Chapter 29
Minutes pass. Slowly and cautiously, I sneak to the first row of barricades without being seen. By anyone who is still alive, that is.
I peek out from where I’m hidden, spotting a few scientists huddled around a vehicle with their shields raised. I suspect that they are still protecting the vehicle Kinsley is in.
From here, I don’t see Lowell.
Everyone is likely out of ammo.
I stand cautiously, testing if a bullet will hit me. But it never comes.
Walking down the center aisle with my weapon pointed at the ground, I approach Kinsley’s vehicle.
My gaze sweeps the ground for any traces of Lowell, but any identifying factors are impossible to spot through all the debris.
Instead, I find an abundance of bodies slumped in odd positions, unmoving. I can’t tell who’s who.
“Kinsley!” I call out.
My voice echoes down the aisle, the shielded scientists shifting in their steps.
“Kinsley!” I yell again. “I know you’re over there! I won’t shoot if you leave peacefully!”
More silence.
Why isn’t he retreating? He got what he wanted.
I slink closer, the sea of shields beginning to part for me as I close in. Behind them, a mess of deep-grey scales mixed with earthy tones of sand. Standing at the head of the body is Kinsley.
My throat constricts at the sight. The panic that only recently left my bloodstream fills me like parched soil on a rainy day, coursing through every vein at nauseating speeds.
Lowell is sprawled along the sand. Bullets puncture both his arms and chest, blood seeping out without a promise of stopping. His maw is filled with organic material, but what it was or used to be is no longer discernible.
His eyes flutter, on the brink of consciousness.
My eyes connect with Kinsley’s, his face almost unrecognizable through all the blood and ripped skin. His lips twitch in a smile, opening his arms as if requesting a hug.
“Well, look who came back,” he says, his voice coming out garbled, as if underwater. “I’m surprised you’re alive.”
I scoff. “Same to you.” My eyes flick down to Lowell. I notice his arms and legs are bound together with metal cuffs. “Still plan to return as a ‘hero’? You won’t be much of one when Nilsan realizes you sacrificed their workforce and abandoned basic rules.”
Kinsley jostles Lowell’s head with the tip of his boot, sighing.
“You think Nilsan gives a shit about these nobodies?” he laughs.
“I can make up whatever story I want and the board will eat it up. I can forge a ransom letter claiming that I had to bring supplies in exchange for your life, or that I was concerned about your lack of correspondence and acted without thinking.”
My breathing grows heavy, a seething fury gritting my teeth.
“I’m a well-respected figure, May. The worst I’d get is a slap on the wrist, and I can guarantee it won’t even make a damn difference in the ethics investigation, either,” he says, twirling his blood-crusted mustache between his fingers.
“I offered you the ability to join me and be someone and you turned me down like the antagonistic brat you are.”
Fists clench at my sides, gripping the hem of my shirt. “How could you be so stupid to think I’d agree to something like that? For all the grief you give me about my morals, you sure forget how much they meant to me.”
He exhales a scoff, shrugging. “Because I thought you’d be smart enough to take the deal.
Hell, if you shoot this damned lizard right now, I’ll still keep up my end,” he says with a shake of his head.
“It’d look better for me if you returned alive, anyhow.
They’ll be lenient on us both if you seem like a pitiful victim of torture. ”
“I don’t understand why you’re insistent on my compliance. I never took you as one to care.”
The laugh that bellows from his chest startles me. “It’s simple: You’re a useful tool,” he starts. “Nothing more than that. I came all this way, why not use you to my full advantage? I thought I already explained this to you.”
“I could expose you, you know.”
“No, you won’t,” Kinsley snorts. “Whistleblowers aren’t heroes in Nilsan, they’re liabilities. They’d send me to prison and ship you to some remote village so you don’t cause a stir within the city. You’d end up a bigger loser than me in the end.”
He’s right. That’s how it goes in Nilsan.
I realize that I don’t have any leverage in this situation. Kinsley is offering me a proposal, again, that will allow me some semblance of a normal life, but for the price of my allegiance. In the grand scheme of things, it’s not the worst I could do.
I raise my crossbow, pointing the tip between Lowell and Kinsley. “You said if I shoot Lowell, you’ll allow me back?” I ask. “Why?”
A cheeky smile pulls at Kinsley’s lips. “Think of it as a handshake — an agreement of terms. And it’ll show Nilsan that you fought with us.”
“Even if I shoot him, he won’t die from a single bolt. What are you planning to do with him?”
Using the heel of his boot, Kinsley grinds it into Lowell’s cheek. Lowell’s eyes open in terror, his pupils thin, and his neck muscles ripple.
