Epilogue #2
“Oh, behave. I’ve heard that threat before,” I rebut, kissing the flared nostrils of his snout. “Why can’t you just be satisfied with how things are?”
He releases me from his hold, dropping his hands to his side. I hate the emptiness the absence of his touch creates, and the longing for him that festers within me afterwards. I’ve grown dangerously accustomed to his constant touching, even when other Gaia 4 members are around.
I’ve been melting my ironclad walls for him for a while now, and it’s only a matter of time before I totally give in. The thought strangely excites me, my ears and chest turning red.
Rounding the log, Lowell sits next to me, his elbows resting on his knees. “Because there is no certainty you’ll stay, and I don’t like that. I want you to be bound to me with no way out. Only then will I be satisfied.”
“Even if I join, I could always leave. It’s no guarantee either way,” I say. By his expression, I realize that what I’ve said will in no way make him feel better.
Lowell’s tail sways behind us, smacking the bushes and scattering their leaves. He’s been doing that recently when he gets anxious, a new emotion he’s gained regarding our relationship.
“When I want something, I want it to be mine and mine alone, understand?” he says, an agitated growl building in his throat.
“I’m not an object, Lowell,” I rebuke.
His hands flex, muscles bulging. His tail stops, still. “Are you being defiant just to piss me off?”
I scrunch my face into a deep frown, a vein nearly bursting from my forehead.
“The last place I committed almost half of my life to was a literal hub for criminal activity. How can you not understand that I never want to permanently align myself with anything like that again? I’m not ready to be committed for a while. So, stop pushing me.”
Lowell recoils, his brows furrowed in offense. “I’m nothing like Nilsan. I’m hurt that you’d even say that.”
His softened expression quickly gets me to snuff out my fury, and I know he knows that that look of self-pity is my weakness. It pisses me off, but I can’t help it.
I scoff, crossing my arms with a pout. “I didn’t say you were like Nilsan. I’m just in no position to sign up for another organization for the rest of my life.”
I glance at him from the corner of my eye, urging him to tread carefully.
With anger simmering, Lowell bares his teeth. “So, what, you’ve got one foot out the door at all times then? How is that supposed to make me feel, huh?”
Sometimes I feel like he chooses not to understand me. Lowell always throws this in my face, as though I’d abandon him even after I gave up my entire life.
He really is such an idiot.
“Of course not! It’s more complicated than that,” I say, shaking my head profusely.
“I don’t see how. All it means to me is that you’ll always be looking for something better — a way out,” he snorts. “You don’t have a reason to stay.”
I throw my arms up into the air, my voice boiling to a shout. “If loving you is not enough, then what else is there?”
A silence falls between us.
Dammit.
Lowell’s tail starts to sway.
His mouth curls into a dopey smile, his pupils enlarged. “You love me?”
I slap my palms to my face, covering my rapidly boiling cheeks. My body curls into itself as if trying to disappear, embarrassment washing over me.
With a satisfied chuckle, Lowell leans forward, his face inches from mine. “I knew you’d say it first.”
“Just drop it,” I grumble, flustered. My heart is pounding so hard it may break a rib. “Forget I said anything.”
Lowell does not reply, but his deep, growling breaths grow louder with each second of silence.
I’d never told anyone other than Grandma that I loved them, and I’d never loved anyone else before. Although terrifying, the words that seemed scary now hang on my lips again like sweet syrup, begging me to take another taste.
I gingerly peek through my fingers when a full minute passes without Lowell’s response.
Bright amber eyes stare back at me. In them lies total, unfiltered elation.
“Say it again,” he whispers, saliva building in his maw.
I press my lips together shyly, lowering my hands.
“Say it again,” he demands, louder. His tongues wipe away the saliva, the corners of his mouth curved.
The fear of rejection nags at my chest, taunting and cold. I gather my courage, and without further hesitation, I release the words I’ve wanted to say for a long time.
“I love you, Lowell,” I begin, touching my hands to my reddening cheeks. “Even with your many, many, flaws…”
I gasp when Lowell pulls me towards him, crashing his mouth to mine to cut me off. He hums while licking at the seam of my lips feverishly, his hands hovering over my shoulders to hold himself back.
When we part, his expression is amorous and dripping with lust.
“You also love how I bend you over the dresser and rail you, right?” he jests. “Don’t forget that part.”
I roll my eyes so hard it makes my head spin. “Can’t you take anything seriously?” I say through a laugh.
His expression remains bratty, lips pursed and fleshy eyebrows askew. “Not until I know you’re mine.”
Little does he know, I already am. In more ways than one.
“Behave,” I say, flicking his nose.
Ever since I decided to stay, I’ve been happier than I ever thought possible.
When we aren’t on missions, I’ve been teaching Lowell the fundamentals of biology and chemistry to help him better understand our enemy.
He constantly complains about how “difficult” it all is, but I see the glimmer of excitement in his eyes when he recognizes something we’ve discussed, even though he gets more excited to destroy it.
Being a part of Gaia 4 has helped me understand why Grandma took the risks she did. I’ve often wondered if she’d be proud of me or not, but I tend not to dwell on it. I’ve made my own choices to become someone I’m happy with.
Lowell squeezes me tight, pulling me from my thoughts.
I rub my lips together, smiling. “If you get one thing through that hard head of yours, it should be that I don’t regret staying and have no intention of leaving any time soon. Or ever, for that matter.”
“Good, because the day you leave me is the day you die. I will never let you go,” he says, the timbre of his voice vibrating my skin.
His claws press into me as he pulls me closer, his lips hovering over mine.
“That being said, I’ve loved you since the first day you arrived at Gaia 4. Even if I didn’t know it, yet.”
“You sure had a cruel way of showing it,” I reply, pressing my body to his. The scales of his chest bring a comfort I’ve rarely ever known, enveloping me with ease.
“I make up for it now, don’t I?” Lowell breathes in my ear, peppering me with kisses. “But it’s no secret that you wouldn’t have fucked me if I weren’t cruel and psychotic.”
I can’t help but snicker. Because he’s right — I love his constant fulfillment of instincts, even if deranged. I’m trying to be more like that, too, to act as things come to me.
Lowell joins in with a deep laugh.
“Goddess, you’re such a damned idiot,” I say, groaning playfully.
He smirks, his fangs glinting in the sunset. “You’ve sure got a mouth on you. I should eat you.”
Drawing his mouth to mine, I breathe him in with a whisper of a kiss.
“You still can,” I say, trailing a finger down his neck. The scales quiver beneath me, his Adam’s apple bobbing with a hard swallow.
“We can catch dinner later, yeah?” I ask, looking up at him through my eyelashes.
His eyes pin with aroused excitement, his grip tightening as he stands from where we’re sitting, tossing my crossbow and sling over his shoulders.
He’s nearly drooling when he scoops me up in his arms bridal style, fingers kneading my thighs and breasts.
“As you wish, sweetheart,” he says, licking my jawline.
The moon ascends to its peak in the sky, casting its light along Lowell’s brilliant pattern and coloring in a soft glow. When he flicks his gaze down to catch me staring, my heart stutters.
Without a word, he dips his head to press a soft kiss to my lips. I can feel the desire radiating from him as he brings us to our tent, whispering expletives of what he wants to do to me in my ear.
I melt in his arms, a giddy smile on my face, a warmth tingling in my heart.
Goddess, what a fool I’ve become for him.
END.