Thirty
Lexi stood on her back porch, wrapped in an old gray robe, her mom’s slippers on her feet. The Pacific Northwest sunrise was worth not being able to sleep the night before. The mug of coffee was warming her hands even as the caffeine brought her senses slowly awake.
Last night had been… surreal. And hard. When she snuck out of bed this morning, she’d stared at Will, his face relaxed in sleep even though he’d had a hard time finding it. A little piece of her had giggled over the fact that she had a boy—a man —in her childhood bed. The more mature part of her had urged her to make coffee.
As she sipped, she thought about how the party had taken a deep dive off an awkward-as-hell cliff after Jackson Grand made his declaration. He and his father had argued, Will’s grandpa walking out. Maddie, proving herself without prompting, followed her dad’s speech with an apology, made a couple of jokes, and asked people to focus on celebrating and enjoying the eight-tiered birthday cake, before she promptly left. Will and Lexi had followed suit, dropping Kyra off on their way to Lexi’s.
“Hey,” Gwen said, joining her on the porch with her own cup of coffee. She sank into one of the weathered Adirondack chairs.
Lexi turned against the porch post, smiling at her mom, who curled her feet under her in the chair. “Good morning.”
“How was last night?”
“Amazing. Incredible. Fun. Awkward.”
Her mom paused, cup almost to her lips. “The first three sound good.”
Lexi quickly filled her in on the events of the evening. Her mom’s quiet eyes widened. “Wow. That must have been hard on everyone.”
Lexi nodded, thinking about how hard it was on Will . She hated that discord within his family for him. She knew how draining it could be to not see eye-to-eye on something with a parent. To feel responsible. To fail at finding a way to fix things.
“Am I interrupting?” Will stood in the open doorway between the porch and the kitchen. His hair was mussed, his expression sleepy, his smile soft, and Lexi’s heart lurched painfully against the wall of her chest like it was trying to claim him, saying mine .
“Not at all,” Gwen said, looking up with a kind smile. “There’s coffee.”
“You’re wonderful,” Will said, his voice full of gratitude as he turned back toward the kitchen.
“I made it,” Lexi called after him, making her mom laugh.
“You’re wonderful too, honey,” Will called.
Laughing into her coffee, Lexi caught her mother’s gaze, more astute than it should be for this early in the morning.
“He’s good for you, sweetheart.”
“He’s pretty great.” And it was okay to enjoy that without overthinking things.
“Were you thinking about a big wedding? I’m sure, with his family, there’ll be quite the guest list.”
The happiness inside of her deflated like a popped balloon. “We’re just focusing on now.” Truth.
“Weddings don’t plan themselves,” her mother said, setting the mug down on the wide arm of the chair.
A breeze washed over them, sending a chill through her. “No. But there’s lots going on right now. Bitsy asked me to interview a couple of part-timers for the store. I’m cutting my hours down there to be more available at Side Tap.” The fact that she could do that and it was actually better financially was something to really celebrate.
“You should at least pick a date,” her mother said somewhat sharply.
“Date for what?” Will asked, joining them on the porch.
Lexi met his gaze, her stomach dancing nervously. “The wedding.”
His brows lifted. “Ahh. Yes. We’ll figure all that out. For now, how about I take you two out to breakfast?”
Will might have missed the way her mother’s shoulders stiffened, her invisible shields powering up, but Lexi saw it immediately. She sent a look, subtly shook her head. Will stepped closer to her, his scent and warmth both unnerving and welcome. It was strange, and somehow wonderful, to have him in her space.
He leaned in, kissed her temple, put one arm around her shoulder.
When Lexi looked at her mom, she saw Gwen watching them. Will gave her arm a quick, reassuring squeeze.
She saw the excuses spinning around in Gwen’s expression.
“How about, if you’re up for it, we do something a little different?” Will said, watching her mother closely.
Gwen’s hands closed around her cup tightly. “Different?”
“Yeah. Instead of some noisy diner, I’d love for you to see my gardens. My sisters and Lexi told me about you starting your own again. My house isn’t far from here. My sister-in-law’s family owns Bean There, the coffee and baked goods chain. Her family drops off fresh treats every Sunday morning to all of us. It’s really awesome but always way too much for just me. We could have breakfast there, you could maybe give me some ideas for an area in my backyard where I was thinking of adding some flowers?”
Like he could sense the intensity of her heartbeat, Will tightened his hold on Lexi, both of them watching her mother.
