Chapter 36
Diego
“Gage, no!”
I’ve been searching all over the compound for him. All I found–until now–were missing liquor bottles. Now?
Now he’s in the gym, sprawled in the far corner … with a gun in hand.
Granted, he’s so fucking wasted I doubt he could summon the dexterity to pull the trigger, but that’s beside the point.
Sprinting across the gym, I snatch the weapon from Gage’s limp hand and disarm it before either of us gets hurt. “What the fuck are you thinking, jefe? You could’ve killed yourself.”
Gage hiccups and wipes his chin. “Eh. Doesn’ madder. ‘M nothing.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“‘M not jefe anymore. ‘M not your boss, not anyone’s boss. ‘M just … me.”
Manic laughter bubbles out of him, interspersed with more hiccups. His hair is disheveled, as are his clothes, and his eyes are so red, I can’t tell if it’s from the alcohol or from crying. Maybe a bit of both.
I squat down to his level and tip his chin up. “You’ll always be mi jefe. Nothing’s going to change that.”
“Auryn’s jefe now. She’s the boss.”
Oh! So that’s what this is. Someone’s feeling usurped.
I suppose it makes sense. Em and I fell in line right away when we got here, but Auryn’s always pushed back. She doesn’t just submit, and that must be hard on Gage.
“I don’t know if she’s your boss, but she’s not my boss. You are, Gage. Always have been, always will be.”
“It’s just gonna be us, then. This pack’s splitting apart. I can’t keep them. I don’t know how.”
Gage tips back an empty bottle, then scowls. “Fuck. I need more.”
Taking the bottle from him, I slide his arm over my shoulder and help him to his feet. “You don’t need more, Gage. You need a cold shower. Ice cold. Then some food, because I suspect I’m looking at the remnants of your last ‘meal’ right here.”
“Huh? I didn’t eat anything.”
“Exactly. You need something solid in your stomach. Come on, hermano. To the showers.”
Gage’s head lolls onto my shoulder. I’m not quite as tall as he is, so the resulting angle looks quite uncomfortable. “I don’t wanna take a shower. Wanna drink more.”
“You are cut off, Gage.”
“You’re no fun.”
“Yeah, well,”
I say as we stumble down the hall together, “I learned from the best.”
A huge, hulking alpha is hard to undress when he’s limp and uncooperative. After it takes ten full minutes to wrestle his shirt off, I toss him under the stream, pants and all. We don’t have time for messing around.
Gage sputters and flails, then collapses on his side. He doesn’t even reach for the soap and washcloth I toss at him, so I grit my teeth and dive in with him. The frigid waters don’t feel quite so refreshing when I’m neither drunk nor horny, but someone’s gotta make sure this man gets cleaned up.
The whole time I’m bathing his torso, Gage mutters nonsense about the pack splitting up, about losing his alpha status, about never amounting to anything in his life. Olly’s revelation that our Auryn is a hybrid seems to have gotten under his skin more than anyone could have predicted, and while I feel sorry for him, I’m also slightly annoyed that he’s not cooperating.
“Pants off, hermano. Strip.”
He fumbles with the fly for a few minutes before snarling and ripping the wet denim clean off.
Gage might not think he’s an alpha anymore, but he’s still got alpha strength.
I start cleaning his lower half, and he tries to kiss me. I dodge and deflect, mainly because I know he’s nowhere near sober yet, but also because he’s seeking validation, not love.
He’s not really after what I’d like to show him.
Once he’s clean, I turn off the water and grab some towels for us. Again, Gage makes advances, and again I do my best to let him down easy. “Gage, please. Let’s just get to the kitchen, hm? Get you some eggs.”
I pull out two robes and give him one, taking the other for myself since my clothes got drenched.
“Huevos … huevos …”
“Sí, hermano, huevos.”
“I love your eggs,”
he says, nuzzling my neck as we walk down the hall towards the kitchen.
Gage doesn’t let up the whole time I’m cooking his eggs. He keeps sliding his hands inside my robe, which makes his dinner take extra long. I’m patient with him for as long as I can stand it, until–
“Gage, stop!”
He jumps back into the table, nearly knocking it over. An unreadable expression crosses his face before he crumples to the floor.
“I knew it. Nobody wants me anymore.”
“Gage–”
“There’s a new alpha, and she’s strong and pretty and female, and I have nothing.”
Not this again.
I slide his eggs onto a plate, pick up a fork, and kneel in front of him. “Eat. Now.”
“No.”
He pushes the plate away.
Madre de– “Gage, eat something. Please.”
“I don’t want–”
“Damnit, Gage, I love you! I’m trying to take care of you. Now fucking eat this food I cooked for you before I smack you into next Tuesday!”
His jaw hangs slack as I shove the plate at him again. This time, he doesn’t push it away or try to tell me “no.”
He takes the plate as though it’s more delicate than the eggshells I broke for the meal. Gage looks back and forth from the food to me, and for a second, when I see fresh tears brimming in his blue eyes, I worry he’s about to spiral again.
“You … love me?”
“How can you ask that? Of course I do.”
“You don’t love Auryn?”
I blink in confusion. “I can’t love you both?”
Gage looks even more confused than I feel. “Love us both?”
Realization dawns in me as I finally see past his “woe is me”
whining to the root of the cause for this mess.
My poor Gage doesn’t just think he’s losing his alpha status in the pack; he thinks he’s losing us. He doesn’t understand how we can love more than one alpha, be loyal to more than one alpha. More than that, he doesn’t recognize his own worth to us. Gage has risked his life for each of us more times than I can count. He’s fiercely protective of his people, and I have no doubt that if any of us were in trouble–Auryn included–he’d be the first to jump in.
Rather than try to get him up, I sit next to him under the table. He continues to stare in wonder, and I nudge him to get him to eat a few bites. By the time I’m satisfied that he’ll finish, I finally think I’ve got the right words to help him.
“Gage, mi corazón, you mean more to me than you can imagine. I have always loved you, alpha or not, and I will always love you. Auryn’s presence does not diminish that, nor does her being an alpha. I am yours, amor, and I will always be yours. Does that mean I don’t love Auryn? No. Of course not. I love Emmett, too, and even Olly. Somos familia. You don’t leave family behind because a new family member comes along. You allow the new member in, and you let your family grow.”
The fork clatters on the plate as Gage finishes his last bite.
“Better?” I ask.
“Yeah,”
he says, his voice now clearer and stronger. “I guess. But how do we know if Em and Olly feel the same way? What about Auryn? She might not want me, knowing she’s an alpha in her own right.”
I wrap an arm around his shoulders and lean close. “Did you ever think that maybe she’s worried you don’t want her now that she’s not a full omega?”
“Huh?”
“Gage, you flat-out asked if she can get pregnant as an alpha. In her eyes, you might not want her for a mate if she can’t give you children. Why else do you think she stormed off?”
He drops his head into his hands. “Oh, fuck! I’m an idiot.”
“Sí, I agree. But I don’t think it’s the end of the world. I don’t even think it’s the end of this pack. I think you can still mend things.”
“How?”
“Talk to her, Gage. Tell her how you feel.”
“You don’t think she left?”
I belt out a laugh. “Gage, that woman wouldn’t leave here just because you put your foot in your mouth. For one thing, we’ve given her the first real home she’s had in who knows how long. For another, Em’s still too injured to go fight Sneed, so she has no reason to run off there yet.”
I pat his shoulder and help him up. “Come on. Most likely she’s in Grand Central Station.”
“Grand Central–?”
“The nest, jefe. That place gets more action these days than even the kitchen.”