Chapter 19
Kitt
As his lips meet mine, I wholeheartedly disagree with him saying there’s a whole big world out there I have to be concerned about. The only thing that matters to me in this world is right here.
This moment.
This kiss.
And I get so lost in his kiss my mind leaves the island I was so focused on saving. And I get so lost in his kiss I forget the big wide world and find myself lost in this one we’ve created.
Just us two.
This kiss, it feels like it’s been lingering between us since we first met, just out of reach, but never so far away its presence wasn’t known.
His kiss is hard, deep, possessive. His tongue swipes against mine like a line of fire. His hands find my hair, tangling against the back of my head, delicious tingles dancing over my skin.
I’ve never been kissed like this, by a man who knows what he wants, someone who wants me so completely and shows me through his dominance. His body towers over mine, his arms entrap me, holding me tight against him.
Owning me.
That warm wetness that’s becoming so familiar when I’m around him creeps between my thighs. The hand that’s not in my hair roves over my ass, reaching the bottom curve for a cup, then a hard squeeze that leaves me gasping into his mouth.
I’m throbbing down there in a way I’ve never experienced before. It’s almost shameful, how filled with desire I am right now. There’s not a virginal bone in my body right now.
I have no idea what sex with a man feels like, but my lack of experience doesn’t keep my body from knowing with absolute certainty: I want him inside me.
Now.
I manage to break away from his passionate kiss to whisper the words, “I want you.”
My words stop him cold. Pushing my hair back from my face, he studies my gaze. “How?”
“You know how.” Shyness takes over. I have to look away. “Don’t make me say it.”
He pulls back, that hand tugging through his hair. “No. Absolutely not.”
“Why?”
His blue eyes lock on mine. “I’d ruin you.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re pure. You said yourself—you want to get married one day.”
“So? What does that have to do with this?”
He shakes his head. “You should save yourself for your husband.”
“I’m not something to be had. I’m a woman. It’s my body. I’m not damaged goods if I—” This conversation is so far from anything I’ve ever had to have with someone before. Embarrassment fills me, deep and hot. I shake my head. “Never mind.”
I turn to leave.
“No.” He grabs my hand, pulling me back into him. “Come here.”
And his lips are back on mine.
The kiss instantly resumes right where it was left, only hotter and more demanding now. He pushes his hardness up against me. I love the feeling of him pressing into me—knowing I’m turning him on. A hint of nerves flutter through me, feeling his erection.
Will we have sex tonight? Will it hurt? His hardness grows harder. He feels massive. Will he even fit?
The feel of his tongue moving against mine, the way he’s stroking my body, making me so wet, I imagine my demanding body will find a way to get him inside me.
He pulls away, moving to my ear. “I won’t do it. But I will teach you to do something else. Another first. Have you ever sucked a man’s cock?” His lips travel lower, making that hot trail of kisses he’s becoming famous in my head for.
“You know I haven’t.”
Putting his hands on my shoulders, he pushes me down onto my knees. He’s not gentle. I like the roughness.
He towers over me, tongue dashing across his lips as he undoes his belt. I kneel there, helpless, just watching as his hard cock is suddenly inches from my face. I’ve never seen one in person before but if I was a betting woman, I’d put money down that this man’s is a glorious representation of the human male anatomy.
And God, is it huge.
“You think that’s going to fit in my mouth?” I manage to sputter out.
“I know it will, pretty Kitty.” With that, he grabs my shoulders, forcing my face onto his cock. I have no choice but to open my mouth, letting him inside.
His skin is soft, a tang of sweetness coating my tongue as the head of his cock pops into my mouth. Careful to fold my teeth over my lips, I grab for something to hold onto for balance. I settle on the back of his thighs.
“There’s a good girl. Hold me tight. I’ll teach you to do it just the way I like it.” He pushes further in, choking me. “And you’ll take every inch, won’t you, pretty girl?”
Tears spring to my eyes as I try to get the hang of what I’m doing.
