Chapter Ten
Haven
“When I was little, I would sit in my room, wishing for a fairytale. The white knight would rescue me from my evil father. I was very lonely and didn’t have many friends.
I decided to rescue myself. I enjoyed pushing the limits of my father’s temper, yet in doing that, I began to get to know myself.
For so long, there was so much importance placed on being the perfect daughter—quiet and ladylike.
So, even though my rebellion caused him to raise his fist more often than not, I don’t regret it.
It taught me to be who I wanted to be. It was more than dying my hair different colors, which he despised.
It was learning what I liked. What was I good at?
Writing letters to Rylee started a love for writing and books.
Getting to know her showed me that there were people out there who could connect with me.
Living at home was cold and sterile. I was trapped in a place with no color. ”
“I loved art class and discovered my love for painting. It was just so freeing. My father couldn’t stop me from going to class because he respected education.
He believed they wouldn’t teach me something he didn’t approve of.
I became better and better, but that wasn’t what I cared about.
The smell of the paints and losing all worries as I attacked a canvas was what I loved.
When the class became too easy, I wanted more.
I found a program, but it wasn’t related to school.
So, I had to lie. Father believed me when I told him I was volunteering to tutor.
That was a noble thing to do, and I agree, but I knew he wouldn’t let me go if he knew the truth.
He lied to me all the time, so I didn’t feel guilty. I did what I had to. I wanted to live.”
“Did you bring your supplies?” Hunter asks.
“No. I didn’t think the visit would last forever.”
“We would love to see your art,” Lawson says softly.
“This trip is filled with firsts,” I snort. “When Father found out, he burned all my brushes.”
“Fuck,” Hunter growls, and I shrug.
“I wasn’t surprised.” I look at Hunter, then at Lawson.
“I want a man…or men, who will allow me to be whatever I want to be. They should be patient, loving, and cherish our connection. Life should be exciting, and I don’t mean we should be living in up every minute.
But we shouldn’t be scared to do the things that bring us closer, and make life more fun and fulfilling.
” I shake my head and lick my lips. “I need respect. I have a brain and opinions. I don’t want my feelings brushed off as if they mean nothing.
Yet, I also like that you want to take care of me.
When I was growing up, I was often left alone.
No one cared if I had something to eat, if I was cold, or how I slept.
I like your dominance because I know it’s done with care and concern.
“I don’t doubt we're mates. Words are easy to say. If you say you're sorry, yet do the same thing again and again, are you really? I need to be shown; it is the intention behind the words that makes it real. Trust is hard for me. I haven’t had a serious relationship. The men I've dated haven’t worked. Sure, I continued seeing them for a few months, but something always held me back.”
“They weren’t us,” Lawson grits out, and I smile.
“That may be,” I laugh. “It wasn’t all their fault.
I held back. I didn’t care enough to delve deeper.
For the first time, I want to learn about you.
From what you’ve said, your pasts haven’t been good.
I understand, and I know it won’t be easy to open up.
I’ve told you more than anyone else, except Rylee.
I don’t want to push, and I won’t. You need to trust me, too.
We don’t have to tell our life story all at once.
Building a solid foundation is what we need to do.
The important thing is that I want to. I want to try with the four of you.
I feel seen by all of you. It’s strange to say since I met you yesterday, but your attention gives me confidence. ”
“You should feel confident,” Hunter says softly. “We want to be everything you want and need.”
“I can’t guarantee that I’m going to do everything right,” Lawson says.
“You don’t have to,” I say, turning toward him. “We aren’t perfect. We make mistakes. As long as your heart is engaged, it doesn’t matter how we get to be happy.”
“I want the promise of you to be real,” he whispers, and my heart breaks. “I don’t want your opinion to change when you know the things I’ve done.” I slide off my seat. Keeping my focus on him, I walk around the island and stop in front of him.
“I can’t pretend to understand.” I place my palms on his chest. “I don’t know what you have been through.
What I see is that your brothers love you.
Rylee lets you stay here and sit at her table.
There is pain in your eyes that I want to soothe.
When we walked through the crowd at the fight, you stayed at my side, protecting me.
I know you don’t want to hurt me. There are true monsters in the world.
I lived with one. You aren’t like him. You may have an animal inside, but he likes me. ” I smile, and he chuckles.
“How can you tell?” he asks.
“Because I can sense his need to protect me. What you really want to do is fuck me, but both of you are holding back your instincts.” I smirk.
“She’s right,” Hunter laughs.
“You are,” Lawson sighs. “I’ve been controlling my animal and myself since we met. It’s gotten easier the longer I’m around you. We'll never hit you, whether or not we're angry.” I lower my head, and he presses his thumb under my chin. “I want to kill him for laying a hand on you.”
“Bane offered too,” I say softly.
“He was serious,” he says. “Bane doesn’t lie. All of us would do it willingly.”
“He’s not worth the effort.” It would be fun to see Father's fear when he saw their animal.
“No one fucks with you,” Hunter grumbles.
“You can’t guarantee that.” I grin.
“Can and will,” Lawson says, pulling me closer. “I’ve wanted to taste those lips since the hallway.”
My breath catches.
“I want that too,” I whisper, and then wait. His gaze travels over my face and then stays on my lips.
“I wonder if your lips are as soft as they look.” He tilts his head. “What do you think, Brother?”
“Only one way to find out,” Hunter rumbles.
“Hmm…” He inches closer. “Let’s see.” His hesitance disappears, and he takes what he wants.
Three days ago, if you told me I would be kissing one man while another watches, I would have laughed my ass off.
