43. Jones
43
JONES
“Where’s the goddamn guest list? I thought I told you to keep track?” I snap.
“Look behind you, boss,” Romeo tells me, eyes filled with concern.
I jerk my head around, finding the stacked notebook I’ve been driving myself mad trying to find.
“Great,” I say, playing off my assumption. “Get back to work.”
Thankfully, he doesn’t argue and leaves me. Leaves me to my own space, the place I feel fucking haunted by the void in my chest. I’m an angry, bitter mess, and I realize I’m taking it out on the people I care about, but I don’t know how to shake it.
Shake her.
It’s been two long and torturous months without Capri, and I feel every second of her absence. She became this cure for me, something I now realize fought off the loneliness. Cured the loneliness.
I’ve done nothing but slam myself with work, tirelessly aiming to take on more to keep myself busy. Spoiler alert: it’s not working.
She’s all I can think about. Her lavender smell, the raspy sound of her voice early in the morning, the slickness of her skin pressed against mine, the kindness she showed my mother…
Fuck. I replay her last words to me over and over again.
My own husband abandoned me. How am I supposed to know you won’t abandon me like you did your mother?
At first, I was hurt. Hurt that she would make a comment like that about me and my mother. I meant what I said about wanting a life partner who would support me and encourage me.
However, I had no way of knowing who nurse Vivian was to Capri.
It makes sense she would trigger her, especially given she was her best friend. That’s a lot of damage that I’m sure Capri never had the chance to fully deal with, given her impending marriage was the priority.
And then seeing her with me. And her hand on mine. Fuck. I know that had to suck for her to see, leading to the spiral.
The more I sit on it, the more I understand. I’ll always have sympathy for what she’s gone through, but that doesn’t mean I have to accept the affliction toward me. I’ve done my hardest to make sure Capri feels loved and cherished.
I’m seasoned enough to know what I can and cannot handle in a relationship. I can’t be with someone who sees the worst in me. I’ve spent too many years alone, fighting a battle against myself over regret and family conflicts.
I refuse to do that anymore.
The saddest part is that I know how hurt she felt, and believe it or not, I know she didn’t mean what she said. The fear of her past came rushing back, triggered by Vivian, and she couldn’t see anything past that.
I understand.
But fuck if I don’t miss her. I’d give anything to binge-watch trashy TV with her and watch her annihilate a bag of mini jawbreakers. It’s the little things I miss the most.
I won’t go to her, though. This time, it’s her move.
So yeah, I’m an angry mess, taking it out on my staff and not giving a shit what anyone thinks about it.
Capri and I are over—I need to accept it and move on.
A knock on my office door startles me, and I shift my eyes to find Romeo…again.
“Yes?” I draw out an annoyed question.
He chuckles, because of course he fucking chuckles. “Miss me?” He grins.
“Hardly,” I reply sharply. “What’s up?”
He saunters to my desk and plops an order sheet in front of me. “For you.”
I inspect it. “This is a booking. Isn’t that Luca’s job?” I ask.
“Yes,” he answers cautiously. “But you’re the only one who can do it. The couple requested privacy. Whatever that means.”
I roll my eyes, catching on real quick. “Romeo, we all know what that means. They want to fuck on the yacht in private, so they rented it out for the day.” I huff.
“It’s smart if you think about it.” He laughs. “Why did I never think of that?”
I ignore him. “What’s this have to do with me? You and Luca are perfectly capable of doing it.”
He shakes his head. “No can do, boss. I only work half days on Fridays and Luca is sick.”
I smirk. “Good thing the booking is for tomorrow then. Luca will be good as new.” I toss the papers his way, and he grabs them before taking a pen and writing my name across the top in black Sharpie.
BOSS MAN
He lifts his face to mine. “Explosive diarrhea. You know how that goes.” His brows raise and I scrunch my nose in disgust. “Chances are, he’ll be down for the count for days. I doubt he’s even left the toilet.”
“Jesus, Romeo…”
He shrugs. “I mean, I can always tell him to suck it up and if he has to shit on the boat, the option is there. It would only be him and the guests anyway.”
“Please don’t,” I plead. “I’ll do it.”
Romeo’s grin is wide. “Excellent. You the man, Jonesy.”
