Chapter 30
IZADELLA
I’m dumped on a thick pile of seaweed the tide left behind in my ocean dungeon.
My pain comes out of me in a bloodcurdling scream. I scream and scream ’til I choke on the guilt and grief, rage and terror.
The thick, light green seaweed beneath my fingertips withers at my touch, which only makes me feel worse.
Whatever fight I had in me flees and the tears return once more. I do not try to stop them, letting heartbreak tear me apart from the inside for hours.
My sobs steal my breath. The agony claws at my chest as I lie listlessly on the brutally cold floor, unrecognizable lamentations sputtering over my lips. My magic twists out painfully.
Everett’s words about my emotions controlling the crown come back to me.
The seaweed has shrunk, brown with decay in my hands.
I did this.
What else has the magic done while I’ve been here?
If my grief and despair is causing this, I need to shift my emotions, or at least try to.
Princess Lyrora said the trees had turned to ash, the crown’s magic reflecting my inner turmoil.
I need to learn to control it.
Grayden will kill Cyanna if I don’t.
I take deep breaths in and out.
The first people to be hurt by the crown’s continuous quest to destroy will be those on Beggars’ Row. I cannot let that happen. I did not spend decades caring for a forgotten community just to deliver the final strike.
I focus on my happiest memories, those in my life that I love.
Nueena. Her kindness, her grace. How proud her family and I are of her finally stepping onto that dais to sit on the Ellovian throne, claiming her rightful place as ruler of Ellova, like she was born to do.
Her strength is remarkable, her loyalty to Ellova unwavering.
We are all lucky to have her and I will never get to see that.
My soul cracks again, the wound opening wider and wider.
Leon.
I shove the thought away and try to think of all my favorite moments with Nueena over the years.
The tea parties we had as dewlings.
When I gifted her a sphere of solid gold for her birthday, which I used to make her a new necklace every morning I was at the palace, to match whatever gown she was wearing.
The shining in her eyes of pure joy when she told me about her first kiss with Tavien.
The year after we finished our schooling and traveled around Ellova, exploring the courts, just the two of us.
We ended up at the seaside palace and convinced a group of water guards that we wanted to join the Shell Court.
Had them take us out on their ship and instead of learning how to sail, we laid out blankets, soaking up the sun in little more than strips of fabric.
Leon.
Nights spent reading with Tavien by the fire or listening to him teach history to dewlings. Exploring the many libraries of Ellova together while Nueena went off to meet court Guardians.
Long summer days swimming with Viella in the royal natatorium.
Dancing all night under the stars in the Gem Court parties with Hiliyah, our goblets full of sparkling wine.
Lillian’s insistence I be knowledgeable on swords so I could always protect myself. Training sessions at dawn. Finally besting her just once before she had my ass on the floor.
Leon.
The night of my mother’s burial, Nyvenah took me back to the Ellovian palace, insisting I had a place with her family. I thought it meant I would just be given a small room in the palace, but instead she walked Nueena and me into our newly furnished royal west wing.
I was never alone after that.
Leon.
No, I won’t think of him or his betrayal.
How could he have made me think he loved me?
I was nothing but a stepping stone to get what he wanted the whole time.
It’s almost too painful to think about, but he had to have cared about me, even a little.
When we were both pretending—Leon, the mortal healer, and Lady Arra, the married mortal jeweler—he liked me.
Before I had this wretched crown on me, when it was just him and me under the full moon, tortured, yearning for a stolen moment and secret touches we were never allowed.
He had taken vows to care for the king, forbidden from anything outside of his service to the crown. Came to my booth every month, commissioned jewelry he barely glanced at, time and time again, just to talk to me.
Years before this awful crown, I had nothing to offer him as a king, yet he was there at every bazaar with heated eyes and kind words, watching as I sold jewelry to the spoiled and heartless court of Adreania.
The weight of his wanting had been expressed at every opportunity.
The pull of us towards each other, like planets rotating around the same sun of burning desire.
When his stupid vow to Jedrick was in his way and a false mortal family in mine, he never looked away.
I wanted him when I knew I couldn’t have him.
I want him even now.
For two years I yearned for his touch, and when we finally collided that night in the forest, something changed. Every day we were together in Ellova, it felt like home with him.
My eyes burn from tears that won’t stop flowing.
I cannot concentrate on his betrayal. That will only lead to pain, so instead I choose to believe what he felt for me was genuine.
That the love I felt in his kiss, the truth of it in his touch, was honest and real.
That I will not die here but I will see him again, an explanation on his lips just before mine are.
I loved him. I still love him.
