Jenny
Soft sunlight bled in through the gaps in the curtains. She got out of bed as quietly as she could and tiptoed across the cold floor to the bathroom.
A steaming shower warmed her up, and once she was dressed, she felt a little more like herself.
She curled up on the sofa with a book, not wanting to wake Gael.
It had been such a whirlwind since the moment they got off the plane. It was hard to believe they had only arrived a week ago.
She couldn’t help feeling dismayed that in just seven days she had catalogued so many things they would lose by leaving this place.
First and foremost were the wonderful people of Trinity Falls. From Trudy and Ward right here at the inn, to the folks at the Center, to Ana and her mother and everyone they had met in between—it was clear that this was a town that cared.
Then there were the fun activities that Gael had enjoyed so much. Driving out to explore Amish country, visiting Cassidy Farm, or just walking around the little town of Trinity Falls, had all been fun and basically free. And Gael hadn’t been bored for a moment.
Even yesterday, in all their sadness, he had still wanted to go back to Cassidy Farm to feed the animals, which they had done for hours, the cold, fresh air and the happy cries of the chickens and goats soothing their troubled minds.
She had only been there twice, and she knew already that they would miss it.
And of course there was Erik.
Shaking her head at her own foolishness, she set her book down. It wasn’t going to get read—she was too distracted and ashamed to take in the words on the page.
She had honestly thought that he was going to ask them to stay.
She’d been envisioning what it would be like for her relationship with Erik to grow serious, maybe to lead to a real proposal and wedding one day.
The three of them would have picnics in the summer and go camping, sip cider and choose school supplies with Gael in the fall, decorate a tree next Christmas, build a snowman…
But none of those things were going to happen.
He’d called her so many times since yesterday, a glance at her phone screen told her that much.
But she’d heard what he’d said when he didn’t know she was listening.
Things had been going well for a while—well enough that he’d asked her on a real date. But he had obviously changed his mind for some reason.
Maybe it was because of all she had shared with him at dinner.
She certainly hadn’t held anything back.
He knew about her feelings for Jason, and how broken she had been when she lost him.
He knew that Gael was her priority over anything and everything else in the world, and that she felt he needed more than most children his age because of the circumstances he had survived.
At the time, she had thought he took those things well, accepted them and honored her feelings for Jason and her need to put Gael first.
But what man would want to love a woman who still mourned her first husband? What man wanted to play second fiddle to a nine-year-old?
Realistically, she should have realized that Erik was only being kind. Of course he still wanted her to go back to Boston when everything was done.
He wasn’t going to ask her to stay.
She gazed at the little Christmas tree, watching the lights twinkle and thinking of that other tree so long ago, the one she and Erik had sat under together, sipping chicken soup and comforting each other. All she had wanted then was for him to return her feelings.
What did it say about her that so many years later, she was sitting by another tree, in another town, wishing the same hopeless wish?
She turned to the window, where the sun was slowly rising, painting the snowy landscape the palest pink.
I’m not going to let this get me down, she tried to tell herself, as tears threatened but didn’t spill. She was determined to pull herself together and plan some things for them to do when they got home, so that Gael would have something fun to focus on.
It didn’t matter if that faraway place didn’t really feel like home anymore.
By the time she heard Gael’s footsteps on the wood plank floors, she had half a page of ideas jotted down in her notebook.
The aquarium and the Tea Party boats were on the list, but so was the Boston Public Garden.
Maybe she would be envisioning that pretend date with Erik when they first arrived.
But she wasn’t going to let her own foolishness rob her son of one of the most beautiful parks in the world.
“Happy New Year’s Eve,” Gael murmured, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
“Happy New Year’s Eve to you too,” she told him, offering him a smile.
He headed to the sofa and sat beside her, wriggling himself in closer. It was one of Jenny’s favorite things about mornings, when Gael felt snuggly.
“There won’t be a wedding today,” he said quietly.
They had gone over all of this last night before bed, but it was just like Gael to want to work through it.
“No,” she agreed. “There won’t be a wedding. But we’ll still have a fun day.”
“We’ll eat pancakes with Trudy and Ward,” he said, smiling at the idea.
“Yes,” she told him. “And we’ll go for a walk by the lake. And then we’ll go into town and window shop.”
“Do we need a window?” Gael asked.
“That’s when you go shopping just to look,” she explained.
