21. Briar
21
brIAR
THE PAST
“ S tay right here.” He gets off the bed.
“Yes, sir,” I reply, biting my cheek when his eyes darken.
I stare at his exquisite male form. Never did I imagine that I’d get so addicted to another person. But I live and breathe this man now.
When he leaves the room, I wrap my arms around myself and look at my surroundings.
Everything is minimalistic yet opulent. There are no personal effects here, nothing that suggests that someone lives here. No books, no photographs, no souvenirs. It looks like a show home.
When he returns, he’s holding a greasy paper bag in one hand and a folder in the other.
“You got me fast food again,” I say, grinning. “Cheeseburger?”
“Always,” he says, handing me the bag. It has a burger and french fries.
“When did you get this?” I ask. “They’re still hot.”
“I had my men bring it for you,” he says.
“Oh,” I say. “They looked like they had more important things to do.”
“Nothing’s more important than you, princess,” he says.
My breath catches in my throat. When he says things like this, it makes my heart feel all gooey inside. I was never important to anyone, not in a way that made me feel cherished like this.
I take a bite of the burger and hand it to him.
“Have some,” I say.
“I’m not hungry,” he says, wiping some ketchup from the corner of my lips.
“Why not?” I ask, searching his eyes. He averts his gaze. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
“Actually, there is,” he says. “I was going to wait until after you finished eating.”
“You can tell me now,” I say, taking another big bite of the burger. I would never eat like this in front of my mother. She says that it’s unladylike to seem overly enthusiastic about food.
“Very well, then,” he says. He opens the folder and pulls out a few sheets of paper. I notice that some of the documents have my face on them.
“What is this?” I ask.
“A new life,” he says, turning the papers around to face me. It’s my face staring backat me, but there’s a different name. A different identity.
“For what?” I ask.
“For starting over,” he says. “From the little information I gathered about you, I know you live a very sheltered life. Homeschool, no friends, no extracurriculars.”
“I have extracurriculars,” I say softly. “I ride horses.”
“I don’t mean to offend you, solnishko ,” he says. “I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m assuming that your parents like having control over you?”
“Where is this coming from?” I whisper.
“Your eyes,” he says. “They cloud over whenever you talk about home. I know that it’s making you miserable. And if it’s making you so sad, you don’t have to stay there.”
Thinking about my mother makes my blood curdle. And suddenly, the food in my belly feels like stone. I’m not hungry anymore.
Dimitri is a strong, powerful man, but my mother is vicious. Evil. Vindictive.
If she ever found out about us, she’d take him away from me in the worst way. She’ll do horrible things to him.
“I’ve upset you,” he says.
He gathers all the files and closes the folder, but something drops on the bed. It’s a passport. It has my face and a different name. It’s not even a United States passport.
“What is this?” I ask.
“I told you,” he says. “A new life. We could go away.”
I look at the desperation in his eyes. He wants me to say yes so bad. He wants to leave the troubles of the world behind. But I know better.
I know that no matter where I go, I’ll take myself with me. My past is a part of who I am, and it’ll follow me, even if I’m on some island sipping on coconut water.
“I don’t want to go away,” I say. “And I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
He stares at me for a moment.
“You turn into a different person whenever you talk about your family,” he says. “The joy in your eyes is instantly replaced by a hollowness.”
You don’t know what she’s capable of. You don’t know her.
“Family is complicated,” I say.
“You don’t need to tell me,” he says. “I’m just saying that if you wanted, there’s another option.”
But the intensity in his eyes makes me feel like I don’t have an option. Not really. He looks like he wants me to be his at all costs. Even if it’s not what I want myself.
It’s a possessiveness that both thrills me and scares me.
My eyes drop to the folder.
I open it. I go through the fake documents—a birth certificate, a high school diploma, a social security card, and even a driver’s license. This manila folder holds everything I need to start over.
It’s everything I ever wanted, but I know I can’t let myself have it. I have too much to lose.
“I really appreciate it,” I say. “But I can’t.”
“You don’t have to decide right away,” he says. “Take your time thinking it over.”
“The answer will still be no,” I say.
His jaw is hard. His eyes don’t meet mine. And for the first time since I met him, I feel the golden glow around my heart dim.
“That isn’t what you wanted to hear, is it?” I ask.
He takes his time before speaking.
“Ultimately, it’s your choice to make, solnishko ,” he says.
I glance down at his hands. The same hands that were all over me just moments ago. I place my hand on top of his. I feel so small next to him, but never powerless. Even when he has me pinned underneath his body, I feel power coursing through my veins. He makes me feel like I’m the center of his universe.
“Is this going to change things?” I whisper.
He takes a deep breath and exhales. “No.”
“Okay, because I really like the way things are right now,” I say.
“I see,” he says.
The way he says that makes me think he doesn’t see. Not at all.
