Chapter 11 #2
He crosses over to me, and suddenly, his hand is cupping my jaw, tilting my face up to his. His touch is gentle despite the passion burning in his eyes. He holds me there, like I’m something precious and breakable, and I feel the tremor in his fingers.
“I didn’t think it would be this hard,” he murmurs. “I thought I could keep you safe by staying away. I thought I could protect you from the curse by denying what we are.”
I try to speak, but he’s not done. His thumb traces the line of my cheekbone so tenderly, it makes my chest ache.
“I forgot,” he continues, and there’s wonder in his voice now, mixed with the pain. “I forgot that this woman—my mate—isn’t a weak female who needs my help, who needs protecting. You’re different from any of your past lives. You’re…Daciana.”
The way he says my name—like it’s sacred, like it means something—makes my wolf press against her cage with desperate hope.
“I want to be the person you use as a shield,” he says, and his other hand comes up to frame my face, holding me like I might disappear.
“I want to be the one you turn to when you’re scared or upset.
I want to be there when you’re falling apart, not watching from down a hallway while you suffer alone. ”
My breath catches. The garden. He’s talking about what I told him in the garden, when I snapped at him. When I let the truth spill out in my anger.
“I was so desperate to keep you at arm’s length,” he says, and now there’s self-recrimination in his tone.
“So focused on not losing you to death that I forgot I could lose you in other ways. I could lose you to distance. To isolation. To someone else who sees what I see and isn’t too much of a coward to claim it. ”
“Kieran—”
“I can’t lose you.” His voice breaks on the words. “You’re in every heartbeat. Every breath. Every thought. I can’t see you with anyone else, Daciana. I physically cannot watch another man look at you the way Leon does and not lose my mind.”
The admission should make me happy. Should make me feel victorious. But all I feel is the same crushing weight, the same exhaustion.
“But you don’t want me,” I say, and my voice comes out smaller than I intend. Weaker. “You made that clear.”
His eyes flash with what can only be described as pain. “Daciana, if I could, I would rip out my heart and put it at your feet. That’s how much I love you.”
The words take my breath away. I want to believe them. Gods, I want to believe them so badly, it hurts. But…
“You don’t even know me, Kieran.” The words tumble out, defensive and desperate. “I told you, I don’t want to be a replacement for—”
“Don’t.” He cuts me off, his grip on my face tightening just slightly. “Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”
I try to look away, but he won’t let me.
“I am in love with you,” he says, each word deliberate and fierce. “With Daciana. Not some ghost from the past. Not some echo of who you used to be. You.”
“But you haven’t even—You haven’t been around—”
“I didn’t have to stick to you around the clock to get to know you,” he says, and his expression softens. “I’ve been watching you from the moment I arrived here. Learning about you. Falling for you.”
My heart shudders.
“I know you work and train twice as hard as the other soldiers,” he continues, and there’s admiration in his voice now. “You’re always trying to prove that you’re just as good as your peers. Better, even. You push yourself until you’re exhausted because you think you have something to prove.”
I swallow hard. My throat feels tight.
“I know that you laugh when you’re with your friends, and you look like the happiest person in the world.
Your whole face lights up, and for a moment, all that weight you carry just…
disappears.” His thumb traces my bottom lip.
“I know you dislike olives and will add tomatoes to everything. Even things that definitely shouldn’t have tomatoes. ”
My breath hitches. He noticed. He actually noticed all of that.
“I fell for you,” he says quietly. “Not who you were in another life, but who you are now. The woman who refuses to back down from a challenge. Who protects her friends fiercely. Who pretends she’s fine when she’s breaking apart on the inside because she doesn’t want to burden anyone.”
Tears burn in my eyes. I try to blink them back, but they spill over anyway.
“You are not a substitute for anyone,” he says firmly.
“You are Daciana. And I love Daciana. I love your stubbornness and your strength and the way you snap at me when I’m being an idiot.
I love how you care so deeply about everything that you are willing to hurt yourself trying to fix it all. I love—”
“Stop,” I whisper, but there’s no force behind it.
