Chapter 9 #3
“What time do you have to be at work?” he asked through his cut lips, and I looked at the clock on the old microwave and ran back upstairs to get dressed.
I needed to be there now, in fact, and I said a quick goodbye to both of them and hurried to my car.
His discharge papers were on the seat and I called to see how he was, and then sent several texts when I parked at my building, and then…
the day was crazy. Octavia had emerged from her silence and was now furious at everyone, and she and I had a confrontation in the employee lunchroom in which she accused me of trying to get her fired.
She also accused me of somehow violating professional standards by fraternizing with criminal elements, which was stooping to a new low.
But I didn’t rise to the bait and she left early, which resulted in another meeting between me and Beckett about the next steps for our department.
And the whole time, I was texting and calling Silas more.
He had taken the day off work and he said that he was resting like he was supposed to, but I didn’t fully believe him.
“I’m not going to say that I’m fine, since that led to you threatening me,” he said during one call. “But I really am.”
“I threatened you?” I didn’t remember that, but I did remember that people had threatened him and beat him up, and that police were involved. But at that moment, Rashelle walked in completely stressed and almost in tears again, and I had to do my job, too.
It was a terrible day, maybe the worst since I’d had to go back to my office after finding out about the diamond simulants. I was so tired that when I went down to my car, I decided to close my eyes. I fell asleep in only a few seconds, just like Silas always did—
He and Lyra were at home, and who knew what might happen to them there?
In the short time that I was conked out, I had a nightmare that felt completely real, about them being kidnapped by aliens and me screaming and trying to get to them.
Then another car in the garage honked its horn and I jolted back awake.
I groggily took inventory of my surroundings and saw that I wasn’t in some kind of terrible space movie, and then I woke up enough to drive home.
When I got there, Lyra was thrilled—not because of me, but because her brother wasn’t going to work that night. “Silas isn’t leaving!” she announced, and continued to dance around the kitchen. He watched her and when he laughed, I saw him put his hand on his ribs.
But he was concerned about me. “You ok?” he asked.
I nodded. They had already eaten because it was late, and Lyra talked about all the cool things she’d done at school.
Silas and I had gone to the meeting with her teacher and with several other officials, and the result had been something much better for her.
She was in a different class that they said was moving faster, and she was with other kids who were also into reading and science, stuff that she liked, too.
Today, she had given one of her bracelets to a girl named Katara and she thought they were going to be best friends for sure.
She talked so much and for so long that it seemed unnaturally quiet when she went upstairs to take her shower.
“Camille.”
I dropped my fork, and then realized that I’d been holding it partway to my mouth with pasta still on it. That bite was now on the floor. Silas started to bend to wipe it up and I stood to stop him. “No! You’ll hurt yourself more.”
“Why don’t you go to bed?” he suggested. “I’m…yeah, I’m not going to say it, but I am.”
“Please sit down to discuss this with me,” I said, much as I would have to one of the paralegals if we were having an issue at work. I also said the next thing I usually told them. “This is about finding a solution.”
“Sure,” he answered, his eyebrows raised. But he did sit, in a careful way that made me get upset.
“Did you tell the police that Dax did this?” I asked first.
“No. They caught the guys who did it, and I have no idea if that dipshit is involved. I suspect it, but I don’t know. I don’t feel like digging deeper and this won’t go on any police priority list. As far as they’re concerned, it’s over.”
“But who’s to say he won’t try something else? Are you going to live your life looking over your shoulder? Maybe I should try to get a PPO.”
“A restraining order? That won’t do shit. They would need evidence, and what do you have to tell them?”
Nothing, because Dax wasn’t dumb. He hadn’t threatened me via text and he hadn’t admitted to anything in incriminating voicemails. “I have to get this under control,” I said. “I’m also going to move out.”
“What the hell is that going to do?” His voice had gotten louder. “No, no way. You’re better here.”
“But you and Lyra may not be,” I said. “Would you put your sister in danger?”
I had him there. He looked at me, clearly seething, but he didn’t answer.
“You said that your house would be safe, but are you sure about that? You probably didn’t expect them to jump you outside of work and you can’t predict what’s next.
” I rubbed my neck, which was aching from the long day.
“I knew that Dax wouldn’t stop. He did the same thing when he got fired from a bar in Knoxville and he went after the manager because he blamed her for losing the job. ”
“Did he hurt her?”
“No, he never got physical but he treated her terribly, harassing her and making her miserable. He was relentless and it was one of the reasons that I was glad to move to Detroit, to get away from that situation.”
