Chapter 11
My nerves keep me quiet while Leon, Nueena, and I walk through the palace from our rooms. I carry a bundle of blankets, wearing my dark green hooded cloak.
Leon is beside me with a large pillow, a bottle of wine, and a wooden plate of sliced fruit, soft cheeses, toasted bread, and cured meats balancing on top of it all.
We follow Nueena and Tavien, who carry wine, glasses, and more blankets, ’til we pass the still waters of the royal natatorium and disappear into the hidden tunnel Leon and I arrived in.
Illuminating crystals light our way through the tunnel that leads to the ledge overlooking the Merawood Forest.
It has been weeks since I brought him to Ellova, but it seems so much longer than that. Like he has always been here, was meant to be here, in my bed and at my side. Since his arrival, it has felt more like home than it ever has.
He must leave. The madness will descend. But at the sickening thought of him walking out that door, never to return, ripples panic through me.
The pounding in my head from the crown bothered me all throughout the day, and now it intensifies.
I am grateful when Leon lays out our blankets, arranging the brightly colored pillows.
Nueena snaps her fingers, and flame appears on her fingertips—a bit of Tavien’s magic—to light the ceramic fire pit between us.
She raises her hand and the space around us shimmers for a moment as a ward goes up, hiding us from any view below.
With the bright moon rising, the trees are clearly outlined below every star radiant in the cloudless night.
The perfect evening to share with friends. To relax before the extravagant events and my fear of an unknown future. At least for a night we can rest together and leave tomorrow’s troubles at our feet.
I fill elaborate golden glasses with blackberry wine for us, handing Leon ours. Tavien tugs Nueena down to him and she accepts both of their drinks from me.
Not bold enough to slide into Leon’s lap even though I want to, I attempt to sit next to him, but he sets the wine glasses on the ground and in one swift motion he pulls me down, nestling me against him.
He slips his arm around my waist, securing me tightly to him, and the declaration of his desire sends an eruption of butterflies in my stomach.
He drapes a blanket over us, his other hand passing me my wine.
Pressed against him feels so right.
A blush blooms on my face, the heat of it kissed by the cool night air, just like he does on my cheek.
Nueena and Tavien send us both sly smiles. When I look back at Leon, he stares down at me as he sips his drink with a satisfied grin. A sweet warmth caressing my chest at that look, before something swoops down, startling me.
Expecting an owl or perhaps a bat, I'm surprised to find a wild azure hawk has joined us.
Eyeing the food we have brought, its beautiful dark blue wings shine with the firelight.
Leon tears a few pieces of meat and tosses them at the creature, who shifts towards him, devouring the tiny morsels.
When all is eaten, the hawk comes closer, eagerly awaiting more, hopping onto his leg next to me.
I’ve never seen a hawk act like this, so unafraid of us.
They are rare but whenever I see them in the forest they are quick to fly away. This one seems incredibly docile.
“Hello there,” Leon says, stroking its soft wings.
It closes its eyes at his touch, and I gingerly run one finger down its tailfeathers. “What a sweet bird.”
“We should give it a name,” Nueena suggests. “It doesn’t seem wild. Maybe it belongs to someone and got lost.”
Tavien is thoughtful for a moment. “Talon?”
“Lula.” Leon smiles down as the hawk nuzzles his palm.
That is a pretty name, though it’s hard to tell if the bird is even female. Once Lula finishes eating, she takes off into the air, circling once before flying away.
Leon watches her disappear into the dark sky. “Such an interesting bird.”
We all nod. How odd.
“Hopefully it comes back.” It seemed to have taken a liking to Leon. Maybe he needs an animal companion like I have Farren.
We spend the brisk night drinking and telling Leon our favorite stories from years ago, of our lives in Lavencia while we keep our eyes on the forest below. We will be waiting for a long while and so we drink the sweet liquid, letting the wine, Tavien’s flames, and our laughter keep us warm.
The coronation ball is tomorrow. We have a week of festivities leading up to crowning day that will keep us all bustling, so it's lovely to rest before it all, even if the crown's unending pressure does leave my head aching.
Leon inspects his drink and turns to Tavien. “I believe your face is on my glass.” He holds it up to the firelight, an impression of Tavien’s profile shining in the flames.
Tavien snorts. “A Zemra ceremony gift from Del, a very long time ago.” Their expressions of love and devotion now are the same as the ones they wore the morning they returned with their Zemra stones after their soulbonding ritual in the temple.
The fabric draped around Nueena’s shoulders for warmth has fallen down to expose her skin, allowing Tavien an expanse to kiss when she leans back into him. Their purple Zemra stones glow like the glinting stars above us. “My Zemra.”
He’s called her that sweet title for decades and I've always found it incredibly endearing, but tonight it causes my chest to tighten painfully. Leon will never whisper that sacred word on my skin under moonlight.
Nueena must see something in my face and hastily changes the subject. “If all goes well, Viella will return soon. Mimi’s mother will be so relieved when her daughter is healed.” Nueena looks between Tavien and Leon. “It's the first step in saving the Adreanian people.”
“One of many,” Tavien agrees.
“Why are Viella and Lillian not Zemras?” Leon asks, sipping his wine, and my heart drops. He asks it so casually I could almost believe it’s an innocent question, but I know what he’s doing.
He wants to know everything about Zemras, and his words come back to me.
“What if that is something I want to share with you? Being Zemras? What if that is why we have been drawn to each other from the start?”
Tavien is the first to explain slowly. “They almost were, years ago.”
Leon glances down at me but I avoid his eyes. His interest in Zemras, this insistence that is what we might be, will only hurt us.
