Get in My Head
S o, it appears this is a hobby I can’t stay away from. I’m still supposed to be on a break, and during this break, I met some short-term personal goals. I taught my daughter how to read (at a very basic level) and closed some cognitive gaps that she has, so 2024 was a great year for me in that respect.
But then December came around, and I was on holiday for a full month. It pissed with rain almost every day, so I couldn’t really do much, and this idea that I’ve had for a about three years now started consuming my every thought. So, eventually, I caved and dove straight into writing this.
Now, when I first started, I kind of had this challenge for myself that I was going to try doing something a little dark . The reason I wanted to go a little dark this time was because I really wanted to write an alpha male. This is my tenth book, and I’ve tried a few times now to get that broody, hostile alpha male. And I’ve failed hopelessly every time I’ve tried. Including this time.
This book started off just fine, and I was so proud of myself because I was three chapters in, and I was keeping the theme dark . But then Corey came on the scene, and the whole thing fell apart. And after Katelyn’s first interaction with Alex, I gave up and accepted that I’m just not that kind of author. Hopefully, you still enjoyed the ride as much as I did.
I was a little disappointed because I didn’t cry while writing this book. But I decided that if I couldn’t pull those heavy-hearted emotions out of the reader, then I’d have to pull out all the other emotions. Panic. Fear. Stress. Betrayal. With a tiny smidge of my usual corny humor. But that wasn’t the only thing different about this one. I love a slow-burn, and this book flew at break-neck speed for me. There were a lot of things that were entirely new for me, and I’ll admit, I struggled at times to find my footing.
Trying to get all that right while being out of my comfort zone gave me a different sort of challenge, and that challenge made this book so much fun to write. I learned a lot, too. For example, I learned how to hot wire cars as well as how to make smoke bombs and chloroform. I was scared that all my internet searches and research were going to get me in trouble, but I’m glad to report that the authorities have not knocked down my door yet.
So, usually when I write a book, I see a short emotional scene (someone is usually crying) and then I start analyzing the context and build the story to get to that one scene. This one was different because there was no crying, just lust. I saw this girl chained to a bed and the guy coming over her in the dark, telling her to be quiet. The handcuffs told me she wasn’t there willingly, and then I built the whole story to lead to that particular moment. I had to figure out how I was going to get her to fall for her captor.
I know I said in a previous book that I was done with actual plotlines because I suck at it, but I needed to break my promise because I so desperately wanted these two to have their story.
I’ve also said that I enjoy being as surprised as the readers, so I didn’t plan too much. All I did was flesh out Victor’s involvement, then I gave myself a two-to-three-week timeline and dove straight in. I knew there were certain things I had to orchestrate, but for the most part, I just allowed them to write their own story to see how it would unfold.
I loved Katelyn’s goofiness and how it contrasted with Alex’s seriousness. They were so cute together at times that I forgot this was supposed to be dark. In all my books, the male lead will get some or other characteristic of my husband. I don’t mean to do it, but I’ve been with this guy for twenty-four years. I know nothing else, so one or more of his habits will creep into my books somehow.
Scott got his persistence and how he works so hard to earn forgiveness. Dylan got his calmness and dry sarcasm during volatile arguments. Peter got his amazing dad skills. But Alex...Alex got his reaction to bad jokes. That is literally how my husband reacts to my jokes, and unlike Katelyn, I actually make damn good jokes. But my douche of a husband will refuse to smile just to piss me off. That’s why I had to take a subtle jab at him. He constantly tells me he has a girth certificate, hence the joke Katelyn made about having a mirth certificate. Just like Alex, his sense of humor also had a stroke when I let him read that.
And it’s weird because my husband’s name is Jon, and I honestly didn’t even pick up on that until midway through the book. Speaking of his name, I actually had some trouble choosing a name. I’ve wanted to use Alexander for a long time because I love that name. When I wrote It Just Had To Be You, I wanted the next story in the series to be about Cat’s sister, Isabella, and I was going to write a fake-dating romance with her and a guy named Alejandro, and she’d be cute and call him Alex. That idea went off the rails because she went for Dylan instead, so I didn’t get to use the trope or the name. Well, I kinda threw it in as her dad’s name somewhere in book 2.
Then when I started writing this one, I thought I could use Alex again, but in my head, I kept hearing Victor calling him Johnny, and I really liked that. It had a nice ring to it. Don’t judge. Johnny Dangerously was my favorite movie growing up. I couldn’t decide between Alex and John, so I just thought of a way to use both. Bet you thought I was a little deeper than that, that it was all part of the plot. But no. I gave that whole background story just to use two names. And in all honesty, I loved how it ended up playing out and him settling on John Alexander as his name at the end.
Now, when I thought about the basic storyline, I only sort of planned until she got kidnapped. I had no idea how I was actually going to get her out or what was going to happen, and what I enjoyed most was watching how Katelyn handled the situation. I thought she’d be a damsel in distress and Alex would end up saving her, so I was pleasantly surprised that she saved herself and then also ended up saving him. If you know anything about me, you know that I’m a huge nerd, so it was also a huge plus to write for Katelyn, because the nerdy, goofy girl is so relatable to me. And that goofiness was so well received by Alex. I really loved the softer moments they shared together.
But all in all, this book was an experience I thoroughly enjoyed. I’m not sure if I’d try something like this again. I felt so out of my element the entire time, so I’m not sure I’d put myself through that again, especially because I didn’t even achieve the one goal I set, which was for it to be dark. I just have a weakness for the gentler, sweeter kind of guy.
Which brings me to my next point. Now that I’ve accepted that I can’t write an alpha male, I think I might lean into that, and try writing another story with the nerdy, slightly awkward guy. I tried it with Wanting to Remember , but most readers don’t necessarily like that kind of MC, so I’ve steered away from that. BUT my boy Zayn has already got under my skin, and I’m really considering giving him his own book. I just don’t know what his story is yet. I still want to do the fake-dating trope, but I don’t know if it would suit his personality. But that’s something I need to ponder. I then also need another gap in my schedule to even write it. So, I can’t promise anything, but I will try to give him some attention when I have a bit of time.
For now, that’s it from me. Until we meet again, stay safe and take care of yourself.