32
Flowers or chocolates
Andrey
I didn't like it.
Something was happening that I was missing, and I wasn't sure what it was. Since we entered the restaurant, I had been turning everything over in my mind, and I couldn't shake the feeling that I was missing something important.
The Chinese were too calm. No one who messes with the Bratva and the 'Ndrangheta can be calm, unless they had an ace up their sleeve, and if that was the case, what kind of card was it that made them so steady?
According to Huang, Cheng was acting on his own, and his father was unaware of most of his activities. Not even of Nikita's kidnapping, which Huang claimed, when he accompanied us upstairs, to be unaware of.
Either he was a professional liar, or he was telling the truth, because his face showed no hesitation.
R was still suspicious, Koroleva was still suspicious, Aleksa was still suspicious, and my suspicion was the size of a damned shell.
As soon as we left, Romeo wanted to go see the men at the hospital. He received a call from Segarra asking about what had happened, as it had caught him in the middle of his shift. The cops wanted to question him and asked him to stop by the station. Aleksa told him he would take care of going to the hospital to check on the guys and question them again. My boss asked me to accompany him and said that when we were done, I could sleep at her place if there was no room at the guys' place. She added a "be careful" that gave me a chill, I asked the same of her and earned a squeeze of her hand on my forearm.
At the hospital were the men who had suffered multiple traumas and the most serious injuries. The others were discharged. We could only talk to three, the other two were sedated, including the guy Aleksa attended to and who, finally, had to have his arm amputated. No one seemed to have seen anything strange.
The nurse interrupted us in the last interrogation and kicked us out, claiming that the patients needed to rest.
Aleksa's fist embedded itself in the hallway wall as soon as we left the room.
"Fucking hell!" he exclaimed, resting his forehead against the plaster that was supposed to be white but looked yellowish.
Three men had died, those closest to the vehicles. Whoever had attacked us had meant to do harm.
"When your men fall, it's fucking shit," I admitted, leaning against the wall beside him. I didn't like seeing him suffer. Especially because I knew how he felt.
"They were more Dante's men than mine," he pointed out. "He led the Angeli dall'inferno."
"Even so, you knew them all, it's logical that it affects you."
"These men are my family; I've lived among them for many years."
"I also lost many of mine, in a different way, in combat, before entering Koroleva's service. It was very hard."
"In war, no one wins, both sides lose. Only those at the top, watching from their very expensive chairs, savoring liquors unattainable for most, enjoy the game."
"True," I corroborated, "they fill their mouths with 'for your country,' 'for your homeland,' 'for your family,' and omit the 'to see who has the biggest dick.' That's why I accepted what Koroleva offered me, she didn't lie to me."
Aleksa nodded.
"Do you mind if we go for some beers and keep talking while we eat something? I need them." I was tempted to say no, because it wasn't a good idea for the two of us to be alone. But I knew exactly what might be going through his head and I couldn't refuse when he needed me so much. I hadn't been by his side with Dante, and he deserved to feel someone's support. "Forget it, I don't want charity," he sighed when he saw I didn't respond immediately.
"Sorry. I got lost in thought. Let's go, I'll join you."
We went to a food truck that served beers and hot dogs. Aleksa said it was the best place for tasty junk food. The huge sandwiches were seasoned with ketchup, mustard, pickles, and crispy onions. We sat on a wooden bench to dig in. The place was already closing; we were the last customers, and in no time, we were alone, devouring our improvised dinner in silence.
I didn't like seeing Aleksa so down, I wanted to pull him out of the loop, but it was he who asked the question that brought me back to the present.
"Do you think Huang told the truth?"
"It didn't seem like he was lying," I replied, breaking the prevailing silence.
"Neither did I, and that worries me."
He took half the hot dog in one bite. I imitated him and washed it down with a few sips of beer.
“What do you think about the Vitale? Do you think Don Giuliano might have a reason to want to take down his brother-in-law and make it look like an affront from the Chinese?” Aleksa suggested.
“Don Giuliano is a bastard, but the 'Ndrangheta operates differently. No, I don't think he's behind it.”
“Revenge from some enemy?” I insisted.
“We have enemies, but none so suicidal. The only mafia with enough power and balls to go against us is your boss’s.”
“Are you implying that…”
“I’m not implying. I’m stating what I know, and she is the only one who could have enough reasons to want to end the Capulet empire. She always wanted her piece of the pie.”
“Koroleva is not behind this.”
“That’s what you say. All I know is she was riding R’s bike, which wasn’t damaged. They diverted and arrived just as the others were blowing up. Coincidence or remote control? The person who did it had to be nearby.”
I slammed my beer down on the table and faced him.
“I’m telling you she didn’t do it; you are son of a bitch!” He looked at me, narrowing his eyes.
“And you know this because…?” he inquired with suspicion.
“Because I do.”
“What a crappy argument.”
“Our bike wasn’t affected either.”
“Maybe because your ass was on it.”
“Before, I wasn’t riding with you, remember? The bike of the guy I was with also blew up.”
“Maybe you matter less to your dear boss than you think.”
“Son of a bitch!” I shouted, wanting to strangle him.
“Watch your mouth…” he murmured, wiping away some sauce from the corner of my lip and bringing his thumb to his tongue. My fly tightened.
