Chapter 13
13
CELIA
T here was a sound in the distance, and I felt my chin jerk up, searching for the threat like a fawn.
“You have to go,” I whispered to Dante, pulling my hand out of his grip. “If someone catches you with me…”
His dark eyes studied me curiously.
“Please,” I whispered. “They would hurt you. I couldn’t bear…”
He nodded, then turned and walked away. He moved so silently and swiftly, despite his big, muscular body, that he seemed to vanish.
I sat down on the bench again, feeling shaky…but not shaky like I had before I ran into Dante.
He had helped me through my panic, but left me feeling unnerved in his own way.
I found myself thinking of David and the way he used to hold my hand or trace I love you against my skin if he could get away with it while I was supposed to be in conversation with someone else.
I clasped my shaking hands between my knees. It hurt to remember David when I was standing just a few dozen feet from where he’d fallen. That memory seemed stronger every time I replayed it, inevitably linked to every positive memory of David. My mind always ended up in those last moments. From Amato, throwing me to the marble floor of the foyer to the gunshot, echoing outside.
My heart began to race again, and I deliberately tried to turn my thoughts away from David and our broken love.
I shouldn’t let myself think of Luca, but…last night’s experience was far more alluring than the darkness that always haunted the edges of my vision, like ghosts I couldn’t quite see straight-on. I should hate Luca for the way he had manhandled me in the club, and afterward…so why did I feel a flush of heat when I thought of him?
Worst of all, he had made me feel…safe. For a moment.
I couldn’t afford to feel safe in this house.
“Celia.” Royal strode down the trail, his movements jerky. Since Gabriel came back into our lives, he’d seemed as if he were coming unhinged—even for him. There might be an opportunity there for me, but there was also danger.
I glanced up at him, as he came to a stop, towering above me.
“I heard you had a little heart-to-heart with our father this morning.”
“Mm?”
“What are you up to?” He stopped in front of me, his hands bunched into fists. “Gabriel Caruso is a threat to our family. Do you ever think about anyone but yourself?”
I stared at him in shock. Royal inventing insults for me out of thin air was familiar territory, but I didn’t think the two of us had agreed on anything since a decade before when we’d worked together to get rid of a particularly heinous nanny. The memories brought up a confused lurch of feelings, because I’d always wanted my brother to act like, well, a brother.
But he was a merciless, vile monster. I couldn’t let my wishes destroy my memories. “Why do you think that?”
“Father’s not going to be some doting grandfather once Gabriel knocks you up,” he said.
“If you think you’re going to offer him a grandson and become his favorite, you’ve lost your mind. You’ll always be nothing to him.”
I smiled at him sweetly, processing my own thoughts behind my usual blank mask. “I’m not even married yet, Royal.” It’s a little early for you to freak out that you’ll lose your status as heir .
That had to be why he was so afraid. I didn’t know anything about their business dealings. Was Royal disappointing my father? Was he looking for someone else to take the throne? My father would never consider me, of course. But maybe he was fantasizing about a grandson.
“You will be,” Royal said with a certainty that made my stomach curdle. “And then you better hope you give him a son. That’s your whole purpose. To not be a stupid slut—a failure there already—and to bring sons into the world.”
His gaze fell to the grass meaningfully, and I wondered if my brother knew how close my ghosts always felt when I was here in the garden.
“Do you hear yourself?” I rose to my feet wearily. Gabriel would be here soon, and Royal wouldn’t defy my father and hurt me when Gabriel might be displeased. “Why are you always so cruel to me?”
“Why?” His brows arched as if I’d asked the stupidest question. “You must know you’re a slut, because we got you on video fucking that David Caruso kid. And stupid, because you got caught, and you got David killed.”
You got David killed .
That was the thought that still woke me up at two a.m. in a panic. It struck me like a blow to hear it out loud.
I shook my head, though I could never shake it off. “You hated me before that. Since we were kids.”
He stared at me for a few seconds, then let out a low chuckle. “You think Gabriel looking at you twice means something? We both know he wants something from this family, and you’re the key to getting it. He doesn’t like you . There’s nothing to like.”
I rolled my eyes and started to walk away, but he wasn’t done. “You’re incredibly boring, Celia. You’re not funny or interesting to talk to. You bring the whole vibe down in a room when you walk in. No one likes being around you.”
I scoffed. “Mom did.”
Maybe I’d been a different person then. Before I learned to camouflage myself to stay safe until I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
“If Mom had liked you, maybe she would’ve had a reason to stay in this world instead of blowing her brains out.”
Royal smiled at me triumphantly, as if he knew he’d struck the winning blow.
“You would’ve been such a disappointment to her,” I told him.
“I don’t care. She was useless, just like you.”
He turned on his heel and walked away.
I covered my face with my hands. Fuck . I knew who my brother was. How did I still let him get to me? What was wrong with me?
