29. Connor
CONNOR
“And please, for the love of all things holy, do not ask for an extension on your papers.” I let out an exasperated groan that matches the sound escaping my seniors. “Y’all picked your own book. The least you can do is get the report in on time without complaint.”
I glance at the clock just as the final bell rings out. The class erupts, a rowdy chatter following them out the door as if staying in my classroom any longer will cause them physical damage. And frankly, I feel similarly. The draw down the hall to the choir room is strong.
Now that I’ve had her, I want Delaney all the time, in every way. I am thoroughly addicted.
But another hit of her will have to wait. Between the stack of grading that’s been taunting me all day and all the prep work for Fall Fest this weekend, my afternoon is all tied up. I sink into my oversized desk chair, throw on my focus playlist, and get to work.
I’m lost in the monotony of grading, about a quarter of the way through the pile, when my phone buzzes.
Delaney’s name flashes on the screen. Of course, I answer the call.
“Hey, baby, I was just thinking about you.”
“Connor! I have good news and a little bit of bad news.”
Delaney squeals so loud I have to pull the phone away from my face. I can practically feel the excited energy buzzing through the call.
“Remi called and told me that a band bailed on The Valley Music Festival last minute, and they want ME to replace them! I’m flying out tonight! Connor! Can you believe it? Me, playing The Valley! I’m back, baby!”
My heart stutters to a stop.
My head has known this whole time that Delaney wasn’t here to stay, but somewhere along the way, my heart decided that our love was enough. That the simple life she’d created at Ridgecrest was enough.
That I was enough.
I clear my throat, doing all I can to look at this huge career opportunity for what it is, and not as a personal slight. “That’s great, baby. I’m not surprised you were top of the list. But you’ll be back Saturday night for Fall Fest right?”
The line goes quiet for a moment.
“No, that’s the bad news part. My set is Saturday night. But that’s because they’ve got me headlining! Isn’t that incredible?”
I scrub my hand over my face, anger creeping up my spine. “So you’re just blowing off the Fall Fest? What am I supposed to tell my dad? We were counting on the ticket sales. Now we’re gonna have to, what, refund everyone?”
I blow out a shaky breath, trying to think this through rationally, but I’m so damn hurt.
“And what about your students?” I press on. “Simon and the boys have been so amped to perform.”
The line is quiet again for a beat.
“I know. And trust me, I feel like shit for flaking on them. But I can’t miss performing at The Valley.
Do you remember what happened with Monica few years back?
She was all but irrelevant then, headlined The Valley, and look at her career now?
That could be me, Connor! And I’ll write a check to the orchard so you can recoup the loss. ”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to gather my thoughts.
“It’s not about signing a check, Delaney. It’s about…” my words trail off.
It’s about me, it’s about us. It’s about the future I foolishly thought we were building.
“I’m happy for you, or at least I’m trying to be,” I tell her honestly. “But this is pretty shit timing.”
Delaney sighs. “Look, I’m sorry. I know this isn’t idea. But I can’t let this opportunity pass me by. Just come by the house and we’ll talk. I’m leaving in an hour.”
Delaney ends the call, and I’m left with my head spinning, frantically packing my bag so I can rush over and beg her to stay.
The whole drive over, I try to calm myself down, try to look at this situation rationally.
This is a huge career opportunity for Delaney, and as her friend, her boyfriend, her whatever the hell we are now, I want to be happy for her.
But I can’t quite find that happiness amid all the disappointment weighing me down.
Disappointment that she’s proving herself to be the selfish, flighty girl the tabloids make her out to be.
Disappointment that she doesn’t care about the life she’s created here in Ridgecrest.
Disappointment that she’s leaving again.
My heart drops to my stomach when I see Delaney sitting on her front porch steps, two large duffle bags at her feet, a perfect picture of temporary.
She gives me a little wave. “Hey.”
“Hey,” I say back, leaning against the hood of my car.
“So… I just got off a call with my dad.” Delaney fiddles with a rock in her hand, looking anywhere but at me. “And we think it’s probably time for me to be back in L.A. permanently. I need to capitalize on the opportunity and keep the momentum going.”
“You think that, or your dad thinks that? You said we. Are you making a decision here,” I say, my frustration growing. “Or just going along with what other people want, like always?”