For the first time, I wonder if there’s a darker side to this man. He’s always been refreshingly honest, but maybe I overlooked some things about him. Maybe he wasn’t just saying things in the heat of the moment when he talked about owning me in every way.
I glance down at the folder again.
Something catches my attention. It’s a number. A rather large one with a lot of zeros. I pull out the sheet of paper. It’s a bank balance.
It’s for twenty-five million dollars. And it’s in my name.
“What is this?” I ask.
“A trust fund,” he says. “It’s yours should you ever want it.”
“You set this up for me?” I ask.
He shrugs. “It’s not a big deal.”
“Twenty-five million dollars is kind of a big deal, Dimitri,” I say, looking at him.
“Not compared to something priceless,” he says.
I swallow. “I don’t know what to say. All of this… it’s a lot.”
“I’m a man who knows what he wants, Briar,” he says, cupping my chin. “And I knew the second I saw you in the crowd that you would be mine. And that includes taking care of you in every way, whether you ask for it or not.”
He makes me look at him as he says that.
The intensity with which he says these words makes alarm bells ring in my head. Part of the reason I’m drawn to him is because his affection is similar to what I’m used to. My mother’s love was always suffocating and extreme. Although I know that he would never do anything to truly hurt me, I’m also aware that there might be sides of him I’ve yet to see.
He traces patterns over my bare waist. It makes me forget about everything that just passed through my head.
I’ve already spent my entire life worrying about what the next day will bring. And I don’t want to keep doing that with Dimitri. I just want to enjoy the moment.
He places the folder aside.
“Finish your burger,” he says. “I had a special dessert made for you by my chef this evening.”
“Does it have chocolate?” I ask.
“Chocolate is the star ingredient,” he says.
“Good,” I say, kissing his bicep and breathing in the scent of his skin. He smells like my shampoo.
He presses a kiss against my temple and holds me tighter in his arms.
“Is this where you sleep?” I ask him.
“Some nights,” he says.
An unwanted thought crosses my mind. I’ve never been in a relationship, so I don’t know how things usually work, but I hate the thought of Dimitri being with another woman. I hate it with a passion.
“What’s on your pretty mind?” he says.
“Do you have other women in your life?” I ask, trying tokeep my voicecasual.
He tips my chin up, making me look at him.
“You’re the only woman in my world, Briar,” he says. “No matter whereI go, you’re all I see. The ghost of your memory hauntsme every time I close my eyes.”
My heart is wild again. I feel an unfamiliar pang.
When I decided to start meeting Dimitri in secret, I did it because I needed to get away from my own life. I needed a reprieve. But this doesn’t feel like something whimsical anymore. It feels real.
There’s a knock on the bedroom door.
“Boss, I’m sorry to disturb you, but something just came up,” a voice says from outside. I recognize it as Pavel, the man who’s always with Dimitri.
Dimitri sighs. “Give me one minute, baby.”
“Take your time,” I say, sitting up and picking up my half-eaten burger.
Dimitri wears a long robe over his naked body and walks toward the door. He slips outside and closes it behind him.
I miss him instantly.
I’m becoming attached to Dimitri at an alarming speed. And except for the things he’s told me, I don’t know much about him.
I have a feeling I’m not the only one keeping secrets.
He said he’s a businessman, but that doesn’t explain why his men speak in hushed tones whenever I’m around. His work never ends. He’s always getting calls and has meetings with people in the dead of the night.
The door opens.
Dimitri returns, holding a plate in his hand. It’s a slice of rich chocolate cake.
“I’m afraid I have to go deal with something,” he says.
“So you brought cake to keep me company?” I ask, biting back a smile.
“There’s ice cream in the freezer, too,” he says. “You can help yourself to anything you like. I just need twenty minutes.”
“No problem. I’ll stay right here.”
He wears a new suit and fixes his hair before leaving.
The cake looks delicious, but I have no appetite for it tonight.
My stomach is in knots. I feel like I’ve been plunged into ice-cold water. And I’m forced to stay submerged until I come to terms with what I’m feeling.
What I’m feeling for Dimitri is so much deeper than affection.
And I don’t know if I’m ready to make sense of what my heart already knows—I’m falling for this man.
And because he doesn’t like talking about himself, I need to find answers. I need to find out everything he’s not telling me.
What I’m about to do is wrong, but my curiosity gets the best of me anyway.
I want to find out who he really is.
When I hear the front door of the house clicking shut, I slip out of bed and walk toward his closet.
He has a watch collection that’s easily worth a few million dollars. Every suit he owns has the markings of unparalleled craftsmanship.
But nothing here tells me more about who he is as a person.