As I began to wander through the garden, I hoped I could shake off the roil of emotions and self-doubt that Royal left in his wake. I glanced back toward the house, Luca’s face rising to my mind as I wondered if he might be within these walls. The thought sent another, not entirely unwelcome, shiver down my spine. I was angry about the way he’d touched me…but I wasn’t only angry.
I brushed my fingertips against the cool stone of the fountain’s edge, letting the water mist over my skin.
“Celia?” That deep, dark voice traced over me like a touch. Luca .
When I turned, Luca’s dark-green eyes swept over me. He emerged from the shadows of the tall, perfectly manicured bushes as if he were made of shadows himself.
Had he heard everything Royal said? Had he seen me, expressionless and accepting, as if I were beaten down to helplessness?
My cheeks flushed hot with embarrassment. I wanted everyone else to see me as beaten and helpless, as vulnerable…and unthreatening. And at the same time, I hated to be seen that way by this man.
Avoiding his gaze, I ducked my head. “I need to get dressed. For my…date with…Gabriel.”
“Wait,” he ordered.
I started to break for the house, but somehow he got between me and the door. I took a few steps back, looking over his shoulder at the house beyond. Earlier, I had automatically clocked where my father and brother were—in the den, given the number of men clumped in the hallway.
I didn’t want Luca to attract my father’s or Royal’s attention. I didn’t want them to see him as a threat to the arrangement they planned with Gabriel.
Now, as I retreated, Luca moved with me. His presence seemed too big, but I was the one who moved us back into the shadows. I felt as if I could not hide the heat that washed through my body when Luca was looking at me the way he was now.
“Luca.” I looked down, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. My hands were shaking again, for fuck’s sake. “What do you want?”
“Don’t look away from me like I’m nothing.” His words were a velvet caress, somehow stern and warm at once.
I wanted to tell him that wasn’t how I meant anything, but Luca stepped closer, his body a breath from mine. I swallowed hard, my pulse quickening as I met his gaze. His dark-green eyes were intense as they sought mine, and I looked away quickly, dropping my gaze. But I didn’t lower my eyes fast enough to miss his displeased frown.
My mouth opened, but no sound emerged. I tried to take a step back. My retreat came to nothing as my back hit the stone wall. Luca stepped intimately close to me. The morning sunlight cast a golden sheen over his bronzed skin. Even though I didn’t raise my eyes from his throat, the air between us crackled with an intensity that felt far hotter than the shame flushing my cheeks earlier.
“Maybe I can’t stand to meet your eyes,” I murmured, my voice barely a whisper. It was true. His gaze held a power over me, unearthing desires I wasn’t ready to confront.
I never wanted . My power was in being wanted, and so far, I’d usually failed at that. But for some reason, when it came to Luca, I wanted him.
He stepped closer, so close that the faint scent of his cologne teased me. “There’s no need for shame between us, Celia. You don’t have to be embarrassed about last night.”
His voice was a promise, low and soothing, and it coursed through me like a jolt of electricity. Around us, the roses were in full bloom, their petals unfurling towards the sun, shamelessly basking in its warmth. His hand lifted, stopping just shy of touching my cheek.
“What’s this all about? You don’t even know me,” I whispered.
“Celia,” he said, his deep, smooth voice filled with disappointment. “I see you.”
“Even if you see me—” Just that admission made me choke. What did it even mean? Did I dare to be seen?
No, not when I had my plot with Moriah. We would all be in danger if he unraveled my plans.
“What?” he demanded, his voice rough.
“That isn’t the same as knowing .” Did he know what had happened to the only other boy who had ever loved me? Did he know what it cost him? What it cost me? I would never be the same.
I’d been broken, and nothing could ever make me whole again.
“Isn’t it?” There was a pause, a moment stretched taut. He sounded smug and amused when he added, “I know how wet you get when my hand is on your ass.”
Shock coursed through me, electric and raw. His words echoed in the silence. My body reacted despite my thoughts, though, tightening with longing. I couldn’t meet his scorching gaze, but I felt it through my body.
“Look at me,” Luca commanded, his voice low but unyielding.
My chin tilted up to confront him. When our eyes met, it felt like the whole world went still. His eyes were a stormy green, dark with intensity. He stood close enough for me to see the faint stubble along his jaw, and the slight twitch of a muscle there hinted at his own tightly controlled restraint.
“That’s my girl,” Luca murmured, his voice filled with sinful promise.
My breath hitched. I started to raise my gaze to his, and he smiled triumphantly, as if he could look right through me. As if he knew the heat pooling between my thighs.
I jerked away, the spell momentarily broken by the realization of how exposed I was under his scrutiny. I raced away from him toward the house.
Inside my room, I slammed the door shut, resting my palms against the cool, hard wood.
That’s my girl .
Those words meant nothing to him, and they should mean nothing to me. He was just playing a game like every other man in my life. And those men made sure a girl like me always lost. I needed to remember that as I prepared to face Gabriel.