26. Briar
26
brIAR
THE PAST
S omething has shifted between us.
This is no longer just something I’m doing for fun. It’s no longer just an escape. It feels real.
Every look, every touch, every word—all of it means something to me now. When Dimitri asked me to move in with him, I laughed at the idea of it. But I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.
Because in his arms, I feel like nothing can ever touch me again.
Not even the demons of my past.
I haven’t told him the truth about my mother. All he knows is that she’s strict and overbearing.
He glances over at me now from the driver’s seat.
“What do you have on your mind?” Dimitri asks, taking my hand.
I look up at him. “It’s nothing.”
“Something’s clearly bothering you,” he says. “Out with it.”
“It’s not important,” I say, glancing out the car window. He’s taking me to some dinner party tonight. I don’t care where he takes me as long as I get to stay by his side the entire night.
“Every thought that passes through your head is important to me,” he says.
I suck in a breath. Butterflies swarm my belly. I love it when he speaks without restraint.
“You might not want to hear it,” I say.
“So?”
“It might upset you.”
“You don’t need to walk on eggshells around me, Briar,” he says, squeezing my hand in his larger one.
His words feel like a revelation.
I've been doing that my entire life without realizing it. It’s a behavior pattern that I’ve been subconsciously repeating. But with Dimitri, I can put my people-pleasing tendencies aside.
“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” I say, looking at our intertwined hands. “About moving in with you.”
His hold on me tightens. “And what have you decided?”
“Nothing yet,” I say. “It’s a big move. I want to think it over carefully before making a choice.”
He pulls his hand away to hold the steering wheel with both hands.
This isn’t what he wanted to hear. A part of me wants to say whatever makes him happy.
But I don’t. I know I’m safe with Dimitri. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone I’m not.
“I’ve shown you parts of me I haven’t shown anyone else,” I say, turning toward him. “You know these little details about me that nobody else in the world knows, not even my sisters.”
“But?” he probes.
“But I think we still haven’t been completely honest with each other,” I say. “We have kept parts of ourselves hidden from one another. And if we’re going to do something like spend the rest of our life together, I think we should lay everything out in the open.”
My heart beats so hard that I think it might combust.
But instead of lashing out at me, Dimitri’s eyes soften.
“That’s a valid point, Briar,” he says, looking at me. He takes my trembling hand, lifts it to his lips, and kisses it. “What do you want to know?”
“Tell me about your world,” I say. “About what you do during the day.”
I think about the silver chest I found in his home office. There was a photograph of his two sisters and his brother. He told me that his father’s enemy murdered his sisters. Living through that kind of stuff destroys your soul. Maybe that’s why I was able to connect with him so easily. I have an aching soul, too.
"I run an export business," he says.
“What do you export?”I ask him.
My breathing grows labored.
There’s just one thing I really want to know. I want to know if his business involves hurting other people.
“You’re really going to make me say it out loud?” he asks.
I nod. “I want to know everything.”
“I have legal businesses,” he says. “Crude petroleum, coal, steel, gold.”
“And?” I ask.
“I also have illegal businesses,” he says. “Marijuana, cocaine, heroin, arms, gambling operations. Do you want me to go on?”
“What about people?” I ask, glancing down at my lap. “Do you export people?”
“You mean escorts?” he asks.
“Not escorts,” I say. “Children. Unwilling women.”
He’s quiet for a moment. “What are you asking, princess?”
“I just...I just need to hear you say it,” I say.
“I do not involve myself with trafficked children or women, Briar,” he says. “I never have, and I never will.”
There’s a sharpness in his tone that he’s never used with me before. His jaw is clenched hard. His knuckles are white against the steering wheel.
I’ve struck a nerve.
The words leave my lips before I can stop them. “You said that you wouldn’t get upset.”
He blinks a few times. And then he exhales and turns to me.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “It’s just...someone else accused my brother of human trafficking, which is something we were never a part of. And you asking me the same thing reminded me of what happened.”
“What happened to him?” I ask.
“I ask myself the very same thing every day, princess,” he says. His eyes cloud with emotion. He gets visibly upset whenever he talks about his family.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it,” I say, biting my lower lip. I hate seeing him like this.
“No, you’re right,” he says. “It’s important to talk about the difficult things. It’s better to get it all out in the open now.”
I nod.
He takes a deep breath. And on an exhale, he says, “I’m the leader of a Russian Bratva, Briar. I live a dangerous life, so you deserve to know what you’re getting yourself into by being associated with me. Tomorrow is never guaranteed for me, and the leaders of crime organizations don’t tend to live for very long.”
“Dimitri—” I blink back tears.
“I’ve already given my heart to you, but you should know it’s an ugly heart. It’s filled with poison and bitterness and rage.”
I place my hand over his cheek.
“Pull over,” I tell him.
He doesn’t look at me and continues driving.
“Dimitri, pull over,” I repeat.
He swerves the steering wheel and slams the brakes. The silence is like a black hole that sucks us into its void. I unbuckle my seat belt and climb onto his lap.
His greedy hands grab my ass cheeks, tugging me closer like always.
“I want you to look at me when I say this,” I tell him. “I love you for exactly who you are. That includes your heart. I love every corner of it, no matter how dark. And that’s not going to change. All I know is that we found magic together. Even though we only meet in the middle of the night, the time I spend with you is the only light in my life.”
“You...love me?” he asks.
I suck in a breath. It’s a thought I’ve had thousands of times, but it’s the first time I’m saying it out loud.
“Yes,” I say. “I love you. More than I ever thought possible.”
“I’ve loved you since the moment you flashed your violet eyes at me, Briar. I’ve been caught up in your spell ever since. I didn’t even think it was possible to love someone so hard. I didn’t think I was capable of it until I met you.”
“Dimitri—” I blink, completely swept away by his admission.
“But you’re wrong about one thing,” he says. “There’s this obsession inside my heart. It’s a living, breathing thing that exists just for you. There’s nothing pure or wholesome about it. If you knew even the half of it, you’d run for the hills.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him. “I’m all yours.”
“And you always will be,” he says, tugging me closer until our bodies are fused.
He slips his fingers into my hair and kisses me hard.
It’s a kiss that I feel all the way down to my bones. It consumes me, just like this man who’s holding me tight against his chest.
“You sealed your fate the second you looked at me, princess,” he says. “And nothing in this world can keep me away from you now.”
“Is it crazy that I like the sound of that?” I ask, tracing the line of his eyebrows.
“Mine,” he growls against my neck. “All. Fucking. Mine .”
We’re both a little insane.
Maybe that’s why it feels so right to be with him.
He makes love to me in his car. I wrap my thighs around him and let him consume me. He pulls at the ribbons in my hair and leaves bruises where he grips me. The way we make love is wild and uninhibited.
It almost makes me believe that I could be his forever.
Almost.