15. Lilah
LILAH
My mom once told me the French don’t say “I miss you.” They say, “tu me manques” which translates to “you are missing from me.” I didn’t understand the difference before. I do now.
—Lilah’s Secret Thoughts
“ Y ou should probably answer that.” Killian buries his face in my neck and pulls my naked body back against his, making it hard to think.
“I don’t want to.” I’m definitely pouting, but after nearly thirty-six hours wrapped up in this man, I’m not ready for our bubble to burst and for things to go back to the way they were. It’s getting harder to remember why they have to with each new hour and each new orgasm.
His lips press against the top of my spine, and I feel it down to the tips of my toes. “They’ve been calling for five minutes, princess. It might be important.”
I grab the phone from the nightstand and roll over to face him, absolutely loving the way his eyes grow wide like he hasn’t spent the last day and a half worshipping my body. “Hello?”
Killian sucks my nipple into his mouth, and I gasp.
“Lilah?” Scottie asks with concern in her voice. “Are you okay? I’ve been trying to reach you. You sound out of breath.”
“Sorry... sorry,” I laugh to hide my moan and fail epically. “I was just... uh... stepping into the tub. The hot water feels heavenly.”
Killian switches to the other breast and drags his teeth over my nipple, making me hiss.
Shit.
I swat at his head but don’t move even an inch away.
“Sure. All right.” No way she actually believed that. “Well, I spoke to Iris this morning, and she had some good news. They secured insurance for the tour, and they’re ready to talk dates.”
Shit.
“Already?” I pull back and sit up, immediately missing our connection. “When?”
“Three weeks.”
“No. It can’t be that soon.” I pull the sheet up around my chest and lean back against the headboard, watching Killian as he props himself up on his elbow, glued to my every word. “Killian’s fight is in two months. I’ll get you an exact date, but I don’t want to pick it back up until after the fight.”
Killian’s green eyes narrow and harden setting me on edge.
“Iris isn’t going to like this,” Scottie warns, but I’m over caring. “Neither is Zoe.”
“Seems like these days, if I’m not pissing off Iris, I’m pissing off Zoe. Guess I better get comfortable with unhappy people if it makes me happy.”
“What’s Zoe pissed about?”
I look down at Killian, not really wanting him to hear this but not having much choice. “She sent me a message. She wasn’t thrilled with the way Killian and I went public at my birthday party.”
“Yeah... I guess she wasn’t ready for that.” I know Scottie says something else, but I’ve stopped listening as I watch Killian climb out of bed, clearly pissed. Damn it.
“Scottie...” She keeps talking, but now Killian’s throwing on jeans, and I feel like I’m about to lose something I might not get back. “Scottie—” I nearly shout. “I’ve got to go. Tell Iris not until after the fight. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
“Lilah—”
“Bye.” I disconnect the call and jump out of bed, completely naked, and throw on Killian’s Crucible t-shirt from the end of the bed. “Kill... stop. I’m sorry.”
He zips his jeans and leaves them hanging unbuttoned on his hips. “Did they even talk safety protocols with you?”
“What?” Acid churns in my stomach. He sounds so angry. “Protocols? You heard what I said. We were talking scheduling. But if you don’t want me at your fight, I don’t have to be there.”
“Lilah Belle.” His deep voice softens as he reaches for me, but I back away, already shutting down. I can’t handle his rejection if that’s what he’s giving me. Not now. Not again. “The only thing I care about is your safety. You didn’t even ask about it. Some psycho is stalking you. He tried to kill you and nearly took half a damn stadium out in the process, and you didn’t even ask about safety or what they’re doing to keep you safe. You just started talking dates, like it’s a done deal.”
“Killian...” Shit. He’s not rejecting me. He’s scared. “I didn’t ask because I’m not the one who handles that stuff. I let the experts deal with the safety, and I don’t interfere, just like I wouldn’t take their advice on how I should sing.”
“How can you be so unconcerned with your own life, Lilah?”
“I’m not unconcerned. I just trust my team,” I snap but then walk into his chest and wrap my arms around his waist. “I don’t tell you how to fight. You can’t tell me how to run my tour.”
He kisses the top of my head. “Sounds like someone has to, princess.”
What the fuck?
I pull back, officially pissed. This is what I get for being comfortable. “I’m sorry. Do you think fucking me for two days gives you the right to tell me how to run my business?”
“This isn’t your business, Lilah. It’s your life,” he yells. “This man is stalking you.”
I tilt my head and look at the gorgeous man in front of me and play his words over in my head. “That’s the second time you used that word.” My throat gets dry as something clicks in place... followed by a hit of denial. “I don’t have a stalker.”
“Yeah, you fucking do.” He closes the distance between us and cups my face in his hands.
He’s too close, and I can’t think.
I can’t rationalize what he’s saying.
“No. I don’t.” But... “I’d know if I did.”
“Yes, you do.” His thumbs strokes my jaw, and I feel like I’m hearing everything in a tunnel as cars fly by. “Everyone’s so worried about upsetting you and protecting you, they don’t even realize that by hiding it, they’re putting you at risk. Fuck, Lilah, nothing scares me, but I’m scared for you.”
His words start to slowly sink in.
A stalker.
The bomb . . .
“How long?” My voice is barely a whisper, and when Killian’s face sinks, I feel crushed. “Killian...”
“I don’t know. Noah didn’t tell me how long.”
“What?” The scared whisper is gone, replaced by loud and shrill and pissed off. “Noah knows?”
When Killian doesn’t answer me, I push back against his chest and out of his hold. “Who else?” I demand and storm over to my closet and grab a pair of jeans. “Who else knows, Killian? Do my parents?”
His face blanches, and I want to scream.
Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me.
