Chapter 22 - Flynn
FLYNN
Glass crunches under my foot, the last remaining painting on the wall hangs by a single broken hook and several pages of torn books flutter slightly as wind gusts in from the broken window.
I stand in the middle of the destruction my office has become with both fists throbbing from pain.
Unable to take my fury out on Kaia or myself, I took it out on my office and tore the place apart.
My chair’s out on the lawn being avoided by cautious night patrol, my desk is splintered and everything that could break has shattered under my fists.
But it’s not enough.
What kind of father am I? I couldn’t protect Eva and I nearly lost Angie to the same fucking family.
I should have killed Kaia that night we attacked the Yudkin Estate. I should have killed her and be done with it, but instead something stopped me.
I let a snake into the garden and my daughter nearly paid for it with her life.
Each breath that drags out of me scrapes my throat like a scorching wind over hot coals.
Every muscle is so tense that I fear moving will make me crack like a statue as anger churns hot in my gut and my heart pounds so loud in my ears that I barely hear anything else.
The image of Angie on that boat with Kaia so close to taking her from me will haunt me for the rest of my days, just like the last time I saw Eva.
Eva.
The damn breaks and my legs give way, sending me crashing down onto the messy floor.
I don’t feel the glass catching on my ankle or my leg, don’t notice the remains of my coffee table sticking into my thigh as I sit there.
For a single moment that feels like it lasts forever, I let myself embrace the utter hopelessness and defeat that plagues me daily.
Ever since my twins were born, everything I’ve done has been for them. To provide them with a safe home, lifelong security, and a place in the world where no harm can reach them.
My failure makes me sick and as the tears leak down my cheeks, my mind trips up on the same thoughts.
Kaia’s more trouble than she’s worth and I should have killed her. I still want to.
The only reason she draws breath is because Angie, for some reason, is a better person than I’ll ever be, but she doesn’t understand the gravity of Kaia’s position here.
She’s my only leverage to get my daughter back from a man who doesn’t seem to care.
My men have torn apart his businesses, war spills across New York City between our two families, and a fragile trust that exists relies purely on honor I don’t believe Antov even has.
And Vic?
Working my doctors to the bone to keep him alive while having no idea the state Eva was in was killing me.
Around and around these thoughts spin out of control as the cavern in my chest opens so wide that it nearly swallows me whole.
For the first time in my life, I don’t know what to do. Antov has the most precious thing in the world to me and any direct attack on him is a death sentence for her.
All my attempts to breach his inner circles and find out where the fuck he’s hiding have been met with dead assassins, and each attempt is riskier than the last.
My head falls forward and I bury my face in my hands while my mind tortures me with my last moments with Eva.
Everything I should have done differently: moved faster, reacted sooner, been stronger. Then none of this would have happened.
“Flynn?” Frank’s voice drifts from the doorway and I slowly lift my head.
He stands there with Angie tucked in his arms and both of them stare around the destroyed office in wide-eyed shock.
“Why would you bring her here?” I croak, hastily wiping at my face.
“She insisted,” Frank replies softly.
“You should have said no.”
“No, Flynn. You don’t understand. She insisted.”
Our eyes meet and then I glance down at Angie as she wriggles out of Frank’s arms and starts carefully walking toward me.
“Daddy?”
The sound of her voice is a knife to the chest, and I lose all control over my tears.
They swell and burst forth as Angie breaks into a run then leaps into my arms.
As she collides with me, she also bursts into tears and clings to my shoulders with her tiny fists.
“Daddy, I’m s-sorry!”
I can’t speak.
Pain swells in my chest taking up far too much room that even my breaths are reduced to a gasp.
Both my arms embrace her tightly and I bury my face in her hair, soaking it with my tears.
“Doctor gave her the all clear,” Frank explains, attempting to clear the emotion from his throat with a cough. “She’s completely fine.”
“I’m sorry!” Angie sobs again. “I’m sorry!”
“Darling, no!” I choke out my words. “Don’t apologize. Don’t you dare. You have nothing to be sorry for!”
“I’m sorry!” She sobs it out over and over, her small body shaking from the force of her crying, but I don’t stop holding her.
I can’t believe I’m hearing her voice again though it pains me even further that a situation like this is what brings it out of her.
Telling her there’s nothing to say sorry for doesn’t seem to be working so, after sniffing back my tears as much as I can, I gently pry out of her hold so I can cup her face.
“Angie, sweetie. Why are you saying sorry?”
“Because!” She sobs openly, hiccupping with her words. “I went w-with Kaia and m-made you mad!”
“I wasn’t mad at you baby. Not even a little bit.”
“B-But you were mad at Kaia!”
“Kaia—.” Her name pours like acid over my tongue. “She did a bad thing. She took you.”
“W-We were just going to the lake!” Her small fists rise up and rub at her eyes as she coughs hard.
“She wasn’t supposed to take you anywhere, Angie. It’s very dangerous and it made me—.” The words catch in my throat then come out thin. “It made me scared I was going to lose you too.”
“B-But Kaia’s nice. I wasn’t scared of her. She’s nice to me and I-I…” Another deep, wet sob escapes her and she shakes her head. “I l-like her because I miss Eva!”
Angie’s wail cuts right through me and I draw her back into my arms, caught between utter relief that she’s found her voice and utter despair that she’s suffering and I can’t help her.
We share the same pain, and it kills me that her grief is anything like mine.
“She was stealing you, Angie. I couldn’t lose you like I lost Eva. And I’m doing everything I can to get Eva back, I promise but what Kaia did…” There are no safe words for me to explain to her just how fucked it was that she tried to flee with my child.
“But Daddy…”
Angie looks up at me with wide, tear-filled eyes, and I’m struck by how Eva, wherever she is, could look exactly like this with no one to comfort her.
It kills me inside and nausea sweeps through my gut.
“Daddy, you’re not supposed to hurt people. You said you’re not a bad man anymore and Kaia’s m-my friend. We were painting t-together and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Daddy.”
As she sinks back into my chest, sobbing her heart out with blame she doesn’t deserve to carry, my heart shatters.
In the doorway, Frank’s hand is over his mouth as he drops to his haunches, likely wrestling with the same pain we are.
Our eyes meet and a silent, pained conversation passes between us.
Angie’s right.
I never kept it a secret that I was a bad man because of the world we live in, but I told both my girls over and over that I wasn’t a bad man anymore.
I didn’t hurt people, I helped them and I was only scary when facing down the real bad people in the world.
Angie watching me tackle Kaia off the dock into the water destroys the image I’ve so carefully crafted over the years, and it breaks my heart because deep down, underneath all the pain and the grief and the anger, I know she’s right.
Killing Kaia won’t make me feel better and her desperate grab at survival should have been expected.
“Daddy’s sorry,” I say weakly to Angie as she buries her face in my neck. My eyes never leave Frank’s and he nods slowly. “Daddy just…has no idea what to do.”