26. Capri
26
CAPRI
Where the hell did I put it?
I search the bathroom high and low—nothing. I even go back and check in my suitcase to see if maybe I left my curling iron in there after Italy.
Nope.
I have a Zoom meeting with my principal and teaching staff in thirty minutes, and my hair looks like a storm blew through it.
Gone are the natural beach waves from the Amalfi Coast, and in comes the frizz from the humid state of South Carolina.
Deciding I have no other choice, I run a straightener through my hair and hop on my call. Why are we having a Zoom meeting before teachers get back from summer break? I have no idea.
I’d like to get this call over with quickly and enjoy my last few weeks of freedom and sunshine. That’s one of the most challenging parts about being a teacher: being stuck indoors all day. Except for recess, of course, with kindergarteners.
I love my job and the benefit of getting summers off. I originally went into teaching because of that. With dreams of becoming a mother and having the advantage of staying home with my own children, it felt like a no-brainer to me.
How things have changed…
The call lasted close to an hour and was just to inform the staff of what to expect in a few weeks. Teachers return a week before the students to prepare and get our classrooms in order.
This will be the first year I have to do this on my own.
No manly muscles to rearrange heavy furniture or to assist in hanging things I can’t reach. Not that Drew was much of help anyway. My dad would offer to help, but after throwing his back out a few years ago, I’d rather him not put too much strain on himself.
The summer goes by too fast. Although, this was a summer to remember.
Speaking of…I still haven’t gotten over the fact that I invited Jones over tomorrow night.
I’m not sure why I would volunteer for something so likely to set myself up for failure. I have no willpower where that man is concerned.
I would quite literally do anything he asks me and with a big fucking smile on my face.
I’m strait-laced. Planned. Organized. A control freak. I’m not spontaneous. I don’t trust or let my guard down for anyone anymore.
Except Jones. I mean, Christ, I all but let him take me in The Funky Rooster hallway.
Capri from eight months ago would have been appalled. Capri today is horny just thinking about it. Thinking about all the talent Jones Archer is capable of and how good it felt to give control over to him.
Maybe that’s what I’ve needed all along.
No. I shake the thought. Whether I like it or not, Jones is coming over to watch TV with me tomorrow…a strange invite to send out. But I’m slightly unprepared and need to make a quick run to the grocery store because, apparently, I volunteered to supply the alcohol.
Funky Rooster Capri was definitely horny .
* * *
“Okay, so, I bought every kind of chip I could find. I didn’t know what you liked, so I figured why not buy them all. I know you said you would bring snacks, but I needed to contribute. Oh! I also got Twizzlers—a classic. And beer. We drank lager before, so I’m assuming you like lager. Shit, we drank Prosecco in Italy, maybe that’s what you?—”
“Capri.” Jones stops me gently. His smile from across my tiny kitchen island withholds all judgement. “This is perfect. I love lager. And Twizzlers. Now that I think about it, I’ve never met a snack I didn’t like.”
I breathe a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank god.”
Jones chuckles and reaches for my hand. I let him because again, no willpower. “Let’s just relax, okay? No pressure. Friends, remember?”
Do friends constantly find reasons to hold hands?
I smile and nod. “Yes. Right.” Then I walk to the living room and place the charcuterie-style snack board I constructed on the coffee table.
“I brought something else to contribute,” Jones calls out from behind me.
I turn to find him holding a large bag of nostalgia. I guarantee his are fresh and haven’t been neglected in a cabinet for over a month. “Mini jawbreakers,” I screech. “I could kiss you, Jones Archer.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I blush from embarrassment. But Jones isn’t fazed. “Please do.” He smirks, making no effort to go any further with the statement and settling himself on the couch. “Fuck. This couch is incredible.”
I take in his large frame, looking at home in my home . “It’s the best after a long day. When you’re so tired, you barely make it through the door before flopping down. I know from experience.” I laugh.
“That’s just what I need after today,” Jones says with a slight sadness in his voice.
“Long day?” I ask, sitting beside him. I don’t want to intrude on his personal life, but I have a strong sense today wasn’t the best.
“Yeah, it was.” Jones lifts his arm, ushering me to sit close. I slide under and snuggle against him.
Before I have a chance to change the subject, Jones continues, telling me about his day. “Today was the first day since I’ve been back home that my mother had no idea who I was. It’s happened plenty of times on the phone, but never like this. It’s like she thought I was gonna hurt her or something. She just kept yelling at me to leave, and no matter what I did, it only made her escalate. It’s just so fucking hard when all you want to do is help someone you care about but there’s nothing you can do. It’s a hopeless feeling.”
