Help them.”
Okay. Time to appeal to her already cranky boss. “Brett, please. I can’t help those two women.”
She watched his jaw tighten. “Why?”
Oh, because I’m fake engaged to the older woman’s son and the younger woman would love a reason to get further into his mother’s good graces. Because it would be humiliating and I can’t handle that right now.
“I just can’t.” Please let it be good enough .
“Lexi. I’ve exhausted my patience where you’re concerned.”
She frowned at that. “Hey. I’m here covering a shift because you asked.”
He shook his head. “Greet the women or go home. And don’t come back.”
Her mouth dropped. Her fingers were sticky with the salad dressing and her heart felt like it might leap out of her chest.
“You can’t fire me over this,” she whisper-hissed.
“I didn’t say you were fired. I said do your job or leave. And don’t come back.”
Lexi undid her apron and tossed it on the plate he was still gripping like a ledge he was about to fall off.
“I’ll pick up my last check next week. Make sure my tips are added to the envelope.”
Lexi walked past him, grabbed her stuff from her locker, and hurried to her car. It felt like she held her breath the whole way there and when it came out in the safety of her car, tears came with it.