“Right,” Gael said. “But maybe we can buy one thing, if we really, really love it.”
“Maybe,” she said, unable to keep from smiling.
“We’ll go to the bookstore,” he said, nodding to himself.
“And then we can see how we feel,” she said. “We might want to go explore the countryside, or we might want to come back here and curl up with our books, or watch a movie together.”
“That sounds nice,” Gael said contentedly. “And Erik won’t be too sad?”
Jenny’s heart ached, but she smiled.
“No,” she said. “Erik has so many friends. He won’t be too sad without us.”
“Why does he want us to go home?” Gael asked, not for the first time.
“Erik and I were good friends back in school,” Jenny said. “And it was so much fun to see each other again. But when I see how busy his life is here, I can understand why he’s worried about making big changes. We’ll always be friends. We just won’t be boyfriend and girlfriend.”
“If you’re friends, then why won’t you talk to him?” Gael said, his eyes on her phone.
Jenny bit her lip. She didn’t have a glossy, grownup answer to that.
“Because I’m still sad,” she admitted. “And I’m embarrassed. I don’t want Erik to try to cheer me up. I’ll call him back as soon as we’re home and I’m feeling better.”
“Friends cheer each other up,” Gael said automatically.
“This is different,” she told him. “I can’t really explain it, but it just is.”
When she was a child she had hated when adults said, You’ll understand when you’re older. But now she got it. Some things just didn’t make sense to a nine-year-old worldview.
“Let’s have pancakes,” Gael said, hopping up.
Pancakes, on the other hand, always made perfect sense.
“Okay,” she told him. “Go get ready and we’ll head down.”
While Gael brushed his teeth and got dressed, she headed to her room to straighten up. She had checked with the airline, but they couldn’t move up her ticket, so they would be going home the day after tomorrow, as planned. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t get organized and pack a few things now.
A few minutes later, she and Gael headed downstairs. The air smelled like maple syrup and cinnamon. Trudy and Ward were singing along with the radio in the kitchen, keeping up pretty well with Brenda Lee on “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree.”
Gael stole a glance at Jenny and smiled conspiratorially. He didn’t want to interrupt their good time either.
She could only smile back, charmed as usual by her son. He had such a fun sense of humor, and he was honestly a good judge of human character.
“Ho, there,” Ward said, noticing them and headed into the dining room. “We’ve got company for breakfast today.”
“Good morning, you two,” Trudy said as she followed him.
“Want to help me get some more firewood, Gael?” Ward asked. “If it’s okay with your mom?”
“Yes,” Gael said, his eyes lighting up.
“Of course,” Jenny said, nodding to Ward.
The two of them pulled on coats and headed out to the little structure Ward had built to keep the wood dry.
“How are you holding up?” Trudy asked Jenny softly.
“You know?” Jenny asked, but it was clear that she did.
“It’s a small town,” Trudy said apologetically. “I’m sorry your secret came out. But aren’t you and Erik seeing each other for real now?”
“I was hoping it would work out,” Jenny said. “But I could tell by the way he was talking to Samantha that it’s probably too much for him. I’m just… a lot, I guess—too much baggage.”
“You can’t mean Gael,” Trudy said, looking scandalized.
“I lost my husband a few years ago,” Jenny admitted. “I’m not sure I’ll ever really be over it.”
Trudy’s beautiful eyes filled with tears, and she nodded slowly.
“I lost my Phillip,” she said softly. “I can tell you right now that I won’t ever stop missing him.”
“It doesn’t go away,” Jenny said softly, stating out loud what she already knew was true.
“It doesn’t,” Trudy agreed. “That’s not how love works. But Ward understands, and he respects my feelings. You’d be surprised how much room your heart has when it comes to love. Life is complicated, and love can be complicated too, and none the worse for it.”
“I thought Erik understood,” Jenny said. “We talked about it, and he was so kind. But… well, it’s okay. I’m glad I got to hear how he felt so I wouldn’t waste a moment chasing a daydream. I have a good life. Gael and I will be just fine.”
“You have a wonderful family,” Trudy agreed with a warm smile. “Erik would have been lucky to be a part of it. And you never know what the future holds.”
“I guess I have to agree with you there,” Jenny said, laughing. She certainly never would have imagined herself in Pennsylvania at a country inn on New Year’s Eve with her adopted son, having a heart-to-heart talk with someone she had met a week ago.