I walk out of the bedroom. I didn’t get to look at his apartment before, so I take it all in now. Downstairs, I marvel at the floor-to-ceiling windows with panoramic views of the city skyline. There’s also a state-of-the-art kitchen, a home gym, a spa room, and a private cinema. The infinity pool glows a soft shade of blue under the starlight.
It’s undeniably luxurious, but there’s absolutely nothing personal about it. It doesn’t look like a home. It could be an Airbnb, for all I know.
As I head back upstairs, I see a painting on the wall. Little warm yellow lights around the frame softly illuminate it. I recognize the sunflower design and unique brushstrokes.
I think it’s part of the sunflower collection by Vincent Van Gogh.
I walk down the corridor and stop in front of the only closed room. I open it to see that it’s his home office.
The motion-detected lights turn on when I enter.
There are leather-bound books on the bookshelf wall to my left. A giant mahogany desk in the center of the room has a three-monitor computer on it. I imagine him working here, spending his days behind that desk.
I walk toward the desk. There’s nothing on top of it. No notebooks, no personal items.
I know I shouldn’t be here. I’m about to leave when something on the fireplace mantel catches my eye. It’s a silver chest.
I walk toward it as if in a trance.
It’s the only item in this room that looks like it might have a personal meaning.
My fingers itch to open it, but I hesitate. I know I’m snooping. I have no business here.
But at the same time, Dimitri is becoming a big part of my life. And when it comes down to it, I don’t know the first thing about him.
And he’s asking me to move in with him.To start a new life with him.
I open the silver chest before I can change my mind.
The first items I see are two gold rings with rubies in the middle. They’re small, like they’re made for a girl’s slender fingers. I wonder if it’s a family heirloom of some sort.
I reach into the chest. My hand brushes against something hard and angular. It’s a picture frame. I pull it out and inspect it. The blood in my veins freezes.
It’s a photograph of four children—two boys and two girls. The one to the right is a tall, lanky Dimitri. The boy to the left has fairer features, with icy-blue eyes and a big smile. This must be his little brother.
And between the boys stand two girls. I can tell from the similarities in their features that I’m looking at Dimitri’s sisters.
Dimitri is very tight-lipped when it comes to talking about his family. I don’t blame him for wanting to be, but I remember him telling me that he didn’t have any sisters.
I don’t know how, but I know there’s a story here.
I stare at the photograph a little longer, hoping that if I look at it long enough, it’ll tell me everything I need to know about Dimitri.
“What are you doing here, Briar?” comes a voice.
The picture frame nearly slips from my fingers. I turn to find Dimitri standing by the door.
“Um, sorry, I was just looking around,” I say.
“In my personal office?” he asks.
I swallow. His voice is devoid of warmth.
“You said you didn’t have any sisters,” I say. “Why did you lie to me?”
“It wasn’t a lie,” he says.
I turn the photograph so it’s facing him. “These two girls look too much like you not to be your sisters.”
He doesn’t look at the photo frame. Instead, he keeps his eyes on me. He’s never looked at me like this before.
“They were my sisters,” he says. “But they’re dead now.”
I feel like a complete idiot now.
My throat tightens. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”
“Put the photograph back where you found it,” he says.
“Can I ask what happened to them?”
“It was a long time ago.”
“That wasn’t what I asked,” I say softly.
His eyes turn harder. They look like the surface of a frozen lake. There’s so much life and turmoil inside, but the exterior is frozen, giving nothing away.
“Why do you want to know?” he asks.
“Just curious,” I say. When he doesn’t reply, I return the picture frame to the chest. My hands start trembling. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business. You don’t need to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“They were murdered,” he says, “by my father’s enemy.”
I suck in a breath.
“That’s horrible,” I whisper. My fingernails dig into my palms.
I want to run to him. I want to wrap my arms around him and kiss him. But I know that’s not what he wants right now.Vengeance burns hot in his eyes. There’s enough fire inside them to destroy cities and empires.
“I’m sorry, Dimitri,” I say.
He looks at me. “They were fourteen and twelve years old when it happened. They were kidnapped and forced to go through unimaginable torture. When the men were done, they dumped their mutilated bodies on our doorstep. On that day, I died with them.”
I open my mouth, but I have no words.
I always knew there was a darkness in Dimitri, but I didn’t know it would be something like this.
He walks toward me, stopping right in front of me.
“It’s too much for you, isn’t it?” he says, looking at me. His eyes narrow into slits. “You probably want to be with someone more normal. Less damaged.”
He looks like a rabid animal that’s seconds away from biting.
My instincts tell me to step away from him. But that would break his heart. With my heart thrashing in my rib cage, I step closer. I rest my hands against his chest.
“It’s not too much,” I say. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“I didn’t want you to know how fucked up I really was, Briar,” he says. “I didn’t want you to see how rotten my heart was.”
“I don’t think any less of you because of what happened to your family,” I say.
“You will,” he says. “You will if I told you what I did after.”