Episode 61
EPISODE 61
SECRETS AND HONESTY
Emily
After my phone call from Ginger, River left to meet the men to talk about... I have no idea what. Most likely whether to continue this and what to do about Misty—if Misty is even the problem. According to Sienna, Misty has her sights set on River.
I lie in bed, naked, my robe strewn across a chair. After all those orgasms with River, I should be jelly, but my thoughts are rough, jumbled, and unsettled. I’m not na?ve. I came here expecting some of the women to be ultra-competitive. After all, the stakes are high, especially for someone like Ariel who comes from basically nothing. Ironically, Ariel is the sweetest of the bunch and I don’t think she would ever dream of playing games.
But are we truly safe here? I believe our safety is paramount to the men.
Is it paramount to Evangeline?
She certainly made it seem that way the first week we were here getting ready for the men’s arrival.
This is my best chance to achieve my own personal goals...but is it worth it? How far should I go to get what I want?
I’m certainly not willing to risk my life.
I turn the light on, rise, go to the bathroom, and when I’m done, I stare at myself in the mirror. My lips are pink and puffy from River’s kisses, my nipples swollen from his attention, and between my legs... Let’s just say it’s still active down there.
I head back to bed, flip off the light, and hope I can get to sleep when?—
I jerk at a soft knock on my door.
“Oh, go away,” I say out loud as I roll over, trying desperately to get comfortable.
I have to get some sleep, and I’m not in the mood for any more phone calls that scare the bloody hell out of me. Rachel is a lovely girl, and she didn’t deserve to nearly die this afternoon.
She’s also the woman River spent the most time with last night.
But she’s gone now, and River’s date with Misty clearly didn’t go well, which is how he and I ended up together. He certainly knows how to press my buttons. Is he just that good? Or do we have something? Did I make him forget Rachel?
Of course I didn’t. None of us can forget Rachel. We almost lost her.
Does it even matter? My life is in New York, and River’s is in Montana. One of us would have to give up our dream—and it’s not going to be me. I may not have a rigid plan in mind— yet —but I came here for a reason. I’m going to?—
I jerk upward. The knock again, and this time it’s louder and more persistent.
“For God’s sake.” I roll out of bed, grab the robe from the chair, and wrap it around me, securing the sash.
I reach the door and look through the peephole.
River stands there, his eyes tired and sad, but his countenance strong and determined. My heart does a little flip. Despite myself, I’m happy to see him.
I open the door. “What do you need, River?”
“Are you awake?”
I scoff. “No, I’m in bed, sleeping like a baby, clearly.”
That gets a slight smile from him, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He’s troubled.
We all are, of course, but it looks like something more is going on. What happened when he spoke to the other men? I’m about to ask when he meets my gaze.
Something passes between us, and it catches me off guard. It’s not a spark so much as a glimmer. I’m pretty sure we used up all our sparks earlier. Still, it affects me...and not just physically.
I sigh. “Come in.”
He walks into my suite and I close the door behind him, clicking the lock into place.
“Why are you here?”
He paces toward the couch but then turns and ambles back toward me. “I don’t fucking know, Emily. I only know I don’t want to be alone.”
“River...”
“I’m not asking for anything physical.”
“Oh?”
“Only if you’re up for it.”
I close the distance between us and cup his stubbled cheek. “I’m not sure you are.”
“I’m not sure either. I’m fucking drained. It’s like...” He looks toward the window, the moonlight streaming in.
“It’s like...what?”
He turns back to me. “Have you ever thought you were close to someone, and then you find out he was hiding something significant—something that’s been haunting him for years—and you never really knew him at all?”
“I don’t get close to people, River.”
His eyes widen then. “You don’t? Then why are you here?”
A good question, and one I can’t answer. Rather, one I won’t answer. “I didn’t mean it that way. I’ve had relationships with men, of course. But I get the feeling you’re talking about a friendship.”
“What makes you think that?”
“You used the pronoun ‘him.’ So unless there’s something you want to tell me...and I rather doubt that, given our escapade this evening.”
He shakes his head. “No. I only sleep with women.”
“So one of the guys, then?”
He shoves his hands into the pockets of his jeans. “It’s nothing I can talk about. In fact, I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to think. I want to turn my mind off. I wish there were a switch inside my brain.”
“You and me both. I wasn’t sleeping, River. I can’t sleep.”
He stalks toward me, grabs me, and crushes our mouths together.
It’s tempting—oh, so tempting—to succumb to him again. But?—
I push him away, our lips parting with a loud smack. I can’t do this again. I enjoyed it, but I’m beginning to feel something I shouldn’t, and my impulse is to stop this in its tracks.
“River, if I’m just a distraction on a troubling day—and I think that’s what I was earlier—I’m done with that. I was happy to give you what you needed, but I can’t be that woman twice in one night. I can’t be your escape.”
“That’s not what you were. Or are.”
“What am I then? You know there’s no future between us. You won’t leave Montana, and I can’t leave New York.”
He narrows his gaze. “I’ll ask you again then. Why are you here? Because I don’t think either Brett or Seb plans to leave LA, and I know damned well Alex won’t leave New Orleans. He says it’s the most inspiring place in the country.”
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit...
Sometimes my mouth gets the better of me.
His gaze pierces me, and he’s waiting for an answer.
I take him in—his size, his strength, his sheer magnificence. I’m pulled toward him, as if there’s a gravitational force drawing me, rendering my doubts and fears powerless. Emotion coils in my belly—emotion I never expected to have for any man. And certainly not this one.
What I’m feeling goes beyond mere attraction—at least any attraction I’ve had to a man in the past.
But I must get hold of myself. He doesn’t feel anything for me other than pure physical chemistry. He may be hung up on Rachel, and he’s upset about a friend he no longer knows and concerned about our safety.
“Are you going to answer me?” he prods, his gaze still narrowed.
I inhale deeply. “Yes, of course. I didn’t mean I was averse to relocating. I meant that I’m not ranch material, River. Not that I think you’re offering me anything more than another romp. I meant what I said. I don’t want to be your escape again. That was fine once. You needed it, and in my own way, I did too. But I don’t want to be with a man who’s thinking about someone else.”
He caresses my cheek, sending a surge of warmth through me, like sunlight piercing through the clouds after a storm. It's gentle, comforting, and oh, so terrifying because I know he’s acting on nothing more than a stiff cock and a desire for escape.
What is wrong with me? Because as he looks at me, really looks at me, my legs turn to jelly.
“I wasn’t thinking of anyone else,” he says, his voice gruff. “It was all you, Emily.”
“But Rachel...”
“I hardly knew Rachel. I was attracted to her, but her interests clearly lie elsewhere. I feel terrible about what happened, but I didn’t pin any hopes on her or anyone. Not this soon.”
He lowers his mouth until only an inch exists between our lips. I want his kiss, but more than that, I want the sense of belonging I’m feeling in this moment. That warmth and comfort—without the fear of losing myself.
The utter honesty.
I’ve built a wall around my heart—not because it’s been broken, but because I’m focused on my career and relationships are messy. But here, with River, I feel the wall begin to crumble.
It’s not love. Not yet.
But it’s something. Something I didn’t want or expect.
We have no future, but in this moment, he makes me feel alive, appreciated, and downright petrified in the most beautiful way.
He closes the distance between our mouths and kisses me.
Gently, this time. So different from the raw passion of before.
He slides his tongue between my lips...and I give in.