7. Briar
7
brIAR
THE PAST
A ll I know right now is that I need to get away.
I don’t care if it kills me. I need to go somewhere far away. I need to go somewhere that has no traces of my mother.
Mother is getting her beauty sleep now. She won’t beawake until eight o’clock in the morning.
And I can handle the guards. I know my way around the grounds. It’s the only place I’ve ever known. Except for all the hospitals I was taken to, I’ve known no other home.
I thought I knew everything there was to know about this house, but I was wrong.
There are dark secrets written on the walls in blood.
And today, I caught a glimpse of one of those secrets.
There’s a hollowness in my bones as I move.
I don’t even feel like a person. I’m a ghost in the night, trying to fit into a world that no longer wants me.
If I were to get caught, it might bethe end of me. But I really don’t care about anything anymore.
I clutch my purse close to my chest. It has a stolen cell phone, some of Mother’s gold jewelry, a thickroll of cash, and a water bottle. The money will last me a few weeks if I’m careful. And after that, I’ll start selling the jewelry. I want to get a job, but it would be too risky. She has eyes everywhere.
All Ireallyknow right now is that I can no longer be a part of this life. It’s been killing me from the inside. I need to get away.
I go through the tunnels, running as fast as my legswillcarry me. The air in my lungs feels like fire as I leave through the back entrance. Just to be safe, I walk another mile before booking an Uber.
I stare at the phone screen anxiously until the Uber arrives.
When the cab stops in front of me, I check the number plate tomake sure this isn’t some sort ofsetup.I imagineherlaughing at me for even thinking I could leave.
A window rolls down.
“Caroline?” the driver says, using the fake name I used on the app.
I swallow. “Yes?”
“Are you getting in?” His eyes flick to the trees behind me.
I glance back down the street. There’s not a house in sight. All the houses are acres apart, and ours is so secluded that it feels like we’re living in ourownlittle town.
My heart races at the thought of getting inside the car. I’ll be leaving the only life I’ve ever known. I’ll be leaving the only person I love in this world—my little sister.
But what choice do I have?
I open the car door and get in.
“I’ll be dropping you off at the airport, correct?” the driver asks.
I nod and clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking.
“Don’t you have any luggage with you?” he asks.
I remember what I read on the online forum. When traveling solo, I should never tell anyone that I’m alone.
“My friend has my luggage,” I say.
“Okay, will webe pickingup your friend?” he asks.
He seemslike a genuine person, but I know that looks can be deceiving. I can’t trust anyone.
“No stops,” I say, trying to hide the tremor in my voice.
He nods and starts the car.
He glances at me in the rearview mirror. “Are you feeling well, miss? You look a little pale.”
“I’m fine,” I say, trying to take deep breaths without being too obvious about it.
I can’t believe I’m actually doing this. I can’t believe it took me this long. My heart soars for a moment before dropping suddenly. I can’t believe I’m leaving my sister behind.
We leave the suburbs and enter the Pennsylvania Turnpike.
As the lights of the highway pass by me, I realize that it’s actually happening. I don’t know how long I can go without being found, but this is the first time in my life that I’m doing things my way.
The world looks brand new tonight.
I feel tiny andinsignificant,but in a good way.
With every minute that passes, I’m taken farther and farther away from my mother.
I don’t have a plan.Not really.
I have no idea where I’m going or what I’ll do once I get there. I wonder if this was how Chloe, my elder sister, felt when she left home all those years ago.
She asked me if I wanted to come. I told her I didn’t. I knew that if I went with her, it would only be a matter of time before we got caught. Mother never really cared about Chloe.My elder half-sister was just a reminder ofher husband's lifebefore her.
I stare up at the night sky.
It started to drizzle. Inside this car, I’m in a safe cocoon where nothing can ever touch me. Where nothing can ever hurt me again.
I wonder if I’ll ever know what it feels like to be completely safe.
To feel completely protected.
My entire life, I lived by only one rule: protect Grace from the worst of it. But now I’ve left, leaving her under the mercy of Mother. I begged her to come with me, but Grace was too scared of the consequences. I wanted to tell her what I saw but couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.
I haven’t really thought this through.
All I knew was that I had to get away.
I didn’t think what mother would do when she woke up tomorrow to find that I was missing. She would rage. She would tear the whole house apart looking for me. And then she would take the rest of her anger out on Grace.