Delaney shifts and meets my eye. They’re glossy, like she’s fighting the same urge as me to cry.
“I’m making the decision that makes the most sense for my career.” Her words are sure, but her shaky voice gives her away.
“Does it?” I push back. “Does it really make sense for you to go back out there when you’ve been so happy back in Ridgecrest?”
Delaney bites her bottom lip before replying. “You could come with me,” she says, and there’s a hopefulness in her voice that I wish I could bottle up and keep forever. A foolish hope, one that I already know I’m going to have to shatter.
I let out a shaky breath. “For so many reasons, I can’t do that, and you know it.”
Delaney pushes to her feet and begins pacing the length of the porch.
“But what if you did? There are so many incredible schools out in L.A. It wouldn’t be hard to find another job, a meaningful, fulfilling job.
” She keeps going, her voice rising as her pace quickens.
“And we could hire someone to manage the orchard. I’ll cover their salary if I need to.
” She finally stills. “We can do this, Connor. We can make this work.”
“My dad had cancer.”
Delaney stumbles backward as if my words have a physical force behind them.
“Lung cancer, diagnosed right after you left. I busted my ass to get him through treatment, and it took a huge toll on both of us. That’s why I went to community college.
That’s why I took over the orchard. That’s why I can’t leave.
” I shake my head, memories of that dark time rushing back.
Both my siblings had moved away and were building families of their own. It was just me.
“Caring for dad while earning my teaching degree was the hardest, most important thing I’ve ever done.
And then, when he asked me to take on a bigger role at the orchard, I didn’t want to disappoint him.
I couldn’t disappoint him. You know how much that family land means to him.
He’s stable now, but the chance of recurrence is high.
I can’t leave.” I say again, the words feeling heavy.
Delaney lowers herself down onto the porch step. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She whispers, shock and hurt written all over her face. “I would’ve–”
“What?” I interrupt. “You would have what, Delaney? Your career was exploding and, fuck–” I throw my hands in the air, desperate to make her understand.
“I was heartbroken when you left, Delaney!When he got sick, it was all I could do to get through each day. Caregiving consumed my life, and maybe it’s fucked up, but it gave me something to do other than think about you all damn day.
I didn’t want to tell you because I missed you so much it hurt but I knew you couldn’t be here for me in the way I needed. ”
The tears I’d been fighting back finally spill out, and I do nothing to stop them. I feel raw, like every layer has been peeled away, and Delaney is finally seeing every wound and scar that I have carried for years.
She’s up in an instant, cupping my face in her hands, thumbs wiping the tears away.
“Don’t.” I say, taking her hands in mine to still the tender gesture. “I can’t do this again. I love you, Delaney. I’ve always loved you, but I can’t follow you. I can’t spend the rest of my life chasing someone who keeps leaving.”
Delaney’s face falls, but she doesn’t try to argue. Somehow that’s the blow that hurts most of all. She’d have me upend my whole life, but won’t put up a fight to stay in Ridgecrest with me.
“I love you too, Connor. I’ve always loved you. I’m just sorry that it took me a little longer to see it.”
Those three words I waited my whole life to hear fall flat. Because love fights, doesn’t it? Love digs in its heels. Love pushes back. Love beats the odds.
“I’m not sure you do,” I manage, hurt and anger laced in my voice. “I’m not sure you know how. You might put on a good show, Delaney, but I’m starting to think that’s all life is to you–a performance. Because if you did love me, you’d see that this, us, is worth fighting for.”
Delaney drops her hold on me, and takes a shaky step back, eyes wide with disbelief.
“What the fuck, Connor? I love you. You know I love you.”
“Then fight for us!” I shout, hardly recognizing the sound of my own voice. “You don’t have to go back to L.A., you don’t have to stay on this stupid hamster wheel that you clearly hate. Stop letting life happen to you and start living it for real.”
She opens her mouth to speak, and that stupid hope blooms in my chest again.
She’ll change her mind.
She’ll play The Valley as one last hurrah then come home for good.
She’ll choose something for herself. Choose us.
Eyes locked on the ground, she whispers, “I’m leaving, Connor.”
With those three words, all hope dies. Silently, I get back in my car and pull out of the the driveway. I nearly make it all the way down the drive without looking in the rearview mirror, but self-control has never been my strong suit when it comes to Delaney.
When I glance back, she’s already gone.