I throw on my jeans, stuff my feet into Uggs, and take a deep breath that does nothing to calm me down or clear the storm. “Can you please drive me to my parents’ house? I really don’t want Xander there for my messy family drama.”
“They’re trying to protect you, Lilah. That’s all any of us are trying to do.”
“You don’t get to make that call. None of you do. I get to decide. And I can’t do that if I don’t have all the facts. Now either come with me to my parents’ house or don’t, and I’ll go by myself. But I’m leaving, so you better decide now.” I don’t know who I’m more upset with... Everyone who’s kept this from me by making decisions about my life without including me in the process or myself for letting them.
“ D amn it.” Cars line my parents’ driveway. More cars than I was expecting.
“Looks like your whole family’s here,” Killian murmurs as we pull in behind Addie and Leo’s car. It’s the first words we’ve spoken since we left my house. I’m not even sure if I’m mad at him or at everyone else and Killian is just being lumped in with them.
I don’t answer before I throw open the door with the raging strength of a woman pissed on a visceral level. No one can hurt you more than the people you love.
“Lilah,” he calls out as I pass more cars, marching toward the door.
I don’t knock.
They’re already expecting me, even if they have no clue how pissed I am.
Guess they’re about to find out.
Killian catches up to me and takes my hand in his before I can rip it away. When I try to pull away, he refuses to let go. “Lilah,” he warns, softly. “Don’t do this. Talk to them when you’re not so raw.”
“No.” I yank my hand from his and spin around right into my grandfather’s arms.
“Lilah Belle. My girl. Happy birthday.”
“Hi, Grandpa.” I kiss his cheek and hold myself there for a minute, soaking in his love. He’s been battling cancer for months, but he looks better than the last time I saw him. Hopefully, that’s a good sign.
His dark brows furrow. “You okay, sweetheart?”
“I need to find Mom and Dad. Are they in the kitchen?” My voice shakes, and he doesn’t miss the tell. Shit .
“Hey, Tink,” Asher walks by and fist-bumps Killian. “Mom’s looking for you. She’s in the kitchen.”
“Excuse me.” I don’t stop for anyone else. Not the entire fleet of kids my cousins have that are running circles around Jamie. Not for Dillan or Addie. Not until I see Noah fingering the icing on his heart-shaped cake while Mom sips a giant cup of coffee. “You asshole,” I yell the second I’m standing across from him, and the chatter in the room stops. My loud, obnoxious family, silent for one of the first times in recent history.
“What the hell?” Noah looks at me like I’ve suddenly grown horns and a tale. “Dude. Whatever it is, I didn’t do it.” He smirks, jokingly, then looks beside me. “Killian did.”
“Wrong fucking answer.” I somehow manage to keep my voice steady as my veins pump in double time to keep up with the blood boiling in my veins “You told Killian I have a stalker.”
“You have a stalker?” Asher asks from behind me, and I’m pretty sure Dillan covers his mouth.
“What the hell, man?” Noah narrows his eyes on Killian, like he’s the problem. “I trusted you not to say anything.”
“Are you serious right now?” I move in front of Killian, keeping my brother’s attention on me. “You don’t get to be mad that he told me something about my life. My life, Noah. How could you keep that from me? How could you not demand I be told?” I slap my hand against the marble countertop and ignore the sting that shoots up my arm. “How many other people know? Who else did you trust enough to make decisions about my life?”
“Noah.” Mom’s voice is shaking, and when I look over at her, it’s clear as day on her face. She didn’t know. “Is this true?”
“They said it was safer for her this way,” Noah argues as my father walks into the room.
His eyes are wide as he takes in the tension in the room. “What the hell is going on in here?”
“Oh, you’d have to ask Noah that, Daddy. See, he decided he knew best, so now he’s the only one in this room who knows anything.” Tears threaten to spring free as my anger reaches new levels I didn’t know I was capable of. “How could you?”
“Tink—” He moves toward me, and Killian reaches around my waist and holds me back when he realizes I’m about to launch myself at Noah.
“Don’t you fucking dare. A stalker? You kept a stalker from me. How long?” I’m not even sure I’m making sense, and I’m less sure I care. “How long did you know some sicko was stalking me and that they were the one who sent the bomb that almost killed me, Noah?”
“Okay. That’s it,” Dad stops me—well, he tries to. But I’m done.
“No answer, huh, Noah? Well, fuck you. I never would have done this to you. Never would have kept this from you.” My entire body vibrates with fury, and I realize Killian is still holding me back.
“I was trying to keep you safe, Tink,” Noah yells back at me, and I lose it.
“Yeah well, I’m not your job anymore, Noah. They secured the insurance for the rest of the tour. I’m going back out, and you’re not going with me. You’re fired.”
“Lilah—” Mom gasps, but I ignore her and the way she reaches for Dad.
“I’m calling a meeting with my agent and the label tomorrow.” I look between my parents, ignoring Noah and every other family member who’s in the room. “Once I get all the details, I’ll fill you both in. But I am going back on tour. I’m not letting a stalker or anyone else dictate my life for me.” I look over my shoulder at Killian, who’s still got me anchored to him. “I’d like to go now.”
“Lilah, please...” Noah pleads, but I shake my head. “I’m sorry.”
“No. We’ve always been equals... until now. I’ve always included you in decisions. But you chose not to. I’m not sure what you were thinking, but you don’t get to unilaterally make a decision about my life. Looks like since you did, now I am too.” My breath catches in my chest, but I refuse to cry. Not in front of everyone. Not even my family.
I’ve spent a decade fighting to be taken seriously.
To not be treated like some little girl.
To own my own career.
And in one night, I feel like that was taken away from me.
A lifetime of work.
Of sacrifice.
Gone.