My heart is pumping so hardrightnow that I think it might combust. It feels hard to breathe. I’m slowly suffocating.
“Wait,” I say. The word is heavy on my tongue. But I know that if I go through with this, my guilt will be even heavier.
“What’s wrong?” the driver asks. “You look like you’re going to be sick. Do you need me to pull over?”
“Yes, please.”
He parks by the side of the highway and turns the hazard lights on. I get out of the car and lean against the closed door. There’s a tightness in my chest. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to breathe without feeling weighed down.
I know I need togo backhome, but I… don’t want to.
The weight on my chest feels heavier than ever.
“Miss, are you okay?” the driver asks, opening an umbrella as he rushes to my side.Idon’trealize until Iseethe umbrella thatit’sbeen rainingthis whole time.Raindrops pellet my head, traveling down my face in rivulets and mixing with my tears.
“I’m all right, thank you,” I say. “I just...I think I made a mistake. Do you mind...”
I’m about to ask him to take mebackhome, but the words are lodged in my throat. I glance up at the sky. Streaks of lightning light up the sky.
I’ve never seen the world like this.
I never knew it could be so violent. So wild. So liberating.
MaybeIcanhavea littlemore of this.MaybeI can hold on to this freedom for a little longer.If not forever, then a few hours.
“Do you mind dropping me off at the club?”I ask, trying to sound confident.
His eyebrows raise. “ The club? Elysium?”
“Yeah,”I say. “That’s where I’m meeting my friends.”
He watches me with concerned eyes. He looks like he wants to say more but doesn’t.
“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping, but are you in trouble, miss?”he asks.
“No, Ijustwant you to take me to the club.”
He rubs his head. “Okay. I can do that. We’re already in Ravenwood. The club isn’t far from here.”
He opens the car door for me, and I get back in. If it bothers him that I’m getting rainwater all over his car seats, he doesn’t say anything about it.
He walks around the car and gets back in the driver’s seat. He glances at me in the rearview mirror, wearing a deep frown on his face.
“It’s none of my business, but Ihave toask you again—are you in trouble?”
“Why do you ask?”I say. My heart is pounding, but I try to act unruffled.
“No reason,”he says.“It’sjust, Ihave a daughter around your age.If you’re in trouble, you can tell me. I’ll do what I can to get you help.”
“I’m fine. I’m just going through a breakup,”I lie.
I’m good at that. Lying.
It’s one of the first skills I had to learn in life.
“Ah, that makes sense,”he says, pulling the car back onto the highway. “I’m sorry you’re going through that.”
“He was my first boyfriend,”I say. There’s no reason to elaborate, but I do so anyway.Forceof habit, maybe.
“The first heartbreak is always the hardest.”He clucks sympathetically.
“It doesn’t matter,”I say. “I’m done with dating now. I’m going to focus on myself.”
“Good for you, sweetheart.” He nods.
I have no reasonto lie to this man, but I like making up stories.They help me get out of my own head. It’s not like I can tell him the truth. He’d probably take me to the nearest police station or mental asylum if I told him about what my life was really like. Soinstead, Itellhimwhat I wish my life were like.
“It’sprobably for the best,”I say. “I’m going to college this fall, and a long-distance relationship would never have worked anyway. We never had that kind of bond. It always felt one-sided. I cared too much. He cared too little.”
“He sounds like he didn’t deserve you,”the driver says.
“That’s what all my friends said.”
“I hope you meet better men in college,”he offers.
“I hope so, too.”
The thought of it brings a smile to my face.
It would be nice to go to college.Tomeet new peoplewho comefrom a world that’s better than mine. To be untethered to my mother.
“We’re nearly here,” he says.
I peer out at the road. I thoughthe’dtake me to the center of a bustling city. But this club is in the middle of nowhere. There’s nothing but the woods for miles.
A black Ferrari speeds by us.
The golden lights of the club come into view.I’veonly seen nightclubs in movies,butI’venever seen anything like this.It’s a sprawling building that looks like a beacon of opulence in the darkness. It’s all sweeping lines and intricate details—ornate columns, polished marble steps, and tropical terraces. Everything about it whispers timeless luxury.
He pulls up to the driveway. I see men in suits and women in elegant evening gowns.
I wrap my coat tighter around me.
Suddenly, I feel way underdressed in my jeans and strappy top.
