14. Connor
CONNOR
Idon’t know what possessed me. I really fucking don’t. Something about the casual way she said it’s only a photo op and the flicker of embarrassment across her face. Sure, this fake dating thing is ridiculous, but the last thing I want is for her to feel shame because of it, because of me.
So I fucking kissed her. Hard. In front of Mrs. Crane and the whole choir. And took a damn picture for her social media.
I’m officially in over my head.
The students all pile onto the bus after I loaded grocery bags of trail mix and juice boxes. I’m still buzzing from that kiss as I plod along with them, Delaney sliding in the seat after me.
“Thank you,” she says, voice low. “Matty already posted it and the numbers on it after just fifteen minutes are insane.” She presses her unlocked phone into my palm and I take a look.
Her assistant captioned it old love best love, which feels like a bit of a reach in every way. The comments keep popping up as I refresh the screen.
“OMG she gave us a kissing pic!”
“Delaney in love, let’s hope we get a good album out of this.”
“I’m looking forward to the breakup songs.”
“What’s his deal? Do we like this guy??”
I feel a little sick reading through them, like all these voyeurs are pressing their noses to the glass, panting for more. I get that Delaney is used to this, but it feels so incredibly foreign to me, having damn near the whole world know my business. I’m regretting that contract right about now.
But then I look at Delaney.
And she’s looking at me.
And there’s so much hope in her eyes, like maybe this really will help and she really can appease her father and she really can get her career back on track.
Like maybe she really can have it all.
So I give her hand a reassuring squeeze and say what I always say: “Anything for you, Lanie Lou.”
The choir is really freaking good. Better than the past two years that I chaperoned for.
They have an energy that can’t be taught; you can tell that they all gel well together and the good vibes are infectious.
And, as much as Mrs. Crane worries, they really are a sweet group of kids.
They mingled with the elementary students after their performance, pouring attention over them like they remember how special it feels to have big kids talk to you.
Delaney tried so hard to be a fly on the wall, but of course, she was spotted right away. She dutifully set up shop in the corner of the auditorium and signed little headshots that I didn’t even realize she’d brought with her. It’s eerie how quickly she can slip into pop star mode.
“Find your seatmate! No man left behind!” Crane yells out as the session comes to an end. For such a tiny lady, she’s so loud. “Time to load back on the bus.”
Delaney saunters my way and elbows me in the ribs as we head towards the bus. “Hey, seatmate.”
I hip check her back and nearly knock her off balance in the process.
Swooping in to steady her, I mumble an apology, and keep an arm wrapped over her shoulder.
It’s dumb, but the simple gesture makes my heart race, and my mind wanders back to that kiss.
It doesn’t have to wander far. That moment has been swirling at the front of my mind all day: the feel of her lips, the comfort of her hands on me, the little contented sounds she made against my mouth.
I’ve hardly been able to think about anything else.
Has she been thinking about it too? The way she leaned in, pulled me closer… it felt like she was searching for more. I make a great effort to fight back that line of thinking. We’re contractually obligated to kiss. There was nothing more to it than that.
“All that signing really worked up an appetite,” she says brightly, pulling me from my spiral. “I hope we’re eating some place cool, something real local.”
“Golden Corral. We’re eating at Golden Corral,” I deadpan.
Delaney locks eyes with me and for a moment, I can’t get a read on her expression.
Slowly, the corners of her lips turn up and the biggest, goofiest smile stretches across her face. In a low, quiet voice, she says, “Okay, here’s the deal. You can’t judge me for this…”
Intrigued, I lean in closer. “Nonjudgmental Connor is what they called me at summer camp.”
Her grin grows even wider as she continues. “I am about to eat an insane amount of food. A metric crap ton, if you will. And I don’t want to hear a word about it.”
I do nothing to prevent the hearty laugh from escaping. “Delaney James, are you a secret buffet lover?”
She nods slowly, feigning shame. “It is my deepest, darkest secret.” Quickly she adds, “Don’t get me wrong! I’m a little pissed that we’re not eating at some adorable local spot, but I am about to feast like a motherfucking queen.”
And good God, she does. Delaney is first in line at the buffet, saying something about scoping it out for the students. She stacks her plates higher than I ever thought was possible. Cheesy bread, mystery meat, weird congealed salads. Delaney gathers food with reckless abandon.
When she finally sits down across from me, it’s a gosh dang cornucopia. Am I insane for being a little turned on?
“Connor, you’re looking at me like you’re judging me,” She says as she alternates between bites of tomato soup and spaghetti with meatballs.
All I can do is shake my head. “No judgement here! I’m actually pretty impressed. Never thought I’d see you throw down like this.”
Wiping her face delicately with a paper napkin, she’s a walking contradiction. Prim, proper, and petite, sitting behind a gluttonous mountain of food.
With her mouth full of chicken wings, she says, “Can’t tell you the last time I did something like this.
Every choice I make has been micromanaged for so long…
” she pauses, eyes floating across her bounty, taking it all in, “My team would flip if they saw me eating like this, but my therapist would be proud. Who knew pigging out at a buffet would be a tiny act of rebellion?”
She laughs, but her eyes tell a different story. Her voice barely over a whisper, she confesses, “It’s a little terrifying. I haven’t had this much control over my own life in years.”
“Delaney.” I reach out on instinct and give her hand a squeeze. And for just a moment, all the walls crumble, and I see my best friend, really see her, for the first time in a decade. We’re just two dumb kids again, trying to figure out life together.
Her eyes go a little glossy as she squeezes my hand back, but the magic of the moment is interrupted by Simon.
“Holy shit, Miss James! Absolutely crushing the buffet game.” He looks at her tower of food with awe and reverence. “Man, I thought I was the king of this place, but I think I’ve been dethroned.”
Delaney blinks back the whispers of emotion and beams up at Simon, who is also holding an impressive tray of buffet bounty. “Slide in here with me,” she gestures to the booth, scooting to make room, “And let’s combine our efforts. Connor, take a picture.”
I happily oblige. Simon calls a few of his buddies over and soon our booth is overflowing with teens and trays of food and playful teasing from everyone involved.
Delaney on a normal day is a sight to behold, but this version of her, unguarded, real, happy, this version of Delaney is drop-dead gorgeous.
I know I need to keep my distance, to guard my heart from the inevitable pain that’s coming my way when she leaves again. But I know I’m fighting a losing battle. She’s magnetic, and I don’t think I have the strength to resist her pull.
As we march back to the bus, Mrs. Crane hollering for a buddy check, I lean in close and give Delaney’s shoulders a squeeze.
“You did that hard thing real well, Lanie.”
She rolls her lips into a tight line and shrugs, “It’s dumb that it’s even a thing.”
“Not dumb,” I say as we settle back into our seats. “I can only imagine what it’s been like, everyone having an opinion on you, your voice, your body. Makes sense that the lack of control gets a little overwhelming sometimes.”
She nods a little to herself, considering my words. “Thank you, Connor. I needed to hear that.” She looks over at me and I see it again.
I see her again.
Unable to stop myself, I hook my finger under her chin and tip her shining eyes up to meet mine. That kiss flashes in my memory and I stare at her lips as I say, “I’m so fucking proud of you, Delaney.”
And I am. So proud of her, so in awe of her.
So in love with her.