My heart aches for him. Someone so kind, yet life has dealt him a shitty hand. Losing his father, brother, and now the mother he’s always known.
I’m sure it’s a level of pain that’s pretty incomparable.
I lift my eyes to him. “I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you. Just know that her heart is still the same. She knows you love her. I believe that. But I know it doesn’t make it any easier.”
Jones slides the hair off my forehead and looks into the distance, lost in thought. “Talking to you helps.”
“You can talk to me anytime.”
I could tell him my experience. I’ve beat around the topic a few times with him but never actually said it. We agreed not to, but things feel different now. I know I can trust Jones…but what will come from it?
Comfort for him? Maybe.
“Not to turn things on myself, but I know how you’re feeling. Very well, unfortunately. Just know you’re not alone.”
I know from experience how much it helps to talk to someone who’s been through something similar to you. It’s the closest form of understanding you can find.
My stomach sinks, knowing he will question it. He can read me like a book. And I know I’ll tell him no matter how painful rehashing the worst day of my life will feel.
“You do?” He looks at me with such intensity I could weep.
I nod and Jones holds my hand tenderly, the smallest of touches from him settles my nerves.
“Will you tell me about it?” he asks.
Here it goes. I know once I start talking I won’t be able to stop the tears. But I’ll do it for him. If it helps ease the hurt of his day just by a little.
I nod. “Two years ago, I was pregnant.” Jones instantly tugs me closer, allowing me to continue. “Drew and I were married for three years and decided we wanted to start a family. I was ecstatic when we found out. So was he.” I smile to myself, recalling the memory clear as day. It was the happiest I had ever seen him. I take a deep breath. “I made it to the third trimester at twenty-eight weeks before an ultrasound discovered there was no heartbeat. One moment our baby boy was healthy and growing as he should, and the next, gone just like that.”
“Fuck. Capri. Let me hold you, sweetheart.” He shelters me in his protection.
I lean into Jones like a lifeline, reliving my worst nightmare. “I got to hold him, Jones.” I cry, no longer caring how much of the real me he sees but thankful to have him listen. “He was the most perfect little angel, and I was his mommy. Whether I got to play that part for life or not. At that moment, he was my entire world, and I was his.”
“You are so brave. So brave. So strong,” he whispers affirmations into my ear. “He’s lucky to have a mother as resilient and loving as you.”
I choke down a sob. “For so long, I felt like something was wrong with me. Like I wasn’t healthy enough to grow my child. The doctors and nurses tried everything. How does that even happen? How does a heartbeat just stop with no explanation? I was angry at God for taking him away from me. Angry at myself for not being the mother he needed. But I knew I owed it to Stevie to make my life count and be something that made a difference for him. It took me a while to get to that point, but that’s why I went into teaching.”
“Stevie? A strong name for a strong boy,” Jones whispers. My lips quiver, a rush of tears escaping no matter how hard I try to contain them.
I nod. “The strongest boy.”
“Can I ask you something?” He’s gentle with his approach.
“Anything.”
There’s nothing he could ask me that I won’t tell him.
“Was losing Stevie what caused a rift in your marriage?”
I answer without hesitation. “Not at all. Our problems started long before that. It explains why Drew’s affair went on for so long. Even while I was pregnant, he was sleeping with my best friend. After Stevie’s funeral, the shift between us became much more evident. He was never around, and when he was, he was so distant it wouldn’t have mattered. I was always his enemy, and I never understood it. I mean, I was privileged to carry the most beautiful baby boy for twenty-eight weeks and lose him tragically. I know Drew lost him, too, but I spent days in recovery without a husband by my side and with new scars to look at for the rest of my life, reminding me of our boy. He could have been present for at least that. So, no. That was just the stone that shattered it.”
“The bastard just abandoned you at a time like that? While you were mourning and recovering?” The venom in his tone is there, but there’s always pain. He feels pain for me.
I nod. “I was numb. All I cared about was Stevie, enough to mask the hurt of Drew not being there. Collie was there. And my parents. That was enough for me.”
Jones ponders my words. He holds me and listens, letting me cry and being a shoulder to lean on. “Thank you for sharing that with me, Capri. I know it must be scary to open yourself up to someone like that. I struggle with it too.”
“Is your mother really all you have left?”
He nods, lazily running his thumb over my hand. “She is, unfortunately. Tommy died of a freak boating accident. Honestly, it could have happened to any of us. That’s why I’m so anal about checking over the yachts thoroughly before sailing. He was supposed to take over Archer Chartering. My father left it to him.”
“In return, leaving it to you?” He nods.
“I’m not sure why I care or try. I was never his first choice. He made that clear.”
“Because he’s still your dad. That says more about the man you are and less about him.”