“Hold my leg with one hand to steady yourself. Use the other to hold my balls, cup them softly.”
I do as he says, taking his silky members in my hand. It’s so strange, the newness, the unfamiliarity of this experience, but it’s making me feel wide awake, as if I’ve been sleeping my life away before him.
I hold part of his shaft, guiding his cock in my mouth so I can get better control of it. It’s called sucking dick, right? Do I suck on it?
“Holy shit. No, don’t Hoover the thing. Just hold it in your mouth. It’s your first time, I’ll do all the work.”
Humiliated I’ve gotten it wrong, I do as he says. He moves his hips back and forth, thrusting in my mouth. I don’t like the lack of control.
I know enough now I want to do this my way.
I pull back, emptying my mouth of him and wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. “If you want your dick sucked, sit in the chair.” I eye his favorite seat, the one facing both the window and the kitchen.
He looks down at me, as if he’s unsure he’s willing to give up control.
“If you want back in my mouth, do it. Now.”
I freak out for a moment, wondering if he’ll get pissed off and just shove the thing in my mouth, choking me to death. But he doesn’t. He backs up, sinking down into his chair like I’ve asked.
I scoot closer, my knees now on the dining room rug. I put my hands on the tops of both of his thighs. “Much better.” I glance up at him. “Now just sit there and let me do my thing.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He leans back in his chair, a look of pure heaven on his face.
I hold his dick in my hand, feeling the softness of his skin as I lightly stroke it up and down in my cupped palm. It jerks back when the circle of my fingers reaches the bottom edge of the sensitive tip. “So, you like when I take control?”
“Careful there, girl, or you’ll wind up over my lap, then have my cock back in your mouth.” Still in control even when I think I’m in control. I’m learning that’s the Bayne way.
I take my time, bending over him, slowly taking the head of his cock in my mouth as I continue to stroke him.
“Jesus, girl. That feels amazing. What are you doing?”
Sexy goddess energy warms me from the inside out. I like this. Pleasuring him. Making him feel good. Knowing I could stop at any moment.
But I won’t. I want to make him come. Like he did to me on that hill.
He loves every move I make, moaning with an animal-like appreciation. He smooths his hands through my hair but doesn’t grab it. He’s a quick learner. I like it rough but only when I want it, and my first time doing this, I want to go at my own pace.
Tingles dance down the back of my neck as he strokes me. “God, girl, you’re magical. Your mouth is pure heaven. What you’re doing with your hand. It feels so good.”
Sensing him getting closer, I pick up the pace, just as he did with me on that hill. My head bobs up and down, my hand moving faster as I draw the orgasm from his very soul.
These captive games we’re playing, they’re madness.
“I’m going to come now. It’s going to fill your mouth. Do you think you can try to swallow it down like a good girl?”
His filthy words, calling me a good girl while I suck his dick, bring back the wetness I felt during our kiss. Not wanting to slow my pace when he’s this close, I give his thigh a squeeze of “yes.”
“Here I go. I’m going to come. Hold still. Right there.”
I hold his dick in my hand, my mouth around the head as it jerks and twitches, bursting warm, salty fluid into my mouth. I do my best to swallow down as much as I can but some of the cum escapes, running from my lips, dripping down my chin.
But I don’t pull away till I get the very last drop out of him. He falls back against his chair. “Christ, Kitty Cat. That was phenomenal. I thought I’d died and left this earth.”
I try to clean up my face with the back of my sleeve before he can see me with his cum dripping down my face.
He reaches out to stop me. “Leave it. I like it.”
“No.” I tug my hand away, now scrubbing my face with my sleeve. Looks like I’ll be doing laundry tonight.
We rest together for a little while, snuggling, bathing in the afterglow of our sex. My entire body is calm, euphoria settling into my limbs. But my busy mind can’t seem to take a break.
I need my phone. It’s been so weird, being without it. I test the waters. “Do you trust me enough to give me my phone back?”
He eyes me. He’s contemplating it.