A security guard stops our car. My heart starts pounding in my rib cage again. I don’t feel like I belong here. I feel like I’m trying to sneak into a place that doesn’t want me.
“This is as far as outside vehicles can go,”the driver says, turning to look at me. “I’m going to have to drop you off here. Is that okay?”
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I say.
I reach into my purse and hand him the cash I owe him.
“Thank you so much.”I smile at him.
He nods. “Do you want me to wait until your friends get here?”
I don’t have any friends. I’m completely and utterly alone in this world.
I plaster on a smile. “No, that’s okay. I’ll wait fortheminside.”
He doesn’t look convincedbut tells me to have a safe night.
“Thank you,”I say again, closing the door behind me.
I glance at the driveway that leads to the main building. It’s lined with elegant lampposts that cast pools of soft light on the asphalt.
The security guard clears his throat. He’s smiling at me expectantly. I smile back at him.
I’m about to head down the driveway when he blocks my path.
“Do you have a membership card, ma’am?”he asks.
“Um, I don’t,” I say.
“Is it your first time at Elysium?”he asks.
Above the building’s entrance, a large illuminated signshows the word “Elysium”in elegant script.
“Yeah, it’s my first time,”I say.
“Is anyone inside expecting you?”he asks, raising an eyebrow.
“No?”My answer comes out sounding like a question.
I lied to the driver,butIcan’t lie to this guy.His eyes flick down to myoutfit,like he’s trying to figure something out.
“I’ll need to see your ID, ma’am,”he says. “Everyone who enters this club needs to be pre-approved.”
“Oh,”I say. “I didn’t know that.”
“Your ID?” he asks.
“I don’t have it on me,”I say.
And just like that, my entire evening collapsesin front ofmy eyes. I was looking forward to having a fun night out. I read on the forums that the line to the girl’s bathroom is the best place to make new friends. It’s all I wanted for tonight. I just wanted to have fun and live likea normalgirl.
My chin quivers.
He sighs. “Since you clearlydon’t know much about the club, I’m assuming youwere recruited?”
I remain silent because I don’t know what he means by that.
“Are you one of Victoria’s girls?”he asks.
I stare at him blankly. I still have no idea what he’s talking about.
He tells me to wait a minute and makes a call on his iPad. A moment later, the face of a gorgeous redhead fills his screen.
“There’s a girl who showed up,”he says. “I think she might be one of the girls, but she doesn’t have an ID. Can you tell me if you’re expecting her?”
He turns the iPad to face me. I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.
“Ooh, she’s pretty. Victoria will love her. Send her in,”the girl says. “I’ll receive her at the entrance.”
“That’s not what I asked, Sophia,”he says. “Is she on the list?”
“Have you seen that face? She’s gorgeous ,”the girl snaps. “Send her in. I’ll deal with it.”
“Fine, but you’ll have to answer to Victoria,”he says.
“I’ll handle it,” the girl says.
The man turns to look at me.
“You can go in,”he says, stepping out of my path.
I don’t know what to make of that interaction, but my curiosity gets the best of me. I walk down the driveway.
The light mist in the air clings to my skin and my eyelashes. It feels like I’m walking through a cloud.
It’s a short walk to the entrance. As I move, something settles in my bones. A confidence that I never had. For once, I’m not scared by the unknown.
Now that I’m closer to the building, I realize it looks more like an upscale casino than a nightclub. The large double doors are flanked on either side by massive mermaid statues that cast long shadows on the marble steps.
I catch sight of a redhead standing on these steps. She’s waving at me. My feetslow. I’m not used to being around new people.
But I lift my arm and wave back at her.
She doesn’t wait for me to ascend the stairs. She runs down in her Jimmy Choos and meets me halfway. I thought she looked pretty before, but she’s even more beautiful in person. She’s a true redhead, with lustrous red hair and frecklesdustedall over her cheeks and nose. On anyone else, it would be adorable. But her high cheekbones and cat-shaped eyes give her the look of a foxy seductress.
“Hey, I’m Sophia,”she beams. “I’m Victoria’s PA.”
“Hi, I’m Briar,” I say.
“What kind of name is Briar?”she asks, wrinkling her button nose.
“It’s actually pretty common in New Zealand.” I rub my elbow.
“Are you from New Zealand?”she asks.
“No, but?—”
“Quick, we don’t have much time,”she says. “The show is about to start. Why are you so late? All of the other recruits arrived hours ago.”
