Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
Nikita
T he drive back to the estate was quiet, the tension between us thick but different now. It wasn't the icy wall of distrust that had been building between us. It was something else—something raw, something fragile. Lily sat beside me, staring out the window, her expression distant, lost in her own thoughts. I watched her from the corner of my eye, feeling a pull in my chest that I didn't want to acknowledge but couldn't ignore anymore.
She was shattered. The weight of her father's betrayal had crushed something inside her, something I wasn't sure could ever be repaired. I knew that feeling all too well—the moment when you realize that the person you've trusted, the one who's supposed to love you, has been pulling the strings of your life like a puppet master. The kind of betrayal that leaves scars too deep to heal.
I wanted to say something, to break the silence that hung between us, but the words wouldn't come. What could I say? That I understood? That I knew exactly what it felt like to be betrayed by family, by blood? Maybe that was true, but this wasn't about me. This was her world collapsing around her, and I couldn't force her to process it any faster than she was ready for.
The estate came into view, the grand stone walls rising up like a fortress against the outside world. It used to feel like a safe haven, a place where I could control everything, where nothing could touch me. But now, as we pulled through the gates, it felt more like a cage, trapping us both inside.
The car rolled to a stop, and I turned to her, my hand hovering near her arm but not quite touching. "Lily," I said quietly.
She didn't respond right away, her gaze still fixed on the horizon. I could see the tears welling in her eyes, though she didn't let them fall. She was stronger than anyone gave her credit for. But even the strongest break.
"I need to think," she finally whispered, her voice so soft I almost didn't hear her.
I nodded, watching as she opened the door and stepped out of the car, her movements slow and deliberate, as if each step took everything out of her. I wanted to follow her, to pull her into my arms and tell her that it was going to be okay—that we'd figure this out, that she didn't have to carry the weight of her father's sins alone. But I didn't.
I followed her into the estate, keeping my distance as she made her way to the sitting room, her arms wrapped around herself as if trying to hold the pieces together. She looked so small, so fragile, like she could crumble at any moment.
I stood in the doorway, watching her as she sank onto the couch, her head falling into her hands. The silence stretched on, thick with unsaid words.
I didn't know how long I stood there, watching her wrestle with the truth, before I finally moved. I crossed the room, lowering myself onto the couch beside her. She didn't look up, didn't acknowledge my presence, but I could feel the tension in her body—the way she held herself together, like if she let go for even a second, she'd shatter.
"Lily," I said softly, my voice gentle, careful. "I'm not going to let him get away with this."
She lifted her head slowly, her eyes red-rimmed but dry. "You don't understand," she whispered, shaking her head. "This isn't just about him getting away with it. It's about… everything. So much of my life has been shrouded in lies."
I wanted to reach out, to touch her, to offer her some kind of comfort, but I didn't know if she'd accept it. So instead, I just sat there, my hands resting on my knees, my gaze locked on hers. "I know it feels like that now," I said quietly. "But we can fix this. We can figure out a way to make this right."
She let out a bitter laugh, the sound hollow and broken. "How? How do you fix something like this? My father… he never cared about me. He used me. He used Alexei. He ruined everything."
I clenched my jaw, anger flaring up inside me at the thought of that bastard—of how easily he'd manipulated her, how he'd twisted her into something she was never meant to be. "He'll pay for what he's done," I growled, my voice harder now. "But you don't have to carry this alone."
Her eyes flicked to mine, searching, unsure. "And what do you want, Nikita?" she asked, her voice barely more than a whisper. "What do you want me to do?"
I hesitated, my chest tightening as I looked at her. There were so many things I wanted—and I didn't know I wanted them until I saw Donovan destroy her world. It had all become so clear, so suddenly.
I wanted her to choose a life with me, away from all of this violence and manipulation. I wanted to give her a world where she didn't have to fight every second to survive. I wanted to protect her so that no one could ever hurt her like this ever again.
But I also knew that revenge was a powerful thing, and once it took hold, it was almost impossible to let go.
"I want you to decide what's right for you," I said slowly, carefully. "If you want to walk away from all of this—from him, from the past—I'll help you. We can leave this behind, start something new. But if you want revenge, if you want him to pay, then I'll stand by you. Whatever you decide, I'm with you."