“They hated each other at first,” Nueena says with a short laugh, “but eventually fell in love. They were together for decades and went through all the steps to receive the blessings of the temple guides and my mother.” She stops, letting me tell the rest.
They wouldn’t mind us sharing their story when it’s all common knowledge in the palace. It was all anyone could talk about for months, but I fear filling Leon’s head with more stories will only push the subject.
“The night of their Zemra voyage to the hidden temple, Viella disappeared. When Vi was late to meet with the temple guardian to start the journey, Lillian went in search of her. Viella left an apologetic note on their bed, and no one saw her for twenty-five years.”
Leon’s sharp intake of breath against my chest and stunned silence is the reaction we all had before the tears for Lillian came. She has always been on the sterner side, taking her job seriously with no time for anyone’s nonsense, but after Viella left, she locked up her heart.
It took many years and reuniting with Vi to even see her smile again.
“How could she leave if they loved each other enough to believe they were Zemras?” he asks.
The question is genuine with a slight plea to it.
I know we are not speaking about him and me, but it's a punch in the gut anyway. It’s almost as if he's asking me how we could part from each other if love holds us together too.
Sometimes love isn't enough, Leon.
As if he can sense I wish to stand up and be free from his embrace for the end of this story, he holds me tighter.
I somehow both hate it and love him for it.
We both know out of the two of us, I’m the Viella in our story.
He will fight to the end for whatever we have created between us—this beautiful connection—while I try to protect his mind and my heart from madness between us.
An owl hoots nearby and the crackling fire fills the silence.
Nueena spares me a response like the good friend she is.
“Becoming Zemras might not be for everyone. When you go through the temple, your souls are bonded in ways that are unexplainable. It’s a connection unlike anything else, as magical as the fae themselves.
You are no longer alone in your own body.
You can sense their strong emotions, experience everything with them, anticipate needs like hunger and sleep, even share pain and magic.
Zemras are wholly exposed to each other.
There is no hiding in the bond, no separation.
It’s raw and intimate in ways not everyone wants to experience or share so much of themselves. "
Not all wish to be so vulnerable.
“Viella was terrified and regretted that decision as soon as she left, but she thought Lillian hated her, so she stayed away,” Tavien says. “One of the many reasons Zemras are rarer than mates.”
“Do you think they will try again?” Leon asks carefully.
I stare at the moonlit treetops, but I can feel his eyes on me.
Nueena shrugs. “If they wish to attempt the Zemra voyage, they will be allowed to try again at any time. But it’s a decision one cannot make lightly, and not a quest for wavering affections.
” She reaches up to stroke Tavien’s face with her thumb.
“My parents are quite happy just being mates. Lillian and Vi might be too.”
With the way Lillian said “mate” earlier, it sounded as if there was another name she wished to be whispered.
Maybe they will try again someday.
“What would have happened if they guessed wrong? Got to the temple and discovered they were never Zemras after all?”
A very real possibility for any couple.
“If the temple rejects a couple, they can never return. The pain of knowing you chose wrong and will never find your true Zemra is its own kind of torment. It is why most fae do not try unless they believe they are certain.”
Would the temple reject Leon and me? It’s a foolish thought, one I will never have the answer to, but imagining the doors opening for us spreads a warmth in my chest.
Just a dream.
Leon and I both look up at the lone shooting star that flies across the dark blue sky.
His lips brush my ear when he leans close. “In the mortal realm we have a tradition to make a wish when you see a star dash like that.”
Once the last dust of the glitter tail fades, I return my eyes to his.
What would I wish for? To keep him here, untouched by time and madness.
To have a life with him, free of threats and trepidations; for the hourglass on his presence to shatter.
Hoard all of these moments and not count down the stolen ones we have now.
To wake in his arms under morning sunbeams that end in sapphire nights of slow touches and fast heartbeats, never again feeling the cold touch of loneliness.
A life with him filled with warmth and happiness.
Maybe he couldn’t be my Zemra, but perhaps he could be something between the lover and friend I need.
I do not speak, but I lay my head on his shoulder, and he slides his arm around me to pull me close, his head on top of mine. We stay like that for a long time. Eventually, he slides his fingers into mine. Greedy for his touch, I welcome his hand.
Leon speaks in a low voice just for me. “I can see why mates would seek the temple despite the risks.” He lets out a long breath, pulling me closer.
“Me too,” I whisper back.
There is more that a Zemra bond can offer, but I’m afraid to say the words out loud, not wishing for even a moment to give him hope for him and me. To live without the other nearly guarantees an enervation death.
That is why Zemra magic only extends fae lifespans, ties them together, so one never needs to live without the other.
A secret I must keep from him.
Leon chuckles. His lips return to my ear, voice so low I can barely make out his teasing words. “I may not be your Zemra, but I sense you enjoyed our delicious time under the stars.”
Heat returns to my cheeks at his reminder that he worshiped me in that moon-soaked garden before the soil ran red.
Before I can respond, Nueena gasps as she jumps off Tavien. A flicker of blue flame dances between the trees, coming towards the mountain. We all stand and watch the glow brighten as Viella rides towards the kitchen’s back door, her flaming sphere following close behind.
A dark, frantic figure runs towards her.
When Lillian is close enough, Viella dismounts Onyx and jumps into Lillian’s arms. It is dark and far below, but we can see them faintly, swirling with joy, sharing a passionate kiss.
They entwine in each other’s arms for a long moment before Lillian gently places Viella on the ground.
Lillian pulls Onyx and the empty cart, and we clink our glasses in celebration, drinking the last of the wine before we gather all we brought.
“Let’s go see how it went.”