I pulled back as if burned. A sarcastic smile appeared on his face.
“Why do you defend her so much, besides because she pays you?”
I kicked a forgotten stone.
“She rescued me in my lowest moments,” I responded, unable to hide the shame it caused me.
“She rescued you?” I nodded and sat back down at the table to take a long swig from the bottle.
If Aleksa knew Koroleva as well as I did, he wouldn’t distrust her either. Maybe it was time for him to get to know her a bit better.
“It was some time after I left the army, when I was nothing more than a wreck full of regrets. I don’t even know why I was still alive; every day, I made an effort for some bastard to kill me. The problem was my shitty military instinct didn’t allow me to die under just anyone’s fists.”
“Why did you want to die?” His curiosity had shifted from my boss to me.
I had replayed that conversation on the plane a thousand times. I knew if I wanted to start fresh with Aleksa, he deserved to know what kind of man I was. When you ask someone to enter your hell, they first need to socialize with your demons.
“Because from the time he died until Koroleva came into my life, I had to forgive myself for living every day.”
“Who died?” he asked cautiously. I raised my eyes to meet his.
“The only man I’ve ever loved in my life.” The “until now” that should have finished the sentence got stuck in my throat. My throat turned into a desert as I submerged in the ocean of thirst that his eyes were.
“I had no idea.”
“You didn’t need to know. It’s not something I tell just anyone.” He averted his gaze and finished his sandwich with an offended air. Two sentences, two screw-ups, I was racking up points. “I didn’t mean you’re just anyone. I’m not good at these kinds of conversations; that’s why I prefer not to talk.”
I stood up and turned my back on him. I breathed deeply several times, seeking confidence in the rehearsed conversation.
“How did he die?”
“He was a member of my squadron; we were captured and they slit his throat in front of me. I couldn’t do anything… Nothing, just watch him die, accompany him with my eyes until the last gurgle of blood announced his death. I still dream about it, the impotence that shook every one of my bones, the horror of staying alive while he was forced to leave.”
Two arms wrapped around my body, drawing me close to the warmth I had missed so much.
“It must have been really fucked up.” I didn’t push him away; I couldn’t, I needed him too much.
“It was,” I sighed, letting him comfort me. It wasn’t a sexual touch but one of consolation, the kind that says, “Hey, I’m here and you can tell me.” It had been a long time since I’d received one of those.
“I’ve never fallen in love,” he confessed, and his words coiled around the base of my spine. “Well, I thought I liked a guy, but he ran away when I tried to open up and tell him I believed in us. It took me a hell of a lot to admit it, and he suggested it was better for each of us to go our own way. Apparently, I wasn’t enough.” His words churned the whirlpool of emotions I felt for Aleksa, strangling me under his grip. I had heard it from outside, as if it had nothing to do with me; the “what an idiot” slipped out on its own.
"Quite a lot, actually."
"I imagine you don't want anything to do with that bastard anymore," I questioned, my pulse accelerating helplessly.
"Things aren’t that simple. Not when you start feeling something you’ve never felt for someone else, no matter how obtuse, taciturn, and stiff they are. Still, he's going to have to work for it if he wants me to look at him the same way again."
I bit back the smile that wanted to emerge on my lips along with the hope that all wasn't lost.
"That seems fair."
He stopped hugging me, and I felt empty. I wanted to feel him, touch him, kiss him, fuck him against any surface. I turned around and anchored my gaze to his, with the intensity of a kiss that encompasses thousands of silences.
He backed up and, with a leap, settled on the table. He had unzipped his jacket because it was hot, and some drops of sweat ran down his tense abdomen. I wanted to run my tongue over them, savor him in my mouth and in my soul.
Neither of us broke the visual contact that held us. I had to make a decision. If I wanted to play with fire, I couldn't be afraid of burns. If I wanted to swim in pleasure, I couldn't be terrified of drowning. I wanted to die again, but this time from the pleasure his lips on my body would produce.
My feet walked in his direction, and I planted myself in front of him. At another time, Aleksa would have pulled me to his mouth with the hunger reflected in his eyes. However, he wasn’t going to move, he wasn't going to, he had made it clear where he stood, and I had to decide if I wanted to go for him.
I had no idea what it would take to correct my mistakes and conquer a guy like Aleksa. He wasn't one for sweet words or hearts. I didn’t even know how to approach him, damn it!
"What are you thinking about?" he asked, tilting his head. I ran a hand behind my neck, somewhat embarrassed by what I was going to confess.
"Whether you're more into flowers or chocolates..." Aleksa couldn't contain his laughter.
"I’ve always been more into cocks, love taking them in my mouth," he said, raising his eyebrows. And I felt my face heat up.
He laughed again.
"Russian, are you blushing?" I took two more steps and positioned myself between his legs, fearful of screwing it up again.
"It's just that I don't know what to do, my thing is weapons and killing people. I don’t want to mess up more than I already have with you, I don't know if I can give you what you want. I'm not good at romance; I'm not even good at relationships or friends. Maybe it’s best I step back and you try to have something with álvaro. I won't blame you, I doubt I’d want anything to do with myself."
I went to pull away, but Aleksa’s long legs wrapped around my waist, eliminating the little space left between us.
"Oh, shut up and kiss me already."