“Don’t call me that.”
“Right.” He laughs. “You leave bright and early. Oh, and one more thing.”
I lift my head, expecting anything to come from his mouth.
“Make yourself scarce. Wouldn’t want to upset the guests.” He smiles and exits my office, slamming the door behind him.
Well, okay. I guess I’m getting out of here tomorrow.
Maybe this will be a helpful distraction.
* * *
This is awkward.
Somewhere on my yacht is a couple…fucking…and enjoying a day full of privacy .
Is it awkward because I’m the random dude supervising from afar, or because I wish it was me?
Fuck. I miss sex. Sex with Capri, to be specific.
This boat brings back so many memories. It was the first time in years I felt something other than the need to bury myself in a woman. I wanted that too. But god, I wanted to know her bone-deep—pain and happiness level deep. Peel back all the layers of Capri Meadows that made her the most striking woman I’d ever met.
Now, it’s come full circle. I’m alone and dreaming of the woman I can never have.
I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do to make myself scarce, so I hide in the cabin of the boat, staring at the textured wall in front of me, likely driving Antonio crazy.
Not my best look, but I’ll do anything to pass the time. Twelve hours is a long time to be locked in a tiny room. Good thing I don’t have claustrophobia.
An unexpected ping hits the cabin window overlooking the pool area, causing me to jolt and my defenses to rise.
What the hell was that? We’re in the middle of the Mediterranean. There’s no civilization other than the couple on board for miles. Although I didn’t exactly get to meet the couple, they were boarded before I was, and I highly doubt they’re the ones throwing rocks on board.
I’ve been on this boat more days than I have on land, and that’s never happened. My mind plays through the possibilities. It wasn’t big enough to crack the window, but it’s definitely enough to have me questioning what’s going on out there.
I’m technically supposed to stay away, but curiosity gets the best of me.
I’ll just take a look, make sure everything is alright, then go back into hiding.
Let’s hope I don’t catch an eye full of something kinky.
It’s too damn early for that.
I pull the sliding door open and step out onto the pool deck, my eyes scanning the perimeter. I’ll search the entire deck level, and if I find nothing, call it a loss and forget about it.
I stroll to the front of the deck first, scoping out the infinity pool and lounge area…nothing. That must mean the couple on board is in the back or their designated cabin room. The only spare room we offer to guests at a cost.
My initial thought is maybe Antonio was working on something and it broke or flung in the air.
I circle toward the backside of the boat; a place I rarely spend any time. A soft sound increases in volume the closer I get, and I realize it’s music. Not the alternative music I typically play on board, but contemporary music.
Country music, to be specific.
What the hell? No shade, no tea to the couple onboard but country wouldn’t be my first choice.
I’m not sure what I expected, but it damn sure wasn’t to find the beautiful Capri Meadows sprawled out on a lounge chair in one of her famous thong bikinis.
My chest plummets. What is she doing here, and how did she get on board a private booking?
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. This can’t be happening.
I rub my beard, contemplating how to approach this—approach her, before spinning around to fucking hide.
Jesus Christ. I’m a coward. Running away from the woman who hurt me.
“Hey, Captain.”
There goes all the air in my lungs. I suck in a sharp breath, my back still toward her and close my eyes, giving myself a moment to prepare.
Prepare to see her again. To really see her again in all her beauty. But I also need to be headstrong and forward. Find out why she’s here and carry on with my day, ignoring her.
Not sure if that’s humanly possible for me, given she’s my whole damn heartbeat, but I’ll try.
I turn carefully, not showing her too much of my emotional distress, and walk in her direction. Thankfully, my sunglasses shield my perusal of her, because goddamn.
It’s like seeing her with a new set of eyes.
Capri is beautiful in every way that counts. But she knew what she was doing boarding my yacht in that.
And by that, I mean a barely-there thong bikini. Her hair is layered in tousled curls, just how I like it, with thin brown sunglasses on her face.
It’s not until I get closer that she lifts them. I can see the heat radiating off her stare. She’s missed me too. The way she licks her lips slightly gives it away.
But I have to be strong. She hurt me, and I can’t give into her just because she showed up here looking like sex on wheels.
Tempting.
