Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
Preston
Life before Jax seemed hard to remember. I thought my studio would be cramped with another person living there, but she brightened the space with her humor and smile. Plus, she made me actually want to have balance in my work for the first time in, well, ever. Sure, there were still late nights and unexpected hurdles that cropped up, but putting away my laptop to watch TV no longer made me feel guilty. As long as it wasn’t for too long, at least.
It was obvious to me I was falling for Jax. Every morning I told myself this would be the night I followed through on rule number two and told Jax my feelings were involved. And then she’d smile my way or touch my hand and I’d think surely one more day won’t hurt. We’ve made it this far.
But there were parts of Jax that still felt out of my reach. Her late-night laptop work habits were back. A privacy film now covered the screen. Jax claimed this was so the light didn’t bother me now that we slept in the same bed. It also conveniently kept me from seeing what she worked on. Anytime I asked questions, she got cagey and changed the subject. So I finally stopped asking.
“Okay, I know that I’ve never been the one to suggest outdoor time before, but I think we need to get outside tomorrow,” Jax said, looking at her phone. Only the sheet covered her naked body, while I pulled on a pair of boxers to double check the locks and get us both a glass of water.
She looked sleepy and relaxed from the three orgasms I had rung from her body, though none of them on my cock. I knew Jax was getting off, but this barrier between us still bothered me. Maybe it was a good thing, maintaining this one bit of separation. It might be all that stopped me from being completely in love with a woman I could never really have.
“Preston? You okay? Outside time tomorrow?”
I shook myself, tuning back into the moment. “Spending time outside tomorrow sounds great. I was already plotting on how to trick you into agreeing with a plan I have brewing. So, thanks for making it easy.”
“I aim to please,” she said with an easy grin, leaning up to plant a kiss on my lips before rolling over, punching her pillow into submission to take the shape she liked.
“Time for bed?” I asked, not wanting to draw attention to the fact I noticed she didn’t have her computer out.
“Yes, I’m beat. And it sounds like I’ll need my strength for secret outdoor surprise day.”
“I’m not going to torture you, you know.”
“I’ll be the judge of that,” she answered, her voice muffled by the pillow. “Night, Prez.”
The nickname she picked up from spending time with Hayden and Duncan over the past month or so slipped out more and more. While the familiarity it stirred up felt nice, nothing warmed me like the baby or sweetheart that occasionally slipped from her lips. Those instances seemed contained to while we were physical. Just another example of how Jax could compartmentalize when all my lines were blurred and swirled since she’d blown into my life.
Jax turned to face me, her breathing deep and even. The lights from the street outside let me just make out her features, peaceful and open, while she slept. How I ached for that pure openness while she was awake.
It took a long time before I fell asleep.
M y melancholy lasted into the next morning. I tried to hide it from Jax, but as usual, she saw right through me.
“What’s up, grumpy Gus? Do you not want to do the outdoor day anymore? We can keep it simple. You don’t have to go through with this big plan...”
She trailed off, looking uncertain of herself, a look I wasn’t used to seeing on her face. Jax hadn’t done anything wrong. She continued to play by the rules we set. I was the one having trouble keeping myself in bounds. She didn’t deserve that.
“Just need more coffee, I think. C’mon, let’s go.” I held out my hand, allowing myself to enjoy how her hand felt in mine. I twisted my ring on her finger with my thumb.
“First stop, Eastern Market,” I said as we hit the street, walking the few blocks over to the year-round farmer’s market. Later in the day, this place would be a zoo, but it was still early enough we could walk the aisles without dodging the crowds.
I steered her into the permanent structure that housed many of the food vendors, especially those that required refrigeration. “We need to pick up from a vendor in here. I have a picnic basket pre-ordered. We worked together to be sure things were low FODMAP and things I knew usually worked for you.”
“A picnic?” Jax’s face displayed a mixture of emotions. Nervousness, excitement, and disappointment. I understood now the negative came from not being able to simply enjoy something like a picnic without spinning out into digestive worst-case scenarios.
