Chapter 42
IZADELLA
Oh fuck, we’re mates.
Soulbonded mates.
Leon and I stare at each other.
“We’re Zemras?” he asks quietly.
I laugh in wonderment. Not just lovers, not just mates, but Zemras.
For the first time, I truly take in the beauty around me. The floor shines with smooth crystals and stone in all shapes and sizes, the reflections from the lights above decorate the crystal walls with rainbows.
The temple accepted us.
We will be connected in ways we cannot fathom. Our magic, our lives. We will never be alone in our minds again. We will share everything, know everything about each other.
It is both terrifying and enchantingly beautiful, lighting up every part of me with unbridled joy.
My breaths come out too fast.
Zemras.
Zemras.
I never could have imagined this moment truly happening, never dreamt of a soulbond.
We were meant to be together. It was not infatuation or lust, but our lives and hearts woven together before we ever knew each other.
We were bound in magic and would always experience that calling towards each other, that pressing need to never be parted.
He was meant to be mine. Forever.
We would share our magic, our lifespans, and I would have a full fae life. My family will not have to mourn me for hundreds of years. I get to spend that time with Leon, being loved by him. He brought me back to life and now I get to live, truly live with him at my side.
I’m dizzy with the joy of it all, my anger with him fading away.
Panic blooms in his expression as the blood drains from his face. “Izadella, I swear I didn’t know what this was. It was warm and dry. I would have never gone in if I had known. I wouldn’t have taken that choice away from you!” He grips my hand, anguish in his eyes. “We need to leave immediately.”
My body is so filled with joy I can’t comprehend his words. How have I not floated away with happiness? I beam at him, needing him to reflect my elation. “Leave? Leon. We need to complete the Zemra soulbonding ritual.” I grab his face, desperate for one long kiss, but he steps out of my reach.
What is wrong with him?
“We can’t.” His words are strained, hopeless.
My stomach twists in fear at the pain on his features. “Ellova’s grave! Leon, we are Zemras, we—the stones! We must find them. I don't know how we do that. Normally there’s a temple guardian to guide us. It’s like a marriage ceremony.”
I don’t know how to explain how important this is to someone who didn't grow up knowing the stories, wishing for their own journeys here.
Tears well up in my eyes, the eyes his own won't meet. Why isn’t he happy? Why won’t he share in this joy with me?
He just spoke of how much he loves me.
I tug on his arm again, trying to urge him away from the door, but he pulls me to him.
“Strawberries, I never needed a temple to tell me you were meant for me, but we can never become bonded Zemras.” He presses his lips to my forehead, standing as still as a statue.
Is this a nightmare? Am I still dead and this the bitter afterlife?
Anger bursts out of me and I shove at his chest. “After all that we have gone though, all your lies I endured, and all my heartache...it was supposed to have been worth it. Why even bother bringing me back if you intended to break my heart like this all over again? Now we stand in the Zemra temple, a place I never thought I would be, with proof that you and I are meant to be together forever, and you don’t want me anymore? ”
My words slice at me deeper than daggers, my head spinning, but they hurt Leon, too.
He tries to take me in his arms again, but I sidestep him, my fist balled at my side.
“No, no, never! Of course I want you, Izadella. You and I are meant to be together. We just can’t soulbond,” he pleads with me. “I love you.”
“No!” I shout, my resentment echoing off the crystal walls. “You do not get to tell me you love me and then deny me the one thing I didn’t even dare to dream about wanting.” Tears stream down my face.
“We can be together, will be together, but I can be your Zemra in title only. Why can that not be enough? To know what we are to each other?”
I glare at him, hoping he can sense all the pain he has brought me, the sorrow his words are causing. “Give me the reason or I walk out of this temple, and you will never see me again. Nueena will wage war on your kingdom if you ever try to find me.”
“Izadella, please, I—”
Then it’s over.
I found love for the briefest of moments and that is all I will ever know.
“Let’s go, then. I wish to find my family.
” My voice is hollow, shoving down the rising pain and regret threatening to swallow me whole.
I turn to run, to leave a part of myself in this temple and never look back, but he grabs my arm.
“I’m dying.”
The fight drains out of me leaving only shattering pain. “What?” I whisper. The ache in his voice tells me he speaks the truth.
He lets go of me and rips open the top of his shirt.
I gasp at the scars. They are the same ones I bore before he healed me, and I know exactly what fate awaits him to carry them on his own body. My heart can barely handle this devastation.
“It happened at the same time yours did, in the bathing pool. I couldn’t handle the pain I caused you. We cannot be Zemras because it will only cause you more
suffering. I will not do that to you. You and I will have a beautiful life together while we can.