“I’ll fight alongside you this time,” he says, and I hear the promise in his voice.
“I’ll be there. I’ll be your shield when you need it and your sword when you don’t.
But I can’t lose you to anybody else, Daciana.
I can’t watch you smile at Leon or any other man the way I want you to smile at me. I can’t—”
I don’t let him finish. I yank him toward me and kiss him.
It’s just as desperate as the first time, yet different somehow.
There’s acceptance in it now. Permission.
Everything I’ve been holding back for weeks comes pouring out in this moment.
My hands fist in his shirt, pulling him closer, and he responds immediately.
His arms wrap around me, crushing me against his chest, and he kisses me back like he’ll die if he doesn’t.
My wolf howls in triumph, the bond blazing between us so intensely that I gasp against Kieran’s mouth. He feels it, too; I know he does because he makes a sound that’s almost a growl and holds me impossibly closer.
When we finally break apart, both of us out of breath, he rests his forehead against mine.
“I love you,” he whispers. “I love you, Daciana.”
And the way he says my name, I believe him.
His hands slide down to my thighs, and suddenly, he’s lifting me. My legs wrap around his waist instinctively, and he pins me against the wall. The position eliminates any space that existed between us, and I can feel the heat of him through the thin fabric of my nightclothes.
He tears his mouth away from mine, but only to trail kisses along my jaw, down my neck. His breath is hot against my skin.
“I’m tired of fighting this bond,” he says, his voice rough and raw. “I’m tired of pretending that I don’t want you, that I don’t need you.”
My fingers thread through his hair, tugging his head back so I can see his face. His eyes are dark, pupils dilated, and his gaze is so wild and possessive that it makes my stomach flip.
“Be sure,” I manage to say, though my voice is shaky. “Be sure, Kieran, because I will not accept your regret afterward.”
The words sound harsh, but I mean them. I can’t do this—can’t give myself to him completely—only to have him pull away again. To have him look at me with remorse in his eyes, wishing he’d maintained his distance, wishing he’d stuck to his plan to keep me safe by staying away from me.
His hands tighten on my thighs, holding me even more securely against him.
“I could never regret you,” he says, and the conviction in his voice makes my chest grow warm. “Never, Daciana. I’ve been a fool. I thought I could protect you by not giving in to this, but all I’ve done is hurt us both. I never wanted to hurt you.”
He leans in, pressing his forehead to mine again, and I can feel him trembling.
“I don’t want to fight it anymore,” he whispers. “I don’t want to spend another night lying awake in my room, knowing you’re right next door, knowing you’re hurting and I’m not there. I don’t want to watch other men try to win your affection while I stand on the sidelines like a coward.”
“Kieran—”
“I want you,” he says firmly. “I need you. And I’m done pretending otherwise.”
The bond between us pulses, singing with approval, with relief, with joy. My wolf is practically preening, finally getting what she has been demanding for weeks.
I cup Kieran’s face in my hands, searching his eyes for any hint of doubt, any shadow of hesitation. But all I see is certainty. Desire. Love.
“Then have me,” I whisper.
And he does.
His mouth crashes into mine again, and this time, there’s no hesitation. No holding back.
My fingers tangle in his hair as he presses me harder against the wall, his body a line of heat and strength. The bond between us thrums with such intensity that I can barely think, barely breathe.
“Daciana,” he murmurs against my lips, and the way he says my name—like a prayer, like a promise—makes something inside me break open.
“I need you,” I whisper back. I hate how vulnerable I sound, but I can’t hold it in anymore.
His hand slides beneath my nightgown, fingers tracing the curve of my waist, and I shiver at his touch. Every nerve ending feels alive, hyperaware of exactly where his skin meets mine.
“Tell me if you want me to stop,” he says, pulling back just enough to look at me. His eyes are dark, hungry, but there’s still a thread of concern woven through his desire.
“Don’t you dare stop.”