“Your sister is a gardener. Doesn’t she give you advice?” Gwen’s fingers flexed on the cup.
“Maddie loves gardening but doesn’t have a ton of time for it. She’s pretty busy. I’d really love your thoughts on it.”
As well as she knew her mother, Lexi had absolutely no idea what she’d say. But hope swelled like a wave inside of her.
“I need a ride home anyway and I know Lexi has to check in with Side Tap today so we can make it quick. We have to eat regardless, right?”
Gwen stood up and Lexi feared she’d just walk away, ignore the invite and request. She looked at Lexi, her gaze flashing with an uncertainty that made her look younger.
“I don’t want to be gone long.”
Lexi had to bite the inside of her cheek so she didn’t cry. She forced a nod, watched Gwen walk inside.
Before Will could speak, she set her mug down on the railing and curled herself into him, around him, her arms at his waist, holding him close, burying her face against the softness of his T-shirt, the solidness of his chest. She heard his cup set down next to hers as his arms wrapped her up, his chin resting on her head.
“Hey,” he whispered, bending his knees so he could speak into her ear. “You okay?”
Tears burned the backs of her eyelids. Lexi held him tighter, her fingers twisting in his shirt. “Magic. You’re magic, Will Grand.”
Her mom sat shotgun beside her, twisting her hands as the radio played what the station labeled its “Halloween Playlist.” So far, they’d played some Meat Loaf, Michael Jackson, and the theme song from Ghostbusters . Will had folded himself into the back of her car without complaint. Lexi turned down his driveway. Gwen’s breathing hitched, her knuckles going white.
Lexi reached over, set her hand on her mom’s. “After breakfast, when we drive home, maybe you could make a list of stuff we need? I’ll go to the store.”
Gwen’s hands relaxed under Lexi’s. “Sure. Could you stop at Michael’s for me?”
Usually, her mom ordered her craft stuff online, but if it distracted her from her nerves, Lexi would stop anywhere.
“Of course.” She parked the car in front of the double garage.
If not for Will needing to get out on that side, she wondered if Gwen would have just stayed in the front seat. But she got out, and Will got out. He smiled at her, put a hand on her arm.
“Welcome. Do you want to eat or take a walk first?”
Let’s just get her inside away from the car. Away from the idea of leaving.
“I’m so hungry,” Lexi blurted.
Will laughed and Gwen’s shoulders relaxed.
“You should have seen her in her track days,” Gwen said with a smile, following Will to his front door. “I had to buy bulk snacks just to keep her going with all the energy she burned.”
“I was the same and I didn’t even run.” Will unlocked the front door and opened it but gestured for them to go ahead.
Even though she liked that they were chatting, that her mom seemed more at ease, she didn’t like being the focus. “It is breakfast time. Not so strange that I’d be hungry.”
Will closed the door behind them.
“Oh, Will. Your home is beautiful.”
Lexi held back a little, taking joy in her mother’s obvious delight as Will showed them through the house. The rooms were large and open with several floor-to-ceiling windows that let in copious amounts of natural light. They moved through the kitchen where a generous basket of goodies was waiting, headed to a study off that and then up a small set of stairs that led to the second floor—almost a hidden staircase.
“Why don’t we eat and then we can tour the backyard before it rains?” Will said after they’d toured the upstairs and come back to the kitchen.
“Absolutely,” Gwen said. “I’m just going to use the restroom.”
“You doing okay?” Will asked, taking Lexi’s hand and using it to pull her close. He leaned down, brushed his lips over hers, sweet, soft, and familiar. Dangerously familiar.
“I’m good. Thank you for taking the time to do this. The fact that she’s here is bigger than you know.”
He pressed a kiss to her forehead. “I know you and I can see how big it is. I’m glad I could offer something. Help in some way. At least with your mom.”
Moving to the fridge, he grabbed some juice. Lexi checked a couple of cupboards and found some plates, then some cutlery.
“Has anyone in your family contacted you since last night?” Lexi opened the goldish-brown cloth tying the baked goods into the basket.
As he got glasses out, his mood seemed to shift, get heavier. “No. Or maybe. I turned my phone off last night. I’ll go over to see my grandparents this morning, touch base with my sisters. I’m not ready to speak to either of my parents.”