“I fully intend to collect on the alive portion of the bounty, but a little torture could be fun, hmm?”
I look away as Kinsley stomps on Lowell’s head, laughing each time his boots connect to scales.
My heart squeezes, uncertainty freezing me still. “All I have to do is shoot him? Not kill him?”
Kinsley’s laugh grows louder, his expression wild. “If you want to put him out of his misery, go ahead. But you’ll owe me the bounty difference.”
The words put him out of his misery, coupled with the pitiful look on Lowell’s bloodied and bruised face, feel like stabbing pains in my chest.
Kinsley claps his hands together. “Alright, May, load up a good old piercing bolt and shoot this animal bastard. Don’t forget about my proposition for your promotion to ‘help the world’ or whatever it is you think you do.
” He beckons me over with his hand. “Isn’t this exciting?
We’re two traitors with an unspoken alliance, two accomplices who will end up extremely wealthy after the bounty. ”
He thinks he’s invincible. He’s not afraid of me at all.
“I’m not a traitor,” I state.
Kinsley raises a bushy eyebrow. “It’s a joke, May. Are you going to shoot the damn lizard or not?”
Before I can respond, soft, choking words fall from Lowell’s mouth. “Go with him,” he grunts, coughing between each word. “It’s over for us.”
“I—”
“This is the only way for you to go back,” Lowell cuts me off immediately, his eyes pleading. He coughs, blood splattering across his chest. “And I told you not to get involved. So thank the Goddess for this blessing and go.”
As stubborn as always.
I can’t stop the tears forming, frustration, anger, and sadness all hitting me at once.
Reluctantly, I replace the non-piercing bolt in my crossbow. The mechanical noise that had filled me with joy only moments ago now brings dread.
“It’s a bit ironic that Nilsan spends so much time and resources fighting Gaia 4 when domestic terrorists are already living within the bounds of the city,” I say more to myself than to Kinsley.
“Everyone is bad. You’re just a silly little idealist,” Kinsley sneers. “I am not the first, last, or only person who will go against Nilsan for the sake of money. You’re just slow to catch on.”
I shift my gaze to Lowell, my vision blurred from tears. Seeing him like this destroys me.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, my voice cracking. I bring the bolt tip to rest against the grey scales I’ve grown accustomed to. Something of a strange comfort.
I stare at Lowell, my heart feeling like it’ll explode with grief.
I don’t want to leave my life behind. Learning that there is more internal corruption than I’d initially suspected makes me want to gut Nilsan with even more conviction than before. But to do that, I’d have to align myself with someone truly vile.
Then again, if I let Kinsley go, my only other ally is someone equally as crazed.
I bite the inside of my cheek so hard it bleeds.
Lowell coughs, crimson coming out in chunks.
“Shoot me, kill me, whatever — just go back, please. I won’t be mad,” he begs, his voice gentle.
“Fight for the city you’ve poured your life into, avenge what is lost. You said you wanted to make change from the inside, and that can still happen and be true. ”
Lowell’s weak smile spears through any logical thoughts I have. I can’t think straight anymore.
“Yeah, that!” Kinsley cackles while flicking Lowell’s fleshy horns. “‘From prisoner to savior’ sounds pretty good, right?”
I can’t decide what to choose. The amount of free will I have with this single bolt is nauseating; No plan or rationale makes sense.
I don’t know what to do.
Nilsan itself isn’t evil, but what good is that if the people who make it up are? If I’m indebted to one? Can I even outsmart him? Does the end justify the means?
I can’t decide.
I don’t know.
What do I want?
“Shoot me, May. It’s over for Gaia 4,” Lowell pleads, again.
I hate the expression on his face. I no longer enjoy seeing him riddled with fear or pain. I agonize internally, my cheek splitting further by how hard I bite it.
When I can no longer trust my thoughts, there is only one thing I can listen to. One thing I’ve refused to acknowledge and thought of as a hindrance rather than an asset. Something I chastised Lowell for following, thinking it to be idiotic.
Instinct.
“You know what?” I start, lifting my crossbow to align the crosshairs.
Kinsley’s eyes widen, as do Lowell’s.
After decades of abiding by a strict decision-making process, I trust my first instinct. I choose what feels right in this moment, like an animal chasing a dopamine rush. I choose the option that will satisfy the desire that bubbles up in my chest without a second thought.
I finally understand why Grandma warned me against this type of life. Because of this feeling, maybe I have become a worse person, or maybe not. I’ll never know, but I don’t think I care.
“As someone once said to me—” I cannot stop my grin as I giggle. “Let me be selfish.”
The bolt releases from the string.