28. Sienna
SIENNA
“ D id you enjoy your little outing today?” Nikolai asks, his accent thicker, clearly broadcasting his annoyance and displeasure. He’s been moody ever since we left the penthouse.
I sit across from him in the back seat of the car, the screen between us and the driver closed.
I cross my legs and fold my arms over my chest, my hand lifting to the snake necklace he immediately put back on me when the photo shoot wrapped.
I still don’t have it in me to believe it actually has an explosive device in it.
“I did, actually. It was fun. Ria took a chance, though, since she agreed to it without my approval,” I say. “She’s always been able to pull off things like that.”
I’d felt like I was in a dream, going back to what I love with a bittersweet appreciation.
Because I do love it. I don’t think I’ll ever stop modeling, but this time I noticed a handful of new faces.
Younger faces. Ones talking about my public breakup.
And it irks me, knowing people are still fucking talking about it.
I can love the modeling industry, but maybe I don’t have to be as involved as I once was.
“Get on your knees,” Nikolai orders, and I jerk to attention, my gaze snapping to his. “Did you think you would go unpunished? I told you no to leaving the penthouse.”
I smirk at him. “Let’s make a new arrangement.”
“There’s no arrangement to be made here, mishka .”
“Oh, but there is,” I insist, leaning forward. “If you want me on my knees, sucking your cock and swallowing your cum, you’ll at least hear me out.” A growl rumbles in his throat, and I love the power I have over him. How responsive he is to me. It’s pure, heated, carnal need.
Nothing I say or do will ever shock him, yet every small drop I’m willing to give him, he’ll lap up within seconds. I don’t feel secondary to him or like I have to prove myself.
Nikolai’s eyes set ablaze when he looks at me, drawing out something far baser within me. Something I’ve come to enjoy exploring.
“Tomorrow, we go shopping,” I demand in a seductive tone.
“No.”
I drop to my knees in front of him, splaying my hands on his knees and then dragging my freshly manicured nails up over his thighs. His hard cock presses against his pants, and my mouth waters, wanting this as much as he does. I love making this man crumble beneath my touch.
I don’t feel like I have to be restrained or refined with him. I can simply be … me.
“Tell me I’m not just a prisoner to you,” I say boldly. I need to hear it. To know this magnetic pull I feel between us isn’t just my imagination.
His gaze narrows as he leans in. “I’m not where you should be looking for affirmation or promises, mishka .” He says it matter-of-factly. There it is again—the way he tries to push me away with his words when his body is drawn to mine by the same desperate need I feel.
“That’s not what I’m asking for,” I bite back. He knows that’s not what I want.
“Don’t be upset when I don’t give you the answer you want to hear.” His voice is low and rough, captivating. A wave of liquid warmth floods between my legs.
“I want the truth,” I whisper as his lips hover close to mine. Soon, all of this will be behind us. I may not ever see him again. And the thought of that…
My nails dig into his thighs. I want to claim him desperately, even when he tries to push me away with his words.
Nikolai leans in a little bit more, his lips brushing against mine, and he forces his tongue inside my mouth demandingly. I open to him, feeling words unsaid, and the passion that brings my heart to life. He kisses me slowly and thoroughly, as if savoring every lick and touch.
Tingles race along my skin, and as I sit back on my ankles, I realize I would let this man consume me. Not because I’ve been in the habit of giving myself wholly to a man, but because this man has shown me, in the most preposterous ways, how to live.
His lips break from mine. “You are marvelous, mishka . A sight to behold, and a woman with fire in her eyes,” he says. “You are no one’s doll. But you and I both know our time is limited. I am chained to my life as much as you are to yours.”
“But my friends have made it work with their partners, and?—”
He shakes his head, and I feel my heart crack, unsure as to when I began to get ahead of myself.
Of course this couldn’t work. Perhaps it’s the thrill of someone like Nikolai—an uncontrolled beast who doesn’t give in to the vanity of my world—that had me building a dream where we could be together.