Lexi hated the anger laced with pain. “Your dad is probably lashing out because his pride was hurt.” Useless words that may or may not have been true, but sometimes it felt good to believe there was an underlying reason.
Gwen joined them as they set muffins, croissants, fruit pastries, and scones on a large serving platter.
“Oh my. You get this delivered every Sunday?” Gwen asked.
Will poured each of them orange juice after asking if that was their preference. “I do. I freeze some, share with the neighbors, and bring some into work on Mondays and put it in the staff room.”
Lexi was glad that instead of heading into the formal dining room to sit at the beautiful live-edge table with seating for twelve, they each took stools at the rounded kitchen island. It felt more comfortable. Less intimidating.
As each of them nibbled on their choice of goodies, Lexi watched her mom for signs of nerves, tension, or sadness.
Gwen wiped her mouth with a linen napkin, set it in her lap. “You know,” she said, looking toward Will, who sat to her left. “Parents never intend to let their children down. I think because kids rely on us from their first breath until they fight for independence—because for all those developmental years we seem to have the answers and cures for everything—kids come to think of their parents as powerful. Capable. Their job is to fix things, make them right, see to their child’s needs. Solve problems that seem much larger than a child can handle.”
Lexi set her piece of muffin down, wondering where her mom was going with this.
Gwen didn’t look at her, only Will, when she continued. “What you start to learn as you get older is that your parents are people . Regardless of their role in your life, they’ve only ever been flawed human beings. You start to see that more as you age, as you come to recognize and acknowledge your own flaws. It’s hard to see someone you put up on a pedestal, even if you didn’t mean to or don’t think you did, slip off it.”
Gripping her own napkin, Lexi’s throat felt tight. Scratchy.
“I know my parents aren’t perfect, Gwen. I’ve probably known since I was a young child. I get what you’re saying. I appreciate your insight. But my dad is a selfish man.”
Gwen reached out, set a hand on Will’s forearm. “That may be true. And some people aren’t as good at parenting as they should be. But if you take out the dad part, he’s also a man who has worked for years toward something he thought was a guarantee. He was blindsided. Likely hurt. And maybe even a little vulnerable when he realized that life doesn’t always go the way you plan it. When you have no plan B, you can make some pretty poor choices while you’re scrambling.”
Pursing his lips as her mom removed her hand, Will met her gaze, his full of confusion and uncertainty. Her mom took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before picking off a piece of her chocolate croissant.
“Tell me about Side Tap, Alexandria.”
With Gwen’s words floating around in her brain, trying to find a place to land, Lexi caught her mom up on what she’d been doing for the second location.
“I met Ethan’s brother and his wife. All three of them are technically my bosses but I work mostly with Ethan. He set up a little corner of his office for me. This week I’m ordering furniture, checking in on building permits. I’ll be setting up everything from our napkin supplier to our entertainment schedule until we get people hired for each of those roles. But when we do, I want to be able to hand over information on suppliers and retailers, best costs.”
Will, who’d started setting the baked goods in a container, stopped and smiled at her. “You really love it.”
Lexi laughed, sat up straighter on the stool. “I do. The title manager of operations seemed so abstract, but it’s incredible. There’s so many moving parts, things that have to happen, schedules that have to line up and work in tandem.”
“I’m so glad you’ve found this, sweetie,” Gwen said, now reaching out to squeeze Lexi’s arm. “All of this. Will, this job. Happiness.”
There was an undertone of sadness despite her mom’s smile that concerned her.
“We deserve good things, Mom. Isn’t that what you tell me?” She pulled her arm away, got up to put her plate in the sink. “Speaking of, Maisie says the piece you’re making for the wedding couple is absolutely extraordinary. When do I get to see it?”
“Your miniatures are such a unique hobby. I absolutely love them. I hope it’s okay that Lexi showed them to me last night.”
“Of course.”
Will put the juice away, loaded the dishwasher. “Would you consider another commission piece?”
Lexi’s chin snapped up. What was he doing? Oh God, please don’t commission our cake topper in an attempt to make my mother happy. Don’t dig us any deeper.
“For you, absolutely. What were you thinking?”
Will leaned on the counter close to Gwen, his forearms resting on the marble slab. “I’d love to do something special for my grandfather. I have a photo of him standing in front of the store fifty years ago when he opened it. Think you’d be able to create a miniature version?”
Gwen’s eyes lit up. “I don’t see why not. Do you have the picture?”
