Chapter 9
Penelope
I wasn’t sure when Sean would be back. Either way, his absence after Theo dropped me off was a relief. I had a lot on my mind, and I wouldn’t have been able to think clearly if he’d been there.
Because it was Sean I needed to think about. Specifically, my relationship with him.
Suddenly overwhelmed, I wandered through the house, looking from room to room, wondering what on earth I was going to do.
How could I get out? I didn’t have anywhere else to go. But I couldn’t keep avoiding the truth. I needed to leave him.
The situation was so daunting. We weren’t just dating. We lived together. Leaving him would mean finding a new home. Would I be able to find something quickly enough? And if I did, would I be able to afford it on my own?
It wasn’t like I had a fallback. My parents lived in another state. And Grandma didn’t have her own place anymore. Her one-bedroom apartment couldn’t fit me, and there were probably rules against it anyway.
To make things worse, I didn’t exactly have a lot of friends.
But I’d stayed with Sean too long as it was—stuck in a rut and not sure how to get out. I needed to face the reality that this relationship, whatever it had been in the beginning, wasn’t good for me. It was time to move on.
You’re not getting any younger, you know.
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” I said aloud, pushing away the whispering voice in my mind reminding me how hard it would be to start over in my thirties. “Don’t remind me.”
With a deep breath, I grabbed my phone and took it to the living room. A new place to live wasn’t going to find itself. I needed to take care of that first, because as soon as I told Sean I wanted to end things, staying in his house would not be an option. I needed a place to land.
Before I had a chance to start my search, the front door opened and Sean came in, carrying a bouquet of red roses.
“Hey, babe.” He shut the door behind him and brought the flowers to me. “Here.”
I took them and the floral scent surrounded me. “What are these for?”
“Just because.”
“You bought me flowers just because?”
“Sure, why not?”
I couldn’t remember the last time he’d brought me flowers, except as an apology. Was that what they were? Apology flowers? Was he trying to make up for not going to the celebration of life with me?
“They’re pretty.” I leaned in and sniffed them. “Thank you.”
I got up and took them to the kitchen so I could put them in water. Flowers weren’t going to change my decision, but I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with him.
He disappeared into the bedroom while I unwrapped the flowers, cut the stems, and placed them in a vase.
“Hey babe?” he called as he came out. He’d changed into a navy T-shirt and a pair of cargo pants. “I was thinking we should just go out to dinner tonight. There’s this new place the guys have been talking about. Sounds good.”
My stomach rumbled at the mention of food. I certainly wasn’t in the mood to cook. It would mean sitting awkwardly across the table from Sean, but I could handle it.
“Sure, we can go out.”
“Awesome. Do you need to change or anything?”
I glanced down at my black dress. “Where are we going? Is this too dressy?”
“No, it’s a nice place. You look great.”
“Okay.” I put the last rose in the vase and cleaned up the cut stems before grabbing my purse and putting on my black trench coat.
We left and I climbed into his truck. Hard rock blared from the speakers as soon as he turned it on. I leaned back against the seat, as if the wave of noise had shoved me.
He turned it down without comment as he pulled out of the driveway.
I’d assumed we were going into town, but he took the route to the highway and went south.
“Where are we going? It’s not in Tilikum?”
“No, Echo Creek.”
“Who told you about it?”
“Some of the guys at work.”
I wondered if that meant it was a sports bar.
The hard rock he listened to was not my style—I was more of a nineties pop girl—but after long moments of silence, I was grateful there was something in the background. Several minutes later, he turned up the volume, and his playlist kept us company for the rest of the drive.
Echo Creek was a cute town about half an hour from home.
We parked outside the downtown restaurant and he held the door for me as we went in.
The ambiance was nice. Very classy with white tablecloths and flickering flameless candles.
It was packed, with only one or two empty tables to be seen, and servers dressed in black maneuvered in the dim light.
Definitely not what I’d been expecting—it wasn’t a sports bar at all.
I was still looking around in surprise, wondering which of his friends had suggested such a nice place, when Sean told the hostess he had a reservation.
I teetered on the edge of annoyance. Once again, he’d made plans without asking me first. Was it because he wanted to treat me to a nice dinner?
Or was he just barreling forward, doing what he wanted and assuming I’d go along with it?
The host led us to our table. It was roughly in the center of the dining room, with tables on either side of us. He set menus at each place setting and told us our server would be with us shortly.
I shrugged off my coat and let it drape over the back of my chair, then picked up the menu.
“What do you think?” Sean asked. “Nice place, huh?”
I glanced around. “Very.”
“Should we get a bottle of wine?”
“A whole bottle? I don’t think I’ll have more than one glass.”
“Come on, babe. Why not? They’re supposed to have really good wine here. It’s from the winery up the road.”
I didn’t think we needed an entire bottle, but I decided it wasn’t worth arguing over. “Okay, wine would be nice.”
The server came and Sean ordered a bottle of cabernet and calamari for an appetizer. I kept perusing the menu, trying to decide between something with chicken and a pork dish that sounded good.
A few minutes later, she came back with our wine, poured, and took our orders. I opted for the chicken and Sean ordered a New York strip steak.
“So, Penelope, I’ve been wanting to talk to you about something.”
“Oh?”
“We’ve been together for a long time. And it’s been great.”
Wait. What was he talking about?
“Which is why,” Sean said, but then he paused and looked over at something behind me.
“Which is why, what?” I asked.
He nodded, and I glanced over my shoulder, but didn’t see anyone. A second later, the server appeared next to our table holding a glass of champagne on a plate. Smiling at me, she set it on the table.
