Chapter 10 #3
“Astra came up with a cure for wolfsbane poisoning.” Daciana explains. “She gave Selena and me some of it in case of an emergency. Luckily, the wound isn’t very deep, so this will draw out the toxin.”
I see the cut begin to heal and am filled with relief. I knew Queen Astra was incredibly skilled in medicine and herbs, but I didn’t know she had found the cure for wolfsbane.
“Why did you lie?” I suddenly ask Daciana.
She frowns at me. “I’m Astra’s friend before I’m her guard. My job is to make sure the waters aren’t stirred. You think this is the first time something like this has happened? I’ve been targeted before. If Astra gets angry on our behalf and tries to help us, the Umbra Council will pounce on her.”
“Why did you come out here?” I ask her, leaning close to inspect the wound. Her face turns red, and she pulls away, avoiding my eyes.
“I’m not in a position to say no to a noble. I’m just a guard. In the capital, in the Wolf Kingdom, status is everything.”
“You’re the Queen’s guard!” I say furiously. “Surely you have some status.”
“I’m not guarding Astra these days.” Daciana tucks the medicine back in her pocket and meets my gaze. “I’m just a soldier and a liaison, Kieran. If they summon me again and hurt me, I can’t retaliate. It will only make things difficult for Astra.”
My jaw tightens. “You’re my mate. That gives you status above those females.”
Daciana looks me square in the eye. “I’m your fated mate, Kieran, not your mate.”
Her words make me flinch.
She shrugs. “It’s fine. I’ll talk to Astra. She’ll make sure they don’t call on me again.”
I watch her brush off her clothes, and I feel a hollowness within me. I’m her mate, the alpha of a powerful pack, and she’s seeking protection from someone else. Because I’m…unreliable.
“Daciana.”
“Yes?” She looks up at me.
“I am your mate. Why aren’t you asking me to help you?” The words are torn from me.
“Why?” She blinks. “Because I know you can’t. You can say I’m your mate all you want, Kieran, but what has happened to you has left you too traumatized. You don’t want us to be mates. And I understand that. I’m not expecting anything from you.”
Her voice is practical, calm in a way that shakes me to the core.
“But you said we would face our enemy together.” Why am I fighting so hard to hold on to her? This is what I wanted all along.
“Yes.” Her eyes are steady. “Because I don’t want to die. But I also don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.”
I grab her arm, my tone turning frantic. “That’s not what this is. It’s not that I don’t want to be with—”
She pulls away from me and says, quietly, “I understand that, but I won’t sit here waiting for you.
I am sorry for everything you have been through.
I truly am. But I’ve been thinking, and us being together wouldn’t be good for you.
You said you want me to be happy. Well, I want you to be happy.
Once this whole thing is done and over with, you should go back to your pack and find a woman who can give you a family. ”
My mouth goes dry at this rejection. She’s phrasing it in kind words, but at the end of the day, it’s a rejection.
“And what about you?” I ask hoarsely.
She shrugs. “I don’t know. There’s Leon. Astra has been pushing us together, and he likes me. I could let him—”
My hands grip her upper arms, and I pull her up onto her toes.
“Leon?” My voice is dangerously low. “You would choose that boy over me?”
“Choose?” For the first time, I see a flicker of anger in Daciana’s eyes, her composed mask cracking. “There is no choice to be made, Kieran. You want me to sit here pining over you?”
My lips press together into a thin line. “He’s not worthy of you.”
“Then who is?” she snaps, pulling herself free from me.
“Who is worthy of me?” She takes a step closer, getting in my face.
“I am not the kind of woman who will wait around for anybody. I may be younger than you, but do not think for a minute that you can control me. So, we have a fated mate bond. You don’t want to be with me?
Fine. I won’t ask you to. But I will not hide from those who do want to be with me simply to appease you.
The minute you decide to back off, you have no rights over me. That is how this works.”
Her eyes are flashing, and I am dumbstruck.
“The other versions of Elara, my past lives—you told me they never remembered. But I do. I remember it all now. I lost my babies. I was murdered over and over again. The grief from losing our children is stuck here”—she slams her fist against her chest—“and I have to hold it all in because I don’t know how to grieve.
The trauma of being killed so many times is in my head.
You’re not the only one suffering. The only difference is, you’ve had years to come to terms with it, while it has all come crashing down on me in a span of days! ”
I suck in a breath. “Daciana—”
“No.” She moves away from me now. “I don’t want your pity.
I don’t need you to want me. I have enough experience of not being wanted by my own family.
I know how to handle myself. I don’t need you.
I’ve never needed anybody, Kieran. And if my fated mate has his own issues to deal with, I’m not going to cry over him.
I get it; you’ve been dealt a bad hand. But just like you, I have to look out for myself. Because nobody else will.”
She turns around and begins walking away, and my heart sinks as I realize how grave a mistake I’ve made.