Chapter 28
28
CELIA
O ut on the beach, my feet seemed to sink deep into the sand.
I folded my arms over my chest, looking out at the water and feeling the comforting weight of the phone in my hoodie pocket. I was afraid to contact Moriah again. It sounded like she had her own trouble to fight, and I thought about whether or not I should steal the car and go to the safe house.
I’d never been there, and it kind of felt like a dream, too, like the one I just had. The thought that there was somewhere out there that I could be safe, that I could always run to, was a comforting one. But it wasn’t something I truly believed in. I had the feeling that if I showed up to the safe house, my father and Royal would be right behind me. It was better to believe that there was hope than to try and find my hopes crushed altogether.
Still, the sight of the waves crashing on the beach and the cool wind ruffling my hair made me feel a sense of peace. I hadn’t felt that in so long, I couldn’t remember. I felt as if my body were always on full alert, ready for a fight.
But now, with Dante, I felt like I had relaxed for the first time in years. Maybe since David was killed.
I felt as much as I heard someone coming up behind me. I caught a glimpse of his big body and dark hair from the corner of my eye.
“I should have known I couldn’t give you the slip.” I tucked my hair behind my ear without looking back at him. “Thank you for last night. For making me feel safe.”
“Hello, starlight.”
I whirled to face Luca. He had stopped on the beach, his powerful arms crossed over his chest.
He tilted his head back as he stared at me. “What exactly are you thanking Dante for? What exactly happened last night?”
I ran.
Raw fear took over. Running from Luca now didn’t feel anything like my dream the night before. I splashed frantically into the surf, and as soon as the water started to grow deeper, I threw myself forward. I was a good swimmer.
But he jumped on me and hauled me back, out of the water. I tried to wiggle out of his arms, and he almost dropped me, but he got an arm around my waist again. My feet kicked up more white water than the surf rolling around us.
When I tried to scream, he slapped his hand over my mouth. He dragged me through the water toward the beach.
We were almost back on solid ground when I finally managed to get loose.
I raced to the surf, only for him to dive into me, catching me around the legs. I tried to crawl away from him, and he grabbed my ankles and dragged me back toward him. Water went over my head for a second, and I felt a rush of panic before his hands slid under my neck and pulled me up. I spat out water and spluttered as I caught my breath, and then I lashed out to escape again.
“I don’t fucking think so, Celia. God, your determination to piss me off is incredible.” He grabbed my wrists in either hand and forced my hands above me, holding them down on the sand. His big muscular body pinned me down, his weight grinding against my hips. I was keenly aware of how much bigger he was than me and how annoyed he was right now.
Deep-green eyes glared down at me. “Why did you run, Celia?”
A wave broke over us both, and I turned my head but I couldn’t escape it. I had to close my eyes, and when I opened them again, sputtering, he was still holding me down. He was still pissed.
“Obviously, I’m not safe with you.”
“Please. If safety were your top priority, you’d keep your head down and make daddy happy. Escape into some marriage that was boring with a man that wouldn’t hurt you. But you want more than that, Celia. You haven’t been plotting because you’re content with just being safe .”
His chest heaved against mine. His wet shirt clung to the hard planes of his muscles.
I tried to look back through the surf to the motel. Was Dante awake? Had he missed me? Why the hell hadn’t I stayed right by his side?
Luca followed my gaze. “Looking for Dante? He’s not going to help you.”
Fear rushed through me. “Did you hurt him?”
Anger etched his face. “You only care about him, don’t you?”
“He didn’t torture me and leave me tied up!”
He scoffed. "I didn’t torture you. If that’s torture, then you torture me just by fucking existing, by constantly strutting your ass through my brain—” He cut himself off.
“Did you hurt him?” I repeated. I felt so frantic. I knew that I should be cooler, calculating, but I felt safe with Dante and the thought of losing him, the thought of him being hurt at Luca’s hands because he’d been kind to me, was devastating.
Luca gripped both my wrists in one hand, and his other hand went to my throat. “I should force your face under the water. Put us both out of our misery.”
I tried to struggle away from him as he stared at my face, his fingers tightening around my throat. But I couldn’t escape him. I felt tears begin to leak out of my eyes, both because they burned from the salt that had washed into them as we struggled and because I was afraid.
When he saw me crying, he cursed, a look of disgust coming over his face.
Abruptly, he got up off me and began to walk away through the waves, back toward the motel.