Jones takes in my every word. “But at what cost, you know? My mother is halfway across the world, alone, so I can keep his legacy alive. It feels a little twisted.”
I search for his eyes, begging him to see my heart. “You may be old enough to have children of your own, but you’re still his child. I’d be worried if you didn’t care. But at the same time, you can’t forget to live, Jones. You deserve that, at the very least.”
This isn’t how I expected our night to go, but I’m glad about it. It seems Jones and I have a lot in common and feel safe enough to share with each other. I can’t remember the last time I shared something private with someone other than Collie.
He nods solemnly. “The pressure gets to be a lot. To be all things to both of them. Even when he’s six feet under.”
I caress the side of his face, steering him to look at me. “You’re here now. That’s what matters. You have time to figure out the rest. Okay?”
He kisses my forehead and it’s as if a switch flips. “Okay, enough of the sad shit, beautiful. Time to drown ourselves in junk food and alcohol.”
“Don’t forget the trashy TV,” I remind him.
Jones smiles. “I knew I liked you for a reason. Get over here, woman.”
* * *
“How have you never watched Grey’s Anatomy?”
I gape. “No idea but I’m hooked now.”
I follow Jones into the kitchen as we clean up the mess from tonight. It’s past midnight, and I feel every minute of it.
For someone who prefers an early bedtime, this is stretching it for me.
But no regrets. Not only did we start Grey’s Anatomy, but we got five episodes deep, and I’m officially off the market and owned by McDreamy.
“Big day for you then.” Jones laughs and gives me a clap for achievement.
“Funny. I have watched TV before.” I laugh. “I just haven’t had one since I’ve been divorced.”
Jones sets down the wooden board and starts washing the dishes. “What are you?—”
“Ah!” He holds up a hand. “Friendship rule number one: no arguing when I do something nice for you. Simple as that.”
“Okay, but?—”
“Rule number two: no watching ahead.”
Now that makes my rioting stop. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You heard me.” He grins, busying himself tidying up the kitchen.
“So, you’re telling me that I just binged the best medical drama in the history of medical dramas, one you’ve already seen, and I have to wait for you to keep watching?”
He nods. “That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
A thought comes to mind. “Wait, why have you watched Grey’s? It doesn’t seem like your kind of show?”
He rears back with a smile. “And what kind of shows do I look like I watch, Capri?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. Like men who fix big things and chop wood. It’s the hands.”
Jones tosses the dish towel on the counter and circles toward me. “You got a thing for my hands, sweetheart?”
“I just…” I stutter.
He corners me against the nearest surface. In this case, it’s the back of my oversized chair. “You just…what?”
The air is thick and his words are edged with intention.
We’re nearly an inch apart, and it’s clear Jones has no plans to move away. “I like your hands, okay? They’re good at…gripping things. God damnit. Why can’t I ever speak right around you?”
There’s that cocky smirk again. He’s enjoying this too much.
Without thinking twice, his hands find their way to my arms, the roughness of his calloused palms causing my body to shudder and my core to ache.
It’s been too long since I’ve had some relief. I need to remedy that later. Although, the source behind my fantasy is standing right in front of me.
“I love touching you,” Jones breathes out, eyes tracing his motions. “Drives me mad I can’t touch you how I want to.”
“I’m sorry.” I exhale. “Am I being a tease?”
His eyes lift. “What? You are nothing close to a tease. You’re a temptation. A temptation I’ve been struggling to fight every damn day since I got here.”
“Jones,” I whimper, although it sounds like a moan. “I…”
His forehead falls to mine, and we breathe each other in. “Capri. I want you so damn bad. You have no idea.”
My heart soars at his words. Words I’ve longed to hear from a man who loved me and only me for so long.
“I want you too, Jones. I really do…” This is the conflict I constantly face. Am I doing the right thing by denying what I very clearly want, all because I’m trying to focus on myself?
I feel better with time. More confident to do life on my own. But Jones makes me want to build a team of mini-Joneses and let him lead. God, I’d follow him anywhere.
I think, in hindsight, I should be concerned about my feelings for him, deterring me from this newfound independence I’m finding.
But I’m not.
“I know,” he says with a heavy breath. “I know. But you should put yourself first.” He pulls away, and every fleshly instinct inside of me wants to pull him back. Never let him leave again.
“You don’t have to leave,” I tell him softly. “You’ve been drinking.”
He smiles lightly before grabbing his truck keys. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more sober. Besides, it’s late.”
I nod. “I had fun tonight, Captain. Thanks for the TV and…being a sounding board. You’ll never know how much I needed that.”
He pulls me in for a hug and places a kiss on my head. “Anytime. I needed it too.”