She takes my hand and leads me up the stairs.
I don’t know what she means by being a recruit, but I think I’ll find out soon enough.
We walk through the double doors.The club looks like something from a dream—glistening chandeliers, a sweeping bar,sophisticatedmen,and…girls.
Some women weartheir best evening clothes and diamonds, but other women wear clothes that would be considered indecent at the beach. Igaspwhen I see a topless woman carrying a tray of finger food. On one of the barstools, an older man has a girl perched on his lap. And his hand…I can’t be sure, but I think it’s inside the girl’s panties. I’m transfixed as I watch the girl’s eyes roll back in her head.
“Briar?”Sophia tugs on my arm. “Come on. I’ll give you a tour later.”
I think I accidentally entered a classy strip club.
“Sophia?” I say.
“Yes?”She turns to look at me.
“I think there’s been a misunderstanding,”I say, swallowing. “What kind of club is this?”
“The kind where the money is.”She winks at me. “There’s no need to be nervous. We won’t make you do anything you’re not ready for.”
I dig my heels in. It’s just my kind of luck—accidentally becoming a sex worker. I need to clear up this misunderstanding right away.
“What are you doing?”Sophia asks. “We need to get you to the dressing room ASAP.”
“There’s a dressing room?” I ask.
“Of course,”she says. “I’m not going to let you walk around wearing that . It’s a great coat, no offense. Is it vintage?”
“Yeah, it belongs to my mother,”I say.
“Victoria is going to love it,”she says. “You’ll meet her in the dressing room.”
“I really don’t know about this…”
I trail off when a middle-aged woman wearing a gorgeous black evening gown approaches us. She hasintense eyes that look like they can see straight down to your soul.
“Victoria, I’d like you to meet Briar,”Sophia says, beaming at her boss. “She showed up at the entrance, and I thought she’d be a great addition.”
Victoria cups my chin and inspects my face.
“Virgin,” she says.
All of my muscles lock up. I don’t know what I’m supposed to say to that.
Something about her touch soothes me, though. It doesn’t feel threatening. She doesn’t want to harm me.
“If you showed up at the entrance uninvited, you must be desperate,”Victoria says. “Am I wrong?”
I swallow.She’snot wrong about me being desperate. Even though I’ve already sold my pride,I won’tsell my honor. It’s all I have left.
“Forgive me, but I think coming here was an accident,”I say.
“There are no such things as accidents,”Victoria says. “You found us when you needed to find us. Stay a little longer.”
“I’m not sure what I’m signing up for,”I say.
“Sophia will fill you in,”Victoria says. “But I can assure you that nobody will touch you without your consent. You won’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with.”
“I’m not a good dancer,”I say.
“Then don’t dance,” Victoria says.
Sophia takes my hand. “Some of the girls just serve or bartend. You can start with something simple and see how you like it.”
“But if you decide to stay tonight, come see me at the end of your shift,”Victoria says. “If you’d like to work for meon a regular basis, we need to get some paperwork out of the way first.”
My heart beats in my throat. I haven’t even considered that. I was only thinking about tonight. Ihaven’tthought about coming back here every night.
Maybe I can build another life for myself.
I can pretend to be someone else just for a night. By living someone else’s life, I can pretend that mine doesn’t exist.
“Okay,” I say. “I’ll do it.”
Sophia grins at me. Victoria nods like she expected that answer.
I think one of the reasons I agreed is because all the girls working here seem to genuinely be having a good time.
“Welcome to the family,” Victoria says.
I’m taken to the dressing room.
It’s bustling with girls and chatter. A fun summer anthem plays from the speakers. Some of the girls smile at me. Most are too busy staring at their own reflection to take notice.
It’s all a little overwhelming but in a good way.
Sophia pats one of the makeup chairs. I take a seat in front of the vanity mirror. My cheeks have splotches of red. But all I see is my mother’s face.
Mother always loved that I was a mini version of her. We look nearly identical.
“You look like a deer caught in headlights,”Sophia observes. “Are you having second thoughts?”
I shake my head. “No, it just feels new.”
“You’ll get used to it,”she assures.
A team of stylists gather around me. They stare at my reflection as they speak among themselves. A ball of uncertainty churns in my gut.As theyget towork on me, doing my hair and putting soft makeup on my face, Iget the feeling everything’s about to change.
And I don’t know if that’s such a good thing.