“Trust me? Double check the foods, and then we’ll head on to the next stop.”
Biting her lip, Jax nodded and followed me to a vendor along the far wall. Telling the employee my name, they handed over an insulated bag for us to inspect. Jax sifted through the contents, a smile breaking on her face as she did.
“Everything in here looks great, Preston. Thank you for thinking of it.” She reached up to peck a kiss on my cheek, giving me a matching smile to flash back at her. I paid the employee and thanked them for their help.
“Now, off to find ourselves some bikes,” I said, slinging the bag over one arm and holding my other hand out for Jax to grab. If I go down in a pile of flaming heartbreak, it wouldn’t be because I didn’t go all in on this day.
“Bikes?” Jax asked. “I don’t think I’ve ridden a bicycle in at least a decade.”
“Good thing you never forget how,” I said, giving her a wink and her hand a squeeze. “Besides, they’re electric bikes, so they basically power themselves. You can follow my lead.”
“If you say so.” She looked skeptical, but her eyes betrayed a hint of excitement.
I stopped next to two rental bikes, one with a platform on the back. I dug the bungee cord the vendor had been kind enough to provide out of the side pocket of the bag and secured our picnic to the back of my bike.
“Ready?” I asked, swinging my leg over the bike. I looked back at Jax expectantly.
“As I’ll ever be.”
We started our ride through the district, sticking to the bicycle lane on Pennsylvania Avenue as much as possible. The Capitol loomed large in front of us.
“You’re not taking me to a picnic on the grounds of the complex where we work, are you?” Jax yelled in order to be heard above the sound of traffic and the distance between us.
“Nope. Onward,” I shouted back, turning my head so she could hear me. She’d likely figure out we were headed toward the Mall soon enough, but I’d keep her in suspense a bit longer. The foot traffic increased as we drew even with the Air and Space Museum, the open space filled with locals out for some fresh air and tourists here to visit alike.
As we waited to cross 14th Street, the Washington Monument rose ahead of us with blocks of green space behind. Jax drew even with me. “At least tell me, are we staying in DC or heading the whole way into Virginia?”
“No boundary lines will be crossed, for these plans,” I said, cringing internally at my choice of words. I would love it if Jax would cross a boundary or two, but I respected she had her reasons for keeping her emotional distance. “We’re almost there.”
The light turned green, and we weaved our way past the marble monolith and the World War II Memorial. As we reached the edge of the Reflecting Pool, I spotted a bike stand and steered us in that direction.
“This is close enough,” I said, parking my bike and Jax followed suit. I lifted the bag to my shoulder, and before I could start walking, Jax appeared at my side, tangling her hands with mine.
“I sort of liked crossing the city by bike. Taking in all the buildings in a way that’s different from driving in a car, but not as slow as walking. I’m not sure I ever would have done it on my own though. Thank you.” She squeezed my hand, grasping my forearm with her other hand as we walked the length of pool. Ducks splashed in the pool, freshly descaled from the algae that plagued the still water.
“So, are we visiting Abe?” Jax asked as the marble statue of Lincoln sitting in his chair, looking out across this part of DC, came into view.
“We are,” I said. “This is one of my favorite places to people watch or take a break during a long run. You can see so much from up there”—I nodded toward the top of the marble stairs leading to the statue—“but also feel out of the way.”
Jax looked around, considering my words.
“Plus,” I added, as we started to climb the steps. “There are bathrooms in the visitors center in the basement. Open until 8:00 p.m. tonight.”
Her head swung toward me at my words. “I never realized there were bathrooms here. I knew they were scattered along the Mall, but... thank you. This is really thoughtful. I can’t wait for our picnic.”