“What are you doing here, Capri?” I ask her, trying not to sound rude but enough to demand an explanation.
“I was in the mood for some exploring. Can’t you see?” She grins, waving her arm out beside her.
“Exploring?” I question. “This is a private booking. How did you get on here?”
“I know a guy who knows a guy.” Her smirk tells me everything I need to know.
Only one name comes to mind. “Romeo,” I state, realizing why the asshole assigned me to this job. “There isn’t another couple on board, is there?” I can’t control my visible frustration. She doesn’t seem fazed by it, though.
Capri shakes her head. “Nope. Just us and the great blue seas.”
“Great,” I say, causing her to frown. I hold my hand up. “I…I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just…”
“You weren’t expecting me,” she says bluntly.
I shake my head, my tone becoming more solemn. “No, I wasn’t.” I pin my eyes to her bright blues and ask her the question I’m dying to know, “Why are you really here, Capri? It’s good to see you but I have to say, I’m really confused. It’s been two months.”
Capri slides off her lounger and stands in front of me. I can smell her from here. Lavender mixed with the vanilla scent of her sunscreen.
Fuck. It’s been so long since my arms have held her.
“Two months and three days, to be specific.”
I smirk. “But who’s counting?”
“I am,” she says in all seriousness. “I’ve never lost count. Not even when I tried.”
My stomach drops and I feel the pain of our separation all over again. It’s like ripping a Band-Aid off, revealing a fresh wound underneath. Never healed, only masked on the outside.
I run my hand through my hair, tugging at the roots. I feel exhausted. These past two months without Capri have felt like an eternity. I just don’t know if I’m ready to talk to her.
I need to find a way to put some space between us until I can get my thoughts together.
I don’t respond to her admission. I can’t. Instead, I tell her the most scripted thing I could possibly say, “Okay, well, have a good time. Antonio is around if you need anything at all.”
* * *
Since I’m now learning it’s just me and Capri on the yacht, I will be locking myself in my cabin, keeping myself chained with no access to the outside.
It’s going to be a long day of sailing, but it’s what needs to be done.
That way, I have no chance of touching her. Giving in too easily.
I reach the sliding door, attempting to open it, but the thing doesn’t budge.
The fuck? I train my eyes forward, finding Antonio inside, waving at me like he won’t be seeing me for a while.
I bang on the glass. “Antonio, aprire.” Open up.
His hands fly up, and I can’t make out what he’s saying since it’s in Italian, but he’s panicking and sending me praying hands.
What is going on? “Just open the goddamn door, Antonio.”
“No, no. Price for everyone, sir,” he yells.
“Looks like it’s just you and me now.”
I spin on my heels, searching for the feminine voice behind me. Capri has a wicked smile on her face, and not gonna lie, I’m surprised by her forwardness. She took action and paid off Antonio to get us alone.
Interesting. But why? After insisting we were over and she couldn’t move forward with me…now this?
“You did this?” I smirk, somewhat impressed.
“Had to get you to talk to me somehow.” She shrugs.
“How do you know I wouldn’t have talked to you? You haven’t tried,” I tell her.
She strides back to the pool and dips her toes in the crystal water. I follow, seeing as how I have nowhere else to go.
I also think I’d like to hear her out.
“That’s because I had to forgive myself first,” she says, holding no embarrassment, just genuine sincerity.
I slide my flip-flops off and sit beside her, letting my legs drop into the water. “Did you?” I ask, Capri looking at me curiously. “Forgive yourself.”
She nods. “I did. Only took me two months, but yeah. I knew I couldn’t talk to you until I understood why I reacted the way I did. Once I could work through that, I knew I was ready to ask for your forgiveness.”
“Capri…” I breathe out, taken aback.
I’d be lying to myself if I said I haven’t dreamed of her coming back and all being right between us again. I have. But this isn’t just a small blip in time. We’re talking about things that would alter our future together.
“I know, I know.” She waves me off. “It was worth a shot, right? If anything, I’d really just like a chance to apologize and explain.”
After everything we’ve been through together, I owe her that.
I know she made a mistake, and frankly, I’m ready to forgive her. All it would take is her to be honest with me and I’d stop at nothing to make her mine again.
But I need to be sure she’s serious about a future with me first. There are nonnegotiables I won’t sway on.
