26. Lilah
LILAH
You look happier – Thanks, five orgasms in seven hours.
It’s good for the soul.
—Lilah’s Secret Thoughts
I slip out of bed the next morning and jump in the shower, alone and deliciously sore.
Who knew Killian would have that much energy after a fight? I figured he’d have been exhausted.
Well . . . I was wrong.
Once I’ve scrubbed and buffed every inch of my body and shampooed and conditioned my hair, I get out, dry off, blow dry, and throw on jeans and Killian’s Crucible hoodie. Time to get my man blueberry pancakes with a side of so much pork, I’m less sure that isn’t the main course with a side of pancakes. But it’s what he wants, so I’m going to get it for him.
And because I’m feeling a little extra feisty this morning, I shove my panic button in the pocket of my jeans, kiss Killian’s forehead, and sneak out alone for the first time in weeks. It shouldn’t feel this good, but damn, it feels amazing.
March is always one of those weird months in Kroydon Hills. You never know if you’re getting snow or rain. No surprise this year, there’s still snow on the ground. It’s turning to dirty mush, but it’s still there. I smile as I slide behind the wheel of the Rover and head into town with the heat blasting and the sunroof open, just to get a little extra fresh air.
I don’t know if it’s the freedom of being out and alone, or the freedom I feel from knowing I’m loved and in love that’s doing it, but I can’t hold in my smile as I drive, singing at the top of my lungs to an old Journey song my mom used to love.
No one bothers me when I walk into the café across the street from my aunt’s dance studio and my other aunts’ lingerie shop. I place my order and wait at the counter, staring at Main Street. Half the street is made up of shops owned by my family or Killian’s, and it’s got me thinking about Scarlet’s offer. I never considered buying into a label. I’ve only recently started seriously considering leaving Controlled Chaos, but I never thought about creating something from the ground up. And now that I have, I can’t stop.
Noah and I used to talk about starting our own label when we were kids.
I told him I wanted to name it Blue Bell Records, after the street we grew up on.
Maybe it’s not too late . . .
“Lilah Belle, what are you doing here?” Uncle Cooper pulls out the chair next to me and smiles when the waitress fills his coffee cup and hands me my bag.
“Just thinking about what-ifs... That and picking up blueberry pancakes.” I hop off the chair and kiss his cheek. “I’m heading home now.”
Uncle Cooper looks around. “Are you alone?”
I look down and smile. “Please don’t yell at me. I just came right here, and now I’m leaving to go right home, I swear.”
“Hey, Dolly,” Uncle Coop calls out to the waitress. “I’ll be right back.” He takes the bag from my hand and walks in front of me. “Come on. Let me walk you to your car.”
Once we’re outside, he looks around the sidewalk like he’s expecting an ambush.
I guess some habits are harder to break than others. “Lilah, you can’t do this right now. You can’t sneak out. There’s a reason you have security, and by sneaking out, you’re not only putting yourself at risk, but you’re putting the people around you at risk too. Not to mention, can you even imagine what it would do to the people who love you if something happened? You can avoid it all by taking this seriously and following the rules.”
Knowing it and hearing it from your former Navy SEAL uncle are two slightly different things, and the guilt immediately churns in my stomach. “I’m sorry,” I murmur, and he presses his hand to my back and walks me to my car.
Uncle Coop opens my car door and checks inside before he lets me behind the wheel. “I love you, kid. Make smart choices.”
“Are we still talking about my security or did we veer off somewhere into an after-school special about the dangers of sex and drugs?” I can’t help the sass that flows freely. He made it too easy.
He shakes his head and holds onto my door. “Both, you little smart ass. Damn. You are so much your mother’s daughter, it scares me sometimes.” He kisses the top of my head and leans back. “I hear you’re even marrying your brother’s best friend.”
I hold back my quiet laughter. “Just like Mom did. I hadn’t thought about that.”
“I’m happy for you. I’ve known Killian almost as long as I’ve known you. He’s a good man. Now get home before he can freak out when he realizes you’re not there. Drive careful.” Uncle Coop shuts my door and taps my hood, then steps back and watches while I pull away.
I hate that he’s right and that what I just did was stupid.
There goes my happy little bubble from this morning.
W hen I pull up to my gate, Zoe is there, talking to Xander, and I know I’m screwed.
Oh well. I’m not in the mood to be lectured by either of them.
Scarlet’s words filter in again.
Maybe it is time to replace my team.
I pull through and wave at them both.
“Lilah,” Xander starts the second I get out of my car.
“Don’t,” I stop him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have gone without you or Killian. I just—” I shift uncomfortably, guilt eating at me. “I just wanted to be normal for a minute. I wanted to do something for him for a change.”
“I can’t do my job, if you don’t let me, Lilah,” Xander tells me with a level of anger in his voice I’m not familiar with.
“I’m sorry. It won’t happen again,” I promise and turn to Zoe. “Did we have a meeting I forgot about?” I go through my calendar in my mind but know I’d never have agreed to meet the morning after Killian’s fight, and I wouldn’t have said let’s meet at my house.
“No. But Scottie and I were talking about all the things we still have to discuss before the tour kicks back off, and that was before you announced your engagement to the world last night before you told either of us .” The chastising tone sets my nerves on edge.
I’ve had enough.
I push my door open and hold it for her. “Well, you’re here now, so you might as well come in.”