I rolled over onto my hands and feet, desperately trying to catch my breath. My clothes were soaked and my body shivered. Another wave broke against my back, and I scrambled up.
I wasn’t going to let him hurt Dante.
I searched the beach frantically for a weapon. I found a piece of driftwood and a rock, and I snatched them up.
“Did you hurt him?” I screamed at his departing back.
He turned. “No, I didn’t kill the stupid bastard. Even though he deserves it.”
Then he saw the weapons I was holding. He raised his disbelieving gaze from the rock and stick to my face, before he scoffed. “Did you plan to stop crying long enough to kill me?”
He turned his back on me again, and a wave of fury washed through me, even stronger than fear. My family always treated me like I was worthless and disgusting, but having Luca treat me that way hurt even more. It made it feel like it was real. It wasn’t just my family treating me that way. If everyone else treated me that way, wasn’t it because there was something wrong with me? Because that was what I deserved?
No, I didn’t believe that.
I threw the rock at him before I even realized what I was doing. My aim had never been great, and part of me didn’t really want to hit him and hurt him, or maybe some sense of self-preservation kicked in. Either way, my shot went wide, landing in the sand just ahead of him and to his left.
He whirled to face me. “If you wanted my attention, Celia, I was coming home to give it to you. I’d question, though, if starting another fight with me is going to get you the attention that you want.”
“I don’t want your attention,” I snarled back.
He scooped up the rock and tossed it idly in his hand. “I think we both know that’s a lie. Are you ready to tell me what it is that you actually want? Because it’s not safety .”
“I’m not having a deep philosophical conversation with you, you insane bastard.” But somehow, I believed him when he said that he hadn’t hurt Dante. After all, they had been in the same house. There was some bond between them.
“I think I know what you want,” he said, with an amazing amount of confidence, given that he hadn’t recognized how much I wanted to hit him with a shovel in the past. “You don’t want to be safe. You want to be powerful .”
I scoffed. Women in my world were never powerful. Although, that was what we had secretly dreamt of all along. I couldn’t imagine any man would ever help me with that goal. Not unless I was able to use them, convinced that they would be the ones who were powerful in the end.
“That’s why, deep down, you enjoy testing yourself against me.” He tossed the rock in the air and caught it. “You like knowing that I don’t see you as weak…most of the time.”
Most of the time? And then, replaying the moments he had looked at me with such distaste, I suddenly understood. “You can’t stand it when I cry.”
He tossed the rock in the air one more time. I watched him, still half expecting him to throw the rock at me, my body tense and ready.
But this time when he tossed it in the air, he moved his hand and let it land in the sand. A plume of sand went up where it struck.
“When we were growing up, Dante was the baby, and my mom just wanted to take care of him. We had an older brother that I think she was afraid of…as well she should have been. Everyone was afraid of him. But…I was the weak one. The soft one.”
His lips curled up at the side, though there was nothing genuine about that rueful smile. I couldn’t imagine him ever being the weak one.
“I would do whatever she asked, and if I hesitated, she would cry. If I made my own decisions, if she didn’t agree with me…” He looked out toward the water. “It was always manipulative. It was always bullshit. And I had to take care of her. She would cry, and I would give in.”
“That’s not why I cry,” I said.
“You cry a lot.”
“Have you seen the world we live in?” I waved my arm expansively at the world. “You either have to go through it with blinded eyes or a broken heart. Most people choose to close their eyes.”
He studied me curiously.
“It’s not because I’m weak,” I said in a whisper.
But I had the feeling he had told me something that was actually true, and it was gratifying.
“I don’t think you’re weak, Celia. But you’re so different from me that you’re hard to understand.”
Still, at least he wasn’t looking at me with that look of disgust anymore.
“Well, you found us. Now what are you going to do with us?”
“I’m not doing anything with you until you drop the driftwood. If I take a few more blows to the head thanks to you, I’m not going to be able to launch much of a coup against your father.”
There might be a trap, but he held his arm out to me. “Let’s go talk to Dante.”
I still hadn’t forgiven him for what he did to me. I thought about that, about how he had hurt me twice already and no doubt would again if I displeased him.
As if he could trace my thoughts, he said, “Haven’t forgiven me?”
His lips twitched up in a bit of a smile. He didn’t seem like he gave a fuck about my forgiveness.
“I’ll stay up at night fearing your vengeance. For now, can we get inside?” He was still holding his arm out to me.
I dropped the driftwood and walked toward him.