“So, talk,” I say kindly. “I’ll always listen to you, Capri.”
She smiles up at me. “I don’t deserve your kindness after what I said.”
“No, you don’t,” I tell her honestly. “But I’ll give it to you anyway.”
She leans her head on my shoulder slightly, a silent thank you passing between us before she sits upright. Shifting on her leg, Capri angles herself, giving me full eye contact.
She wants me to soak in every word. I can hear her whispering it to herself now. “One thing a lot of people don’t know about my marriage with Drew is that I spent most nights alone. It makes sense looking back now, but at the time, I’d never felt more isolated. I went to bed, and he was gone. Woke up, and he was gone. It wasn’t a marriage. I felt trapped because he was all I ever knew. I think that really depleted my confidence, making me so dependent on him. I wasn’t even sad about my marriage ending. It sounds horrible to admit out loud, but I know in my heart he never loved me. So it was almost like he did me a favor. The part that hurt the most, though, was losing my best friend.”
I feel the pain in her words. The betrayal of someone she trusted.
“Vivian and I were friends throughout our childhood, and for her to betray me like that felt like a death. One I soon got over, but I’d never felt more foolish. God, Jones, the number of dinners we had at our house that she came to. I had no idea, sitting there looking like a fool. That’s why coming out of my marriage, I had caution signs galore. I never wanted to be blindsided like that again.”
“Why stay with him then? If you knew he didn’t really love you.”
She ponders my question before answering, “I felt stuck. Drew was all I ever knew in my adult life, and then add in losing Stevie, I felt tied to him in a way. Like Stevie would be hurt to know I left his dad. I don’t know. I know now it was my mind just struggling to come to terms with where my marriage was. I knew I would be disappointing a lot of people.”
“Do you still feel like that now? The worry of hurting people even if it’s for something that makes you happy?”
Capri doesn’t hesitate. “Not one bit. It took meeting you to see that for myself. That was the first time in my life I went outside of my plan. I’d say it worked out for me in the end.”
I understand where she’s coming from. It took me until recently to realize I didn’t need my father’s approval to make something of myself, and that includes owing him anything.
“So, seeing Vivian at Paloma triggered you,” I say, everything making better sense.
Capri nods. “I couldn’t think straight.” She exhales slowly. “Pretty sure I didn’t breathe until her arm was off of you. It was a toxic spiral that I let myself be a victim to, and I’m so terribly sorry it was directed at you. Never once have you made me feel less than adored, Jones. I mean that. You’ve been nothing but good to me and vocal about how you felt. I was feeling the same, which was why I shocked myself with my reaction.”
I nod, understanding her more and more. “I forgive you. I’ll always forgive you. But I will say, I hate that you didn’t just talk to me. I deserved that.”
“I agree completely. I know I was self-sabotaging. It’s like I went into fight or flight mode and couldn’t see past the possibility of you hurting me or worse, leaving me too.”
Silence stretches between us. I know what needs to be addressed now and it makes me want to fucking puke.
“About what you said,” I say before she stops me.
Capri’s glassy eyes tell so much of her story, and part of that story now is what she and I have been through together. Our time together and apart.
She takes my hand into her lap and cups it in her palms before pulling it to her chest. “I’m sorry. From the bottom of my heart, I am so sorry.” Fuck, my chest feels like it’s caving in. “I lashed out at you, and you’re the last person who deserved it. I know how much and how well you love your mother; I’ve seen it firsthand. I said it to hurt you because I was hurting. I can admit that. Not proudly, but it’s true. Just know how horrible I feel. I’ve been killing myself over my words, and I know sorry doesn’t fix anything, but it would mean everything to me if you’d accept my apology.”
Sweet girl.
Just like me, Capri has been through the thick of it. Navigating life alone the same way I have.
I believe that’s why we mesh so well together. We’re perfectly imperfect. The last thing I want is a woman who never makes mistakes. I want a woman who will fuck up more times than not but be willing to make it right and grow from it.
I strive to do the same for myself.