I ducked my head, my cheeks growing warm. Instead of stepping inside the opening where Abe sat, I guided us to the edge of the elevated platform. People occasionally walked around this corner to take in the view of Arlington National Cemetery across the Potomac, but most people were here for their photo opportunity of the sixteenth president and then they moved on to the next stop on their tour. That left a quiet place to share food and quality time with this woman I was wild about.
I pulled the food from the bag and started laying out the spread between us. Jam and buckwheat biscuits, beef and chicken skewers, grilled with squash and peppers, and a fruit salad of honeydew, cantaloupe, strawberries, and blueberries, plus dairy free pudding for dessert. And finally, I retrieved a bottle of sparkling grape juice from the bag and two plastic cups.
“It’s a public park. Actual booze made me nervous,” I said when she raised an eyebrow.
“You rule follower,” she teased, taking a glass from me. “But also, if you expect me to ride a bicycle back home, it’s probably a good idea to not drink and ride. What should we toast to?”
A thousand ideas sped through my mind, but I decided to play it safe.
“To faking it,” I said, holding my glass aloft.
Something I couldn’t read flickered through Jax’s eyes. “To faking it,” she echoed, bringing our plastic glasses together with a click.
We picked at our food in relative silence, speaking to point out something or another in the crowd or ask to pass the fruit.
“So,” Jax said, pouring herself more juice. “Is this a go-to date suggestion for you when others ask what they should do in the city?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone else how much I love this spot.”
“Oh,” she said quietly. “Thank you for bringing me here, then.”
I imagined we were back in that darkened room, all those weeks ago, sharing ourselves with each other.
“This is actually where I planned to propose to Diana, my ex. She wouldn’t have enjoyed a picnic, but she would have liked the pictures we could have gotten here at sunset.”
“What happened with her? I’ve picked up bits and pieces from your brothers, them being worried about our relationship because of your past with her.” She spoke slowly, as if not to spook me.
“We met in grad school. Well, I was in grad school and she regularly went to the coffee shop down the street from the poli-sci building. It took me a month to work up the nerve to talk to her, but finally, the month before graduation, I did. I didn’t know it at the time, but it turns out her taking up a post at that coffee shop was intentional. She fancied herself a politician’s wife. Wanted to be the next Jackie O or something.” I laughed at the irony of sitting here with a real life Jacqueline now, and she joined in.
“But she moved here with me when I left school.”
“After a month?” Jax asked.
“Yup, after a month. She moved right into my first apartment. I added her to the lease and everything. I thought we were in love, but she just saw me as her ticket to the life she wanted. But there was a reason she was still coming to the coffee shop at the end of the year. She was beautiful, but didn’t know a thing about politics or history.
“Everyone else saw right through her, but I guess I just wanted a partner and figured it would keep my work life separate from my home life. Anyway, I planned to propose after just a few months, but Duncan found out she was scheming to get me to run for office sooner. She wasn’t happy with me wanting to work as a staffer for a while. She wanted things to get moving. She was here, why should she have to wait?”
“Oh, Preston, I’m so sorry.”
I shrugged. Even though I had been alone ever since, I was over Diana and her betrayal. “Because she was on the lease, she had claim to the apartment and refused to move out. Last I heard, she had hitched her wagon to a guy on some twenty-four-hour news channel. A more glamorous life, I guess.
“I broke the lease and moved back home with my dad and worked in local government back in Massachusetts for a while. Being back in New England is how I found Senator Marsden, started working for his campaign, and ended up here. So it’s not all bad.”
Jax looked out over those crowds climbing the steps to the monument before turning back to me. “Why in the world did you ever agree to be fake engaged to me? I think one of my selling points was that it would look good for you to have a partner when you ran for office. God, you should have gone running the other way.”
I met her eyes. “Maybe it was because you were no games right from the start. You presented that part as a benefit, not as some surprise secret plan you’d hidden.” I took a deep breath, taking a risk, my heart feeling like it might pound out of my chest. “And I don’t know. Maybe even then, at that very first dinner, I could tell you were someone I could fall in love with.”