“Why the hell did you stay with him?”
I drew in a sharp breath. “That’s not the issue right now. I’m going to pack tonight and then—”
“Camille?” Lyra called from upstairs. “Can you help me comb my hair?”
“You know what she’s going to think if you leave,” Silas said.
“I’ll be right there,” I called back. My voice was thin because my throat had gotten tight, since I knew exactly what Lyra would think if I left her.
I would be acting just like her mother, and no matter what Silas or any counselor told her, it was impossible to believe that someone loved you when she did that.
“I don’t know what’s right,” I said.
“Don’t do anything tonight. We’re not going to solve this now, with both of us so tired.”
“Camille? I need you,” she reminded me.
“I’m coming, Lyra,” I answered, and went upstairs. We fixed her hair and talked about what she’d wear the next day, and about a book she thought that Katara would like.
“I sat next to Boris,” she mentioned casually.
“Who is Boris…wait, do you mean Boris from across the street?” I asked. “Mrs. Alford’s Boris?”
She nodded. “He wanted to know if he could have a bracelet and I said yeah, because you always say that thing about people having good parts.”
“I do say something like that,” I agreed. She had listened? “I don’t think that anyone is all bad.”
“What about that woman at your job who caused the problems?”
“No, she’s not a bad person, either. I should talk to her like you did with Boris on the bus.”
“Would she want a bracelet?” Lyra suggested.
“That’s also a good idea,” I said, and she stared at me in the mirror.
“You look like you’re going to cry,” she told me, and now she sounded suspicious. “Why? What’s wrong?”
“I’m very tired,” I answered. She kept staring for a moment, and then she hopped up from the little stool at my dressing table and trotted into the hallway.
“Silas!” she hollered down the stairs.
“What’s up, Ly?”
“There’s something wrong with Camille but she’s not being open about her feelings.”
“I’m tired!” I protested. “I’ve had two horrible days at work and the rest of the week will probably be worse, and then I have the weekend to look forward to—the weekend of being stuck in an office with my boss while we try to salvage our company’s relationship with one of our biggest clients, and neither of us are responsible for the problem, but we’re going to have to be the solution.
But I am responsible for the other thing I’m upset about. ”
By this point, Lyra had skedaddled and Silas had made a slow path up to my bedroom door. I was now talking to him alone.
“I had a professor in college and he taught by asking questions all the time. It’s a law school thing,” I explained. “I keep hearing his voice in my mind asking who’s to blame, and I know the answer. I am. This is my fault,” I said, pointing at his poor face.
“You were the one that jumped me?”
“You wouldn’t have gotten jumped by anyone if I hadn’t forced myself into your life.”
“Excuse me? Holy shit, I sound just like you,” he said, and then he repeated himself in a higher octave and with more than a hint of a Kentucky twang. “Excuse me?”
“I’m to blame,” I reiterated.
“Nope.” He sat down carefully on my bed.
“Yeah, maybe I’m a little sore. They were such idiots but when it’s four on one, you’re going to let a few things past you.
How do you think you forced yourself into my life?
The way I remember things, I was the one telling you that you had to come live here.
I was the one who told you to let me handle that earwig you used to date.
This,” he said, and pointed to his own face, “is my fault.”
“No, it’s not,” I said, shaking my head.
“I’ll tell you what. Let’s just blame the guys who actually did it,” he suggested. “What about that?”
“I’m really scared,” I said. “I keep thinking about you being hurt, and if Lyra got hurt?”
“Yeah, that’s what I think about. If someone tried something on Lyra, or on you…” He shook his head. “I would feel much better if you were here, not in some shitty apartment.”
“I would get a nice apartment this time.”
“Even so,” Silas said. “Even so, I’d be a lot happier if you would stay so that we can all be together. Come sit.” He put his arm around me when I sat next to him, and I leaned against his side. “That feels better.”
It did. I wasn’t sure of what to do next, or how I would forgive myself for what had already happened.
But he was right, and this felt a lot better.
It was so nice to be held by someone—anyone, really.
I closed my eyes as I rested my cheek against his chest. He smelled so good and he was so solid and dependable.
I didn’t mean his physique (although that was rock-hard) but also how you just knew that he was safe and steady.
It was so lucky to have people like that in your life.
“Silas? Something’s wrong with the toilet,” Lyra yelled through the bathroom door.
“I’ll fix it,” he said.
It was my turn. Not just with the toilet, but with all of this. I had to do something.