Chapter 10 #2
“I’m making tea.” I jerked my thumb over my shoulder at the stove. “Not sure if it’s any good, but it’s all I have. Do you want some?”
“That’s okay.” She headed toward the couch in the living room. “I don’t need any.”
I turned off the burner while she sat down, then went to join her. Maybe I should have given her space, but I sat right next to her. I couldn’t help it. The need to be close to her was killing me.
“I’m surprised I didn’t see it coming,” she said. “He brought me flowers. Do you know how long it’s been since he brought me flowers?”
“I don’t know.”
“A long time. And they were usually apology flowers after we argued.” She paused. “Sorry to just start babbling, but I think I need to get it all out.”
“Go ahead.”
“He took me to that restaurant. He’d made a reservation, which is also not like him.
I wish I would have realized. Maybe I could have stopped him.
But it wasn’t until the server came out with a glass of champagne, even though he’d already ordered an entire bottle of wine, that I realized what was happening. There was a ring in the glass.”
“He ordered a whole bottle of wine but put your ring in a glass of champagne?”
“That’s weird, right? Good, I thought it was just me. It was sort of confusing.”
“Yeah, not quite how you’re supposed to make that move.”
“Anyway, he did the whole thing. Got down on one knee and the entire restaurant went silent.” She leaned her head back against the cushion. “Everyone was watching. It was so surreal and horrible.”
I thought about taking her hand again, but it didn’t feel right, so I waited.
“He asked, and do you know what I did? I said no. Just like that.”
Relief washed over me like a hot shower after a hard-won game. Ever since the first time I’d met Sean, I’d been waiting for her to wake up. To realize she deserved better.
“Obviously, he got upset. We went outside to talk. I don’t think it had occurred to him that I might say no. He thought, well, we’ve been together so long, getting married is just what you do.” She paused again. “Do you want to know what’s really bizarre?”
“What?”
“I’d already decided to leave him. Earlier today. I was feeling pretty overwhelmed, because it means starting over, finding a new place to live, all of that. I wanted to figure out where I was going to go before I told him.”
“That’s fair.”
“You’re probably wondering why I was with him for so long.”
I’d wondered that more times than I could count, but I didn’t want to be a jerk about it. “Yeah. Kinda.”
“So am I. Things weren’t like this when we got together. Not even when I first moved in with him. We had fun. He was always doing nice things and spending time with me. He showered me with attention, which felt really good at the time.”
She shifted so she could tuck her legs under herself. Knowing I probably shouldn’t, I lifted my arm, giving her space to nestle against me if she wanted. She gradually leaned closer, almost as if she wasn’t aware of what she was doing, until she rested against my chest.
“I don’t think I would have admitted it back then, but I was kind of desperate for attention. Or affection, maybe.”
Her body settled against me, and I put my arm around her. “Why?”
“Probably because of my parents. After they got divorced, they were really wrapped up in dating. And then they married other people. I spent most of my childhood being ignored. Or at least feeling ignored. So of course I loved all the attention from Sean. He was giving me something I’d never had before. ”
I gently rubbed her arm with my thumb. “Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.”
“Now I look back and I think I mistook the way he showered me with attention for something more. For love. Because, the thing is, I don’t think the attention was about me, or even for me.
It was for him—the way he’d learned to make a woman like him.
And once I was there—once he felt like he had me—it started to go away.
He didn’t need to try anymore, so he didn’t.
But the change was so gradual, I barely saw it happening.
“Lately I’ve been wondering how I got here.
How did I let it go on so long? I kept trying to remember what it had been like at the beginning, as if somehow that would make it all better.
And I kept making excuses. Like this is just what happens when you’ve been together for a while.
Things get routine, and maybe a little boring. ”
She was quiet for a long moment. Resting my face against her hair, I inhaled her scent. She smelled so good. My eyes closed as I let it fill me.
“It wasn’t just boring,” she said, finally. “I don’t think he cared about me very much. He wasn’t even very nice to me.”
“I’m so proud of you.”
“Really?”
I caressed her arm with my thumb again. “Absolutely. What you did tonight was hard, but it was the right thing to do.”
Sniffling, she nestled in closer. “Thanks.”
A brief fantasy came to mind, of me pulling her into my lap, her legs straddling me.
My hands digging into her backside while my tongue invaded her mouth.
Our clothes coming off—the logistics didn’t matter, it was just a fantasy—and me thrusting inside her, making her forget everything.
I’d fuck the memory of that piece of shit right out of her.
But I shoved it away—decisively. She was my friend. Not even just my friend, she was my best friend. I didn’t really want to be her revenge fuck, and banging her on my couch would only lead to complications neither of us needed. It would change things between us—change everything.
I couldn’t let that happen. Especially now, when she needed me to be her friend.
The hard-on was annoying, but totally my fault, and thankfully not too obvious in the pants I was wearing.
I felt her body relax, and her breathing was slow and even. After sitting with her for a while, my arm still around her, I realized she’d fallen asleep. That made me crack a smile. The couch was probably better than my sorry excuse for a bed in the other room anyway.
I didn’t want to wake her, and truth be told, I didn’t want to leave her, either.
Carefully, I slid her glasses off and set them on the other side of the couch.
Then I grabbed a knit throw blanket—thanks, Mom—and draped it over the two of us.
I still had my shoes on, but I didn’t care.
I propped my feet on the coffee table, leaned my head back, and let my eyes close.
Gradually, I fell asleep, knowing in the back of my mind a sore neck could trigger a migraine. But I didn’t care. I wasn’t letting go of Penelope. She needed me. That was all that mattered.