Her brow furrowed, her lips parting slightly as she stared at me, like she couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. "You'd do that?" she asked, her voice laced with disbelief. "You'd risk everything for me?"
I reached out then, finally letting my hand settle on hers, feeling the tremor in her fingers as they twitched beneath mine. "I already have," I murmured, my voice low, almost a growl. "And I'll do it again if it means you'll be safe."
Her eyes searched mine, and for the first time since we had left her father's estate, I saw the flicker of something that wasn't pain or betrayal. It was something softer, something warmer. But it was fragile, tentative, like she was afraid to trust it.
"What if I don't know what I want?" she whispered, her voice so quiet I almost missed it.
I tightened my grip on her hand, my eyes locking onto hers, and spoke with an intensity that surprised even me. "Then we'll figure it out together."
The silence stretched between us again, but this time it wasn't suffocating. It was heavy with the weight of possibility, of choices that hadn't yet been made. I could see the conflict in her eyes, the way she was torn between two worlds—the world of vengeance that had driven her for so long and the life that could be waiting for her if she let go of the past.
"Just promise me one thing," I said quietly, leaning closer, my voice barely more than a whisper. "Whatever you choose… don't push me away."
Lily didn't respond immediately, her fingers still trembling under my grip. I could feel the war raging inside her, the weight of the choice I'd laid in front of her. But no matter what she decided, I already knew what had to be done. Nicholas Donovan was a threat that I couldn't ignore. He had orchestrated too much destruction, manipulated too many people—including Lily—and I wouldn't let him get away with it.
But I also knew that I couldn't let her be the one to end him. The thought of her being dragged deeper into this world, of her hands stained with more blood, made my chest tighten. She wasn't meant for this. And no matter what revenge she thought she needed, I had to make sure she didn't become the monster her father had tried to mold her into.
I looked at her, seeing the confusion and pain etched on her face, and it took everything in me to keep my own anger in check. I wanted to storm back to Donovan's estate, rip him apart for what he'd done to her, for how he'd twisted her life. But I had to be smart. I had to be careful. If I went after him without a plan, I risked everything—my empire, my men, and most importantly, her.
I leaned back slightly, my gaze still locked on hers, but my mind was already working through the details. Nicholas Donovan wasn't just a father who had betrayed his daughter—he was a businessman with powerful connections.
This would need to be precise, surgical. I couldn't let it become a war that bled into my world and hers. I had to eliminate him quietly, cleanly, before he had a chance to retaliate. And I couldn't risk Lily being part of that. Not after everything she'd already been through.
But she didn't need to know that yet. Not until I had everything in place.
I squeezed her hand gently, my voice softening. "You don't have to decide anything right now," I said, my tone careful. "Take your time. Process what you're feeling. We don't have to rush into anything."
She nodded, though I could see the doubt flickering in her eyes. She was still struggling, still torn between the need for justice and the pull of something softer—something that might finally offer her peace.
And I wanted to give her that peace. More than anything, I wanted to take this burden off her shoulders. But I knew her too well. If I didn't handle this the right way, she'd try to take matters into her own hands. And that was something I couldn't allow.
As she turned her gaze back to the window, lost in thought, I stood up slowly, my mind already racing with the next steps I needed to take.
"Get some rest," I told her, my voice steady. "I'll handle things from here."
Her eyes flicked back to mine, and I could see the hesitation in them—the uncertainty. She didn't trust herself anymore, didn't trust her own instincts after everything she had learned. And I understood that. But she needed to trust me. I'd make sure this ended the way it had to.
"I'm not sure if I can just… rest," she whispered, her voice fragile. "Not with everything hanging over us."
I stepped closer, my body moving against my will. I felt the overwhelming urge to comfort her, soothe her. I pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, my fingers brushing lightly against her cheek. "You've been carrying this for too long, Lily. Let me take it from here."
Lily touched where I kissed her, as if unsure it happened. She closed her eyes, and for a moment, I saw her shoulders relax, as if some of the weight had finally lifted. But I knew this wasn't over.