Chapter 8
Chapter
Eight
Devon stared at the pregnancy test, the little plus sign coming up for the second time. He always advised his clients to take two because that way a false positive or negative would probably be corrected in the second test.
So he was totally pregnant. Totally. And he had to find a few of the words he thought about last time they were together, whatever it was he wanted to say. He had to think of a way to explain this situation by saying them tonight.
And by tonight, he meant in the next hour, because Laird was on his way over, and he had some explaining to do.
He started cleaning the front room. It was a little ridiculous, but he had a sinking suspicion that Laird was going to run screaming into the night.
Devon couldn’t blame him.
So he wanted the house to be clean anyway. It made him feel better when things were where they were supposed to be. Order and all that.
The whole cleaning situation managed to keep him busy until the doorbell rang. And then he surprised himself by bursting into tears, which he managed to tamp down quickly.
God, he couldn’t cry like that.
This was about logic.
Explaining the situation.
He’d been on birth control.
He hadn’t lied.
Obviously, things have gotten out of hand, and now there was a baby. It wasn’t the end of the world, after all. It happened to the best of them.
He went to the door and opened it, offering Laird, hopefully, a confident smile.
Laird, on the other hand, kissed him hard on the mouth and beamed at him. “Hey, babe! How’s it going?”
“It’s going,” he answered. “How was work?”
“It was very worky. I enjoyed it for the most part.” Laird smiled at him, came in and set his overnight bag down. “Where did you want to go tonight?”
“To be perfectly honest, I think you and I have to talk before we go out because I have… I think maybe once we do, maybe you won’t want to talk to me anymore.”
Laird’s expression turned serious. “Okay, well that’s concerning, but I’m going to choose to believe I would want to talk to you no matter what, so lay it on me. What’s wrong?”
He wasn’t sure actually how he was supposed to put this. He didn’t know how to say what needed to be said, and so he just opened his mouth and said it.
“I’m pregnant.”
Laird blinked at him like a giant, unnerved owl. “Come again?”
“You heard me, I’m pregnant.”
Laird blinked one more time. “You’re sure?”
Seriously? Laird had asked him that? “I’m a goddamn accoucheur, Laird. I’m pretty motherfucking sure.”
Oh, that was a tad more harsh than he had intended.
“Okay, all right, I hear you. I’m sorry.” Laird offered him a little smile. “I’m not sure what exactly you want—”
Devon held up one hand. “Before you start, I would just like to say I realize this was not on your long-term plan, and I want to assure you I’m not asking you for anything.
I am fully aware that we have vastly different lives, and I am not asking for any kind of support or any sort of, well, anything.
If you’re interested in co-parenting, I’m totally happy to talk about that with you, but if you’re not, I understand completely.
This is a very serious situation, and I just want you to know I totally understand, and I take responsibility for my actions. ”
Now Laird was frowning at him. “So, what are you saying, Devon? You don’t want me to be involved?”
“No, of course not.” Devon waved a hand in the air, trying not to notice that it shook. “I’m just saying that I understand you probably didn’t sign on for this, and—”
“So if I were to offer to marry you…”
He tried not to scoff because that would be hurtful, even if Laird took it exactly like he meant it.
Which was how he was going to say it. “You don’t want to marry me, Laird.
We’re just really getting to know each other well.
I think we’ve had a couple of breakthroughs, but it’s not like we’re deep in each other’s pockets.
You’re just now starting to spend the night when you come over. ”
Laird’s expression smoothed out into somewhat of a blank slate, and his gaze turned very neutral. Devon knew well enough to know that that meant he’d hurt Laird’s feelings really bad, even though he hadn’t meant to.
“Sure, of course. We’re just having a thing.” Laird started to pace. “So co-parenting, what is this about?”
“Well, it means that you’re involved the whole way, and we make decisions about the baby together. And…” He trailed off, looking at the line of Laird’s back, which was ramrod straight, those shoulders, which were so wide. Rigid and unbending.
Ouch.
“Yeah, I guess I can see that.” Laird turned to face him. “I’m not mad at you, Devon. I’m not sure what I’m feeling. I was about to be really tickled, and then you started talking.”
His cheeks heated painfully. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know that I don’t expect you to completely change your life over this.”
“Okay, but you’ve kind of taken my choice of how to react to this away from me now.
If I get all excited about it, then I’m overplaying my hand.
If I yell at you or tell you that this is moving way too fast for me, not that it matters because a baby is a baby, then you’re going to be upset.
” Laird shoved his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “I just don’t know what to say now.”
Devin felt small and kind of miserable. “I’m sorry. I probably should have kept my mouth shut.”
“No, you absolutely should tell me stuff like this. I guess I just didn’t expect to hear that you thought we were at a totally different place in the relationship than I did.
” Now, it was Laird who had red cheeks, and when he looked at Devon, it was with real hurt in his eyes.
“I thought we were closer to the ‘I love you’ stage.”
