Chapter Eighteen
Bane
Haven’s hand rests trustingly in mine as I lead her around the house and across the backyard.
Our home is surrounded by trees, no neighbors for miles.
We like the isolation and often explore the woods around us.
Lawson lived most of his life in the trees, so he finds solace here.
My gut churned with emotion as I watched Haven interact with the family, and it intensified when she held the baby.
I imagine our children being held in her arms, safe, loved, and fed. All the things we didn’t have.
“Would Lawson rather be alone?” she asks as I guide her over a fallen branch.
“He would if it were anyone but you,” I say.
“I should have paid more attention to him. He’s not comfortable around all of them.” She looks over her shoulder toward the house.
“You aren't to blame,” I grumble. “He can take it in small amounts.”
“And you?”
“Me?” I stop and face her.
“You seem….unsettled,” she whispers.
“I don’t mind being around them. Working for Heath, I’m around others all the time.
” I stare at her, not liking the concern she shows freely.
“I would rather be around the family than most of the humans I deal with every day. Sometimes, I would rather be alone or just with my brothers. I’ve seen the damage humans can do to others, and I don’t respect many of them.
” I lift my free hand and drag my finger from her forehead to her nose.
“I don’t want you to worry about catering to us. ” I drop my hand.
“I think that comes with having a loving relationship,” she says.
“Loving,” I mumble.
“I mean…we aren’t there yet, right? I just want to be careful with your feelings.” She twists her hand on the side of her shirt. “Of course, we like each other. I didn’t—”
“Baby, stop.” I pinch her chin with my knuckles, pressing my thumb against her lip.
“I don’t speak often, and especially to people I don’t know.
It doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong.
Most of the time, it’s pleasant being around the others here.
Today, I would rather have you alone. I’m adjusting to the promise of a stunning woman who is my mate, and I’m going to share her with my brothers.
It’s not that I don’t want it because I desperately do, but because of the possibility that you won’t accept us.
We're trying to be on our best behavior, and it’s difficult.
How much should we tell you about ourselves?
Will it be too much for you?” I slide my hand away. “I use distance to protect myself.”
“From what?” she asks.
“Heartbreak,” I whisper, and she gasps softly.
“I don’t use the word love, except toward my brothers.
We didn’t have a mother figure most of our lives.
No one held us while we were sleeping as you just did.
There were never soft touches or someone to rock us.
Seeing you do that stirred up all kinds of feelings.
I like you. Neither of us is ready to admit to deeper feelings.
Besides my brothers, I haven’t cared about anyone, and meeting you, knowing you are meant to be mine, scares me. ”
“Why?”
“You could be taken from me. You could decide we aren’t worth it, or you don’t want to be a shifter and stay with us forever. If you left,” I exhale. “I wouldn’t want to be here anymore.”
“Bane,” she breathes.
“I didn’t want to say this because I didn’t want to influence your decision or pressure you.
The choice is yours.” I step close, gliding my thumb over her skin above her shirt.
“I’ve been fighting like hell to stay away from you as much as possible.
My control is threadbare on a good day. With you, it’s nonexistent.
All I want to do is lock you in our home and never let you leave.
” She licks her lips, her big, beautiful eyes locked on mine.
“I want to fuck you. I was thrilled that Lawson was with you, and Remy got to watch. I didn’t want to take that away from them, but I wished I was there.
I want to hear what you sound like when you come while I’m inside you, and I get hard thinking about you calling me Daddy.
” I break contact and step back. “The last thing I want to do is scare you with how much I want and need you.” She blinks, and I watch her delicate neck as she swallows.
“You don’t scare me,” she says.
“Good.” I grab her hand and resume walking. “I’m commanding. I make demands and expect them to be followed. I will always get your permission beforehand. Everything we do will be consensual. I will make it pleasurable, and you will beg for more.” I grin slightly, glancing at her.
“I have no doubts,” she murmurs.
“You may not be ready to call this love,” I continue, looking forward. “But I’ve never been so close to saying it.” Her pulse speeds, and I can hear it and feel it against my wrist. “So, prepare yourself.” She stumbles, and I tighten my grip.
“Sure, okay, I’ll do that,” she rasps, and I widen my grin.
We come to a slight clearing in the trees and see Lawson sitting on a low rock at the edge of the creek.