“I do.” He stood up, rounded the counter, planted a kiss on Lexi’s mouth for absolutely no reason, letting his hand slide along her shoulder as he headed for the study. “I’ll grab it.”
Gwen stood up, walked to Lexi, and took both of her hands. “You’ve found forever, sweet girl. He’s perfect for you.”
“Mom.” Lexi tried to swallow around the thickness in her throat. The things that weren’t true were feeling dangerously possible. Terrifyingly real. And now, from the look on her mom’s face, it wasn’t just Lexi falling. It was her mom, too.
Gwen was just rising from the ashes of her husband’s death, taking almost full breaths again. What if she found out the truth and it destroyed her, made things worse? What if it undid the progress and damaged their relationship at the same time?
Worry formed knots in her stomach as Gwen hugged her, held her tight.
Lexi didn’t know how to tell her the truth at this point. Especially since her feelings were becoming more real every single minute.
When Lexi brought her mom home shortly after a walk of Will’s beautifully landscaped grounds, they’d both puttered around, getting little things on their own lists done. A few hours later, Gwen asked her to come into her workroom.
Lexi came into the room to see Gwen standing by the table, a glossy white box with a decorative lid set on top of it. “Maisie’s coming to pick this up.”
Lexi stared at her a moment, the smile creeping up on her. “You finished it?”
Gwen’s gaze brightened. “I did. Just now.”
With great care, Gwen opened the box and pulled out her creation.
On a rounded, porcelain white base, the bride, in a gorgeous white gown, intricately patterned with little swirls that looked like flowers, lay across a bench, her head resting on the groom’s leg. Her dark curls seemed to actually flow down. The groom, in a tuxedo, complete with a red bow tie that was beyond adorable, read from a miniature book. Lexi leaned in to see that it said Pride & Prejudice on the cover.
It was exquisite, personal, and so amazing Lexi’s eyes filled with tears. She swiped at the first few that fell.
“Mom. It’s stunning. This is unbelievable.”
When she looked up at Gwen, still bent at the waist, she noticed her mom grasping her hands the way she did when she was nervous.
“You really like it?”
Lexi stood up. “Mom, this is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. My favorite thing that you’ve made. It’s wonderful.” She didn’t stop the tears that continued to fall, instead, pulling her mother into a tight hug.
“I’m so happy you love it. I hope Maisie and the couple will.”
Giving her another squeeze, Lexi stepped back. “Everyone is going to love it. I don’t want to push too much but you could really make a business out of this, Mom. It’s so unique and special. It could be cake toppers, your scenes, anything you want.”
“Oh, honey. I’m too old to start a business.”
Lexi looked around the room. “You’re not, Mom.” She looked back at her mom. “You’re still young.” She wanted to say more but didn’t want Gwen to shut down.
She’d met with the therapist a couple of times now and Lexi noticed she was keeping a journal, making an effort to be a little more present. Pushing harder didn’t always equal progress.
“You can start slow. Or just think about it. But Mom, this is remarkable. I’m so proud of you.”
Gwen beamed, throwing her arms around Lexi. “You’re the best daughter, sweetheart. I know it’s not always easy.”
Maybe not. But what was? Lexi breathed more easily than she had in a long time. Aside from her runaway feelings that she needed to rein in, she felt like maybe, just maybe, she and her mom would be okay.
She pulled back. “I have to go out to the second location of Side Tap. I want to time the commute, but I want to get a better feel for the space. The contractor is supposed to be stopping in. I’ll bring back dinner? We could watch a romcom?”
Gwen laughed, set the lid on the box. “Either you’ve been hiding your romantic streak or Will brought it out in you.”
“Or I’m just indulging your sappiness,” Lexi joked, heading for the door.
“Lexi?”
She turned at the doorway.
Gwen shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “Could I… come for the drive? To see where you’ll be spending time?”
Breathing very slowly, like reacting fast would erase the moment, Lexi nodded. “Of course,” she said, surprised her voice came out steady.
“Okay.” Gwen pushed past her, saying she’d be ready in a few minutes. Lexi leaned back against the doorframe, put her hands over her face. She fought the urge to happy-dance as hard as she did the sob wanting to break free. Even good things could make a person feel like their insides were being gripped in a giant’s fist.
One step at a time. One little victory. She dropped her hands, sucked in a breath. Keep moving forward. When it gets hard, dig deeper. It was good advice in college and apparently, it worked for adulthood too.