Chapter 25
Kitt
It’s strange, being back at the lodge after all this time. There were times when I was trapped at his house that I wanted to be here so badly, I could almost hear the squeak of Fiona turning over in the bunk above me.
Now that I’m here, all I want is to be back in his arms.
The summer is coming to an end. Unless I can stomach calling my mom and diving into a world of debt, I have no college to go back to. And I have no visa to stay here once the internship is over.
There’s no way I’m moving in with Mom and Joe after the conversation I heard between them. My stomach goes sick, realizing… I’m not even sure my mom would let me move in with them.
She’s started a new life with Joe. I can picture me asking her. Her coming up with some sad excuse of why I can’t. I have too much self-respect to put myself in a situation where I’m rejected by my own mother.
What did I learn when I was his captive? All those moments of self-loathing when I wanted to get away but couldn’t? I learned that I can’t wait for someone else to save me.
Unable to sleep, I crawl out of my bottom bunk. Grabbing Fiona’s long pink cardigan from the bedpost, I slip my arms into the sleeves, wrapping it around my body for warmth and comfort.
It reminds me of the blanket I left behind. Folded neatly at the foot of my bed—correction—his guest bed.
I move out to the common area, firing up an old computer. I know what I need to do. And unlike after Teddy’s death, or Clive’s, when I was so confused, this time I know exactly what to do.
Three hours later, a full sunrise is coming up over the hills. The proposal I’ve invested countless hours in is now floating somewhere in cyberspace, headed to its destination. Stretching my sore fingers, I go to the window to watch the dazzling sunrise reflecting over the water.
I put the kettle on, starting toast and eggs for everyone. Slowly, the interns appear, one by one, rubbing sleep from their eyes.
They’ve missed me, they say, they’re glad to have me back for the short amount of summer we have left.
Fiona comes out, wearing my green sweater. It looks beautiful against her hair and complexion. Her face breaks into a smile as she spots me. “This is what you get for stealing mine.”
“Keep it,” I say, handing her a cuppa white with milk. “It looks prettier on you.”
“Only if you keep that one. Pink makes the boys wink, you know.” She pulls me in for a side hug, careful not to spill her tea. “I’m so happy to have you back. We all are.”
“Me too,” I say. And I am. Only the enthusiasm doesn’t quite reach my tone. “How’s Carol Ann doing with the not-going-to-Glasgow disappointment?”
Knowing I’m trying to keep the subject off my own disappointment, she says, “Carol Ann will be fine. She’s tough. But you, on the other hand, you’re the one I’m worried about.”
“Don’t worry about me,” I say.
“Come here.” Gently grabbing my arm, she pulls me to a quiet corner of the room where we curl up next to one another on a loveseat, the floral arms worn bare from summers of use.
“What is it?” I ask.
She studies my face. “You miss him, don’t you?”
I look down at my hands, thinking. He kidnapped me. Played games with me. Ruthless, heated games that filled me with shame.
I never felt so alive.
“Wouldn’t it be bad to say I do?” I look up, meeting her eye.
She sets her mug on the side table, grabbing both my hands in hers. “Kitt, despite what Carol Ann thinks, it’s okay to want a man.”
“I know. But you’re supposed to want the right man. Not the bad man.”
“Bayne’s not got a bad bone in his body. I promise you that. We grew up next door to their farm. He was always sneaking us beef when he could, knowing how many mouths we had to feed. His father was a bad man. But when his wife left him after Eamon was born, he turned into a mean man. Cailean protected Eamon. Took care of him. Kept his brother safe.”
“That’s so sad.” I shake my head. “I can’t imagine.”
“When he was fifteen and Eamon five, he was finally big enough. He protected his brother the best way he could, fighting back till his old man finally left them alone.” She squeezes my hands. “That’s not an easy childhood to have. Makes the lines between right and wrong blur a bit when you’re protecting the ones you love.”
“But I’m not from this world.”
She gives me a soft smile. “Then why do you always fit in so nicely?”
I smile back.
She locks eyes with me. “It’s okay to want to be with him.”
“I don’t have anything. No money, no power. I don’t want it like it was, him in control over everything. And he’s the one who officially broke up with me.”
I think of the morning I woke up alone in his bed. His bracelet around my wrist. A note left on the pillow.
It’s safe for you to go back now. I’ve gone out of town, had a horse to sell. I won’t be back till the morning. Plenty of space and time for you to pack.
Eamon is on standby, ready to take you back to the lodge whenever you call.
Thanks, Kitty Cat, for everything.
“I know.” She sighs. “That note. God, that tore my heart out when you let me read it. But he left the door open at the end, didn’t he?”
I nod. “He did.” I fiddle with the bracelet at my wrist that’s so quickly become a part of me.
I think of that last line on the note, scrawled like he was running out of time, like if he didn’t do it quickly, he might not say the words at all…
I’m not going anywhere.
xBayne
“If I go back,” I stare at her pensive face, hoping she’ll understand, “I want to do it on my terms.”
“Aye,” she nods. “I wouldn’t mind a man catering to my every need, providing for me, but I can see why you wouldn’t want that. Not when you’ve been put in the position you were. ‘Tis a strange way to begin a relationship.”
“Right?” Relief floods me, happy she agrees. “If we’d just met and fell in love and things were normal, I probably never would have left?—”
She cuts me off, leaning in with wide eyes. “You said ‘fell in love.’ Kitt… are you in love with him?” I don’t know how to answer. She gives my hand a demanding squeeze. “Kitt?”
I stare out over the sea. The color seems to change every day, even changing over the hours, going navy if a storm is coming, blue-green when it’s calm.
This quiet morning, it’s the perfect shade of Bayne blue.
The color eyes our children might have. He’d be a wonderful father. Fiercely protective, stern but loving, ever-present in his children’s lives. And as a husband, well, I couldn’t imagine any woman he took for a wife ever wanting for anything.
Some may say he’s overbearing, but not me. He’s exactly what I want. What I’ve always needed. Should I tell him? It would feel good to tell someone.
Now that I’ve finally told myself.
A whisper escapes me. “Yes, Fiona. I think I am.”
A fellow intern comes up to us, interrupting our conversation. “Hey, Kitt. The professor is here. He wants a word with you. We couldn’t find you hiding over here, and he’s been waiting. You better get going.”
The professor is here? Already? I only just emailed him my proposal a few hours ago. I didn’t expect an in-person visit, especially not this soon. A call in a few days maybe…
I stand, slowly, feeling the full weight of this moment. What the professor says could change things for me. Forever.
“Sorry, Fiona. I’ve got to go.”
“Go on,” she says. “Thanks for the cuppa.”
“Thanks for the chat.” I leave her with a nervous grin.
The professor waits for me at the door. “Got your proposal this morning. It really piqued my interest. After the recent strife amongst the people, the firebombing, I don’t think your proposal could have come at a better time. Can we grab a cup of tea at the Chronicle and have a word about it?”
“Yes,” I say, walking through the door as he opens it for me. “I’d love that.”