He’s looking over his shoulder, his gaze on Haven.
He doesn’t smile, but his heartbeat slows, and his eyes crinkle.
My brother is ready to call it love. Even though I wanted to be with Haven, I’m grateful he was the first. I’ve tried to protect him since he returned to us, and I know he needs my quiet nature to help calm his chaotic mind.
Nothing has helped him as much as our mate.
“Lawson, it’s beautiful here,” Haven says, and I release her hand. She looks at me, and I nod, encouraging her to go to him. She smiles at me and continues to move closer. “I hope you don’t mind us invading your spot.” She sits in the grass beside him, her face tilted up.
“It’s not just mine.” He glides his knuckles down her cheek. “We share it.”
“I see a theme.” She smiles widely. “You guys sharing things.” Lawson laughs, and I shake my head.
“Smartass,” he says, and she lifts a shoulder. She so easily distracts him. “Did they leave?”
“No. Haven wanted to go for a walk,” I say, and ease onto the ground beside Haven, facing them.
“Do you guys ever wade in the water?” she asks, laying her head against the side of Law’s leg.
“Not in human form,” he says, threading his fingers in her hair. “It’s too shallow, but our jaguars like to walk through it.”
“What’s it like?” She wraps her arm around his leg. “Shifting into an animal?”
“Freeing. Magical,” I hum, and she twists her head to look at me. “It comes naturally to shift. It’s not painful. The worries of the outside world disappear, and we can just be one with our animal.”
“I used to hate it,” Law says softly. She lifts her head sharply, gazing up at him.
“Most of my life, shifting meant I would have to fight. Now that I’ve been living here with my brothers, they have taught me to love it.
It’s safe here. We have safeguards in place around our property, so we know if anyone crosses the line.
The house has security and cameras outside.
We usually shift every day and run free. ”
“Do you run together?” she asks.
“Most of the time. Sometimes I need solitude, and they'll watch the cameras for my peace of mind. Other times, we run two at a time,” he says.
“Can I see?” she asks, and Lawson frowns.
“You want to?” he asks roughly.
“It would help, I think. If I’m going to change into a jaguar, it would be nice to get a sense of how it will be,” she says.
“I—” Law stumbles to a halt. He’s afraid of what his animal will do while she’s here.
“I’ll do it.” I stand up, and Haven turns, leaning back against the rock. “I won’t hurt you.” I start to unbutton my shirt.
“What are you doing?” Her eyes track my movement.
“If I don’t take off my clothes, I won’t have any to put back on. Shifting would shred them.” I fight the urge to smile.
“Oh, right.”
“Don’t be scared. If you try to run, my animal will chase you. Not to hurt you, but because he enjoys it.” I slide my shirt over my shoulders and throw it at her. I have to bite my lip when I smell her need and desire. She hugs my shirt to her chest.
“Can I touch you?” She shakes her head fast. “When you're an animal?”
“Yes. We would enjoy that.” I unhook my belt and lower my zipper. Her back straightens, and her gaze bounces. She wants to look, but for some reason she doesn’t think she should. “I’m not shy.” She tilts her head as I lower the fabric, and I hum. Good to know my mate enjoys what she sees.
Once I’m naked, I close my eyes and welcome the shift.
It happens in a second, and I’m on all fours.
My senses are enhanced even more in this form, and I can smell our mate strongly.
I can see her beauty better. My thoughts are the same as in my human form, yet I also have the urges and needs of my animal that are harder to ignore.
He wants to be closer, but as I look into her wide eyes, I hold him back.
I don’t move and allow her to grow accustomed to every part of who I am.
“He’s waiting for you to relax,” Law says. I understand the words just as if I were in my human form.
“I’m okay,” she whispers. “You're beautiful.” I rumble, the closest to a laugh I can do right now. “I’ve seen pictures.”
“His coat is similar to ours. Every jaguar can appear different.” Lawson slides off the rock and sits beside her. “Do you trust him?”
“Yes,” she says firmly, and Law nods at me.
I slowly take a step, and when she doesn’t move, another, and then another.
I bow my head, looking through my lashes as I move closer.
I breathe deeply and can’t smell fear, only curiosity, so I continue until my head is hanging in front of her crossed legs.
She still doesn’t move, so I lift my head.