Now, I can’t imagine not having the opportunity.
Whereas Remy was slow and measured, Lawson is fast, thorough, and deep.
I grip his shirt as I feel his claim from the top of my head to my toes, and everywhere in between tingles.
Having Hunter watch adds a level of excitement I never thought I could like.
Picturing all of them watching makes my knees weak, and I lean against his body, my hands smooshed between us.
His hands remain on my face, keeping me where he wants me. His mouth is hot and commanding.
“Shit,” he growls, yanking back. “I need you to back away.” I blink rapidly, and my breath is harsh. “Hunter.”
“Princess, come here,” Hunter orders, and his voice cuts through my lust. I know Lawson wouldn’t hurt me or do anything I didn’t want, but I back out of his arms.
“Are you okay?” I ask as I move toward Hunter.
“Powerful,” he hisses, watching my progress.
“What?”
“The bond is powerful, and I don’t have the restraint,” he continues.
“Why don’t you take a walk?” Hunter says, grabbing my hand.
“Good idea.” He moves stiffly to the door and leaves quickly.
“Did I do something wrong?” I ask.
“No.” He pulls on my hand, leans back on the island, and widens his legs. “You did everything right.” He guides me to stand between his feet with his hands on my hips. “Lawson is complicated and doesn’t have much experience controlling himself.”
“Will it get easier for him?”
“It will. This is new to him. He wants to treat you gently, yet his animal is wild. He’s been taught to fight for everything.” He pauses as if deciding something. “I want him to feel comfortable enough to tell you what he’s been through.”
“I would never ask you to betray his trust.” I rest my hands on his arms.
“I know. There are some things I can share. We agreed not to keep secrets from you. My brothers will speak to you about their experiences. I can tell you about mine.” He stands straight.
“Let’s sit.” I follow him to the couch. As I sit beside him, he faces me.
He slides his arm under my legs and drapes them over his thigh.
He moves me however he wants, and it feels natural to let him.
He lays his arm behind me and laces the fingers of his other hand with mine.
“Our parents died when I was eight. It was and still is a mystery how. We were suddenly in a foster home with no answers and broken hearts. I was the oldest, so I naturally took over the task of keeping us together, which I failed at.”
“Hunter,” I whisper. It’s easy to see he's a natural leader. He speaks for them often, but my heart aches at the guilt in his voice.
“I thought I was doing the right thing, but I made mistakes. It was crushing to see other children get adopted, and I saw my brother's hope crushed. I wanted to keep us together, but I couldn’t. I accepted the fact, so I encouraged them to leave if it was possible. Remy was adopted by an aunt we didn’t know.
He’s the youngest and doesn’t remember as much as I do.
I’d hoped he would have a good life.” He cringes.
“He didn’t,” I say softly.
“It’s his story to tell.” He clears his throat. “Next, it was Lawson. A couple came and focused on him. He didn’t want to go. Bane and I didn’t want him to, but he couldn’t hide how torn he was. He loved us and wanted them to take us too. No one wanted to take on three boys.”
“They weren’t good people,” I murmur.
“The worst,” he whispers.
“Oh, no.” My heart hurts just imagining his pain and the things they subjected him to. I have to be patient. Lawson wouldn’t like anyone telling me the details until he’s ready.
“I saw his desperation to be loved. All the children were the same, but the older ones lost hope. I didn’t want him to be one of those kids.
I convinced him to give them a chance and promised we would find him one day.
I was lying to myself. Having a family was what I wanted too, yet there was no interest in me or Bane.
” He looks away for a moment, his jaw tense.
“Lawson gave in as if he had a choice. The home we were in was not the most legitimate place. The caregivers weren’t soft, nice people.
They were in it for the money and didn’t give much thought to background checks on willing adopters.
I was young, but I could tell. I was observant, and my animal warned me of their bad intentions.
Yet, I didn’t notice anything off about the people who took Lawson. ”
“You aren’t to blame.” I tighten my hand, hating that he has to live with the memories and guilt. I don’t have to know exactly what happened to defend his actions.
“As a man, I know that now, but as a child…” He shakes his head.
“I carry the blame. Watching him leave was as bad as seeing Remy walk away from us. Bane and I never left each other's side. We were determined to stay together, so we became the problem kids. Taking a chance that someone would want us long term wasn’t an option. After skipping from foster home to foster home, we decided to act out. Every order, curfew, and chore assigned, we disregarded. We had one goal: stay together, age out, and find our brothers. We saw kids come and go, and prospective parents turned their noses up at us. It worked. We stayed until I turned seventeen and then ran away. Bane was sixteen, but we had lived like someone much older. I didn’t care what we had to do; I wanted out.
Away from the cries of children and the angry voices of adults. ”
“Where did you go?” I ask.
“The first night, we slept in the alley behind a bar,” he says.
“Hunter.” I scoot closer.
“The second night, the owner caught us.” He chuckles.
“Big man. Human. He just looked at us, and before we could run, he told us to follow him. He gave us an opportunity to clean the bar after it was closed, and we could sleep in the back room. We had to be gone by the time he opened. He paid us a few dollars so we could buy something to eat. We agreed and stayed for six months.”
“Why did you leave?”
“A man walked in early, before we left. He recognized us; he worked in the foster home. Bane wasn’t eighteen yet. He threatened to call someone and get him taken away from me, unless we did something for him.” He flinches and looks at our joined hands.
“What?” I ask, my heart pounding.
“The man had a thing for young men,” he grits out, looking at me. “We refused. The man attacked Bane, so I killed him.”