“I trusted you enough to offer up my virginity”—even if he wouldn’t take it—“and I need you to trust me enough to give me back my phone. Especially now that the police are looking for me and the Bayne slash Burnes boys know I’m still here, and if the Burneses are as untrustworthy as you’re making them out to be.”
Finally, he concedes.
Needing space, I take a long shower. Throw my laundry in. Drawing out the time till I can rest and relax, giving my phone my full attention.
I curl up in my bed, cradling the phone in my hand like a precious baby. It feels so good to have my lifeline back. It comes with rules, of course. For now, I can only call him and Eamon—he programmed both numbers in himself—and Fiona and Carol Ann.
When I turn the phone on, I actually get butterflies in my stomach seeing the screen light up for the first time in ages. I finally see the string of messages from Carol Ann the night I went to the police station. I giggle about the ones threatening to use my toothbrush as a toilet bowl cleaner. “Yuck, Carol Ann.”
Ten unanswered calls from DI Collins. I recognize his number from the night I called him in the hallway of the lodge.
Missed calls from a number, the area code from home—must be the local police wanting to question me over Teddy’s death.
And one text.
From Mom.
It came in the same day as the missed calls from the police in California.
All it says is call me.
With shaky fingers, I press her contact number to call her.
She picks up after six rings.
Finally, her voice comes over the line. “Kitt.”
“Mom! How are you. It’s been so long since?—”
She cuts me off, her voice harsh. “The police are asking questions, Kitt. The family isn’t satisfied with the way the investigation ended. They’ve asked for the case to be reopened. To interview everyone that knew Teddy or his girlfriend Lilly. You were her best friend, so of course they are going to question you. Just tell them nothing and lay low.”
“Mom.”
“Don’t call me again. Okay?” The sound of a man’s voice calling her name comes from the background. “I gotta go.”
“Mom! Wait.”
“I have to go, Kitty. Joe needs me?—”
“I just want to know…” We lost Lilly because of what I did. I should have gotten her help. I can’t keep the pain from my voice. “I need to know…”
Hearing the stress in my voice she finally takes notice of me. “What is it?”
“Do you think we—do you think I… did the right thing?”
I hang on to the air, my breath held, waiting for her response.
Finally, she says, “It’s hard to say. But you did what you had to do. And sometimes, that’s the best you can do.”
And she hangs up. No I love you. And tears fill my eyes at her rejection.
But she didn’t hang up the phone.
I hear voices. Her and Joe, talking. I pick my phone up to hang up, but I stop when I hear her say my name.
“Kitt had to get out of town. What other choice did she have? And it just happened to work out perfectly for us. I mean, talk about the universe offering a gift at the right moment.”
Joe’s voice sounds further away. I hold the phone closer to my ear to hear. “What about the cops? Think she’ll get off?”
“Oh, I’m sure! She’ll be fine. And if not, I’ll tell her to spin it back on Lilly. She was the one at fault anyway. Not like she’s here to defend herself!”
They share a cruel laugh.
Joe says, “I’m just glad it happened this way and you didn’t have to tell her you were leaving.”
“I know. Can you imagine me telling her I was moving in with you, leaving her behind? Those big brown eyes looking at me, all sad. God. I could not take it. After she moved all the way out to California to be close to me? Having to leave that shithole town in Pennsylvania that she loved?” Mom laughs. “Never knew what she liked about it. I got out of there the moment Kitt was a legal adult, and my responsibilities were over.”
“This was so much better?—”
I hang up before Joe finishes. I’ve heard enough. Mom was planning on moving in with him the entire time. She used the worst tragedy in my life as a catalyst to make her move. I think back to that night, her nails digging into my arms, convincing me not to go to the police.
If her daughter was wrapped up in a murder investigation, she wouldn’t have been able to leave town. While I stood there, in shock, tears running down my cheeks, was she calculating how she could spin it to her advantage?
I wipe the tears away, forcing myself not to think of my losses, my grandparents, then Lilly, and now Mom, and I know—there’s nothing for me back home.