If nothing else, at least this time with him has shown me that I’m more than I thought I was.
And I tuck that away in my heart, this gift he’s given me. He’s like no other man I’ve known, breaking me from the inside out in a way I never knew I needed. If only to remind me that I’m in control of my life. That I can still change it even now.
“I don’t want this to be meaningless,” I say quietly, honestly. “When Michael—” I immediately close my mouth, a flood of guilt coming over me as I almost compare him to my ex. Because Michael now seems like a distant memory, nothing like this thing I have with Nikolai.
Nikolai grabs my jaw painfully hard, as if forcing me out of that sinking guilt, and I look up at him. “I don’t want that asshole’s name on your lips while you’re on your knees, begging to suck my cock.”
There’s pure jealousy in his gaze, and it stirs something in my stomach. Pleasure. His possessive jealousy burns, making me feel like the most desired thing in the world.
I shoot him a mischievous smile, aware of my shortcomings but no longer wanting to hide away from them. “I never recalled begging.”
“Then perhaps I haven’t taught you well enough,” he growls, and I wink at him as I unzip his pants, the pound between my thighs screaming for attention despite how bruised my pussy is from last night.
I undoubtedly enjoy watching this man’s stoic demeanor splinter. The moment I wrap my lips around his cock, he releases a strangled curse in Russian, and the world fades around us.
I find myself getting lost in him. Not because I have to. Not because it’ll make me a good woman, fiancée, or wife. But because I enjoy it. Nikolai has no expectation of me, other than for me to be myself. And it’s hard to not envision what that might look like without constraints .
I just need to enjoy this while I have it—instead of trying to control it.
“Fuck, mishka ,” he pants as I suck him. I bob my head up and down, gently scraping my teeth along his shaft, and am rewarded with the twitch of his cock. “Those fucking lips.”
More. I need more. I take him to the back of my throat as I continue sucking at a torturous pace. My hand wraps around his wrist, right over his jade bracelet, for support as I choke on his cock, tears springing to my eyes.
“Fuck.” He jerks in my mouth, and his cum hits my tongue. I swallow gulp after gulp, and when I’ve gotten every drop, I pull off and wipe my lips in satisfaction. His eyes blaze as he says, “These fucking lips will be the death of me, mishka .”
I adjust my hair, repositioning my loose ponytail. “To think you once couldn’t stand these lips.”
He pulls me in by the nape of the neck. “Never disliked, mishka . I just knew you would be my undoing.”
My heart pinches at that statement. There’s something exceptionally difficult to place with Nikolai. Everything he says feels like the absolute truth, even when he constantly reiterates that this will soon come to an end.
“I’m sure you’ve been with plenty of women who have gotten you off.” I’m surprised at the spring of jealousy when it slips from my mouth .
“Very few whose names I can recall or faces I’ve ever wanted to remember.” But when he looks at me, as if he’s memorizing each line and feature, I can see it isn’t just me who’s been pulled into this obsession.
The car comes to a stop, reminding us where we are. He tucks his cock back into his pants, and I adjust the lime-green pantsuit I’d been gifted from the photo shoot.
Nikolai steps out of the car first, quickly offering his hand to help me out. I slip my hand into his. This simple action has always felt different with Nikolai. That the moment our hands touch, he’s with me and won’t let go. That he’s scanning our surroundings out of a desire to keep me protected.
Yet that small, cynical, mostly-logical voice in the back of my mind asks me if it’s only because he’s been tasked to do so.
But when I look up at him, the corner of his mouth is curled in the hint of a smile, displaying his amusement at the shenanigans that just transpired in the car, and I can’t hide my answering grin.
Then someone calls my name.
My head whips in the direction of the voice, and my heart stalls.
“F-Father.”
And, suddenly, this make-believe world, and the subtle transition back into my life I was hoping for is quickly swept out from beneath my feet.