Why was there champagne? We had wine. An entire bottle. Confused, I looked at it like I’d never seen a champagne flute in my life and had no idea what it could possibly be.
“Go ahead,” Sean said.
With my brain swirling in a hundred directions and blood pounding in my ears, I lifted the glass. Suddenly, I realized what was happening. At the bottom of the champagne flute, surrounded by rising bubbles, was a diamond ring.
Oh, no. Oh, no, no, no.
My eyes widened and my mouth dropped open. The server moved back and Sean slipped out of his chair, getting down on one knee in front of me.
This can’t be happening.
I watched him as if I were in a dream. There’d been a time when it would have felt like the moment I’d been waiting for.
I’d moved in with him assuming it would eventually lead to a proposal.
But now? When I’d finally come to terms with what I needed to do?
I couldn’t marry him. I was going to leave him.
“Penelope.” He took my hand, and before I could stop him, continued, “Will you marry me?”
It seemed as if the entire restaurant took a collective breath. It was dead silent. Not the tiniest clink of silverware could be heard. We were in a packed restaurant on a Saturday night, sitting right in the middle, and every single eye was on us.
“No.” My voice sounded strange, as if someone else were speaking. It was too matter-of-fact. Too straightforward and emotionless for the sheer destructive force of that one word.
Still on one knee, Sean blinked in confusion. “What?”
I shook my head slowly, sadly, my eyes losing focus. “No.”
An uncomfortable murmur rippled through the restaurant. I had enough presence of mind to feel a little bit bad about that. I took my hand out of Sean’s and held it close to my chest, as if I’d been burned.
“No, Sean. I’m so sorry, but I can’t marry you.”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked.
The server backed away slowly as Sean stood.
People averted their eyes as he glanced around.
His face flushed, and a vein stuck out on his forehead.
For a second, I wondered if he was going to do something outrageous, like flip the table.
He’d never been violent, but I’d never seen him look quite that angry.
He took a deep breath, his nostrils flaring. Then he smoothed down his shirt, and when he spoke, his voice was even. “Can we talk outside?”
I nodded and stood, grabbing my coat and purse, and followed him out.
The night air was cold. I put my coat back on and tied the belt. Considering what I’d just done, I didn’t know how I could be so calm. But my hands didn’t tremble, and I didn’t feel the least bit anxious or jittery.
“What the hell is going on?” He gestured to the restaurant. “Isn’t this what you wanted? Isn’t this what I’m supposed to do?”
“Supposed to do? What does that even mean?”
“What you think it means?”
My shoulders slumped. “That you’re comfortable. And you probably figure that’s good enough.”
“What are you talking about?”
“We’re not good together, Sean. Maybe we were at first, although it’s hard to remember anymore. But we certainly aren’t now.”
“Sure, we are. What’s the problem?”
“Why do you want to marry me?”
“Because…” He paused, his mouth slightly open, like he’d intended to say more, but realized he didn’t have an answer.
I raised my eyebrows.
“Because this is what you do,” he said, finally. “We’ve been together for a long time. We live together. Shouldn’t we just get married?”
“No,” I said with a slow shake of my head. “We shouldn’t. We’re not in love with each other. We’re barely even friends.”
Resting his hands on his hips, he shook his head. “This is fucked up, Penelope.”
“I’m sorry. If I’d realized what you were planning, I wouldn’t have let it happen.”
“Well, you did, didn’t you? Made a fool out of me in front of an entire restaurant full of people.”
“That isn’t my fault.”
“You know what? Fine. If this is what you want—if you want to be single again—great. Good fucking luck out there.” He pointed a finger at me. “But you’re going to realize, sooner rather than later, that you just made the biggest mistake of your life. Because no one else is going to want you.”
That arrow struck a bullseye. My eyes filled with tears, and I furiously bit the inside of my lip to keep them from spilling.
He shook his head again, as if he’d reached the point of being more disappointed than angry, and started to walk away.
“Wait,” I called after him. “Where are you going?”
“Home.”
“You left the ring in there. We didn’t pay.”
“I’ll deal with it later.”
He kept walking, and I wondered if he expected me to run after him. “Sean.”
“What?” he snapped and paused to look at me over his shoulder.
“Are you leaving me here?”
“You just left me. Find your own damn ride.”
I gaped at him as he kept walking and got in his truck. He couldn’t seriously be leaving me on the side of the road at night in a town thirty minutes from home.
Home? I didn’t have a home. Not anymore.
My mouth hung open as I watched his truck roar to life. Music blared, and with a squeal of tires and a whiff of burning rubber, he left.
“Excuse me, ma’am?”
Still half dazed, I turned toward the host standing in the partially open door of the restaurant. “You were watching all that, weren’t you?”
He stepped outside. “I didn’t mean to intrude. I just wanted to make sure things didn’t escalate.”
“Thank you.” My voice sounded far away, and I gazed past him, not really focusing on anything. “He didn’t pay. Do you need me to—”
“No, no. Don’t worry about that. Do you need help getting a ride?”
I blinked a few times to clear my head, realizing I was standing there like an idiot, doing nothing. I pulled my phone out of my purse. “I’ll call someone.”
“All right. I’ll be right inside if you need anything.”
“Thank you. I’m really sorry about all this.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s not the first time this has happened.”
He quietly stepped back into the restaurant, but I had a feeling he was going to watch out the window until he was sure I’d gotten a safe ride.
I stared at my phone. Who was I supposed to call? I had no family except a grandmother in assisted living who couldn’t drive. And as I’d already realized, I wasn’t exactly swimming in friends.
Just Theo.
My eyes brimming with tears I knew were about to fall, I brought up his number and called.