46. Briar
46
brIAR
M y face is plastered against the pages of my diary when I wake up.
For a second, it feels like any other morning on the island. And then all of it comes rushing back.
I stayed up all night to read everything I wrote about Dimitri.
I wrote about every little thing we did. The late nights, the conversations, the food.
I wrote about how he showed up in a different car every night. I wrote about how he brought me flowers, coffee, and chocolate just because they made me smile. I wrote about how every time he touched me, I came alive.
It was a fairy tale.
Until it turned into my worst nightmare.
My skin feels sweaty. My throat feels like I’ve been eating sandpaper. I sit up in bed. That’s when the nausea hits.
It’s not the first time I had nausea, but it’s the first time I see it for what it is. It’s a sign.
I bring my hands down to my belly.
I’m supposed to hate what it represents—a love story built by bricks of lies.
But I can’t bring myself to hate the innocent life growing inside me. If anything, I love it more. I want to protect it from the evils of the world. I’ll do anything to make sure it doesn’t end up having a childhood that’s anything like mine.
“Good, you’re awake.” The voice startles me.
Olga stands by the door, holding a breakfast tray. The sight of the food makes me even more nauseous.
“I’m really not hungry,” I say, pressing a hand over my nose.
She leaves the tray outside and walks into my bedroom. I watch her with wary eyes.
“You knew, didn’t you?” I ask.
“What—”
“Stop playing mind games with me,” I snap. The anger catches me off guard for a moment. “I’m talking about my sister. You knew she was here the entire time, didn’t you?”
She purses her lips and lifts her hand to my forehead. My eyes close briefly.
I feel dizzy.
“You’re running a fever. We should call the doctor,” she says.
“I asked you a question, Olga,” I say, mustering up all of my energy. “Did you or did you not know about Chloe?”
I already know the answer. I just want her to say it to my face.
Olga ignores me and makes a call through the landline. She says something in rapid Russian. When she hangs up, she turns her attention to me.
“Your sister wasn’t harmed,” Olga says. “She was treated like a guest, not a prisoner.”
“I thought I could trust you,” I say. Something inside me shatters into a thousand pieces. “Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to do that? I wanted to trust you, but you just let me down like everyone else.”
“It wasn’t my secret to tell,” Olga says.
“Did you say anything to him?” I ask. “Did you tell him that he was making a mistake?”
She remains quiet.
“That’s what I thought,” I say. “You’re as bad as he is.”
She walks out of the bedroom. A moment later, she returns holding three midnight-blue velvet boxes. She places them on the bed.
“What are these?” I ask.
“See them for yourself,” she says.
I open the clasp of one of the velvet boxes. I push the magnetic lid up to reveal the most beautiful diamond necklace I’ve ever seen. It glitters like a constellation of stars. I know by the size of the diamonds that it’s easily worth over ten million dollars. I open the other boxes. There’s another jewelry set made with platinum and emeralds. And the third one is made with pure gold.
I guess this is how a Bratva king apologizes.
“Tell him that jewelry won’t make me forget about what he did,” I say.
“He purchased them for you back when you were in a coma,” she says. “He said that he wanted to see you wearing each of these when you woke up. That’s how devoted that man is to you.”
“Expensive gifts don’t mean anything if he can’t be honest with me,” I say.
I push the velvet boxes aside. They’re beautiful, but I won’t forgive him for what he did just because he brought me some pretty things.
He held my sister and my nephew captive.
I wait for the repulsion and hate to hit me like it did last night. There’s still remnants of it, but it’s dulled at the edges.
My mind takes me to everything else I read about him in the diary.
He told me things about his life. Things he probably never talked about with anyone else.
God knows Dimitri wasn’t dealt the best hand in life.
But it doesn’t change what he did. He hurt my family. And that’s something I can never forgive.
I lie back down on the bed. My head feels heavy. I close my eyes.
“Briar?” Olga’s voice sounds like it’s coming from the end of a tunnel.
Time stretches like taffy.
My thoughts move in slow motion.
I pass into a deep state of rest. I startle when I feel something cold against my chest—a doctor’s stethoscope.
There are voices. They speak over each other, and I don’t understand a single sentence.
And then there’s a prick in my arm. The memory of the pain makes tears spring to my eyes. My mother used to medicate me every time I did something she wasn’t pleased with.
Strong arms wrap around me. The scent of midnight and smoke envelops me. Someone kisses my forehead.
His voice stands out among the others.
“You’re safe, solnishko ,” he says. “Nothing’s going to happen to you.”
I feel my consciousness slipping. I know I should be scared, but oddly, I’m not.
I’m back inside my mind. I can see every corner of it. It used to make me feel trapped, but I don’t feel that way right now.
I can see the animal in my head. The cat that watches me with dark, glittering eyes. It holds all the answers I seek. It holds all of my memories. It’s the reason why despite everything, I still trust the man who’s holding me in his arms.
I approach the cat. Instead of fleeing like always, it watches me curiously.
I reach toward it.
The second I touch its soft fur, I’m thrust deep into a memory. It sucks me in like a black hole.
I’m powerless to defy its gravity.
The Past
I’ve never been happier in my entire life.
He picked me up earlier than usual today and brought me to a forest. It’s the middle of summer now, so the entire landscape is a firefly wonderland. Hundreds of fireflies are in the air all around us. The Appalachian Mountains stand proud in the distance, protecting me from everything that wishes to do me harm.