Keeping me pinned to the wall, he tugs off my nightshirt and throws it to the ground. He doesn’t bother with my panties, simply slicing through them with his claws. And so, within seconds, I’m completely naked while he’s still fully clothed.
The cool air hits my heated skin, but I hardly notice because Kieran is looking at me like I’m something sacred. Something precious. Nobody has ever looked at me this way before.
“You’re beautiful,” he breathes, and the raw honesty in his voice makes my chest tighten.
I tug at his shirt until he lets me pull it over his head. When my hands finally touch his bare chest and I feel the hard muscle beneath my palms, I can’t suppress the small sound that escapes me.
He groans at my touch, his chin dropping as he looks down at my hands. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
“You’re telling me,” I laugh hoarsely, running my fingers across his shoulders now, needing skin.
He lets go of me to undo his pants next, his mouth pressing against mine as I hold on to him with my arms and legs. His hands are not supporting me at all as he gets rid of the rest of his clothes.
His kisses are scalding. This is nothing like how he treated me last time. His grip on me is tight, his fingers bruising my skin, but I can’t get myself to care.
The vulnerability of this moment—both of us bare to each other in every way—should terrify me. But instead, I feel powerful. Wanted. Chosen.
“Kieran,” I breathe, and his name on my lips seems to break any last scrap of control he was holding on to.
“I can’t wait,” he whispers. “Not tonight. I need to be inside you. I need to know you’re mine.”
I kiss him in response, and I feel him align himself against my hole.
I’m already wet. When he presses in, there is nothing slow or gentle about it.
I gasp as he slams into me, over and over again, my back hitting the wall from the force.
He’s fucking me in deep, long strokes that are driving me mad.
I can feel every inch of his thick cock, and when I moan, my lips parted, he seizes my mouth in a kiss, his tongue mimicking what his cock is doing to me.
His hands are holding me up now, digging into my skin.
His mouth pulls away, finding first my cheek, then my neck, and then hovering over the spot where the mating mark should be.
For a moment, the world goes still. I can feel him moving inside me, can feel the pleasure mounting…but my wolf is waiting with bated breath.
I don’t want to force Kieran to do it. I don’t want to be the one to—
He sinks his teeth into my neck, and I scream, my orgasm overtaking me. He holds me close as I ride out the wave.
The sensation overwhelms me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
The bond between us explodes like lightning, connecting us in a way that goes beyond our corporeal selves.
I can feel his emotions bleeding into mine: desire, love, possessiveness, and underneath it all, that bone-deep relief of finally giving in to destiny.
“I’ve got you,” he murmurs against my neck, his voice strained. “I’ve got you, Daciana.”
And I believe it. For the first time in weeks—maybe months—I let myself believe that someone has got me. That I’m not alone.
He’s still moving, and I feel him coaxing another orgasm out of me. My fingers dig into his shoulders as the pressure builds, coiling tighter and tighter. His name falls from my lips like a chant, like a plea.
“Look at me,” he commands roughly, and I force my eyes open.
The intensity in his gaze nearly undoes me. There’s no distance there now, no walls, no carefully maintained control. Just raw emotion and need and love so fierce, it takes my breath away.
The world shatters around me, and I cry out, clutching him like he’s the only solid thing in existence. He follows a heartbeat later, my name on his lips, and I feel the bond between us lock into place with an almost audible click.
We stay like this for a long moment, pressed together with my back against the wall, both of us trembling and gasping for breath. His forehead rests against mine, and I can feel his heart pounding, matching the frantic rhythm of my own.
“Daciana,” he whispers, and there’s so much in that single word—relief and love and wonder.
I have no words. Can’t form them. So, instead of speaking, I pull his mouth to mine in a kiss that’s softer than before but no less meaningful.
When we finally break apart, he’s looking at me like I hung the stars.
“I love you,” he says simply. “And I’m not going anywhere. Not anymore.”
The tears that have been threatening all day finally spill over. But for once, they’re not tears of pain or frustration or loneliness.
“I love you, too,” I whisper back, and I feel the truth of it resonate through the bond between us.