I want to spend every moment with you I have left.
I will always love you, more than you will ever know, but I will not let you tie yourself to me just to be driven mad by my death through the bond.
You have gone through so much already. Let me love you to the very end.
” His voice breaks at the end, sending ripples of torment within me.
I stare at him in horror.
Did I truly find my Zemra only for it to end like this? I refuse to be denied a life with him beside me. The very thought sends agony to every part of me.
“Your healing magic?” Surely, he can fix this.
He looks down and shakes his head, trying to hide his misery. “I did try. I promise I did, but nothing worked. It’s nearly gone now, like whispers of smoke when I reach for it. My powers have been depleted and my fae life force is draining out of me.”
Gone? How can it be gone?
I step close to him, forcing him to look up at me. “Did you use the last of it to save me?” I whisper. Now it’s my turn for my voice to break.
One of his hands cups my face, his thumb running over my bottom lip. “It was worth it.”
My soul aches to shatter, to fall to the floor and sob, but I am prepared to fight fate with claws and teeth.
Zemra magic is wholly different from other types. It is meant to preserve souls. That’s why lifespans are tied together, so one never needs to live without the other.
That magic will save him.
Before he can stop me, I grab his hand and pull. Hard. He stumbles forward but stays upright as I yank him towards the other side of the cavernous space.
“We need to find our stones. They are incredibly important.” We reach a small dais with marble stairs leading up to it. “Nueena said the stones choose us.”
“Izadella, please. You would feel every moment of my fading from this world if we completed the bond. I would love nothing more than to truly be your Zemra. I just would never wish to bring you pain, especially the kind you will experience if we become Zemras.”
I dig my fingers into him and take a deep breath, knowing he will argue with me at every point.
“I’m fully aware of what an enervation death feels like, and I’m not choosing this lightly.
Your death will break me whether or not we’re soulbonded.
Your healing magic brought me back from the dead.
Zemras share magic. Let me try to save you, too.
The crystals will amplify the magic you have left. It could be enough—”
“Izadella…”
“I understand you wish to save me from devastation, but, Leon, we have to try. I would rather be Zemras for a day, for an hour, than to only have you as a lover. If you are going to die, let me at least know what it is like to truly call you mine. Let our souls be as one for whatever time we have left.”
Gods, it feels like begging, and I hate it, but I refuse to leave here unbonded because of his stubbornness.
He hesitates, but I can see him start to succumb to my wishes.
I squeeze his hand, gentler this time. “Please, stop being so noble. Back in the garden, when you first arrived, you asked me a question. If the roles were reversed, and I were the mortal and you were the one to live on without me, would you still tell me it’s not worth it?
Now I’m going to ask you the same thing.
If I stood where you do, would you deny me a Zemra bond? ”
Leon stares at me with so much longing it hurts me. “I would not.”
“So why deny me now when we have a chance to save you? Please try. Please give us the opportunity of a life together. If we leave here unbonded, you die, but if there is a chance we can share magic and I can save you, just as you did me, we have a shot at a long and happy life together, as Zemras.”
The cruelty of it all. To find my Zemra only to have him slip away from me.
He shakes his head “And what if it doesn’t work? I will not break your heart again. I will not be here to heal it. You can survive my death if you do not experience it with me. You are strong! I know you can. You have so much to live for, so many here in Ellova who love you.”
“Please, I cannot lose you after what I’ve gone through. Zemra magic is powerful and ancient. We have no idea what it can do for us.”
“My love—”
“We deserve a future together. The stars aligned for us to find each other. Every tear and heartbreak brought us here and this cannot be the end. I need you!” My words fade until they are a wisp between us. “I don’t want to be alone again.”
I’m desperate to ease the devastation that flashes across his face.
“What if it doesn’t work? What if our magic together is not enough and you feel everything through the bond?
My agony at abandoning you, my fear of harming you in ways I can never repair?
The loss of time with my brother? The anger at never knowing my niece and nephew? ”
“Why are you the only one who gets to sacrifice for love? A bit hypocritical wouldn't you say? You would gladly share my pain. Why stop me? You will feel all of that but let me share your burden. That’s what love is; what a soulbond is. It’s the sharing of pain and joy.”
Leon will not hear my words, determined to die the hero, so I step up to him. His short beard is rough against my fingertips when I take his face in mine. My lips meet his and I let my longing linger there. Our kiss is slow, allowing us to taste each other’s sorrow.
He holds me so tightly that his fingertips might leave a memory there forever. When we finally break apart, I expect him to keep fighting me, but instead he says, “Anything for you.”