Her eyes zero in on the ring on my finger, and what looks like a flash of anger appears before it’s gone just as quickly. She steps aside and waits for me to walk in before she follows me to the kitchen.
I pull the tins of food out of the to-go bag and set them in my warming drawer, then plant my hands on my hips and try to decide how to handle her just showing up at my house out of the blue.
I seriously need an extended sabbatical.
At least a year of writing without worrying about touring or recording.
Just living.
“Okay.” I pull myself up to sit on the counter and smile, thinking about what we did right here last night. “Might as well get this over with. How bad are they spinning my engagement? Do they think I’m pregnant? Spinning out? Addicted to drugs and covering up rehab?”
All things, might I add, I’ve been accused of before.
She places her Birkin bag on the chair next to her and rummages around inside for something, then pulls out a tablet. “Well, let’s see. I think the most pressing is that Killian made it appear that he was going on tour with you when you leave. We can’t have your fans thinking that. Little girls look up to you. Killian is what their mother’s warn them against. A bad boy who beats people with his hands. He can’t come on tour with you, Lilah. I really wish you’d consulted me before you?—”
“What?” I snap, pissed.
Truly angry. Not just annoyed.
Not just tired of being told how to live my life.
“You think I should have asked you before I wore my engagement ring?” I hop right back down from the counter, any pleasantries I was going for now gone. “I am so tired of this shit. I’m happy for the first time in forever. Can’t you just be happy for me?”
“It’s not my job to be happy for you. It’s my job to protect you from the vultures. It’s my job to keep them at bay.” She takes a step closer. “It’s my job to make sure you are taken care of, and since he’s come into the picture, you’ve made that very hard for me.”
“What?” My head spins. “It’s not your job to make sure I’m taken care of. Why does everyone want to claim ownership of that aspect of my life? Why don’t you all understand I can take care of myself?”
“Because you can’t,” she tells me calmly as she takes another step closer, and I suddenly feel uncomfortable. “Because I’ve always taken care of you, Lilah. I took care of you when you were young and naive and never stopped. You’ve always let me take care of you.”
“I’m sorry—” I sound like a broken record. I’m so confused. “What?”
“Where is Killian? I think he should be down here for this.” She looks around, like Killian will appear out of thin air.
It’s wrong. I’m not sure what it is, but everything about her... and about this entire interaction is wrong.
That’s the only excuse I have for what I do next.
“He left earlier.” I cross my arms over my chest to hide my nervous fidgeting. “He’s at the gym, debriefing with his team. He won’t be back for a few hours.”
“Fine.” Zoe cracks her neck from one side to the other and pulls her hand out of the pocket of her coat. Then, my entire world shifts and threatens to shatter.
“Zoe... What are you doing with a gun?”
“Step away from the counter, Lilah.” She points toward her purse. “There are zip ties in my purse. Could you get them for me please?”
“What the fuck?” I stand, shocked in place. “Zoe?—”
“Lilah, please, my love. Don’t make this hard. I know things have been difficult lately, and the fighter has made things worse. But once you’re away from him, we can be together. Don’t you see that?”
“You’re insane,” I hiss, wishing I’d gone back to Uncle Cooper’s self-defense class. I look around the room for a weapon, not wanting to scream and wake Killian. I don’t know what she’d do if she saw him. Would she shoot him? My God. Would she kill him?
Zoe trains the gun on my face, and I flinch. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” I cry. “I didn’t mean it. You just... you scared me, Zoe. You’ve got a gun. Why—why do you have a gun?”
“I have a gun because I needed to get your attention, and I didn’t know if I’d need it to get rid of the fighter. But now that it’s just us, I don’t need it, do I, Lilah? You’re going to come with me because you love me the same way I love you.”
“I—” Holy shit. What do I say? “I’ll?—”
I hear the first creek of the stairs and cringe, hoping she doesn’t hear it too.
“I’ll go with you. Let’s go. If we go through the back door, Xander won’t notice I’m gone. It’ll be easier. Let’s go.” I go against any survival instinct I may have and move closer to her. “Please, Zoe.” Tears stream unchecked down my cheeks when Killian’s voice calls out for me.
“Princess... you down here? I thought we could go out for pancakes.”
Zoe’s eyes harden on me. “You said he wasn’t here. You lied to me.”
“Let’s go. Right now, Zoe,” I sob. “You and me. Nobody has to get hurt.”
I try to walk by her. Try to get her to look at me instead of the doorway Killian should be crossing through any minute, depending on what room he searches in first. But she doesn’t let me. Her dark eyes look wild when she takes the butt of the gun and smacks me across the face.
Pain rockets through my skull like I’ve never felt before, and the room spins around me while I fight to stay on my feet.
“Lying isn’t good for your image, Lilah.”
Oh, God. She presses the gun to my chest, and I hold back my scream.
Please don’t let him come in here and see this.
But he’s going to come in, and then what?
I think about my phone in my pocket, then remember that I shoved my panic button in there too.
Will she notice if I move my hand?
Do I take the chance?
Do I have a choice?
I reach for her with one hand, hoping like hell it throws her off and reach into my jeans with the other. My finger manages to press my panic button before she swings me off her. “I loved you, Lilah.”
“Loved?” Killian asks as he walks into the kitchen, completely clueless as to what’s going on.
I take the split-second of confusion to dart in front of Zoe as she swings the gun on Killian and fires.