For a moment, he absolutely couldn’t breathe, because it had never occurred to him that Laird felt like that was where they were. Devon had started to feel that way, but this whole baby thing had thrown him for a loop.
He stared at Laird, not knowing what to do or say, because he wanted to hear those words more than anything. But he wanted them to be real, and he was so scared that they wouldn’t be.
And then there was this whole baby thing. He hadn’t tried to get pregnant, and he was, and he didn’t know what to do.
The world started to be a little swimmy. He shook his head, trying to clear it, and the next thing he knew, he was on the sofa with Laird holding his wrist, taking his pulse, talking to him. “Come on back, sweetheart.”
“What?”
“You passed out. I think your blood pressure dropped a little too much. You don’t feel like you’re shaky or anything. Do you feel like your blood sugars are all right?”
“Yeah, sorry. Stress and hormones and I’ve been so scared.” He just wanted something real. “I’m trying to be so adult about this and so logical, but all I’m going to do is ask you to hold me for a little bit because I’m really worried.”
Laird enfolded him in a hug so warm and perfect that he sighed, going boneless in Laird’s arms. “I got you, Devon. We have a lot to talk about, but I want you to know one thing right now. I’ve been kind of holding back and taking it slower because you seemed so worried about your dating track record.
But I’m here. For you and for the baby.”
Pure relief flooded him. “I swear to you, I did not do this on purpose.”
Laird grinned, looked at him. “How many times, honey? How many times does the birth control fail?”
“About twenty percent.” For the most part, either his clients were trying these days or they just hadn’t been on birth control for a while. In Andrew and Kynan’s case, he thought that they just decided that they needed more babies.
Either that, or Jack and Kynan were in some kind of a weird race. Right now, they were even up in their goal to repopulate the entirety of Secret Springs.
Those two alphas loved their omegas pregnant, and Chase and Andrew loved their alphas and their big families.
“See? I know it’s hard as much as we work, but I have a good bit of money saved up. I can accelerate my five-year plan.” Laird chuckled, warm air stirring Devon’s hair.
“Do you want to be a dad?” That seemed to be really important.
Devon did, of course. He’d always wanted to be a parent. It was one of the reasons he was a good accoucheur; he loved helping to bring babies into the world.
“God, yes. I’ve just never met anyone I wanted to change my life for. But you make me want to settle in and be a family man.”
He searched Laird’s eyes and he didn’t sense any deceit there at all. “I—at least you know that when you’re studying your anatomy and everything, you have someone who can help run all the muscles and nerves for you.”
He held out his olive branch.
Laird grinned at him. “You are absolutely right. I picked the perfect person to get pregnant with. We like the same sorts of things. Even though I can’t knit. You forgive me for that?”
Devon snorted, “Well, I can’t bench press seventy thousand pounds or whittle koalas either.”
He waved to his mantle with the three little carved koalas Laird had made for him.
“But you can run for a long damn way. You put me to shame on the treadmill. Speaking of, is it safe for you to be on the treadmill?”
“For now, absolutely. Later, I’ll have to think about the dangers of falling and also, you know, balancing my weight. It may be smarter for me to just do long, long walks and slower jogs on terra firma.” He didn’t intend to be foolish about it.
Laird nodded to him. “I would walk with you. Is Raven going to be your accoucheur?”
“I was his; it’s only fair.” To be honest Devon was sort of waiting to be able to yell at Raven the way Raven had hollered at him for two babies.
“That’s cool unless you think it’s going to be weird to have somebody you know do that for you.” He could see Laird mulling that over, and he thought maybe it was in a medical practitioner sort of way, not in a “I don’t want to have your friend there when you have a baby” sort of way.
“No, I don’t think so. Raven and I don’t have a whole lot of secrets between us.” He just had no problem with his friend seeing all of his parts, he supposed.
“Well, cool.” Laird kissed the top of his head again, stroking his hip. “What’s our next step?”
“Obviously I’ll need to set up a baseline with Raven, and then we do a bunch of tests off and on and checkups.
That sort of thing. But really, it’s not that hard.
” Maybe he was oversimplifying things a tiny bit because he had a feeling Laird was talking about their relationship as well as the baby, but he focused on one thing at a time, which was the easy thing.
He got another soft laugh at that and Laird just patted his belly with one hand. “We can wait and discuss things as they come up, I guess. But, I want you to know I want to be there through the whole process. Not going to leave you hanging and I really care about you, Devon.”
Well, it wasn’t an “I love you,” but it was really close, right?
“I feel the same way. I’m totally into you, Laird, and I know that we have a lot to talk about right now.
I just want to sit here with you and pretend that everything is fine.
” Maybe that made him a coward, but Laird was so warm and he was so comfortable.
He finally felt like all the tension from the day was draining out of him, and he just wanted to sit here and breathe.
“We can totally do that, you know? You and me, breathing.”
“Right on.” He kissed Laird’s chin and leaned in, resting. There was plenty of time for dealing with all the realities of him being pregnant.