“It looks like something out of a movie,” I say, marveling at the landscape. A laugh leaves my lips. “My life is like something from a movie.”
When I turn around to look at Dimitri, I see that he’s down on one knee.
“Oh my God,” I say, lifting my hand to my mouth.
Dimitri always said that he was going to make me his, but I didn’t think he’d do it so fast. We’ve only been on a handful of dates. But I understand the devotion in his eyes because I feel it, too.
“Princess, I wanted to make you mine from the very first night we met,” he says. “Even when the rest of my world feels like it’s crumbling apart, you’re the only thing I want to hold on to. Be my woman. Be my wife.”
I take deep breaths, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Isn’t that supposed to be a question?” I ask. “You’re basically demanding me to be your wife.”
“I’m willing to do whatever it takes.” His eyes are darker than the night. I know he means every word.
“Well then,” I say. “I guess you’re lucky I like you so much.”
“With you by my side, I’m the luckiest man in the entire world,” he says.
My heart feels like it’s bursting at the seams. I feel like I can’t contain everything I’m feeling inside the confines of my body.
This relationship started out as a distraction. The only reason I met Dimitri is because I felt the need to escape my own life. And the reason I kept seeing him was because he made me so happy. He made me happier than I ever thought possible.
A voice inside me tells me to proceed with caution.
He still doesn’t know about the evil that exists in my home. He doesn’t know the cruelty my mother is capable of.
But for once, I want to believe in something. I want to believe in him.
I nod. “Yes.”
His eyes shine with adoration as he puts the ring on my finger. It’s a gorgeous princess-cut diamond that shines brighter than the fireflies around us. He kisses my hand and then tugs on it, making me fall on top of him. He rolls me over and pins me to the grass.
“ Moya zhena ,” he growls against my lips. My wife.
He drags my dress up my thighs and pushes my panties to the side. He enters me with a rough thrust of his hips, owning me with every inch of his cock.
“ Moy muzh ,” I say. My husband.
He pauses when he hears me say those words.
“Did I say it wrong?” I ask.
“No, baby,” he says. “You said it perfectly. It just took me by surprise.”
“I’ve been learning Russian in my free time,” I say.
“I’m proud of you,” he says, putting his lips back on mine. He’s buried deep inside me, and he’s kissing me like it’s our very first time. “You’re such a good little girl. Taking my cock like a fucking dream.”
He’s rocking on top of me now, using my body for his pleasure. His big hands pin my hips in place as he takes me. The weight of his body on top of mine feels delicious.
This is all I want.
This man is all I want for the rest of my life.
He fucks me ruthlessly, and I let him. I wrap my thighs around him and allow him to take control of my body. He wraps his hand around my throat.
“My perfect little slut,” he says. “You’re so fucking greedy for my come, aren’t you? Always milking me, always trying to make me empty inside you. You’re such a whore for it.”
He pounds into me so hard that my eyes roll to the back of my head.
“I’m going to be your husband soon,” he says, biting down on my throat. “I’m going to be coming inside this pussy every night. And if you ever fall asleep before I get home, you’ll wake up with my cock deep inside you and my hand over your mouth. You’re going to keep these princess thighs open for me until I come deep inside you.”
He grinds down on my clit with his pelvis. I feel his cock in the deepest parts of me. I feel his passion and lust inside every cell in my body.
His hold on my throat tightens.
“Look at my face when you’re about to come all over my big cock,” he says. “Tell me who you belong to.”
“I belong to you,” I say. “I’m yours.”
“All. Fucking. Mine .” He punctuates each word with a crude thrust, making my breasts bounce. When I shatter for him, he fills me up with his seed. His jaw goes slack as he finds his release inside me.
We ride the wave of euphoria together.
The world seems to shine even brighter.
He rolls off me, but he doesn’t let go of me. He pulls me into his side, tucking one of his arms underneath my neck. I rest my head against his chest.
The stars twinkle above us.
I lift my hand and hold it up against the night sky. The diamond shines so bright, like it’s one of the stars.
“It’s beautiful, Dimitri,” I say.
“You deserve the world,” he replies, wrapping his arms tighter around me.
He can buy me big diamonds and expensive cars. But nothing makes me feel more precious than when he holds me like this. It’s his affection and love that I crave more than anything.
“I used to be so scared,” I say. “Of what my future would bring and things like that. But I’m not really scared anymore.”
“There’s nothing left for you to be scared of, princess,” he says. “Anything that comes for you has to go through me first.”
I still haven’t been completely honest with him.
It’s all on the tip of my tongue. I want to tell him everything—my mother’s abuse, what I found in the dungeons, my lonely childhood, the real reason Chloe ran away. I want him to know it all.
“There are so many places I want to take you to,” he says. “London, Paris, Rome, New Zealand, India. I’ve been around the world, but I know it’s all going to look different with you by my side.”
Even the thought of going somewhere else with Dimitri makes me so happy. Finally leaving this godforsaken town, finally escaping my mother’s influence. Finally being with the one I love.
“I would like that very much,” I whisper.
“I love you, solnishko ,” he says, pressing a kiss on top of my head.
I look up into his eyes. “I love you too, Dimitri.”