“That’s all I needed to hear for you to have my forgiveness,” I tell her, watching as she takes a breath of relief. “If I had known who the nurse was to you, I would have immediately requested a change. I just need you to talk to me, Capri. It can’t be one-sided where I have to constantly guess what you’re thinking. I need communication. That’s why I said being with someone who supports me is so important. I’ve gone most of my life without support and I don’t want to do it alone anymore.”
Tears fill her eyes, and my heart continues to beat out of my chest. “I can relate to that,” she whispers, and her eyes drop before confidently rising to meet mine. “I’ve done a lot of thinking these past two months, and I’ve realized I don’t think I ever really dealt with Vivian’s betrayal. I’ve moved on from Drew, but losing my best friend may have hurt worse. I can see how much I’ve internalized that hurt, and I decided I’m going to get some help. See a therapist. I think it’ll help me.”
There she is. There’s the resilient woman I love.
I pull her into my chest and place a firm kiss on her head. “I’m so proud of you. It takes a strong woman to seek help. Just know you have my full support for whatever you need.”
I see the wheels spinning in her head and I can tell what she wants to ask. “You wanna know what I was talking to Vivian about, don’t you?”
She nods. “If it’s too soon, I get it. I don’t want you to share with me if you aren’t ready.”
I shake my head. “Communication, right?” She nods, and I continue, “I’ve been working to get my mother’s care improved so that she can be transferred to Capri. I’ve been meeting with the doctors and her caregivers to make sure she’s ready. I’d never want to take her out of her safe environment, but I’m beginning to think she feels the safest around family. Around us…”
“Us?” Capri asks, with what I’m hoping to be happiness filling her eyes.
I nod. “I know it’s asking a lot for you to move here, but?—”
“Yes!” she shouts and I chuckle.
“I didn’t get to finish.” I tap her nose.
“But the answer will still be yes.” Her smile is carefree and tells me she’s ready for this change.
“I know all of your family is in South Carolina, your job, your hobbies…”
“Be for real, Jones. I never had any hobbies.” Capri falls into hysterical laughter. “My family can visit. I can teach anywhere. But you…you are who I want to follow. To let you lead.”
Emotions overwhelm me, knowing this incredible woman is willing to leave behind the only life she’s ever known to be with me. It’s everything I could have ever hoped for. “You’ll really move here with me?”
She nods, bouncing in her seat. “In a heartbeat.”
“Fuck. I feel like I can breathe again.”
“Does that mean you’ll have me? My crazy insecurities and all. Because after this, there’s no quitting on me. I’m yours forever.” Her smile is wide and her tone is light, but I can see the caution in her gaze.
I don’t think I have any other option but to have her. Capri is the best part of me. The part that I’m not me without.
“There’s no doubt in my mind,” I say, tucking a strand of her golden hair behind her ear. “You’re Capri from Capri.” I grin.
She smiles, looking shy for a moment before I speak again, “You’re also the woman I love.”
Without warning, Capri breaks into tears, a full sob erupting from her lips. “Sweetheart,” I whisper. “This is typically when you say I love you back.” I chuckle.
“Of course I love you,” she says through tears, covering her face with her hands. I move them, giving me the best view in the entire world. “You’re my captain.”
I smile. “Let me get a good look at those bright blue eyes, then.”
Capri gazes into my eyes, and I finally feel my heart rest. “My beautiful girl,” I whisper. After two months of aching and searching for a regular rhythm, peace is there.
The hope for a love so deep, so pure, a lifetime of fullness is in store.
“A full life. That’s what I want with you…as the man I love,” Capri whispers, kissing my lips softly. “I don’t need anything else.”
“Fuck, I’ve missed you.”
She lifts herself up and straddles my legs, the salty air around us shifting. “Did you now?” Her sexy voice taunts me. “I think my vibrator is ready to retire at the rate it’s been put to work.”
I throw my head back and laugh, gripping her cheeks and shoving her down on me. “Hard to beat the real thing,” I whisper in her ear. “Looks like we have a lot of making up to do.”
Her lips find my neck. “That’s the fun part. I did reserve the yacht for the whole day. I don’t think the old man in charge will mind. Do you?”
“Not at all. Although, I did hear he’s in the market for a new operations manager.”
Capri giggles. “You’re gonna kill Romeo, huh?”
“Sure am,” I say with a smirk, pulling her in for a kiss. “But first, there’s something else I need to do.”