He must have had a reason not to tell me ’til I told him I loved him. I didn’t trust him then but maybe I can trust him now.
Magic spills from my heart at my love for Leon.
Movement in my hand startles me as the withered seaweed plumps up, color returning.
“Impressive,” Grayden drawls behind me. I roll over and scramble to sit up. He forcefully slides a plate of food, some of it falling off the plate, and tosses a bottle of some kind underneath the metal bars towards me. “Eat. I need you to have some strength.”
The meaty aroma sends a stab of pain into the aching emptiness of my stomach, but I make no move to take it.
“It's not poisoned.” Annoyance drips from every word, as if I am being unreasonable.
“Well, considering you attempted to drown me last night, I don’t think I will take your word on that.”
“That was before. I see your true purpose now.”
My skin crawls.
“What do you want?” I lean against the wall, ignoring the food in front of me and appear as if his presence doesn’t terrify me. I fold my shaking hands together on my lap, trying to hide that fear.
“I wanted to see what you would do without the collar. You should see the trees outside. Adreania has never seen such greenery. Well, not since the last time it had a fae queen on its throne.” His smile is oily as he throws something into my cell. “What does it say?”
The iron rolls over the stone floor, and I slam my fist over it, not bothering to read it. “I know what it says.”
Loyal to whoever wears the crown.
“Here I thought the real value was the crown, but I see now that you hold what I actually need. Everett was intended to wear it, claiming he could handle it, but you will be far more fun to control.”
Fuck, whatever he wants will be awful and I shove down the hopelessness hammering into me.
“I’ve already told you; the crown does not obey my command.
It’s not my magic to possess. The crown was only ever intended for Inara.
The Forger keyed it to only her, and after her death, the crown, like all fae-keyed items, will choose who can control it.
” I hope he can see the hatred in my eyes.
“Believe me, if it had chosen me, you would have taken your last breath days ago.”
My throat burns from my words, the reminder that I have not had anything to drink in nearly two days. I pick up the bottle and sniff it. The mild scent of honey entices me to take a small sip. The drink is some sort of watered-down ale, but it has an aftertaste of medicinal bitterness.
When nothing happens, I take another long swig of the warming drink, letting it heat me, a new strength returning.
“Adreania was once a great kingdom. It can be that again with the right queen.”
His predatory eyes rake over my body, the crown on matted hair, my filthy dress, and the scratches and bruises peppering my arms and legs. My stomach turns at the implication.
I’m tired of this conversation. Tired of this man.
“You already have a queen. Her name is Erenia Caslow of Versairen. You know, daughter of the king whose armies you plan on using to take Kalvorn. I highly doubt her father will look favorably on you remarrying.”
He scoffs. “Erenia is no queen of mine. She is a traitor and will be dealt with accordingly. She spent an extraordinary amount of time with the healer the past few years, but now I know he was actually a king. She perhaps sought to aim even higher than just my princess.” Cruelty covers his face.
“Everett said you and the healer were inseparable. Did you think he was only fucking you?”
A seed of jealousy takes root even after everything Leon has done. Grayden has to be lying, though.
He’s trying to bait me. I can see it in the gleam of his eye, his hideous need to drag me lower in whatever way he can. He knows his wife would never risk her life like that, nor would Leon.
I will not give him the satisfaction. “What Leon did while he was here is none of my concern, nor do I care what he does now.” It hurts to say it.
I hope it’s convincing.
Grayden stretches out his legs on the stairs, getting comfortable.
“The orphan keeper told us everything, you know. We found her trying to find children to sneak out of Adreania. One threat and she sang like a canary. She told us you came once a month to bring food and medicine, how you refused to let those children starve. How very noble of you. I’m going to guess you wish to continue ensuring the safety of those children? What of the orphan keeper’s life?”
Dread fills every space inside me. My voice breaks. “I—I will do whatever you want, if it’s within my power. P-Please, just don’t hurt them.”
“Eat,” he says again.
His threat forces me to crawl towards the food. I expect the worst but it’s a hearty meat pie with a thick crust.
I know his next words before he speaks them, but they still stab me in the gut with panic.
“We will marry. You will become queen and will grow whatever I want, bring prosperity and health back to Adreania. If you obey, I will not murder your new people and loved ones in front of you. Do we have a deal?”
Of course he does, as if I would refuse him. Cyanna was a fool to return but I need to ensure her safety anyway.
His grotesque grin taunts me.
All those dreams of a short lifetime with Leon fade away as I am faced with the reality that I’ll be forced to wed a monster.
“We have a deal.”